Beautiful Lover (11 page)

In sin city everyone has a past and everyone has secrets—secrets they wish not to tell. Some secrets are best left unsaid, they say the truth can set you free but the truth living inside of me is killing me…

I look at the test that sits on the edge of my bathroom sink. The timer dings and I am afraid to look. Deep breaths Kingsley, no matter what this test says you are going to be okay. There it is, the one plus sign that is killing me. I am pregnant. Everything in me tells me that fate is not this cruel. An image flashes through my mind of my brother’s favorite poster ‘History repeats itself because motherfuckers don’t listen.’

How do I tell Royce? How do I say to the man I love I’m sorry I am pregnant and a part of me is scared that this baby could belong to the man you hate…the man I fear…the man that murdered my brother. Parker, Kline and Elizabeth haunt my dreams. Every night the memories come to me in my dreams and every night I wake up screaming his name—Kline. I miss my brother more and more with every passing day. I did manage to keep my promise to Kline though. After Royce sold his house and I cleaned out my apartment I left sin city.

Royce and I got married two weeks ago and we are now living in LA. He got a really good job working for a security firm and I am set to start nursing school next semester. I know I said I didn’t want to get married until after I finished school, but I didn’t see any reason to put off the one thing I wanted. I never imagined that I would marry Royce after everything that has happened, but he has been my anchor. He really does love me.

I have to travel back to Vegas this week. Parker Garrett is being sentenced. Royce and my attorneys have told me that I don’t have to be there, but I need to see him put away with my own eyes. I ended up not testifying at the trial. My testimony wasn’t needed. Parker plead guilty by reason of insanity. Before we moved I would get weird deliveries of gift baskets. I know Parker was behind them. Thankfully now that we have moved they have stopped. The baskets contained things for a baby. I don’t know how Parker knew before I did that I am pregnant.

Did he plan for this to happen—the baby? I think back to the one night we had sex and I remember what he said. He said that the condom broke. My breakfast comes up and I empty my shame into the toilet. I can’t have his baby. What if the baby is my husbands? I know how badly Royce wants a family. I know I need to tell Royce, but I want to go to the doctor and find out how far I am before I make any decisions.

I clean myself up and put the evidence of my secret back in the grocery bag and I take it out to the dumpster at the back of our building. Royce will be home soon and I don’t want him worrying about me more than he already does.

**

I walk into the kitchen and watch my wife—my world as she hums to herself while she prepares dinner. The past few months have been hard but I think she is finally getting to a good place. I can’t wait to get through this week so we can put Vegas and Parker Garrett behind us. I am ready to move forward with my life with my beautiful wife. Kingsley has been through a lot but she is strong.

I keep trying to persuade her to talk to someone about her dreams but she insists that they are getting better. I am hoping that once Parker is sentenced she will feel safe and be able to let go of her hurt. I know she will never get over losing Kline and I don’t expect her to. I just want her to be happy. One day I hope I can add to my tattoos—I want to start a family but only once I know Kingsley is ready for it. I still can’t believe she actually married me. She was so dead set against it before.

We have talked a great deal; about
Elizabeth. I don’t know why but Kingsley seems fixated on her. I blame it on this trial. Kingsley says she wishes there was something we could do to bring Elizabeth justice. I tell her by Parker going away for what he did to Kline he kind of is paying for taking her away. I hurt for Elizabeth but now my hurt is different. I no longer hurt for the woman I lost but I am sad for the life Elizabeth never got to live. It makes me sad that she will never be a mother. But I can’t focus on what was or could have been. I have to concentrate on the now and right now I am going to enjoy dinner with my wife.

**

I get to see her this week. My attorney has told me she will be here. My presents haven’t been getting delivered to her anymore. I don’t know where she has gone to but I will find her. I hope she is taking care of our baby. I can’t wait to see her with the glow of pregnancy. I can’t wait to see her again—Elizabeth. I know she will come back to me. I know she still loves me, she doesn’t have to be here for my sentencing but she is coming anyways. I know she misses me and wants to see me too.

I took the plea deal. The sooner I get out of here the sooner I get to be with my love again. We will get to have the family we always wanted.

**

I hate that Royce isn’t able to go to
Las Vegas with me for the hearing. He just started his new job and we can’t afford for him to take the time off. I know he worries about me but I will be okay. My mom and Charlie are picking me up at the airport and then we are driving straight to the airport. I am nervous about being in the same room with Parker, but I owe it to Kline to be there. And a part of me feels I need to be there for Royce on Elizabeth’s behalf. I know she isn’t getting the justice her and her baby deserve but it is something, besides Parker has to live with knowing that he took the lives of three beautiful souls.

Tomorrow I am seeing my old doctor to find out once and for all if I am really pregnant. I could have found a new doctor in LA but if I go while I am in Vegas I don’t have to talk to Royce about it yet. It is killing me to keep this secret from him, we finally talked everything out. He knows everything about me and I know everything about him, except this. Royce drives me to the airport and we say our goodbyes at the gate. He has made me promise to call him or text him almost every hour on the hour that we are apart.

