Authors: Nell Dixon
****
Nathalie slept badly. All evening she had turned over in her mind what she planned to say to Evan, yet again without any success. She had picked the phone up several times to call him, but she'd lost her nerve each time. Consequently, by the time she'd gone to bed, her nerves felt as if they had gone through a cheese grater.
Min seemed to sense her mistress's discomfort and mewled for attention. Nathalie was late leaving for the shop. Her appointment book was full â several brides and bridesmaids were due in to try on dresses. The seamstress and her Saturday staff were already inside the shop by the time Nathalie arrived.
“You don't look as if you caught up on your sleep,” Gemma observed in a low voice as she shepherded Karen's bridesmaids toward the fitting rooms.
Nathalie sighed. Her makeup techniques must've been slipping.
The previous night, it had been raining, so she'd left the roses at the shop. Their perfume filled the air. She'd moved them into the fitting area to make the place look nice. Already several customers had admired and commented on them.
She would have to phone Evan tonight, or maybe call and see him. It wasn't like her to be a coward or to put unpleasant things off, but this was an exception.
It was almost lunchtime before she managed to escape into the back. The last of the morning's customers were in the fitting area with the seamstress, and Gemma had just taken a deposit on a very expensive one-of-a-kind wedding dress. She made mugs of tea for herself and Gemma.
The shop bell jangled as she lifted the teabags from the mugs. Nathalie groaned, dropped the teabags into the bin, and went back onto the shop floor. As everyone else was occupied, it looked as though her cup of tea would have to wait.
“Nathalie!” A familiar blonde-haired little girl ran forward and hugged her around the waist.
Nathalie looked up from Polly's excited face to see Evan accompanied by a woman whose face she'd seen on a hundred magazine covers. She was fair-haired like Polly and dressed more for a night on the tiles than an English market town's high street on a Saturday afternoon.
“I brought Mummy to see your shop,” Polly explained.
Laurel extended an immaculately manicured hand. “My daughter insisted we come. I hope you don't mind.”
Nathalie shook Laurel's cool fingers and noted that the smile on Evan's ex's mouth didn't reach her eyes.
“I told Laurel and Polly that Saturday wasn't a good day to visit.” Evan's arms were folded and his stance defensive.
“Oh, but this is such a sweet little shop,” Laurel cooed.
“Thank you,” Nathalie said as Polly slipped a small hand into hers. There was an uneasy atmosphere, and she had the feeling that this was no chance encounter.
“I met a friend of yours and Evan's yesterday when I arrived at the hotel. She told me so much about you.” Laurel flicked her gaze up and down Nathalie's figure. “Then when Polly suggested calling in â well, it would have been rude not to come and meet you. My daughter has been singing your praises all morning.”
A shiver ran up Nathalie's back. She hadn't imagined the ice in Laurel's voice. It almost sounded as if the model was jealous. “You'll have to forgive me, but I can't imagine who you could have met.”
Laurel's scarlet lips curved into a smile. “A woman called Carol or Karen or something like that. She was at the hotel as I checked in. She told me about the lovely roses Evan sent you. Very romantic.”
Evan's expression darkened at Laurel's words. Nathalie sucked in a breath. “You must mean Karen Gillespie. She's a client of mine.” Nathalie tried to keep her voice even, though her legs shook as she wondered what else Karen could have said.
“Come on, Polly. I think we should be going now that we've said hello. She really is very busy.” There was a hint of impatience in Evan's voice as he held out his hand to his daughter. His expression looked thunderous. Nathalie guessed that calling in to the shop had not been his idea.
“It was nice to meet you,” Nathalie said to Laurel. From the looks the model had given her, Nathalie was in no doubt that Laurel had called in specifically to warn her off Evan. Why, though, she couldn't imagine, unless Laurel and Evan planned to get back together.
That couldn
'
t be possible, could it? Not after everything Evan said about his relationship with his ex?
“The pleasure was all mine, believe me,” Laurel purred as she followed Evan and Polly out of the shop.
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“Wow!” Gemma came across the shop and gave Nathalie a hug. “Are you okay? I thought you were going to pass out.”
“I'm fine. I'd like to get my hands on Karen's scrawny neck, though.” Nathalie took a deep breath to try to calm her agitated pulse.
“I wouldn't like to be in Laurel's shoes if Evan gets hold of her out of his daughter's sight,” Gemma observed.
“It's Polly I feel sorry for.” Nathalie could see why Evan had applied for custody. She wouldn't trust Laurel any further than she could throw her, based on what she'd just heard.
“Yeah, poor kid! What a witch!” Gemma shook her head as she walked away to return to her customers.
Nathalie retired to the back room and took a long draught of her tepid tea. Normally, Laurel would have caught the rough edge of her tongue, but Polly's presence had made her keep her speech in check.
She finished her tea, wrinkling her nose in displeasure at the cold dregs. Gemma's mug still stood on the counter. Nathalie poured the cold tea away and put the kettle back on. Her resolve hardened as she waited for the water to boil. That night, she would phone Evan and find out once and for all where she stood with him. She made her assistant a fresh drink, then went back onto the shop floor to relieve her.
