Beautiful Broken Mess (24 page)

When I realize she isn’t coming back anytime soon, I drop back down in the sand to watch them. I hear people sitting down around me and I sigh when I realize that one of them is Lane. Em and Quinn join me on the opposite side.

“Go ahead, dude. Lay into me,” I breathe out in a defeated tone.

Lane chuckles and says, “I think this is torture enough for you.”

We all watch as Max reaches Audrey’s side with a huge grin on his face. He’s having way too much damn fun out there. He stretches out for her hand and she glances back to the beach. At us. At me. A short beat later, she turns to look back at him and he pulls her onto his board to straddle it in front of him.

“She wanted you to say something.” Em’s brilliant observation rubs me the wrong way.

“No fucking kidding?” I grumble back.

“Watch it...” Lane warns. Why is he being protective over her now?

“I was going to say something. Shit, if Jax had been here, I would have. But I don’t need the gossip crew to get to him first. He needs to hear it from me.” I pull my knees up and put my head in my hands. “Why the hell has this been so hard for me to tell him?”

“Because you don’t want to hurt your brother, Jace,” Quinn says. I always knew she was my favorite. “Plus, Em hasn’t been sharing well lately,” she giggles.

“I get it, I get it! I promise, I’ll let him out to play more often,” Em cries, throwing her hands up in mock defeat. “Jace, you know he’ll understand,” she adds.

Max tries to lay Audrey’s back up against his chest, but she slips out of it and turns to face him.
Good girl
. The two look at each other while straddling the board and talk as if they are old friends. The girls beside me giggle on about all of the places Em and Jaxon have been sneaking off to, while Lane and I glare out at the water.

“Do you love her?” Lane asks out of the blue. If I hadn’t already been sitting down, his question would have knocked me clear on my ass. I continue staring forward. “Okay, new question. Who was your last girlfriend?”

“Uh...Mandy,” I reply.

“No it wasn’t. Mandy was before Claire,” Quinn chimes in.

“Whatever, same difference. They were back-to-back,” I say in a clipped tone.

“Hey, remember when Tatum was trying to rub her huge rack on your arm earlier tonight? What color was her shirt?” Lane asks.

“Tatum was trying to do what on my arm?” I am completely confused by his line of questioning.

While nodding his head, he continues, “You know when Audrey does that nasty ankle popping thing?”

“Nasty? Dude, have you ever looked at her face when she’s doing that? It’s fucking adorable,” I laugh.

“And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The man is hooked,” Lane bellows out mockingly while clapping and whistling.

“Huh?” I reply. With wide eyes, I turn to frown at Quinn and Em, who are laughing their asses off.

“You’re totally in love with her!” Em laughs.

“Dude, you’re already forgetting about your exes, you don’t even notice when a hot chick, annoying or not, rubs her tits on your freakin’ arm. I’m gonna need your man card back for that one, by the way.” He gestures with an open palm toward me. “And to top it off, you find Audrey’s irritating quirks adorable. Besides crazy, there ain’t any other word for it. You’re in love,” Lane states, matter-of-fact. He pounds me on the back and grips my shoulder tightly. “Oh, and by the way, you break her heart, I’ll break your neck. Welcome to the family, bro! Can’t get rid of me now,” he says in an annoyingly cheerful voice, all while I’m stunned to silence.

I’ve always wondered why guys go on the defensive when they’re told this piece of news about themselves. If you feel it, own up to it! But I’m starting to realize the weight this kind of information can have on someone. No one wants to be surprised with the fact that they are now completely vulnerable to another person. Now, whether you like it or not, you have to trust that this person won’t hand you your heart back in a million tiny abused pieces.

I’ve always wanted to be here. I’ve watched my two best friends arrive at this very moment, the one where they realize that the girl they’re with is
the one
. But now that I’m here, can I handle it? Can I hand myself over, raw and unguarded? But if I don’t give my heart to Audrey, would there ever be anybody else worth it? Hell no.

