Beautifully Broken (10 page)

 A minute later he was
reaching for the handle on the inside and the door sprang open. He started
walking to me before retrieving his luggage from the trunk. I knew this was
going to end in a fight, but I was standing my ground.

He stood in front of me with
his arms crossed over his puffed out chest. The sight of his T-shirt hugging
his bulging biceps was affecting me, more than I would have liked to admit at
that moment. His piercing blue eyes met mine a moment later; I was melting
beneath his stare. I tried to keep my stance but his gaze was more than I could
handle. How could I stay mad at him, when he looks SO DAMN GOOD!

His hand came up to my cheek
a second later. “Why do you have to make things so damn difficult woman? You’re
absolutely right. I AM trying to make this easier on ME. It’s fucking killing
me to have to leave you. You are delusional if you think that I’m doing okay
with all of this.” His hand dropped from my face and he began raking it through
his polished brown hair. I dropped my hands from my hips and reached for his arm,
but he pulled away.

“If this is how it’s going
to be the whole time I’m gone, then….” His eyes finally met mine again. “I
don’t want to be fighting with you for the next twenty-two weeks Bennett. I
WON’T do it!” I could see the anger bubbling up inside of him. His hands
clasped my face in between them, “I can’t stand fighting with you and I love
you far too much to do it. I don’t want you to feel insecure. It’s not you. You
know me Bennett. I’m
your
Gray. I’m the same guy I have always been.” He let
out a loud sigh before his lips were pressed firmly against mine.

My anger melted away
instantly as I stood on my tip toes, wrapping my arms around his neck. He tried
to pull away some time later, but I couldn’t let go. I held to him for dear
life and lost myself in his mouth. I let every intimate detail from the last
week flash through my mind, fueling my desire for him right then and there.
Eventually, I pulled back knowing he had to leave. I pulled his palm up to my
lips and gently kissed it. I stood staring at him for the next few minutes as
he gathered his belongings from the trunk. I already felt lost and alone, and
he hadn’t even left yet.

We kissed a few more times
and said our ‘I love you’ and ‘good-byes’ and then he was off. I watched as he
crossed the small walkway heading inside the airport. “GRAY WAIT!” I ran the
short distance to where he was standing. “I forgot to give you this.” I pulled
the letter I had written him last night out the back pocket of my jeans. “Read
it after you take off, okay?”

“I promise.” He kissed me
one last time. I blew a quick kiss and waved my final good-bye after I got back
to the car. He did the same and I climbed into my car with tears starting to
spill down my cheeks. My head fell against the steering wheel as my crying
jarred my body. A car horn sounded behind me, making me jump. I checked the
rearview mirror before pulling out into the rest of the airport traffic. I
looked behind me one last time as the tears continued to cloud my vision. He
was gone. This was going to be the longest five and a half months, EVER!

Gray and I had spoken at
least three times a day, for the three weeks. He was settling into his new
routine of getting up at five o’clock every morning, and I was still trying to
fight off the bug I had when he had left. Mrs. Weston had come by at least once
a day to make sure I was doing okay, and eating something of substance. It was
nice to have a mother figure around again. I hadn’t realized how much I had
missed out on, not having a mother.

I heard my phone go off for
the second time in a row but I was otherwise in disposed. I was literally at
the point of throwing up absolutely nothing but stomach acid. My esophagus was
burning. I could feel the layers of tissue disintegrating inside my throat. I
quickly rinsed my mouth out with water and ran to catch my phone, before it
stopped ringing again.

I was too late. By the time
I made it into my room and grabbed my phone, the screen flashed two missed
calls from Gray. I slid the bar across to call him back hoping I could catch
him, before he was headed to class. It went straight to voicemail. I cursed
under my breath as I checked the three missed text messages. One was from
Hannah and the other two were from Gray.

HOPE YOUR DOING OK

LOVE. I JUST WANTED

TO LET YOU KNOW

HOW MUCH I MISS YOU!

I’LL TRY CALLING IN A
MINUTE

BEFORE CLASS!

LOVE YOU

G

My heart sped up as I read
the last line. I missed him so much; I could barely breath most days. I checked
the other one before checking Hannah’s.

I’M GETTING READY TO
LEAVE

MY 1ST BORING ASS
CLASS

AND WANTED TO SAY HI.
I’M

CALLING YOU IN 2
SECONDS,

YOU BETTER ANSWER:)

G

My face fell and my heart
felt heavy. This was the first time I had missed his call. I quickly typed out
a text back to him, hoping he would see it first thing when he got out of his
next class.

I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING
AN

AMAZINGLY BORING
DAY;)

I MISS YOU MORE THAN

WORDS COULD EXPRESS.

SORRY I MISSED YOUR
CALL

I’M STILL FEELING
LIKE CRAP!

YOUR MOM MADE ME A
DOCTORS

APPOINTMENT FOR TOMORROW,

HOPEFULLY IT IS JUST
THE FLU.

CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN.

LOVE YOU ALWAYS

B

I hit send before calling
Hannah, instead of texting her back. We had only been in school for two weeks,
but I’m sure she had some gossip from her sister to share.

“Hey, where have you been
all day?” Her voice was high pitched and full of worry.

“Sorry Han. I have been
stuck in the bathroom all day. It’s getting ridiculous. I’m thinking I should
just move my bed into the bathroom, or the toilet next to my bed. One or the
other.” A laugh escaped between my lips. I missed laughing. It seemed all I did
lately was cry, be depressed or throw up, none of which were fun by any means.

