Backstage Pass (5 page)

Damn, now he probably thinks it’s his caresses making me destroy my fingers. Never mind that it was true, I didn’t need him thinking that.

“Watch the movie, Sasha,” he whispered. “Stop thinking about it.”

I forced Meg Ryan’s face into focus. “I am watching.”

He squeezed both hands gently. “You didn’t laugh at the funniest part.”

Warmth crept up my neck.

“The drugs are messing with me.”
Not you. Not how nice you are. Not a single thing about you bringing over pizza and a movie to make Kerri and me feel better. You’re a player. You do groupies
.

He smiled and turned back to the television. “I don’t always do groupies.”

I jerked. No way had I said that out loud.

Kerri huffed. “You’re not very nice tonight, Sasha. Jesse’s been nothing but kind.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay.” He scooted out from under my legs. “You should get some rest. Are you sleeping out here, or do you want me to help you to your room.”

My eyes burned. I didn’t want to admit if it was because of embarrassment, or frustration, or humiliation, so I settled on tired. I craned my neck back to meet his eyes for the first time since he kissed me. They weren’t quite as shiny. I’d hurt him with my comment—unless this was more of his getting-groupies act. But I didn’t think so. He’d been nothing but sincere tonight—even when he’d played me for the kiss.

One I’d wanted anyway.

I lifted my arms. “I’m ready for bed. Will you hand me my crutches and help me—”

He surged toward the couch and slid his hands gently beneath my knees and shoulders. Scooping me up, he turned. “Which way?”

Kerri beamed. Clearly in her world, touching equaled making up. By the grip Jesse had on my legs, I think it was a similar equation in his. “Last door on the right.”

“Knock, knock.” Axel rapped on the door.

I stiffened.

“Stay or go?” Jesse murmured against my ear.

Kerri mouthed, “What should I do?”

I sighed. “I need to face him sometime.”

“You need rest,” Jesse said in his best do-me voice. The low timbre thrummed from his chest to mine.

What I needed was some time without Jesse touching me so I could figure out why my heart sped up when his breath tickled my ear.

Axel knocked again.

“Hang on!” I yelled, committing me. I looked at Kerri and jerked my head toward the door. “Go ahead.”

Her gaze flickered to Jesse’s.

“Help me get my crutches.” I wiggled to get down but Jesse held fast.

Kerri opened the door and Axel rushed in, then jerked to a stop. “Oh.” He glanced from Jesse to Kerri and back to me. “I thought you were here by yourself tonight.” Flowers drooped from his hand, limp at his side.

Jesse shifted me in his arms. “Hey, Axel.”

Axel’s shoulders stiffened and his chest puffed. What the hell was that? In all the time we’d spent together, he’d never, ever brought me flowers. Not even as a joke. I knew that kiss was going to screw everything up. I should have stayed last night and talked to him about it—set him firmly back in the friend zone.

While I mentally flogged myself, he apparently had time to collect himself. “Hey, Jesse. Trey said you were with her when she broke it.”

I wiggled again and levered my legs against his arms. “Put me down,” I hissed.

“Yeah. We went for a morning run.”

Oh. My. God. Why was he making it sound like it was a post-hookup run?

Kerri shook herself out of her stupor and grabbed my crutches. She jammed one under my armpit and stared at Jesse. “I think she’s fine.”

He was still staring at Axel in some testosterone-fueled stand-off. Apparently, Head-of-Sasha’s-Friend-Zone was quite the title. Because that’s where they were both staying. Forever.

Jesse finally broke the gaze-a-thon and looked at me. I didn’t like his stare any more than Axel had. Thanks to the same simmering intent beneath it. He’d claimed me.

“Please put me down,” I whispered. I didn’t like how helpless and pleading it sounded.

His lips parted, then closed. A muscle in his jaw bulged. He lowered me, holding me until I got my weight on my good foot. His fingertips brushed the curve of my breast and a flood of warmth raced straight to my nipples. I jerked and wobbled, but that only made his arms tighten around my back and my nipples pucker.
I have got to stop taking these drugs.