It was late when Nathalie arrived home. A last-minute flurry of customers had kept all of them busy long after their usual closing time. She pulled her coat off in the hall. The answerphone was silent, the light still green. No messages.
She kicked off her shoes and wandered through to the kitchen. Min trotted across the tiled floor at the sound of the fridge door opening.
“I'm looking for something for my dinner, not yours,” Nathalie rebuked as she studied the contents of the shelves. She pulled out a block of cheese and some butter. “Looks like cheese on toast tonight, Min.”
She fixed her supper and sat down with her tray in front of the television. She'd just taken her first bite when the phone rang. She swallowed her mouthful of cheese as fast as she could. “Hello.”
“Nathalie, we need to talk.”
Her pulse pounded. “Evan, I was going to call you. Thank you for the flowers.” She ground to a halt, still unsure of how to word what she wanted to say.
“Laurel insisted on calling in on you today.” He spoke in a measured tone that she assumed he normally kept for the courtroom. “Polly had been singing your praises, and I think Laurel was curious about you. She came to tell us she's moving permanently to California.”
She sighed. “About the other nightâ”
“I wanted to talk to you about that. You took me by surprise.” His voice sounded low and husky in her ear.
“Evan, you don't have to explain anything.”
“I've been worried about you. I knew something was wrong when you pulled up outside your house the day we went to look at properties together. I didn't know what it was â if you had financial problems, family problems, or something else. I didn't like it.”
Nathalie nibbled on her lower lip in anxiety as he paused. “Evan, I think maybe this has all been a mistake.” She raced the words out in a hurry.
“I don't follow you.” He sounded bemused.
“I meant you and me, renewing our friendship.” She hesitated.
Relationship
hadn't been the right word, yet
friendship
wasn't it, either. To her dismay, her voice thickened, and she choked on her words as she continued. “I can't have children, Evan. I can never give you the family you want, or brothers and sisters for Polly.”
“I see.”
“I think we should stop seeing each other, at least for a while.” She delved in her pocket for a tissue.
“Does this decision have anything to do with Laurel's visit?” he demanded.
She dried her eyes quickly. “No. Although Polly seems to be getting quite attached to me.”
“And that's a problem?” She heard ice in his tone.
“No. I mean, yes. Maybe.” What
did
she mean? She wasn't sure what worried her most â Polly becoming too attached to her, or losing her heart to the little girl who'd held her hand so trustingly this afternoon.
“What are you trying to tell me, Tali?”
She wished she could see his face, explain what she meant. “I can't do this anymore.” How could she explain how it had felt to have his daughter look at her with so much trust on her small face? What it did to her when Polly held her hand?
The line went dead. She listened to the disconnected buzzing and replaced the handset. He'd hung up on her. Her chest hurt as much as if she had received a physical wound.
She sat for a moment and waited to see if the phone would ring again before she pushed her plate aside. Her appetite had gone, replaced by a cold, sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. What had she done?
Nathalie dashed the tears from her face then carried her plate of half-eaten toast to the kitchen, moving like an automaton. The metal lid of the bin clattered as she threw her scraps away. It was over. Gone. Her dream of a life with Evan and Polly disposed of as tidily as the crusts from her plate.
She wandered upstairs and swapped her tailored work suit for comfy cotton pyjamas. The elastic waistband felt soothing across her tense abdomen. Once changed, she gathered up her fleece blanket and headed back downstairs. She lowered the blinds against the sleet that drummed in the darkness and switched on her lamps. One more trip to the kitchen to gather her supplies of white wine and chocolate, and she installed herself on the sofa to watch a DVD of her favourite film.
“My own private pity-fest.” She scooped Min up to sit beside her as she snuggled up under her fleece. She tried to lose herself in the film, which had always been a tried and trusted remedy for past heartbreak. This time, it appeared to have lost some of its magic.
The sound of her doorbell intruded. Min jumped down and stretched, ready to trot into the hall. Nathalie peeped through the slats of the wooden blinds at her front window. The water splashes on the glass blurred her view, but her pulse quickened as she made out the soaked figure on her front step.
Evan spotted her movement of the blind, and his eyes met hers. She froze for a second, her pulse pounding in her ears. In the light from the porch, she noticed his hair had been darkened and plastered to his head by the sleet as he waited for her to open the door.
Nathalie dropped the blinds and hurried into the hall. She didn't know what to say, what to expect. Her fingers shook as she slipped the security chain free to open the door. The light from the hall spilled out to where Evan stood on the front step. Nathalie was suddenly conscious of how she must look.
“Do you think I might come in?” He made a slight gesture with his open hands at the sleet that pounded the ground around him like silver bullets.
She stood aside, and he stepped into the hall. Water ran from his jacket in rivulets onto the laminate floor. A white layer of melting slush lay along the lines of his shoulders.
“I had to come and see you.”
