Bang Gang (40 page)

“We’ll need to talk about it at some point.”

“And then what?!”

“I don’t know…” I said.

She grabbed a cloth, started wiping the counter vigorously. “I thought better of you than to consider getting back with a loser like him, Jodie, for the girls’ sake if not for your own.”

I had nothing to say, and it felt like shit. The whole thing felt terrible.

She didn’t ease up with the torrent. “You may think it’s noble to get back with the father of your children but believe me it’s not. Not if their father is a total waste of space like Trent. He’s fucking everyone in the village, Jodie, at least have a little respect for yourself.”

“I’m not trying to be noble, Lorraine.”

“Just as well, Jo, because you’re falling way short.”

I remembered all the times I’d cried on her shoulder when I first left him, how strong she’d been for me. I remembered all the times she’d told me to stand firm, for the girls and for myself, how we deserved better, how we deserved more…

“I know you don’t like him, Lorraine, I know that.”
But I do.
“I know things were bad before we split, I know you were there for me…”

“Doesn’t seem to matter, though, does it? You’re
still
chasing round after the waste of space all these years later.”

“Lorraine… I just…”
I love him
.

The bell above the door tinged as a gaggle of school mums came in. I breathed in relief.

I willed them to order everything on the menu, just to keep us busy through to the end of my shift, but they wanted coffees and nothing else. I kept my distance from Lorraine, nursing my own frazzled spirit.

Up and down, up and down, up and down.

I was all churned up, sick to the stomach at the thought of him fucking someone else, yet still high at the sensation of him taking me, wanting me, staying last night when he would have usually run…

The high of loving him, the low of knowing he was giving out to anyone who was paying… the high of another chance at the love we lost, the low of knowing he’d loved another after me… more than me…

The ring still in the drawer.

The way he looked at me. The way he touched me. The way Darren Trent made me feel so alive.

The way he loved our girls. The way he’d defended Mia. The way he was there.

Mandy fucking Taylor.

I watched the clock. Only an hour until closing, but the minutes seemed to take hours. I scrubbed down tables to keep out of Lorraine’s way, hoping she wouldn’t try and pick up the cruddy conversation where we left off.

I was rearranging condiments when a car horn sounded outside. I stepped to the window and looked out at the street, expecting some kind of tractor-related traffic queue, but instead the big silver Audi swung into the carpark and stopped in front of the cafe doors. The horn sounded again, and I couldn’t help but grin at the sight of my girls in the backseat, Nanna sitting between them with her pink silk headscarf knotted tight under her chin. This wasn’t the weather for the roof down, not really, but they were clearly loving it. All of them.

Ruby saw me and pointed, said something to Darren, and they all waved. He beeped the horn again and beckoned me outside.

“What are you doing?” I called from the doorway.

“Taking the car for a spin,” Darren shouted. “Room for one more.” He patted the empty passenger seat.

“Come on, Mum!” Ruby shouted. “We’re going to the mountains! Like on Top Gear!”

“I can’t!” I laughed. “I have work!”

Darren beeped the horn again. “Come on!” he called.

I looked back inside the cafe, at the customers standing at the window. Lorraine was there, too, and she was scowling.
Oh hell.

A car full of smiles and gestures, Nanna’s face so happy. There were only a couple of customers, hardly anything, Lorraine could definitely cope.

I couldn’t look at her as I rushed back to the counter and ditched my apron. “Can I go?” I said. “Please? I know it’s early but I’ll make up the time… I’ll come in early tomorrow if you need me…”

She was glaring, I could feel it. I grabbed my bag and my coat, slipped it on as I made my way back out. I met Lorraine’s eyes before I left, willing her to let me go.

She sighed. “If you must.”

Yes. Yes, I must.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll make it up.”

I raced out to the car and dropped into the passenger seat with a laugh. “Drive!” I said. “Before Lorraine changes her mind!”

Darren nodded, then indicated, pulled out onto the street. I fastened my seatbelt, cheeks burning at the memory of the car’s cold bonnet against my naked tits, my palms against the windscreen as Darren pounded me. The smirk on his face told me he was remembering it too.

“Ooh, Jodie! We’re going for a lovely drive!” Nanna said. She was so excited, giggling away as Darren picked up speed.

I loved him for making Nanna so happy. The girls, too. Loved him for coming for me.

He drove us out to the main Abergavenny road and put his foot down. The car growled and surged forward, and I laughed, lifted my hands in the air until the wind whipped them. The girls were laughing, and Nanna was, too, and in the spirit of the moment I reached out and squeezed Darren’s knee.

He moved his hand from the wheel and gripped mine tight.

