Back in the Soldier's Arms (4 page)

“Me neither.”

Penny turned to see Tom behind her, arms held out. She stepped into them, returning the bear hug he offered. “Hey,” she said, relaxing against him.

“You look good, little miss sergeant,” he said with a laugh. “Ready to give up being G.I. Jane yet?”

“You ready for a wife?” she quipped.

She watched as he shot Daniel a look from across the room and then focused soft eyes on her. Eyes that spelled sadness and compassion in one gentle look. “You’ve set the bar too high. How could I find anyone as good as you?”

Tension seemed to swirl through the room. Penny wished it away.

“Champagne,” Vicki announced. “Let’s open a bottle and celebrate.”

Gabby appeared, sidling up against her grandmother. “What are we celebrating?” she asked. Penny loved her innocence.

“Your mother arriving home, of course!” Vicki told her, bending to kiss Gabby’s cheek.

Daniel walked over, glaring back at his brother now, as if telling him he wouldn’t be so easily intimidated, not in front of his daughter.

“We’re celebrating the best birthday present ever, Gabby,” Daniel said softly, gaze unwaveringly focused on Penny.

She felt as if it were only the two of them in the room. As if everyone else had disappeared and they were all that was left, alone, the pair of them.

Sweat seemed to clam against her skin, making her flushed and nervous at the same time.

“Your mother coming home is the best gift we could ever have asked for.”

Gabby giggled. The sound, combined with her tiny hands linking around Penny’s leg, burst the bubble Penny had lost herself in. Made her look away from Daniel.

“That and a bike, though, right?” she asked.

All the adults in the room laughed, Penny included. A real laugh that came from deep within her belly.

“You’ll just have to wait and see, miss,” Daniel told her. Gabby tugged Penny forward, resting her head against her thigh.

“I’ve been a really good girl, you know,” she said, eyes wide as she watched her mom.

Penny looked up at Daniel and couldn’t help but smile. Gabby’s tantrum earlier forgotten as if it had never happened. Even though it broke her heart not to be touching him, to be missing out on the casual contact they’d always enjoyed.

Because this child, the daughter they’d made together, was like the glue holding the tender pieces of their life together.

She was the most precious gift in the world. One they’d always share, no matter what.

And she was precisely the reason Penny wished she could forget what Daniel had done and make everything go back to normal.

But she couldn’t forget, and Daniel couldn’t take back what he’d done.

Which meant that Penny had no idea what the hell they were going to do with the mess they’d made of their lives. And their marriage. “Champagne, Penny?”

She held her hand out, forcing a smile as Vicki produced a full glass for her.

“And one for the little lady,” Vicki announced, passing Gabby a glass of something fizzy.

Penny leaned into her mother-in-law’s embrace and held back tears.

This was what she’d missed. Being part of a family. Being loved.

Because Daniel’s infidelity had made her feel so unloved she could hardly catch her breath.

Once, she’d lost her mother, her only family, and wondered how she could survive it. But then Daniel’s family had made her feel like one of their own. Without them, it would be like losing her mother all over again.

Back in the Soldier’s Arms/Here Comes the Groom

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CHAPTER THREE

PENNY sat at the table with her mother-in-law. She let her elbows rest on it and slumped forward slightly. Finally able to relax.

Gabby was in bed, the boys were in the kitchen doing the dishes, and it was just her and Vicki.

She looked up as Vicki gave her a small smile.

“Is it weird that I want to say sorry to you?” she asked Vicki.

The older woman nodded, scooting over in the chair closer to Penny.

“It’s weird because it’s wrong,” Vicki said firmly. “You have nothing to apologize for and I have everything to be sorry for.”

Penny pursed her lips, but she didn’t say anything. Couldn’t. Because for once in her life she didn’t know what the hell to say. She was sorry that her marriage to Vicki’s son was over, even though it wasn’t technically her fault.

Or maybe she did know what to say.

It was simply that the words were struggling to form in her throat.

“Did Daniel …” She paused, glancing over her shoulder to make sure the guys were still in the kitchen. “Did he tell you why? I mean, did he tell you what he did?”

Vicki nodded sadly, reaching a shaking hand for her wineglass and taking a long, slow sip.

“I’m so sorry, Penny. I can’t believe that after what his father put me through, that he’s turned around and done the same thing to you.”