I know he worries that Parker is going to try something, but I think he is finally leaving me alone now that I am no longer receiving his creepy gifts.

**

“Charlie, mom, you guys look good. Thank you so much for picking me up and for going with me. I know that this is a nightmare we are all ready to be done with.”

Charlie actually hugs me, “I miss you and that smart mouth kid. Your mom and I wish you would come home more often.” That is the nicest thing he has ever said to me. I am taken aback by Charlie’s affection. He has been acting differently towards me since Kline died. I appreciate that he is trying, but I hate that it took losing Kline to turn him around. My sweet mom can’t stop hugging me and kissing my cheek. Tears are streaming down her face. “Let’s go see this sicko get his.”

I check my makeup in the car. There is bound to be a media circus outside of the courtroom. I feel a little faint but wave it off as my nerves getting the best of me. “Are you ready?” Charlie opens my door and he takes me and my mom on each of his arms.

A reporter shoves a microphone in my face, “Mrs. Welsh is it true your husband has an ongoing vendetta with Parker Garrett?”

“No Comment,” Charlie pushes the dickweed out of the way and we come to face with the man who killed my brother and the man who could be the father of my unborn child as he is lead into the courtroom. Parker locks eyes with me immediately. He has the nerve to wink and smile at me. I look away from him, but I can still feel his eyes lingering on me. Coming here was a bad idea.

Everyone is asked to rise for the judge and then we are seated. The sentencing goes fairly quick. The judge reads Parker’s fate. “In the case of the commonwealth vs. Parker Garrett we the court hereby sentence you to five years in the penitentiary. You will be able to seek parole after you have served two years.”

I knew with his plea deal that this outcome was a possibility, but that doesn’t soften the blow. My family and I are able to have a police escort to our car to keep the media from hounding us. Our attorney will issue a statement on our behalf. Mom and Charlie treat me to dinner. It is nice seeing them. I can’t believe I just said it is good to see Charlie. Royce is blowing up my phone. I can’t believe I neglected to call him after we left the courthouse. Everything was so crazy. There were cameras and reporters all over the place. Royce says that he understands but to please not scare him like that again. My man can’t wait for me to come back home.

I can’t seem to get the smug look Parker had on his face today off of my mind. It made me feel as though he knows my secret. I need to talk to someone about it and there is no better time to call Tiffany. I have put seeing her off long enough and I could really use one of our talks. I just hope she doesn’t hate me. Even though I was going through a hard time she lost Kline too. I shouldn’t have treated her so poorly.

Tiffany agrees to meet up with me for lunch before my doctor’s appointment. I am a bit nervous to see her after the way I handled things between us. She has always been a great friend. I know I shouldn’t worry, but telling her my secret will be good practice for when and if I have to tell Royce. We meet up at a soup and sandwich place. I am hoping soup will be easy on my upset stomach.

When I arrive at the restaurant Tiffany is waiting for me. She looks really good. She greets me with a hug and we easily fall into conversation as if there hasn’t been a rift separating us for months. It feels like I just talked her last week as opposed to months.

“So you are married now. How are things going? Do you like LA.?”

“LA is different, but good. And Royce is amazing. I know you had reservations about him before but he is so good to me. I owe you an apology. When Kline died I was in a bad place and I was so confused about everything and everyone. I didn’t blame you for any of it. It was just easier not to see you.”

“I am so sorry about Kline. I didn’t mean for anything bad to happen. Kline made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in being my boyfriend anytime soon. He knew I was seeing Jake too. I wish I had never gotten involved with Jake. I had no idea he was working for the mob. He just told me to get your vehicle and meet him at my house. When I got there he said he wanted to treat me to a few days at the casino. I didn’t know he was in on some crazy scheme. I thought it was odd that he wanted me to get your jeep. Then Royce came to talk to me and told me you were in danger and that if anyone asked I was to say I was you. It was all so strange and then Kline died. You wouldn’t see me and then you were gone and now we are here. I have missed you so much.” A few stray tears run down her cheeks.

We order our lunch and I tell her my secret. “Tiffany I asked you here today because I could really use a friend and I need to talk to someone about this so badly. I am freaking out. I think I am pregnant.”

“That’s great right. I mean you said you and Royce are good.” She looks at me like she is unsure of why I am freaked out.

“I slept with Parker and depending on how far I am this could be his baby.”

Taking my hand Tiffany tries to reassure me that no matter what the results are that I am going to make a great mom. I wish I felt her enthusiasm.

“What if I am carrying the child of my brother’s killer? How will I live with myself? How will I look that child in the eyes and love him or her?” I feel ill again and unable to finish my lunch.

“You are forgetting that you have an amazing husband who will stand by you and your decision whatever it may be,” Tiffany offers to go to my appointment with me and drive me to the airport afterwards and I am so grateful to have her support during this difficult time. Thinking about having a child should be exciting. Instead I am dreading those words—you are going to be a mom.