Quickly, I scramble up to my feet, grab Danny’s discarded board, and head out to the chilly ocean. I remove my shirt along the way, leaving my black shorts on. Quinn, Em, and Lane clap, hoot, and holler behind me excitedly, but I leave all thoughts of them behind in the damn sand.

I have to get this off of my chest now. Audrey isn’t the type of girl to wait around for anyone; she’s strong and she makes her own happiness. If she wants a bouquet of roses, she’s sure as hell not going to wait for me to give it to her. She’ll go out and plant her own fucking garden.

The patience and tolerance she’s shown by waiting for me to tell Jaxon has been astounding. She hasn’t complained once, and I have no doubt that most girls would have nagged me daily. Although sometimes I was so caught up in her that I honestly forgot about telling Jax, and maybe if she had nagged a little bit we wouldn’t be here right now.

Walking across the sand, I watch her floating on Max’s board with her head thrown back in laughter. I know she didn’t come out here to make me jealous, that’s just not how she is. She came to this party to have fun and she wasn’t going to wait for her pussy boyfriend to man up. She went out and had her own fun. Damn it, it’s true. I do love this girl.

When I hit the water, I cringe at the subzero temperature. I jump under the waves to get the initial shock over with and swim with the board toward my girl. She and Max have drifted down shore a bit and Max is currently in the water, slowly kicking them back to where they started. Audrey has her feet on the board and she’s hugging her knees while listening to him talk.

I feel uneasy about him taking her out into the water at night. I’ve heard that even the strongest swimmers can get thrown off by where the coast is and they can’t see how far out they’ve gone. But Max is only a couple feet out and I can still touch the bottom. He spots me before she does and the asshole smiles and nods his head in my direction. Audrey slowly turns, a curious look on her face, but when she see that it’s me coming for her, her mouth drops open in a wide gape.

“Babe, you’ve gotta be freezing,” I say when I reach them.

“It’s not that bad, pansy,” Max jests. “Just take my board, she’s already on it.”

“Thanks, man,” I say, while switching over to the board Audrey is perched on top of. After I pass Danny’s board to Max, I loop the leash around my wrist and secure it so I can’t lose the board.

“We’ll draw up that tattoo here pretty soon. I’ll catch ya later, babe.” He winks at her and quickly moves toward the shore before I can punch him for calling her ‘babe’ again.

“Another tattoo?” I eye her questioningly. Then, I lift my body up onto the board and she clenches the sides tightly to balance herself.

She shrugs her shoulders at my question and sheepishly replies, “I just wanted a little one right along here.” I watch as she drags her finger lengthways on the collarbone of her left shoulder.

Slowly, I lean forward and kiss the line she just drew. “Mmm, I like it here,” my voice vibrates into her skin.

“Jace...” she whispers breathlessly.

I lean back and look into her eyes. I’m fucking scared to death to tell her what I need to say. There’s so much that could go wrong here. If she doesn’t say it back, how will I handle that? Jax went months telling Em he loved her before she could say it in return. I never heard him complain, but I think the bastard was just thankful she agreed to date him exclusively.

With Audrey, it’s different. She doesn’t hold back her feelings. If she isn’t able to reciprocate what I’m saying, it’s because she truly doesn’t feel it and that just sounds painful. My eyes search her face for the answer. I feel like it’s written clear as day all over her gorgeous features, but maybe I’m misinterpreting what I see.

“Audrey, I need you to say it.”

“Say what?” she asks slowly.

“Say what’s written all over your face. Say what’s on your fingers every time you touch me. Say what’s in your eyes every morning that we wake up together. Say what your body feels every time I’m inside of you. Please...just say it.” My voice is barely above a whisper, but judging by the expression on her face, she heard every word I said.

Her head begins to shake back and forth and an emotion I’m not familiar with engulfs her eyes. My heart plummets because this is exactly what I was afraid of. I’ve already come this far though to go back now.