Kerri eased between us, propping the other crutch under my arm. I sagged against her, suddenly exhausted. Jesse traded spots so he could keep his fingers beneath my arm. I tried to shrug him off. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,” Axel said, clutching my other arm. Did everyone need to be touching me? “You’re green.”

The room tilted and I gripped the spongy handles of the crutches. “I’m good. Let’s go outside.”

I took a deep breath and another. The room quit acting like a sailboat in a monsoon. The three of them escorted me to the door, like they were afraid if they didn’t, the other two would leap ahead in the Sasha Olympics. Ever helpful.

Kerri held my elbow and managed to open the door. Axel tossed the flowers on the counter as we went by without losing his grip on my other arm, and Jesse rubbed his hand up and down my back.

At the door, I stopped. “Okay, quit. Kerri, I’m good for a minute out here with Axel.” I turned. “Jesse, go home.”

He looked like I’d slapped him. I couldn’t soothe his worries right now. I needed to deal with Axel and wanted more drugs and the sweet oblivion of sleep. Energy flowed out of me like a pitcher with a giant hole in the bottom. I’d be lucky if I made it through a whole conversation with Axel.

Jesse must have seen it, because he didn’t argue. He got his features back under control and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “Call me if you need me,” he whispered, sending my heart fluttering again, whether I had the energy or not.

I forced myself to keep calm and we made eye contact. Bright lust burned beneath his concern. “Thank you for tonight. For doing that for Kerri. She needed it,” I told him.

He jerked, and the hurt surged into his features again. He opened his mouth, then clamped it shut again and nodded. “You’re welcome.”

Kerri hovered at the door. He leaned over and ruffled her hair. “Call me.”

She smiled. “What Sasha said. Thank you.”

He grinned and bounded down the stairs. I stared after him and hobbled onto the patio. Even though he told us this bad boy thing was an act, I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen that entire gamut of emotions. Maybe he wasn’t quite what I thought he was.

But he was still a musician.

Axel’s grip tightened on my elbow, drawing me back to the current ugly task. I nodded at Kerri and she closed the door.

I hop-crutched my way to our wicker seating area and wobbled to a stop. Axel helped me sit, and then waffled on taking the spot next to me or the opposite chair. “Just sit, Axel.” My tone set the energy for this conversation. I was, apparently, going to be short and pretty blunt. Not how I wanted to do this. No matter what had happened, he was still one of my best friends. And I wanted him to be one tomorrow.

“I’m sorry,” he started.

I held up my hand. “Hang tight.” I eased my hips into the corner and propped my cast on the cushion. A wave of pain swept over me and I closed my eyes.

Axel lurched out of his chair and kneeled beside me. “What can I get you?”

Clutching his shoulder, I forced the patio to stop bobbing in the tsunami of pain. “Give me a sec.”

“I should have been there.”

“No one should have been there.” The pain ebbed and I eased my fingers out of his muscles. “I fell. My foot broke, no biggie.”

“Forgive me?” He slipped an arm behind me and laid his head against my stomach.

Exhaustion gripped me again and my head lolled against the hard wicker back. My hands lowered to his head and my fingers threaded through his hair. “We can’t be more than friends, you know that Axel.”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen, Sasha. But I don’t regret it. I’ve wanted—”

“Shh. Please. Can we just forget it happened?”

His fingers stroked my hip. Apparently my drugs had worn off enough that I wasn’t a lust-ridden maniac anymore because his touch didn’t incite a swirling tide pool of heat.

He lifted his head and searched my face. “I don’t want to do anything to hurt you. And if being your friend lets me hold you and hang out with you, I’ll settle for it. For now.”

I cradled his face between my hands. Stubble scratched my palms. “For always. You mean too much to me.”

Sadness drew the corners of his mouth down, but he forced a smile. “You need sleep. Can I carry you in?”

Kerri opened the door. “Sash, you can have more drugs.”

“Oh, I love you.”

She glowed beneath my drunken exclamation.

I swiveled my attention to Axel. “Yes, please.”

He started, then realized I was answering his question. Bending, he grabbed my crutches and handed them to Kerri, then scooped me up.