“Bennett, I think you should
go to the doctor. It doesn’t sound like it’s the flu anymore.” There was a long
pause, “HOLY SHIT!”

I pulled the phone away from
my ear as she screamed. “Well, now that I am officially deaf. What the fuck is
your issue Han?”

I heard her take in a deep
breath, before she decided to grace me with her new found knowledge, “Bennett,
when is the last time you had your period? Think about it Bennett did you and
Gray ever use protection? Honestly?”

I tried to swallow past the
bile that was creeping up my throat. My mind was racing trying to put 2 and 2
together, when I finally found the words to answer Hannah’s question. “We used
protection every time, except, except for the first time in the tree house. Oh
shit and the time later that night.” I could barely catch my breath. My vision
became blurry and I couldn’t think straight. “Hannah?”

“Yeah I’m here.”

“What if I’m pregnant?” The
words barely came out in an audible tone. My brain was in shock. If I were
pregnant, it would ruin everything. “Hannah, Gray and I
just
officially
started dating and we’re technically not even together right now. Holy shit
Hannah, this cannot be fucking happening. How could I be so fucking stupid and
irresponsible? I can’t tell him Hannah. If this is what it is, he CAN’T know!”
My hand came to rest on my lower abdomen as I listened for Hannah to give me some
words of wisdom, in an already fucked up situation.

“Bennett you
can’t
be
serious. Slow down for a second. Of course you have to tell Gray. He
is
the
father. He would want to know something like this. I honestly think, he would
be happy about it.” I could hear the faint trace of happiness in her voice and
it scared the shit out of me.

“NO HANNAH! He would leave
me. He is going to think I trapped him, like I did this on purpose. Oh my God,
what am I going to do?” I could feel the hot tears falling down my clammy
cheeks. I swiped away the ones that I could catch but in a minute flat, I was
all but balling my eyes out.

“I’m on my way over. Stay
there Bennett! I’m serious, I’ll be right over.”

Our phone call ended second
later. I sat cross-legged on my bed staring into my closet. I was at a loss for
words, in the midst of trying to comprehend the never-ending thoughts that were
floating through my mind. I hadn’t heard Hannah let herself into my house,
until she was sitting next to me. Her arm rest around my shoulders as I pushed
my face into her chest. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

Eventually, I pulled myself
together. As I emerged from the bathroom I noticed Hannah holding a long white
and pink box. It only took me a second to figure out exactly what it was.

I cocked my head to the side
with my brows pulled together, “Hannah, I’m not taking that!” I knew it was
inevitable that I was going to have to or suffer through the rest of today and
all day tomorrow before seeing a doctor. I rolled my eyes at her out stretched
hand, and then ripped the box from her fingers. “I’m only doing this to prove
you wrong, understand?” With a nod of her head, I turned around and slowly
walked the five feet back into my bathroom.

After I closed the door, I
stood staring at the little white and pink box that would change our lives
forever. I wasn’t ready to be a mom, even if by some miracle Gray was ready. I
pulled the contents out of the box, did as the instructions said and waited the
three longest minutes of my life. I couldn’t bring myself to look at the stick
myself. I covered my eyes and motioned for Hannah to come read it. I took a
deep breath and held it in until Hannah spoke.

“I’m so sorry Bennett.” Her
arms were already wrapped around me as I struggled to break free from her tight
hold. “I promise, everything will be okay. We can figure this out.” Her words
were meant to be encouraging and supportive but they were anything but. She
finally let her arms fall to her sides. She wasn’t looking at me and I felt
hurt. I know I was pushing her away but still, she was all I had.

I reached for the stick to
see the results for myself. Sure enough, clear as day two pink lines were
staring back at me. “I can’t believe this happened. We were so careful every
other time. It was just that once.” I brushed the loose strands of hair back
that had fallen out of my ponytail.

“You know how the saying
goes, it only takes one time.” The sadness in her voice struck my heart with
blunt force. I was instantly kneeling down on the floor holding my face in my
hands, while the tears continued to roll down my already swollen cheeks.

“I can’t keep it Hannah.” I
whispered low, not knowing if I wanted her to hear me.

“Bennett, this isn’t the end
of the world. I think you would be an amazing mother. Hell, I even think
Gray
would be an amazing father. Any child would be lucky to have the both of you
for parents.”

I lifted my chin enough to
see her face. She looked calm and peaceful, almost content with my news. “Han,
I’m not ready and neither is Gray. He still has nineteen weeks left. I know it
doesn’t seem that long, but in pregnancy months that was a lifetime. Fuck!
Christ Hannah, I’m only eighteen years old. I’m still a fucking kid. This is
all wrong. All of this is just wrong. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.” My
head fell back against the cool tile wall. I just sat there staring at the ceiling.
No more tears were shed and no words were spoken. The only sounds were that of
my racing heart and Hannah’s shallow breaths.

Hannah peeled me from the bathroom
floor quite some time later. I told her I was tired and needed to get some
rest. She was hesitant to leave, but respected my wishes and did just that. I
heard the front door close a minute later and I closed my heavy eyes, waiting
for sleep to envelop me. Needless to say, it didn’t happen quickly. Gray tried
calling me twice, before I finally drifted off to sleep without calling him
back, or even listening to his voicemails. My phone alerted me to two text
messages following the phone calls but I ignored them as well.