The sound of the water dripping galvanized her into action “You're wet. Let me take your coat. Go through and dry off by the fire.” As she fetched him a towel, she rubbed her palms against the legs of her pyjamas, wiping off sweat and melted sleet.
“Thank you.” His fingers brushed hers as he took the towel, and heat scorched her skin at the brief contact.
“I didn't expect to see you again. You hung up.” Nathalie held her breath as she waited for his reply.
“I didn't hang up. I was on my way here and lost the reception.” His hand stilled in the act of rubbing his neck and face dry. His hair had spiked into damp tufts where he had towelled the sleet away. “Was that really what you thought? That I'd hung up on you?”
She let out a breath. “I didn't know what to think. You didn't call back.”
Evan dropped the damp towel onto her coffee table. “You should have known I wouldn't let you go a second time without a fight.” The lines of his face intensified with his feelings.
“Evan, I told you on the phone, I can'tâ” She gasped as he took a step toward her.
“What can't you do?”
“Evan, I can't have children.”
“And have I ever asked you to?” He grasped her arms and compelled her to look him in the eyes. “Tali, just tell me the truth. Do you love me? My feelings for you have never altered. I love you. I want us to be together. You, me, and Polly.”
Nathalie swallowed hard. “I've always loved you. Polly is a wonderful little girl.” She hesitated. His hands gripped her, warm but firm, refusing to release her until he had his answer.
“But?” She saw hurt cloud his eyes.
“What if you want a brother or sister for Polly later on? You might regret being married to a woman who can't give you a son or who can't give your daughter a brother or sister.” Regret might eat into their relationship like acid, stripping it away until there was nothing left.
“I love you, Nathalie. No one gets married because of a guarantee that their partner is fertile! Our family will be complete with the three of us.”
“You don't know that you won't change your mind.” She longed to believe him, but she had seen and heard too many stories where the happy-ever-after part had failed to materialize. She'd given her heart to him before and believed it was safe.
“Sit down. There's something I need to tell you.” He steered her across to the sofa and sat down beside her. His shoulders hunched as he leaned forward. “When Laurel told me she was pregnant, I had doubts about whether Polly was really mine.”
Nathalie gasped in surprise. Evan's love for his little girl was so secure she couldn't believe he'd ever doubted her paternity. “But she looks just like you. She has your eyes!”
“I realized quite quickly that Laurel wasn't going to be ideal mother material. When Polly was born and I saw her lying in that plastic crib, so tiny and helpless⦔ He shook his head. “All the thoughts I'd had about getting a DNA test vanished. I held her in my arms, and she opened those big blue eyes.”
Nathalie folded her arms across her chest to protect herself from the shaft of pain in her heart. Why was he telling her this? She would never know the magic of holding her baby in her arms. “What happened?”
“I didn't pursue a test. As time passed and Polly got ill, she needed me. She looks like me. Any doubts I had faded. Then, when I set the wheels in motion to divorce Laurel and gain custody of Polly, she announced that Polly wasn't my daughter after all.”
Nathalie's hand flew to her mouth. “That's terrible!” How could anyone be so cruel?
Evan's hand balled into a fist. “I felt as if my world imploded. I didn't know what would happen to Polly, how the claim might affect her, or even if it were true. I was angry at myself.” His jaw clenched, and Nathalie knew it was a struggle for him to keep his emotions in check.
“You got Polly, though?”
“I insisted on a test. The result didn't really matter in some ways, because she was mine in my heart, no matter what. I just didn't want Laurel to have a hold over us. Fortunately, the results were conclusive.”
“I can't imagine what you and Polly have gone through.” Nathalie ached at the thought of all Evan and his daughter had suffered.
“I love you, Tali. I'm never going to change my mind, no matter what the future might hold for us. When I thought I might lose Polly, I felt so empty, so incomplete. Without you in our lives, I'd have that same feeling.” He took her hands in his, the warmth of his fingers on hers somehow spreading to warm her very soul.
His lips brushed against hers, and her mouth parted in response, tasting the sweetness of all he had just offered her. She surrendered to the tenderness of his kiss as desire built within her.
“So, you haven't given me an answer,” he murmured against her lips.
Nathalie broke away from his kiss, her pulse thudding in her ears. “I love you, Evan. You and Polly. I guess in some ways I've used my problems as a kind of shield. It's been a reason not to get close to anyone, or for them to get close to me. Yetâ¦I always wanted someone to be my hero. Does that make me sound pathetic?”
He caressed the side of her face with his hand. “You never needed anyone to be your hero, Tali. You've coped with your illness all this time, knowing your dream of a baby of your own wasn't going to be possible. I'd say you were your own hero.” He kissed her tenderly on her forehead.
Nathalie raised her head to see his love for her shining in his eyes. “I love you.”
He kissed her again, making her skin tingle with his touch. Nathalie snuggled closer, revelling in the scent of his skin and the rhythmic beat of his heart. Safe and secure in his arms, with no more secrets between them, she knew she'd found her hero after all.