My hands were too tired to reach around his neck, so I folded them in my lap and leaned my head against his shoulder. He angled me through the door and down the hall. Kerri pulled back my covers and propped my crutches against the nightstand. She’d already plugged my phone in and settled it next to my pillow. She handed me two pills and held a glass of water. I drained both. They tucked me in and took turns kissing my forehead. I felt like I was six.

Axel closed the door and I think he started grilling Kerri about Jesse the moment darkness submerged my little boat of pain. The drugs kicked in almost immediately, or maybe my bed was just amplifying the exhaustion. Either way, I felt good for the first time all day.

My phone chirped and I fumbled around for it. Jesse texted me.
GN. Hope everything went ok with your talk. See you tomorrow?

I closed my eyes. If I texted him back, he’d know the chat with Axel didn’t take long, and I wasn’t sure how I wanted him to feel about that relationship. Which should have bothered me. If Jesse and I were going to stay friends, how I behaved with my other friends should have zero bearing on whatever we had going on. But still, something made me hesitate. Probably my groovy drugs.

Sleep claimed me.

No matter how many times I hit the shark on the head, he wouldn’t let go. Blood swirled through the water. I screamed.

“Sasha!” Kerri leaned over me, shaking my shoulders. “It was a dream.”

I gasped for breath and couldn’t quit shaking. Kerri leaned back, hands still on my shoulders. “Are you okay? I brought you more pain medicine, but when I came in you screamed and you were thrashing around.”

I wiped my eyes. My leg hurt. Bad.

Kerri tugged at the covers tangled around my leg.

I screamed. “Stop. Stop.” I panted again. “It hurts bad today.”

She held the glass and pills out. “Take these. I’ll see if I can get you untangled.”

I swallowed the pills and the water. My throat barely worked. I set the glass on the nightstand and sank into the pillow, throwing my arm over my eyes. Kerri untucked the sheet and carefully eased it off my cast.

I peered at Kerri from under my elbow. “When did Axel leave last night?”

She busied herself with the sheet. A blush colored her cheeks.

“Kerri!”

“About a half-hour ago. I crashed on the couch after you went to bed.”

My arm dropped back over my eyes. “You go, girl!”

“I think he was upset about you, and I’m obviously rebounding on Trey. And we finished all Jesse’s beer and some of your wine.”

I laughed. “Good for you.” I meant it.

She finally got my cast out of the sheet and crawled up on the bed next to me, folding one of my pillows and resting her chin on her arms. “He’s a really good kisser.”

“Mmm. Yeah, I know, remember.”

She flicked my arm. “He really likes you.”

I eased my cast across the mattress and rolled over. Her lips were swollen from their all-night make-out-fest. “And I really like him. As a friend.” I grinned. “Which is a good thing if you were macking on him all night.”

She blushed again. “Sorry about that.”

“I’m not. He’s a super-nice guy. I think he’s a perfect rebound for you.” I plucked one of her sleepy curls and tugged it. “Except it’s going to be my shoulder he’s crying on when you crush him.”

She winked. “Perfect. Then you can be his rebound.”

I grimaced.

“Speaking of Jesse—”

“We weren’t.”

“Yeah, nice try avoiding me on that one. What happened to the ‘no musician rule?’”

“It’s still firmly in place, trust me,” I reassured her.

“Uh-huh. So the kiss?”

“Merely taking one for the team. I got him to quit smoking.”

“Right.” She poked me in the side. “That’s all it was.”

I looked away.

“Did you like it?”

Did I?
Without thinking, my hands traced my lower lip and I stared at the ceiling. I’d kissed my fair share of guys, but that kiss had been laced with something deeper, something that tugged at parts of me I didn’t really want to think about this early in the morning.

Kerri giggled. “You totally did.”

“Maybe.”

She sat up. “I knew it! I knew you’d like him if you just gave him a chance. Plus he’s super hot.”

“Until he quits singing, none of that matters.”

“Maybe he’s different.”

I sat up. My tee was completely twisted around my waist. I straightened it and tugged it down. “He’s not, Kerri. They never are.”

She scooted off the bed and supported my arm until I got balanced on my good foot. I had to hop a few times, but got my crutches situated. “I’m starving.”