I nervously await the results as the technician dips the stick in my urine. After an agonizing few minutes I hear the words I am dreading. “Well the test doesn’t lie. You are going to be a mom.” The doctor comes in to talk with me and after going over my information she estimates that I am twelve to fourteen weeks and my biggest fear is confirmed this child could belong to either Royce or Parker. Tiffany squeezes my hand and tries to reassure me that the baby belongs to my husband. But I have this sinking feeling she is wrong.

After a few hugs and a really good cry my friend leaves me at the airport so I can leave Las Vegas and travel home to my husband who is eagerly awaiting my return. I don’t know how to tell him. Will he leave me? This will devastate him. My truth is killing me…

**

My life steps off the plane and my world is right again. I know she was only gone nearly two days but it feels like it has been weeks since I have kissed her mouth. She looks tired and I can tell something is on her mind.

“Hey, you okay?” I brush her hair behind her ear.

“’Just tired and overwhelmed from being in Vegas. I’m better now that I am here with you. I don’t like being away from you.”

Kingsley must forget that I can tell when someone is lying to me, but I figure she will tell me once she is ready. We agreed not to keep secrets so it hurts that she doesn’t feel ready to confide in me. I drive her home and we ride in silence. She seems to be in deep thought and having some sort of debate within herself. She has started to speak but stopped herself nearly five times.

Finally I am exhausted with watching her struggle. “Just spit it out. Whatever it is I can handle it and we will get through it together. I’m your husband. I need you to trust me.” I pull over at the beach and ask her to go for a walk with me.

Hand in hand we walk down the beach in silence aimlessly. Finally she takes a deep breath. “I’m pregnant Royce.” She looks over at me and I stop dead in my tracks and the sadness in her eyes breaks me. I thought she would be happy to tell me something so wonderful. I know it’s soon and we have been through a lot, but I want this with her.

“Why are you so sad about it? This is great news.” I grab her in my arms and swing her around but she is shaking her head no.

“Not good Royce. I am a little over three months.”

She stares at me like she is waiting for me to connect the dots. I think for a moment and then it hits me, the words I seen on a poster that belonged to Kline when we were packing up his things, ‘history repeats itself because motherfuckers don’t listen.’ It registers that she is still waiting for me to say something. “You are afraid the baby could be Parker’s aren’t you?”

“Yes. I’m so scared Royce. I don’t want to lose you but the thought this baby is his terrifies me. I don’t want to raise the child of a murderer. I can’t and I won’t.”

“So you won’t. It doesn’t matter to me. This baby is a blessing and I will love him or her. I am the father. We don’t need any test to tell us that. I am your husband and I am the father. If you had an abortion could you live with yourself?”

“No, I couldn’t do that, but I don’t know Royce, if this baby is his—I don’t know how I will be able to love it.”

“You can and you will because this baby is such a part of you sweet pea. This child will be raised with love by us. I don’t need to know who’s DNA it has. This baby is mine because it is yours. Do you understand what I am telling you? I know this news is killing you. But we will get through it together. Be happy about this. We deserve to be happy.”

“Royce,” she buries her head in my chest as we stand and watch the sunset. I kiss her head and whisper to her all the things I love about her.

“You’re beautiful Kingsley. No one has a heart like you do. I know you are going to be the best mom. I love that you are concerned that I wouldn’t support you, but I want this with you. So are you going to have my baby?”

“You are sure…this is a huge commitment Royce…”

“I married you didn’t I? I am surer now that I love you than I was the day I told you that one day my chest would bear the names of our children. Now let’s go home and celebrate.” I’d be a liar if I said that the thought of raising Parker’s child doesn’t hurt, but I love Kingsley enough that it doesn’t matter.

**

The conversation I just had with my husband went nothing like I thought it would. He took the news so well. I am freaking out. How can he be so calm? Does he really believe we will get through this? I know it is possible for this baby to belong to Royce just as much as it is possible for it to be Parker’s and I guess if I tell myself enough that this baby is my husband’s it makes it true.

I know that for a while this is going to be hard for me to accept, but I want a family with Royce. I just wasn’t expecting to have one so soon. As we walk to the car I get an eerie feeling like we are being watched, but I know Parker is behind bars and I am being paranoid. He will not define me and my life. I told Royce truth and I feel like I have been set free for the most part. My husband drives me home and I allow him to spoil me rotten with dinner, a massage and a bubble bath.

Secrets have the ability to destroy a life within seconds, if you keep them they only grow stronger. They fester and bubble until they eventually spill out and kill those they are meant to protect. I miss my brother and I am sad he will never get the chance to meet his niece or nephew, but I think he would be happy for me. Whether I have a boy or girl my baby will have my brother’s name incorporated as a middle name. It is actually Royce’s idea.

I look over at my husband as he sleeps looking so sure of our happiness and I feel a calming peace wash over me. I think my brother is smiling down on me and letting me know that this is going to be a good life…