Be My December (8 page)

Ky.

“What’s going through that head of yours?”  Tori questioned, giving me the worried look that I had witnessed so many times before. 

After five days on the East Coast, Tori was heading back home, ultimately leaving me to my own devices. I knew this time was coming quickly, but I didn’t want to believe that it was here. I had become so reliant on her. Tori and I sat on the edge of the pier, our legs dangling over the edge, our shoulders wrapped in a blanket as the cool air swirled around us. Silence fell, and I knew the moment I spoke, my emotions would bubble over.

“I don’t want you to go.” I finally admitted, my voice cracking.

“Babe, you will see me in a little over five weeks. Honestly, I think this will be great for you. This opportunity is freaking amazing, and you’ve been working toward this for years. This is your dream so live it.”

Tori’s head fell to my shoulder, and we sat in silence as we looked out over the white crested waves of the ocean. The chill in the air shocked me to life; it smacked me in the face and made me feel awaken to the world that was revolving around me.

The thought of being away from Tori petrified me. She was like the glue that kept me together, kept me moving forward, and the thought of her not being with me made me fearful that I would dissolve into pits of despair and take two steps back.

Tori sighed softly beside me. “Remember that Josh guy, Ashlyn’s friend? He was hands down the best cock I’ve ever had. I am still feeling him. That is the sign of a good fucking.”

And just like that Tori lightened my mood.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t often wish that could be me—so carefree, so open, and so honest. The thought of being able to open up myself to the idea of having a man who could, as Tori would say, be the best fuck I’d ever have was something that had crossed my mind but I had squashed the thought immediately. To make love was a myth; to be cherished was the complete opposite of what I allowed in my life. Over the past four years there had only been one guy who got close, and that was because I had absolute trust in him. He was my best friend and had slipped into the role of being my pretend boyfriend when we went out. Colby Andrews was my protector, my conscience, and the only guy who I had allowed to touch me. In my despair as I slipped into a state of complete devastation, he had wrapped me in my arms, rocked me until I settled, and then spent the night showing me exactly that I wasn’t completely destroyed.

“Can I tell you something?” I whispered and immediately Tori’s head shot up from my shoulder and looked at me expectantly. “I wish I could let loose. I don’t want to be crippled by fear anymore, and I wish I could stop being scared of the idea of being with a guy.”

“There is someone out there who is going to completely knock you on your ass, and he will be everything you need and more. He will treat you like the princess you are, he will treasure every second he is with you and when he isn’t with you, he will be thinking of you. I know he is out there and when he comes for you, I hope you take the chance.”

••••

Outfit after outfit greeted my body. My suitcase lay open on my hotel bed, with every item of clothing I brought spewing out all over the place. Jeans, skirts, dresses, shirts, and shoes covered every surface and after two hours and numerous FaceTime calls with Tori, I had finally settled on a charcoal pencil skirt, a white blouse, and my signature blood red heels. In an hour I was due at Anderson Publications for my initial meeting with a man I only knew as Ky to discuss my freelance work with them.

I was a walking mass of nerves as I took my first step into the pristine foyer. My eyes darted frantically, desperate for my memories to be swamped by the magnitude of perfection that was on display in front of me. From the marbled floors to the pristine white walls displaying the Andy Warhol art work, I was experiencing what I could only imagine heaven would be like. Tearing my eyes away from an eclectic piece of art showing Central Park in a futuristic setting, I glided toward the reception desk, the sound of my heels clicking on the floor below me grabbing the attention of a very polished-looking young woman.

“Hi, I have a meeting at three pm. My name is Eden Rivers.” I smiled nervously and watched as she lifted the phone to her ear and announced my arrival.

“Mr. Crawford will be down in a few minutes, if you’d like to take a seat.”

Nodding in response, I sunk into the leather tub chair and began nervously bouncing my leg. The enormity of the meeting I was about to attend was suddenly hit me. This magazine was huge, and the fact that they wanted me, Eden Rivers, to shoot not only the cover but also an editorial feature was just too much to comprehend. This was the magazine that Tori and I would read on our lazy Sundays. This was the magazine that always had the most beautiful covers. Shit! I was going to be sick. My stomach rolled within me and the desire to run and never look back fell upon me but something out of my control stopped me.

A strong masculine voice greeted me, my name rolled off his tongue with an ease and certainty. Familiarity struck me. “Eden thanks for coming in, how about we move to my office?”

I twisted in my chair and under the shadow of Josh Crawford I felt my world stop.

Recognition flashed before me, and his eyes narrowed in. The look I was receiving made me feel like my dream and this opportunity was going up in flames before my eyes.

“Shit.” I muttered and stood on shaky feet. My mouth hung open in shock and his amused gaze didn’t offer me any comfort.

“Ready?” He asked and I simply nodded in response.

I followed Josh through the open space of the ground floor cursing myself for wearing my very noisy heels. The walls lining the hall lead to the elevators that featured framed copies of previous issues which I couldn’t help but admire. Stepping into the elevator, I moved toward the back and watched as the numbers rose with every passing floor. I could feel Josh’s inquisitive eyes watching me. I gnawed on my bottom lip, and my foot tapped nervously as I gripped hold of my bag.

“Almost there,” Josh announced as I anxiously watched floor seven change to floor eight.

The fifteenth floor finally arrived and with a swift movement Josh was out of the elevator. I followed closely behind him as we made our way through an open planned office space. Cubicle after cubicle was filled with professional-looking people tapping away at computers or talking on the phone and occasionally someone would look up and give me the once over.