“You really won’t give him a shot?”

“He’s obviously a nice guy, and I’m fine being friends.” I scowled. “But that’s it.”

She sighed. “I think you’re missing out.”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

She wrinkled her nose at me, and I hoped she was going to leave it. “I haven’t gone grocery shopping yet. You think you can make it to the car?”

I was still in yesterday’s running gear and I hadn’t showered, but I wasn’t exactly sure I was ready to tackle water and plastic bags. Kerri hadn’t gotten dressed either, and if we went to Jinnie’s we’d be surrounded by the pajama-wearing, hangover crowd.

My stomach rumbled again. “I need to figure it out eventually. Give me a sec to redo my pony and pee, then we’ll go.”

She leaned over my dresser and ran her fingers through her hair. “Okay. Me too.”

The bathroom proved easier than I thought and my hair wasn’t a complete gooey mess yet. Maybe tonight I could try the shower or a bath. I dragged a brush through my tangles.

“Will you stay over tonight? I think I want to try a shower tonight,” I told Kerri, wanting her to know I needed her and wasn’t just looking out for her while she got over Trey. I wobbled out of the bathroom and Kerri went in. “I’m going to head to the car.” I figured I’d need the head start.

“I’ll only be a sec. Be careful.”

I was slowly getting the hang of the crutches. The stairs made me a little nervous though. I think there was a way to do it, but couldn’t remember if I put my foot first, or the crutches. I managed the door okay, but paused on the top step.

Kerri tugged the door behind her and raced down the steps. She turned and held up both hands, ready to catch me if I botched this. “Crutches first.”

I lowered them to the first step, then hopped down. Before I wobbled out of control, I repeated the pattern and took a deep breath when all my parts were upright on the sidewalk. She opened the car door and I handed her my crutches, then eased in.
Okay, this wasn’t so bad
. I relaxed into the seat and Kerri wedged my crutches along the door.

After she got in, we stared at each other and laughed. “We’re a mess.”

“I know, right?” I reached across and grabbed her hand. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Ker.”

She lifted the back of my hand to her cheek. “Me either. Boys are dumb, but I’ll always have you.”

“Always.”

Lowering my hand, she started the car. “Where to?”

“I was thinking Jinnie’s.”

“Ooh, perfect. Omelets.”

The wait wasn’t too bad, especially for a Sunday morning. A group of guys gave up their seats in the waiting area for us and normally I’d have waved it off, but I was still tired. And my leg still hurt.

“How long before this thing heals?” I asked her, not remembering any of the instructions the doctor had given me.

“At least six weeks.”

I scrunched up my face. “Not cool.”

“Hey.” One of the boys who’d given up his seat jerked his chin toward my cast. “You don’t have a single rugby player signature on that.”

I laughed. He was cute. Gigantic, but cute. “No. This is a rugby-free zone.”

His face fell and a few of the other guys turned to listen. “What if I can get you the entire team?”

One of his buddies was eyeing Kerri. I wasn’t sure a rugby player was any better than a frat boy, but they were insanely fit, which might make for a fun play toy. Kerri flirted back. It was just a cast.

I tipped it left and right. “I’m not sure there’s enough room.”

He swiped the screen of his phone. “One call and I can have them all here.”

His smile was charming, and obviously the playful sort.

This was so silly. And I couldn’t stop smiling.

The hostess called his group and the Kerri admirer typed her number into his phone. “I’ll call you.”

Another group of hangovers arrived, crowding the small space. He needed to get to his table, but stood his ground while people flowed around him—and my cast as he stood there protecting it. I grinned up at him. “Do it.”

“Don’t leave before they get here.”

I laughed and drew an ‘X’ over my heart. “Promise.”

He held out a hand. “I’m Dew.”

I cocked my head and reached out to shake his hand. “Really?”

He lifted my fingers to his lips. “Short for Dwight.”

“Sasha.” Charming as Dew might be, nothing tingled when he released my fingers. I wanted to be attracted to him. I smiled through the confusion. His full lips turned up and his green eyes twinkled with mischief.

“A pleasure, Sasha.”

