Be My December (13 page)

“What the fuck?” he exclaimed with wide eyes.

“She is doing things to me man. I thought I could resist her. Fuck, I need to resist her, but ever since that first night I just need to have her in my sight. I am drawn to her like a fucking moth to a flame.”

“Does she know?” He questioned softly.

I turned to Josh and sighed before responding. “She knows nothing.”

“You are treading in dangerous waters brother.”

I knew he was right.

••••

Two days had passed since I had seen Eden. I hadn’t contacted her, and she hadn’t contacted me. Our conversation and everything that happened still filled my thoughts. It was so fucked-up, because the longer I was away from her, the more I thought about her. I dived into work, I worked from sunup until way after sundown yet everything still reminded me of her. I’d see her name pop up in emails, I’d hear that she had come in to pick up things from Josh or Lauren, and I swear I even smelled her perfume in the elevator once. I was completely and utterly screwed.

The door of my office swung open and Ashlyn strutted in like she was a woman on a mission.  I raised my eyes from my laptop as she made herself at home on the corner of my desk. It was close to five p.m. so I knew I still had a long night ahead of me.

“You’re leaving,” she stated matter-of-fact.

“And why would I do that?” I huffed in response.

“Because I’m sick of seeing you in this fucking rut you’ve wedged yourself in. You are coming to my place for beer and Chinese.”

“I’m not in a rut.”

“Whatever you say Ky. Get your ass up and out of this office. I’m parked out front, be there in five minutes.”

••••

I collapsed on Ashlyn’s couch and threw my head back against the plush cushions. She had won. I had left the office. My eyes closed, and I felt the first waves of exhaustion crash within me. 

“You look like shit.”

I pried open my heavy eyes at the sound of Ashlyn’s voice and watched her sink down on the couch beside me. I grabbed the beer she held out to me and I almost devoured it in one gulp. 

“Have you spoken to Eden lately?” I asked without thinking.

So much for subtleness Ky.

Ashlyn’s eyes widened, a reaction I didn’t miss. She turned to face me and threw back the bottle of beer as I awaited her response. The longer she took the more frustrated I got. I clearly wasn’t a patient man.

“Yep, I had breakfast with her this morning and then we worked on some ideas for her first shoot.”

Ashlyn fell back against the couch and focused squarely on me, in such a way that I felt incredibly on edge. She was notorious for being able to read me like I was the world’s most open book. I didn’t have to say shit, and she knew what I was thinking. This wasn’t good. I had seen this look before. She was taking everything in, she was sorting through my thoughts, my words, my concerns, my fears, and she would ultimately come to a realization.

“She is getting to you,” she whispered. “No wait! She has already gotten to you. Ky, this is doing a number on you. You have to stop. Step back.”

“I don’t know how.”

••••

Somewhere between sitting on Ashlyn’s couch and flipping my phone over in my hand for the hundredth time, I had an epiphany. I couldn’t ignore that Eden was getting to me any longer. Hell, if I was being honest, I knew that she got to me that very first night when I decided to ride in like a knight in fucking armor. This was where the problem lay. Women never got to me, because I never allowed it. I shut down. I put up my walls. I was sometimes an asshole. But now Eden was getting to me. I had allowed her to get to me. There was no chance that this would end well because it had the potential to destroy both of us.

I needed to find a distraction, and I knew who would have a solution.

I scrolled to Josh’s name in my phone and my knee bounced as I tapped at the screen.

Ky: I need to go out tonight.

Josh: Hang on a minute. Is this really Ky Crawford?

Ky: You’re an asshole.

Josh: What’s got into you or should I say who has got to you?

Ky: No one.

Josh: Cough Eden Cough. Come to my place at nine.

Ky: See you then.

••••

My idea to go out was squashed when I arrived at Josh’s apartment to find that he clearly had no plans to go anywhere. I heard the music the moment I stepped out of the elevators and when I opened his front door I was swamped by blaring guitars and drums that mixed with the sounds of laughter and chatter. Josh lifted his chin to greet me from across his apartment. I said hello to a couple of people I knew, skimmed over who was here and then went straight to the fridge and grabbed a beer.