“No, Audrey,” I say, a bit too harsh. “You love me. I know you do. I may have gone about this whole relationship all wrong with you and I know my life seems to be pulling me in a thousand different directions, but I
know
, with everything I have, that you feel it.” I reach my hand out and cover her heart, feeling the rapid thumping. “Baby, I love you too.”

Her eyes widen and she quickly looks back and forth between the people on the shore and me. Emotions are flying across her face but no words are coming out her mouth.

I grab her chin gently and look into her golden brown eyes. “Focus on me, babe. Forget them.” I reach out and squeeze her upper arm three times and with each squeeze, I say the words, “I. Love. You.”

That must have been all she needed because before I can steady myself, she launches her body across the board into my chest. Together, we crash into the water while holding on to one another tightly. Fortunately, we haven’t drifted too far out because I can still stand in this depth.

She squeezes me with all of her strength, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her head into the nook of my shoulder. I tuck her legs around my waist and laugh at her reaction.

“Okay, now I’m really confused,” I say into her ear. Audrey pulls back from her death grip and looks me in the eyes. Her smile steals the breath from my chest and I want to freeze this moment. No going forward, no going back. I want to stay right in this moment forever with her.

Her teeth begin to chatter from the cold so with her clinging to my body, I slowly walk us back to the shore. Thankfully, the board is still attached to my wrist or I’d have to go hunt it down. I step out of the water while holding her up. I don’t have to work too hard because she’s clinging to me as if I’m planning on going somewhere without her. I drag the board further up the beach so it can’t get washed away with the incoming tide and release the leash from my wrist.

With my hands holding her ass, I sit down in the sand with her on my lap. The second I hit the ground, her lips slam against mine in a hungry kiss. I grab hold of her head and intensely return the ravishing. She lets a moan slip from deep inside and I eagerly search her mouth with my tongue.

We sink farther and farther until I’m lying on my back in the sand and she’s perched on top of me. She pushes up, her hands on my chest, and I love seeing her breathing erratically with so much lust in her eyes. The full moon glowing behind her creates a halo effect, perfectly showcasing my angel.

“God, you’re beautiful,” I whisper. “I love you so much.” My hands are still wrapped up in her hair and slowly I move them up to her scalp, so I can pull her back down to me.

She tugs back from my movement and whispers uncertainly, “You’re the second person to ever tell me that.”

Quickly, I flip her over on to her back and glare into her eyes. “Who the hell was the first? You’re definitely the first girl I’ve ever said that to.”

My stomach clenches. I don’t know why it bothers me that she’s already been in love before but it does. We’ve talked about our past relationships, pretty much every single one of them, and I sure as hell don’t remember her saying she loved any of those bastards. I hover over her, waiting for her answer.

She eyes me with nervousness and a little confusion. “Lane was the first.”

We both stare at each other, trying to figure out what the other is thinking. Then it clicks, and I dread the question I need to ask. “Wait, are you talking about all kinds of love? You mean, even when you were a kid, no one told you they loved you?”

“Who would have done it?” she asks with an almost childlike-innocence.

I’m struck speechless, because even after all of our late-night talks about our childhoods, I never put it together that no one loved this girl. The selfish part of me wonders if she’d had a different childhood, would she be here in my arms right now? But a bigger part of me would rather her have grown up feeling the love she deserved.

“You deserved it, baby. Just know that. You deserved someone to love you every single day,” I say, while cupping her face. She stares deep into my eyes and I can see her searching for the words to say.

I try to let her off the hook and say the first thing that comes to mind. “You know, I watched Jax tell Em he loved her for months, never hearing a reply. I used to wonder how hard that was on him. How painful that must be. But now I understand that when you love someone, as much as you would kill to hear it back, you also just want them to know. I’ll give you all the time you need, babe. I just need you to know how I feel about you,” I say. And it’s true. I don’t feel pain or anger about not hearing it back. Just relief to finally have that out in the open.