Beach Blanket Santa (Holiday Brides Series) (10 page)

He pulled her to him, and they embraced her pulse fluttering
wildly. “This is all I want,” he whispered into her hair as he held her close.
“Just to be with you. Right here and now.”

It was all she wanted too. Everything she wanted and had
always longed for was right here in front of her. Sarah held on tight as they
swayed to the music and the embers of the fire crackled softly. When the brief
snow shower had let up, a deep fog had moved in. From faraway on the sound, the
mournful cry of a tugboat wafted across the waters. They’d been through all
kinds of weather, but with Matt, she’d felt safe, secure in the knowledge that
he would care for and comfort her.

She would remember this Christmas forever.

Chapter Eight

The next morning, they sat at the kitchen island with their
coffees.

“I can’t believe we got a white Christmas,” she said. “I
can’t remember the last time I had one. I had to have been a kid.”

“A light dusting was more like it,” he said with a laugh.
“But, you’re right. It was special.”

She studied him with affection, thinking how much she’d come
to care for him these past few days. No matter what happened later, she would
always recall her time here with him in a fond way. “I want to thank you. Thank
you for helping make yesterday the best Christmas ever.” She shifted in her
seat to pull the poem from her jeans pocket. She’d debated about giving it to
him at all but then had decided she needed to let him know that she’d thought
of him.

 
She handed it
over, apologizing. “I considered giving this to you yesterday but decided to
wait. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind.” He appeared genuinely touched by
the gesture.

He unfolded the page and looked down at the carefully
crafted lines. “This is wonderful,” he said, meeting her gaze. “I’ve never had
anyone do anything like this for me before.”

“I’ve never had anyone make me a Christmas tree out of
driftwood.”

He smiled at her warmly, then lowered his head and began to
read.

Between the earth and
sky,

You and I

Are caught up

In this moment,

Where waves crash,

And lightning strikes

The shore.

You’re deep

In my soul,

Warming

The cold

Of my heart.

After a lingering moment, he looked up. “It’s beautiful,” he
said, the words catching in his throat. “But also a little sad, don’t you
think?”

“I thought it was hopeful.”

“Then I’ll take it as that way too.” He stared through the
plate glass door, studying the horizon. “Looks like the storm has lifted. How
about you and I take a stroll?”

Matt led her onto the beach, where soft winds blew and gulls
called. The sky was cloudy yet calm, the ocean roiling peacefully below it.
They walked a long way down the shore, neither one talking. There was an
unspoken melancholy between them, as if each sensed their time together was drawing
to a close.

“I want to thank you for the poem,” he said finally. “It
means a lot to me that you’d write it.”

“It was nothing.”

He stopped walking to look at her. “No, it was something.
Something really beautiful that came from your heart.”

Sarah felt herself flush. Oh, how she wished she could give
him that heart, wholly and unconditionally. But there’d been conditions imposed
on her she couldn’t help or change.

Matt took her gently by the shoulders and gazed in her eyes.
“But Sarah, I want… Need you to understand. This is more than a
brief moment
for me. I mean, I want it
to be more than that for both of us.”

Emotion swirled within her. “Just what are you saying?”

“That I don’t believe we both wound up here by accident.
That maybe there was something else at play. Something bigger than the two of
us, and maybe even more magical than…Santa.”

“It’s been really wonderful, but—”

“I’m not talking about anything drastic. Rather that we take
this incredible serendipity as some sort of sign. A sign that maybe we weren’t
meant to walk away from each other three years ago. Then again, maybe we were,
because things can be that much better between us now.

“All I’m asking is that when the ferry reopens, things
between us won’t end. Let me take you out to dinner back in Bethesda. Maybe even
a movie. We don’t have to rush things. There’s nothing wrong with taking our
time.”

She pressed her lips together for a beat, studying him. When
she finally spoke, her chin trembled. “I can’t give you what you want.”

“You don’t even
know
what I want,” he said, his voice etched with pain.