Our table was ready, and I was kind of glad the hostess lead us to the other side of the restaurant. Dew was hot, but my lack of response wasn’t cool. Plus I was super-starving, which meant I was about to inhale a ridiculous amount of food and didn’t need the rugby team cheering me on.

Jinnie’s omelets were legendary, and since I wasn’t going to get any running in anytime soon, I’d get to enjoy my fair share over the next month.

We slid into the booth and I stashed my trip sticks under the table. I was finally getting the hang of them and didn’t feel like I was going to crash into everything. I tossed my phone on the table next to Kerri’s and we ordered coffee. Settling back with my menu, I flipped the page. Jinnie’s boasted an awe inspiring selection of omelets and sometimes it was nearly overwhelming.

Kerri sat up and wrapped on the window, then waved. I looked up from my menu and jerked, then slid down in the seat. Maybe Jesse wouldn’t see me. His black hoodie swiveled toward me and he pierced me with his stare, then one side of his mouth curved up. He drummed his fingers against the glass, pointed to his own chest, then our table.

Kerri nodded and waved him in.

“Kerri,” I hissed as he jogged toward the front door.

“What? It’s just breakfast with friends.” Her smirk said otherwise.

“Knock it off.”

She held up her menu, shielding her face. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

The waitress brought our coffee and waters. Jesse planted a hand around her waist to keep her from ramming into him. She smiled and batted her eyelashes. I gagged. Was anyone not affected by his oversexed charm?

“Can I get the same?” He waved his hand over our cups.

She touched his arm. “Of course.”

I didn’t scoot over. If Kerri wanted him, he could sit over there.

He stretched his arm across the back of my seat and tucked his hips against mine. “Hey baby.”

I still didn’t scoot. Maybe if half his butt was hanging off the bench he’d get the hint.

His eyes dropped to my shoulders and he lowered his face to my neck.

I lurched sideways. “What the hell?”

He sifted his fingers through my hair. “What’s wrong?”

I pressed my hand against his chest and bounced to the edge of the booth. “You. Kissing me. Your no-smoking reward changed nothing.”

“That’s not what you told me last night.”

I scowled. “What are you talking about?”

His face fell, then lit up and he laughed. “Were you drunk texting me?”

My mouth opened and Kerri and I reached for my phone at the same time. She snatched it and I wrestled it from her.

She’d already gotten into the message. As I scanned the words, not a single recollection came back to me. Drugged texting was a thousand times worse than drunk texting. Warmth flooded my face. They got worse.

The only one I remembered was his first:
GN. Hope everything went ok with your talk. See you tomorrow?

From there, I drew a blank.

Thanks. You were sweet to come over.

I like hanging with you.

Me too. The kissing part was great. We should do that more.

I slapped my phone face down on the table. Kerri slipped it from beneath my fingers and scrolled through the conversation. She did a pretty good job of keeping her excitement in check. I didn’t dare look at Jesse.

The waitress showed up with Jesse’s coffee. “We ready to order?”

I shoved my face in my menu while Kerri and Jesse ordered. “The Avocadonado, please.” She took our menus and smiled at Jesse again. Bold flirting with a guy bookended by two chicks. He was such a musician. Groupies could smell him a mile away.

Kerri slid my phone back. Jesse intercepted it and scrolled to the bottom. “So I guess you didn’t mean any of this?”

“I do like hanging with you.”

He twirled the phone between his index fingers and thumb, like an intoxicated pinwheel. “But not kissing me?”

Kerri squirmed like someone had flipped the switch on her seat heater, but—impressively—she kept her mouth shut.

“It wasn’t a kiss, it was to make you quit smoking.”

“Then if that wasn’t a kiss, there’s no reason we can’t keep doing it. I feel like smoking right now.”

I huffed and crossed my arms. “Have a sucker.”

“How about a kiss?”

“You can’t have a kiss every time you have a craving. It was a one-time deal.”

“Fine, then I’ll go smoke.”

Silence stretched and I waited for him to get up. What did I care if he killed himself in a long, slow death from cancer?

“Sasha?”

I didn’t look at him. I was having a hard enough time ignoring the lust pounding at my throat, if I looked at him, all my resolve would vanish.