Beautifully Broken (15 page)

I had turned to switch off
the bedside lamp. His hand was the first thing I saw as I turned to leave my
room. He grumbled a few incoherent thoughts and then went on to tell me to
never, raise my voice to him again. I was beside myself. I had never seen this
side of him before. I wasn’t quite sure how to handle the whole situation.
Hell, I was even convincing myself that I had made it up. I remember my jaw
aching for the next week, but beyond that I could have sworn the incident never
happened. We went about a month without any other incidents. That was, until I
started picking up weekend shifts at Johnny’s.

The abuse started out small,
a slap here, some hair pulling there. I brushed it off to him drinking. When he
wasn’t drinking he was amazing to me. He treated me like a Queen. I knew how it
sounded, but I
had
to believe that he loved me. There was no way, in my
still fragile state, that I could’ve started over even if I wanted to.

I kept the abusive side of
Raylon hidden from Hannah as long as I could, until she walked in on him
practically pulling every hair out of my already bruised head. Tears were
streaming down my purple cheek that he had punched the day before. I had told
Raylon that I was going to have to stay late at the bar that night due to a
concert after party. He wrapped my hair around his fist and pulled as hard as
he could. He spat words of how I was a whore and probably sleeping with my
boss. When I tried to tell him that that was the furthest thing from the truth,
it only fueled his rage, making things much worse. He was just about to raise
his hand to me, when Hannah walked in.

She screamed for Theo at the
top of her lungs. Raylon dropped the unyielding hold he had on my hair and
straightened his shirt, pushing his way past Hannah. I had heard him cut Theo
off in the hallway, saying Hannah was over reacting and being a drama queen.
That’s when Hannah’s relationship, and mine yet again, found itself strained.

She kept trying to persuade
me to leave Raylon. She couldn’t understand why I was Hell bent on staying,
when he treated me the way that he did. I didn’t have a good excuse for
staying. All I knew was that I was broken enough to believe that in some weird
way, I deserved to be treated that way. With everything that I had put Gray
through, this was the least I deserved for doing what I did.

Even though Hannah and I
weren’t speaking much, she still made sure that Theo kept a close eye on
Raylon, especially when he had been drinking. I felt safer knowing that Theo
could control Raylon, to an extent. Theo had officially moved in with us a
month ago. I felt guilty, feeling like he needed to move in to protect me. We
no longer allowed booze of any kind in the house. That hadn’t gone over real
well with Raylon when we first mentioned it, but Theo backed me up all the way.
Raylon eventually accepted it but soon he started coming into the bar while I
was working to drink instead.

Raylon always remained calm
and collected while at the bar but the minute I got home, it was a whole other
story. The tension around the house was palpable. Raylon essentially moved
himself into my room, shortly after Theo had moved in. Raylon was a
considerably big guy, but Theo had a leg up on him. Theo was at least two
inches taller than Raylon and twice his size. Theo had joined the Army when he
turned eighteen and you could tell he spent most of his days in the gym. He was
quite a sight to look at. He didn’t have any tattoos that I knew of, but damn
he could wear the shit out of a pair of jeans.

Hannah always joked that
Theo and I should have ended up together, being he was the one who took me to
the hospital that day. I can’t say I never wondered how different things would
have been, if I had fallen for Theo. I always told Hannah it never would have
worked out anyway. If anything Theo and I looked like we could be brother and
sister. We shared everything from hair color, eye color and even a small dimple
in our cheek. Regardless, I was starting to look at Theo as a brother type over
the last six months. I had never had any siblings, and it was comforting having
someone around to protect me as a brother would.

I ran my fingers through my
hair one last time before finishing up my makeup. We only had an hour before
the concert and I wanted to make sure that I was looking good for Raylon. He
had been better over the last couple of weeks and I wasn’t willing to push the
envelope tonight. We hadn’t had any major run-ins and I was thankful. When he
came home from school today, he genuinely seemed excited to be going out. I’m
not sure if he was excited to be going out with
me
exactly, but he was
excited nonetheless. Hannah came into my room a minute later asking to use my
curling iron.

“Han, why don’t you just get
ready in here with me?” She had been avoiding me like the plague all day and I
needed to get to the bottom of our current predicament.

“It’s okay, I can just get
ready in my room.” She turned on her heel to head out the door; I stopped her
by gently grabbing her arm.

“Hannah, what is the deal?
You have been ignoring me all day. Did I do something to piss you off?” Concern
constricted my words.

She let out a loud sigh as
she turned around to talk to me. “Its not you Bennett and you know that.”

I knew exactly what she was
talking about but I didn’t know how to respond. “Things have been better lately
Han. I know I’ve said that before but this time it really feels different.” I
knew it was a lie just as much as she did. There was far more going on than I
could ever tell Hannah about.

“When are you going to stop
punishing yourself for what happened? For fuck’s sake Bennett it’s been years.
You have to stop blaming yourself.” Hannah knew she was treading a thin line,
so she continued with caution as she said her next few words. “He asks about
you.”

My mouth fell ajar. 
“Why would you tell me that?” I returned to my seat on the floor in front of my
full-length mirror to finish my makeup. Hannah made her way over to the desk
chair beside me, barely able to look me in the eye. I could only assume she was
trying to gauge my reaction to the bit of information she had just shared, but
I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing it was literally killing
me.

“Bennett?” She breathed.