We were doing this.
Us
. Really doing it. At least, that’s what it felt like.

The road through the Brecon Beacons was magical. Rugged mountains, moody under the grey sky. The wind whipping my hair as Darren pushed the car through the bends, driving hard enough that Ruby whooped in the backseat.
You’re better than Clarkson, Dad!
she said.

I watched his chest puff up. Oh to be so idolised by our little girl. I felt his pride.

My hair was a mess by the time we pulled up at home, but I didn’t even care. I sent the girls and Nanna on inside, said I’d be coming along right after them.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said to Darren. “It was great.”

“Which one?” He smirked.

“Both of them,” I admitted.

“Any time.” He looked right at me, and I wondered if he was going to kiss me, right there, right then, with the roof still down and the whole street in clear view.

He didn’t.

“Girls are on half term break next week, remember?” I said. “I guess Ruby has already booked herself in at the garage.”

He nodded. “You know it.”

I cleared my throat, made myself broach the subject. “Will she be alright? I mean, if you have any…
services
… I don’t want her to…”

“She’ll be fine, Jo. She won’t be seeing anything.”

“Right,” I said. “Ok, I guess I’ll be seeing you.”

“That you will,” he said.

Come inside, have some dinner, stay with us…
it was on the tip of my tongue, but he put the car back in gear.

“Best be getting this thing back to Lee. Said I’d have her back by six.”

I smiled, and bailed out. I gave one last look at the bonnet, and my stomach did a flip. “Thanks again, Darren, for everything today.”

“No bother,” he said.

He beeped the horn long and loud before he disappeared out of view.

Are you ignoring me? Don’t ignore me, Darren. We need to talk.

Another pissing message from Lorraine. I’d been ignoring them for days, ever since I took Jo from work in the Audi. The stupid daft cow wouldn’t give it a rest.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and helped Ruby hold the screwdriver steady.

“Like this, Rubes,” I said, adjusting her fingers around the handle. “Get a better grip.”

It was only a little job, a brake light bulb change, but she may as well have been replacing an engine for the amount of pride she was taking in it.

I nodded to Sally Vickers, the owner of the motor Ruby was currently working on. “Our newest recruit,” I said. “Best service you’ll get.”

She laughed. “She’s really something.”

I ruffled Ruby’s hair. “Say that when you’ve got working lights.”

“I know what I’m
doing
, Dad!” Ruby groaned.

She really fucking did as well, had them changed in no time.

I rang Mia once Sally was off, she answered in a flash. Good girl.

“Where are you?” I said.

She sighed. “Daisy’s. Same as I was last time you called.”

“Righto,” I said. “Call you later.”

Buck shook his head. “Leave the kid alone,” he said. “Jesus, Trent, you can’t check up on her every bloody hour.”

“Yes I fucking can,” I said. “She’s twelve.”

“Nearly a teenager,” he said. “You’ll be cramping her style, man.”

“Too damn right I’ll be cramping her fucking style,” I said. “That’s my fucking job.”

I slapped him on the back as I passed, and he rolled his pissing eyes at me.

I’d been wary of letting Mia off on her own this school holiday, even if she was joined at the hip to Daisy and a load of other kids whose names I’d never pissing heard before. Jodie said it was to be expected, that all her friends were doing it, that we had to trust her to live a little for herself. I can’t say I liked the idea, though.

She may have looked older than her years, but she was still only twelve.
Thirteen
, Jodie kept saying.
Almost thirteen, Darren.
She should be playing tea parties with Mr Fluff and watching cartoons, not traipsing round the village without anyone
to keep an eye on her.

Relax,
Jodie kept saying.
It’s only the village, Darren, she’ll be fine.

I was calling her on the hour, every hour, and I’d keep bloody doing it, too.

My phone pinged again. It was Lorraine a-fucking-gain.

Darren?! I wasn’t joking. I need to talk to you.

I sent Ruby over to help Hugh, and lit up a cigarette.

I’m busy
, I replied.

Busy fucking Jodie? Chasing her around like a sappy little spaniel? I get it, Trent. More fool you.

Another message.
You’ll want to hear me out.

I thought about deleting her number, sending her one final
fuck off
message and leaving it at that, but another message pinged before I could.

It’s about Jodie.

I replied quickly. Probably too quickly.
What about Jodie?

She stalled for a couple of minutes that felt like fucking hours.

In person only, Darren. This isn’t for text.

Bitch.

A blot on an otherwise perfect fucking landscape.

A few days from the rally weekend and things were looking good. It was always hectic when the kids were off school, but Jodie had managed to slip out twice to mine already this week.