Sarah dropped her eyes to hide the fact that they were
watering.

“I’m not the girl for you. Not long-term.”

“Is it…” he began tentatively, appearing stung by thought.
“Is it that you don’t feel the same way?”

“It doesn’t matter how I feel.”

“Sarah, please. Talk to me.”

She gathered her resolve and met his eyes, knowing this was
for the best. Sometimes when you really cared for someone, you had to do what
was right for that person. Not selfishly only consider yourself. Matt deserved
to have the sort of life he was destined to lead. And that life couldn’t
include her.

“I’m not interested. Not interested in any more than we’ve
had here.”

Matt sucked in a breath and stared at her in disbelief.

“I guess that’s all I needed to hear,” he said hoarsely.

The telephone rang loudly as they reentered the house from
their walk. Matt walked in a daze to answer it. So she didn’t feel the same.
Had no interest in continuing things further. He’d done nothing more than make
one big fool of himself his whole time here. He lifted the receiver with a
heavy heart as gulls sailed beyond the kitchen window. “Hello?”

It was the ferryman, advising all residents on the island
that the boat docks were nearly repaired. With the bad weather ended, the ferry
would be up and running again the first thing tomorrow. Well, that was
something, anyway. He and Sarah would no longer be trapped here together. Given
the conversation they’d just had, that was obviously for the best.

“Who was that?” she asked from the living area.

“The ferry will back in business tomorrow. I guess I should
start packing.”

“No, don’t,” she said suddenly. “You can stay. I’ll go.”

And, for the first time since she’d arrived here, Matt
didn’t feel any inclination to stop her.

The next day, Matt sat at the table, watching the waves
through the window. The skies had mostly cleared, except for a few dark clouds
rumbling above. Scattered showers were predicted, but there were heavier rains
raging inside him. He felt all turned inside out, as if someone had extracted
his heart and laid it on this very table. And someone had. Her name was Sarah.

“I’m leaving,” she said, standing by the kitchen door.

Matt glanced her way and set down his coffee. She’d already
loaded her SUV and now held nothing but her small purse and a travel water
bottle. “I see.”

“Matt…” Her cheeks were flushed. “If there was any way to
work things out, I’d stay.” Like hell she would. She hadn’t even given them a
chance, wouldn’t even tell him what was wrong. She was just playing herself
again, calling the shots, and getting to be the one who decided when it was over.
“You’re going to miss the boat.”

She sucked in a breath, and it sounded like she was crying.
Matt didn’t dare turn to look at her. He studied the shore instead, watching it
take a relentless beating from the waves. His heart knew just how that felt.

He heard the door creak open as she spoke, her voice shaky.
“It was good seeing you again.”

In a different world, he might have felt the same. At the
moment, though, all Matt wanted was for her to go away so that the pain would
end.

Chapter Nine

Sarah waited in line for the ferry, queued up behind two
other SUVs and a couple of pickups. These were the greatest signs of life she’d
seen in days, and still they were paltry. Few folks ventured to the island this
time of year, and those who did were die-hards. Rugged outdoorsmen or property
owners, the types not easily put off by a ten-foot storm surge or the
occasional nor’easter. She peered through her windshield at the darkening sky. More
bad weather was coming, but it could nowhere compete with the storm in her
soul. Her parting from Matt had been heartbreaking, yet necessary. Wasn’t it so
much better to say good-bye now, when becoming even more involved would only
make separating worse? He’d told her just what he wanted: the same thing his
parents had. She knew what that was because she’d seen it firsthand. A warm,
wonderful family with lots of offspring, and having children was not in Sarah’s
future.