I put my hand up to stop
her, “Don’t Hannah, just don’t! It doesn’t matter what he says to you. He chose
to never speak to me again and my heart isn’t whole enough, to be broken all
over again. I don’t have the strength, so please, just don’t.”

I swiped some eye shadow
across my lids and was all set to go. “I’m ready. You ready to go?” I prayed
she would drop the subject especially before Raylon could over hear it. Raylon
wasn’t Gray’s biggest fan and I couldn’t blame him, but if Gray knew the
dynamics of our relationship, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be Raylon’s fan
either. Hannah had filled Raylon in on the happenings of that day long ago.
Raylon couldn’t fathom how a man who claimed to be madly in love with me, could
just walk out of my life. Unfortunately, Raylon was worse than Gray in every
way.

We all convened in the
living room to take a few shots before we headed out. It was Theo’s idea to
break the rules just this one time. I think it was due to good behavior on
Raylon’s behalf.

Raylon’s arm wound around my
waist as he pulled me into his chest. “You look amazing Baby.” His lips gently
touched mine before he pulled back to look at me. “I’m sorry for how I have
been treating you Bennett.” I could see the sincerity in his eyes and I wanted
so badly to believe him.

I pulled away from his
embrace and snatched up my purse. “The cab is here, let’s get going.” I smiled.

The concert was amazing. We
jumped and danced along with the rest of the concertgoers. By the time the last
song came on I was more than ready to get away from the hundreds of sweaty
bodies. Johnny’s was becoming more appealing by the minute. Hannah and I ran off
to the bathroom before we left. I splashed myself with some cold water and
emptied the contents of my bladder, ready for more drinking. Everyone was in an
amazing mood. I didn’t want to test Raylon’s limits but I was also sick of
prohibiting myself from having a good time, just to keep his anger at bay.

Hannah and I left the
bathroom arm in arm, laughing and joking around. It felt good to have Hannah
back and I felt like the old me. We turned the corner to meet the guys at the
gate, stumbling across a couple practically having sex against one of the
outside fences. We both covered our mouths, trying to keep the couple from
hearing us laughing hysterically. As we turned to walk the other way I
recognized the tattoo covering the oversized bicep that had the woman pinned
against the chain fence, I lost it.

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING
KIDDING ME! You lying, cheating sack of shit.” Hannah grabbed my arm as hard as
she could, trying to drag me away from the situation. We were both fully aware
of how bad this situation could turn for me, not for Raylon.

“It’s not what it looks like
Baby.” He pushed the bleach blonde tramp off of his chest.

“Yeah I’m sure its not
Raylon. I’m sure she forced your tongue down her fucking throat, right?” 
I could feel the alcohol coursing through my veins and I was beginning to get
ballsy, which wasn’t going to bode well for me.

The two-bit floozy tried to
reach out for Raylon’s arm in the midst of our screaming match. He pushed the
woman away from him and reached out for me. Hannah cut him off with her arm,
pulling me in the opposite direction. That only fueled his anger and I knew I
was going to pay for it later. Next thing I knew, his firm hand was pulling
Hannah’s 110-pound body to the other side of him.

“Don’t you dare fucking get
involved Hannah. This isn’t got shit to do with you.” His eyes were glossed
over and filled with anger. His look was fiery and I held my ground, despite
knowing I wasn’t going to win this one.

“Don’t talk to her like that
Raylon.” I half shouted.

“I don’t think you should be
raising your voice at me Baby, what do you think?” I watched intently as he
cocked his hand back. I braced myself for the impact against my face. It never
came.

I slid open one eye, when I
didn’t feel his hand connect with my cheek. Hannah was standing
across
from me, staring in disbelief as Raylon walked away towards the exit. I was
just as shocked as she was, maybe more so. He had never just walked away.
Hannah shrugged her shoulders as I exhaled the breath; I hadn’t realized I was
holding when I saw his hand. She latched her arm through mine as we walked in
silence trying to find Theo.

It was near impossible to
find Theo amongst the sea of bodies trying to leave the show. “Hannah do you
see him anywhere?” We were both standing on our tiptoes, trying to pick him out
of the crowd. “Wait, Han I think I see him over there, next to the security
guards.” I pointed towards the small chain link fence on the opposite side of
where we were.

We took off at an
accelerated pace to catch up with him. Everybody was pushing and pulling on one
another trying to stay with their individual groups. We finally made it over to
Theo and I could see the tension in his face subside as we came into his line
of sight.

“Where the Hell have you two
been? I was about to start kicking some ass if I couldn’t find you.” He pulled
Hannah into a tight embrace, only letting go, when he realized I was still
clinging to her arm. “Is everything okay?” I could see the worry in his eyes.

“Yeah, everything is fine.
We just got held up at the restrooms. Did Raylon find his way to you?” I didn’t
really care either way but I figured I would ask.

He slid his fingers through
his sweaty hair. “Uh, no. I saw him leave with, some other people. I think it’s
safe to assume, we are on our own for the rest of the night.”

I dug deep down inside to
pull myself together without showing weakness. “That’s okay with me.” I feigned
a smile. “You guys still up to go to Johnny’s or would you rather just head
home?” I hoped and prayed that it wasn’t the latter. I didn’t want to be home
when Raylon decided to grace us with his presence.

“I’m good to go to Johnny’s.
I think we need to have a good time, don’t you?” Hannah was giving Theo the ‘we
are not going home yet’ look. He happily obliged and we were off to the bar
minutes later.