“I heard a rumor you’d be turning up tonight.”

I twisted around to find Anna, a girl who seemed destined to get into my pants since college. Her eyes were ablaze with want, and her tits were spilling out of her incredibly tight dress. Did she not know that it was fucking winter outside?

“Yep. Here to get drunk. That’s it.” I dismissed her and stepped out of the kitchen. My escape halted when her hand grabbed hold of my arm. I turned to face her, only to find her putting on puppy dog eyes and pouting her lips. “Anna, it’s not going to happen.” 

“So you are rejecting me. Again.” Her voice was breathless, and her face thundered with anger, like she couldn’t believe it was happening. It wasn’t the first time so it shouldn’t come as a surprise.

I groaned and ripped my arm away from hers. “It’s not rejection Anna, it’s avoidance.”

I left her standing—mouth agape, hands on hips, fury flooding her face—and moved to the couch. 

Soon enough I was opening my fifth beer and a buzz was swimming through my veins. Thankfully Anna had left me the fuck alone, and I was enjoying the peace and quiet. I twisted my body as the couch dipped beside me and with the bottle to my lips and through hazy eyes I found Eden staring at me with a shy grin. 

“Are you ignoring me?” she asked innocently, her brow rising in the process.

She looked fucking phenomenal in her tight jeans and black top that clung to her body, and her hair flowed over her shoulders in an ‘I just got laid’ look. I was in trouble. The beer had dissolved my resistance and now there wasn’t a chance that my dick and my brain would communicate because my dick twitched just at the sight of her. 

I downed the rest of my beer, watching her over the bottle. Her face was passive and unreadable, but I loved the pink tinge sweeping over her cheeks. The party swirled around me, but right there on the couch it could have only just been me and Eden and I wouldn’t have cared for a second. She pulled her leg up so it was under her and leaned back, her face resting in her hand, her cheek to her palm as she continued to watch me. It was like we were reading each other, awaiting the other’s next move. I lowered the empty bottle from my lips and let it fall to the ground below me.

“I didn’t know you were here so I couldn’t be ignoring you.” Her face fell and instantly I felt like an asshole. “You should have said something to me when you saw me,” I offered with a smile.

“You had a girl with you. I didn’t want to interrupt your date again. I’ve already done that once,” she stated, her comment throwing me back to our meeting at Delights when she accused me of being on a date with one of the local girls there.

I shook my head and smirked. “I’ve told you before. That girl at Delights wasn’t my date, and the girl you saw me talking to tonight simply wanted a good time. She was blond anyway, and I’m pretty sure I’ve made it perfectly clear that I am more into brunettes.”

“So you discriminate against blondes?” She returned my smirk and her fingertips ran through her hair in an action I couldn’t be certain she knew she was doing.

“Well let’s just say if you were to dye your hair blond I wouldn’t discriminate against you.”

Fuck! I was flirting with her. Her eyes widened fleetingly under the suggestive words I had spat out, I clearly had absolutely no consideration of whether she’d run for the exit door or stay here. The briefest of smiles touched her lips which further intensify the inappropriateness of my thoughts. I needed to reel it in. I couldn’t flirt with her, she wasn’t like any other girl I had met before, and it would be so fucking easy to completely freak her out, just like almost kissing her did.

“So how’s all the prep going for the photo-shoots? I am looking forward to seeing what you come up with. You definitely have a lot of work ahead of you,” I mumbled in a pathetic way of changing the subject. I internally groaned at the stupidity of my question.

She narrowed her eyes and shook her head at my absurd statement. “Um, yeah. It’s going great. I have a lot of ideas and I’m actually working on it pretty solidly next week.”

“Pretty girl, your drink is ready!” Josh voice sounded from across the apartment. Eden turned and the biggest of smiles spread across her lips as she looked back at my brother.

“I guess I’ll see you around,” she murmured softly as she pulled herself up from the couch. Our eyes locked on one another, and I knew I was getting sucked in. I was losing. Fuck you beers. Why did I think drinking would be a good idea?