She steeled her heart, worried that she’d always be alone. After
rupturing her appendix in college, she’d developed pelvic inflammatory disease,
a horrible infection. Its outcome had left her sterile, completely unable to
bear children. It was a bitter pill to swallow at age twenty-one and apparently
had been too much for her college boyfriend to deal with. They’d talked about
graduating and moving to work in the same city. Eventually getting married and
raising a family of their own. While he hadn’t left her immediately, receiving
news of her medical condition had seemed to change the way he felt about her.
Though he denied it, afterward things started breaking apart. They began
fighting more frequently, then finally split up the second semester of their
senior year.

Later, Sarah had chalked up her college boyfriend’s reaction
to youth and inexperience. Surely a mature man who loved her deeply wouldn’t
react the same way. She’d learned differently with her first adult relationship
in Maryland. It wasn’t that he hadn’t loved her; it was more that he’d seen a
different sort of future for them going forward. Naturally, adoption was an
option, but he’d been the only son in his family and had always thought he’d
carry on the family line. When he’d also gone away, the breakup had ripped
Sarah’s heart to shreds with its haunting déjà vu. Consequently, it had become
harder for her to become intimate with a man. She’d surprised herself by
falling into bed with Matt at Elaine’s wedding.

Now that she knew the truth, she could more clearly piece
together what had happened. She’d not only been desperately attracted to him,
she’d also seen him as someone with potential. Serious potential. He was
intelligent, witty, and unbearably handsome, just the sort of guy she’d always
known she’d fall for. The more champagne she’d had, the better he’d looked. And
the better he’d looked, the more devastated she was by her secret. Here he was,
this super terrific guy, and their mutual attraction was powerful. So powerful,
Sarah wasn’t sure if she could fight it. Part of her wanted to totally give in,
see if things would follow through and they might begin a relationship. But
most of her was utterly terrified that what had happened in the past would
occur again. In her fits and starts between wanting him and wanting to flee
from him in order to protect her still fragile heart, she’d drunk herself
silly.

If only she’d believed it wouldn’t have made a difference to
Matt, she would have told him the truth. But he was so clearly into his family
and the concept of a big, happy brood. After spending time with him this week
at the beach, she believed that more than ever. His background was not just
Italian but also Catholic. Sarah recalled all the toasts and jokes that were
made at Elaine and Robert’s wedding about making tons of babies, and quickly.
Creating lots of little Salvatores was clearly a family expectation, one that
she’d be unable to fulfill.

Needing to distract herself from her pain, Sarah switched on
her satellite radio. It was set to a blues station, and the song
Stormy Weather
began to play. As if on
cue, light rain began to ping against the windshield, flecking it with little
dots of moisture that ran in sad streaks down the glass.
Don’t know why there’s no sun up in the sky. Stormy weather, since my
man and I ain’t together. Keeps raining all of the time…
She shut her eyes
as Etta James crooned on, and the memories from the week flooded back. Catching
Matt by surprise as he emerged in a towel from the outdoor shower… Enjoying movies
and board games together… Matt wrapping his arms around her during that very
sexy baking lesson… Kissing him in the rain and in the snow… And finally, that
truly magical Christmas tree he’d so lovingly crafted for her on Christmas
morning morning.

A horn blared, and Sarah opened her eyes to see the queue
ahead of her was moving, the ferryman motioning vehicles onto the broad deck of
the boat. She wiped her tears with her coat sleeve and set her vehicle in gear,
her hands trembling. Despite the damp cold, her heart was on fire, burning like
a forest blaze consuming its final pine. There was nothing much left of her;
she had nothing left to give. Why, then, had Matt seemed to trust that she did?
Sarah rolled onto the ferry, her SUV rising and falling over the loading ramp
with a jolt.
Stormy weather… All I can do
is pray the Lord will let me…walk in the sun once more…
Just then, a beam
of sunlight streaked in through her windshield from behind a faraway cloud.

The Christmas-tree-shaped crystal dangling from Sarah’s
rearview mirror pivoted in its glow, dazzling her with an astounding array of
color. Matt’s words came back to her in a husky whisper.
“There’s a rainbow after every storm,”
he’d said, looking into her
eyes.
“You just need to believe it.”