Josh stopped in front of a closed door and turned toward me. “You look petrified.”

“I am. I am waiting for you to tell me to leave.”

His laughter once again didn’t comfort me.

Josh opened the door to his office and motioned for me to step through the doors. His office was not what I expected. It was gleaming white. White desk, white shelving, and an oversized white office chair. Art graced the walls, displaying everything from portraits to landscapes—but one common dominator was the abstract and fieriness of colors on display. It grabbed my attention immediately.

I took a seat across the desk and placed my hands nervously in my lap. The longer he took to speak the more my anxiety piqued.

“So I won’t keep you for long. First, I don’t care that you chose not to tell me your real name when we first met. I am sure you have your reasons, and it’s not for me to judge so we will get that off the table. How’s that work for you?”

I nodded in silent agreement.

“So this is how it is. My brother, who you met the other night, first made me aware of you and your work, and we are very interested in having you shoot the cover and editorial spread for the next issue.” He folded his hands together, resting them on the immaculate white desk top and looked at me with anticipation of my response. 

His
brother
!

Crawford. Chocolate cake. Perfect eyes. Came to my rescue.

Oh god! I was going to pass out.

“Is this some sort of joke?” My words were short and breathy as my defenses shot sky high.  Things like this didn’t just happen to me. They didn’t just land on my lap without a consequence. His eyes bore into mine as he gauged my brutal questioning. “Your brother bought me chocolate cake!”

Without a word, Josh rose from behind his desk and effortlessly moved toward me, his eyes never leaving mine. Standing to meet him, I stood confidently, desperate for strength to appear while inside I was trembling. 

“We want your photography skills Eden. My brother was extremely surprised to find you right under his nose.” He took one step toward me, and I froze. “And yes he did. He has never bought a girl chocolate cake before Eden and I’ve never seen him go all alpha-fucking-male for a girl before so you just think about that.”

The breath I was unaware I was holding escaped in a loud rush, and I blinked frantically. “I’m only here until January 5
^th
.”

“That should be fine. The only thing I can think of is that there could be a launch party on December 16
^th
that you will be required to attend but Ky will have all the details regarding your schedule.”

Hearing that date sent fear roaring through my body. I hated that date. Everything about that date was hell to me. For the past four years I had spent that date locked in my apartment, buried so deep in the confines of my bed away from the world, drowning in a mixture of cheap vodka and Xanax until I passed out and escaped from realism. It was a pathetic way to hide from truth, but it was the only thing I could do. I could hear Josh talking, but I couldn’t understand anything he was saying. I was thrown back to four years prior, to the moment that I was a beaten, broken, and fearful young woman. I felt my heart thump dangerously fast in my chest, my palms sweating, and my lungs ached as I desperately tried to gain a breath. My eyes snapped back to Josh’s worried face.

“Eden—”

“Thank you for the opportunity. I will see myself out.”

I hastily grabbed my bag from the floor and rushed for the door with Josh close on my heels. I felt a familiar panic attack brutally coming to life and the last thing I wanted was Josh Crawford to witness me unravel into a pit of anxiety and be frozen as my nightmares unleashed their attack. I needed my solitude and the relief that only locking myself away from the world could provide.  I punched the button time and time again when I reached the elevator. I could feel the presence of Josh standing beside me, close enough to know he was worried over my reaction, but still far enough to give me the space I needed. I must have looked completely ridiculous. I was just given the best opportunity of my life and instead of saying, “Where do I sign?” I was fleeing the building like a raving lunatic.

The moment the elevator door opened I hurried in and Josh followed in close pursuit. He hit the ground floor button and stood back against the wall, an awkward silence falling between us. Thankfully we didn’t stop until we reached the ground floor.

The moment the elevator door opened, I rushed toward the glass doors with the promise of escape within reach. My eager steps halted and I froze on the spot as a voice wrapped itself around me and caressed my very soul. It floated through the air like the perfect song and was a voice I couldn’t forget.

My eyes darted through the foyer as the need to find the owner of the voice hit me. My need to escape fading as my gaze locked onto a man with broad shoulders, a slim waist, and chocolate brown hair. Covered in a crisp white shirt and form fitting charcoal grey trousers, he paced in front of the Andy Warhol art work of Marilyn Monroe that I had been transfixed on earlier. 

His phone was glued to his ear and his velvet smooth voice rose and faded as the conversation obviously grew heated and then resolved. My eyes roamed unashamedly over his body. He was the epitome of confidence and charisma. His stance showed ownership and determination while the slouch of his shoulders indicated frustration and fatigue. As my eyes took him in, I stiffened as something so unusual hit my body, something that I had refused to accept and experience in so many years; a want, a need assaulted my senses and terrified and exhilarated me all in one heartbeat.

Josh laughed beside me and the man under my watchful gaze spun around quickly.

Shit!

Familiar hazel eyes bounced furiously between Josh and I and a new desire to run hit me. His jaw flexed and he ceased talking into the phone held up to his ear and narrowed his eyes on me with a darkened intensity that stole my ability to breathe. As he stared at me, it felt like the world around me failed to exist and he looked so deep inside me that all of my secrets were being presented to him on a platter. I watched his mouth as he spoke quickly before ending the call abruptly. With wide strides he crossed the room toward where Josh stood beside me with a smirk twisting on his lips.

“We were supposed to meet at three thirty.” He muttered and tore his gaze from mine and glared at Josh with a force that transformed his eyes from a beautiful hazel to darkened chocolate brown that matched Josh’s.