Eden took off quickly, crossing the crowded living room and every single guy in the room turned and eye-fucked her as she passed, drinking in the curves of her body and the way her hips swayed with every step she took. I was sure as shit that they were all imagining what was under those purple jeans. She got to Josh’s side and his arm fell to her shoulders and he handed her a red colored drink. 

It took every bit of strength I had not to rush over and throw myself at her and scream, “It’s me.” But that was something I couldn’t do. Not now. Not ever. I tore my eyes away from Eden and concentrated on the black screen of the television as my mind started flashing every single scenario I had. This was karma coming back to punch me in the throat and make me remember why I didn’t deserve happiness or forgiveness or a second chance. Karma was the little voice that kept me up late at night, the reminder that sat on my shoulder and whispered the truths to me, the tiny little stab in my heart when I was starting to feel at ease. But now karma was a roaring bitch that was making herself very known.

“Why are you sitting over here like a social outcast?”

The sound of Ashlyn’s voice caused me to crack a smile. My arms shot out and she yelped as I pulled her onto my lap, and she immediately wrapped her arms around my neck and fell into my chest. To an outsider we would look like a couple simply snuggling on the couch together but this was just us. The closeness that we shared was what kept us together, it kept the strength of our friendship alive, a friendship that had been built on heartbreak that we both suffered and heartbreak that we helped each other get through.

“I am trying to stay away from Eden,” I admitted sheepishly.

“It’s not working though?”

“I just told her that I preferred brunettes and that if she dyed her hair blond, I’d make a fucking exception for her.” I groaned at the stupidity of my statement.

Ashlyn’s laughter spun around us grabbing everyone’s attention. My eyes instantly fled to the kitchen where Josh and Eden both stood watching us. Josh knew all about my friendship with Ashlyn and simply shook his head dismissively at the scene and turned back to his conversation with a guy I recognized from college while Eden continued watching Ashlyn and I closely.

“I never thought I’d be in this position again,” I admitted still locked on Eden’s eyes. She broke contact and turned back toward Josh and his friend and I turned back to Ashlyn. “It’s killing me Ash. The words are sitting on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t risk saying everything I want to because I know what would happen.”

Ashlyn’s face fell at my words, and she was hit by a storm of her own emotions as she glanced over at Eden. “I fucking hate secrets.”

“Me too Ash, me too,” I replied with all sincerity.

Ashlyn climbed off my lap, kissed my forehead and disappeared back into the kitchen. I kept to myself, talking to those who came to me but wanting to sit on my own while the party continued around me. Later that night, I stood in the bathroom looking at my reflection in the mirror. I had just escaped the craziness of the party for a couple of minutes of peace and now as I stared back at myself I tried to think of a scenario that would allow me to disappear to my apartment.

The door burst open breaking my peace. I shot a furious look into the mirror directed squarely at the intruder who dared to shatter my solitude, but the moment my eyes met Ashlyn’s panicked washed face in the mirror, my fury floated away, only to be replaced with unease. I knew immediately that something wasn’t right, and it unleashed panic within me. She rushed into the room completely oblivious to what she could actually be walking in to and grabbed my arm, tugging me toward the door in desperation. “Chris just turned up completely uninvited, and he’s found Eden.”

Hearing his name fall from Ashlyn’s lips pissed me off. Why the fuck was he here? Actually I knew why he was here, and it had everything to do with Eden and everything to do with fucking with my head. I didn’t get hesitate for a second. I stormed out of the bathroom with Ashlyn in tow and rushed through Josh’s apartment in search of Eden.

Chris had her body pinned up against the bar by his and his hands were cupping her face, forcing her to look at him. Eden’s eyes met mine over his shoulder as I sprinted across the room toward her and safety flashed within them. The moment I reached him my protective instincts took over. I tore at the back of his shirt, ripping his body away from hers. My hand encased his throat as I pushed him violently up against the wall, with such force that one of Josh’s pieces of art rattled against the grey wall and fell to the ground below.