Penny didn’t know what to say. Had Daniel really turned into his father? She doubted it. He’d made a serious mistake, but she’d never lump him into the same category as his cheating, lying father.

;“At least he told me,” Penny whispered, scared of her own voice. Of her own thoughts. “That counts for something, right?”

Vicki reached for her hand and squeezed it. “It might count, but it doesn’t excuse what he did. All I can say is sorry, and I hope you know that I’m here for you. No matter what you decide.”

She looked up.

A tremor ran through her. Did Vicki not know that she’d told Daniel it was over? Did she expect her to take him back?

“Vicki, I—I can’t just forgive him.” The words were flat, almost impossible to say. “It’s not that simple.”

“I know more than anyone how hard your decision is, all I’m asking is that you hear him out. Take your time in making a decision that will last the rest of your life.”

Penny sucked back a big, shaky breath.

“Every time I shut my eyes, I see his betrayal. I can picture him with another woman. I want to know every detail and yet I know I’m not strong enough to ask.” She shuddered at the thought. “But I love him so much, even though I hate him, too, and I don’t know how to make sense of that.”

Vicki wiped tears from her own eyes as she reached for Penny again.

“Then that’s exactly what you need to tell him, Penny.” “I can’t.” She choked out her refusal.

“Yes, you can,” Vicki insisted. “You owe it to yourself, to the years you’ve put into this relationship and this marriage, to find out whether you can forgive him.”

Penny shook her head. “Even if I can forgive, how do I ever forget? Cheating is a deal breaker for me, Vicki, it always has been.”

Her mother-in-law met her gaze. “It’s easy to say it’s a deal breaker, Penny, before you’re actually faced with it happening to you, but this is real. It’s happened now, and I’d hate for you to look back in years to come and wish you’d given him a chance to prove himself.”

She was his mother. Penny knew that she’d want them to work through this, but still. Was she right? Did she need to pull her head out of the sand it was buried in, be a big girl and give him a chance to prove how sorry he was?

“I’ve been there, done that.” The look on Vicki’s face was pained, like it hurt to talk about what she’d gone through. “I’m happy my marriage ended, that I walked away from him and never looked back, because he hurt me over and over again.” She paused. “If that’s how you feel, too, then so be it. All I’m saying is that I want you to be sure it’s the right decision for you.”

“I can’t just roll over and pretend like nothing happened, Vicki. And I can’t do it for Gabby, either. She’ll still be a happy, loved child even if our marriage does end.” Penny wasn’t angry with her for questioning, for bringing it up, because it was a conversation she’d had in her own head over and over, and she didn’t have a mother of her own to talk it through with.

“Does that mean you’ll give him a chance, though?” Vicki’s voice was barely more than a whisper.

Penny half shrund �y half shgged, her shoulders only just rising before falling back into a slump.

“I don’t know.”

She honestly didn’t. Most of her thought there was no way in hell she could ever forgive him, but some small niggle, something deep within her, wanted to listen to her mother-in-law.

Because maybe she needed to hear him out. Needed to at least try to understand why he’d done it.

Vicki stood, collecting both their glasses from the table as the boys’ voices became louder, closer.

“Will you at least think about it?”

She stood, too, hands palms-down on the tabletop.

“I’ll think about it, but I’m not making any promises.”

Vicki gave her a tight smile. “That’s all I’m asking you to do, Pen. I don’t want to lose you from this family, you mean too much to me.”

Penny sighed.

She didn’t want to lose them either. But at the same time, she didn’t know whether she had the strength to fight for her marriage, to do what had to be done to resolve their problems.

Because if she forgave Daniel, did that mean she was saying that what he’d done was okay? That it was acceptable? How could she ever trust him again?

Was that the kind of example she wanted to set for her daughter? When she grew up, did she want Gabby to know that she’d taken her father back, even though he’d been unfaithful? It wasn’t just about her own feelings; she wanted to be setting the right example for her daughter. She owed it to her to be the best role model she could, to show by example how important it was to have a husband who respected and loved you more than anything in the world.

But at the same time, she loved Daniel more than heaven and earth combined. Or at least she had. And maybe a part of her still did.

Or maybe she loved the Daniel she’d once known. The Daniel she’d left behind.

The Daniel she’d believed would never cheat on her. Penny sighed and wished the earth would swallow her up. She’d come home for her daughter’s birthday, yet here she was trying to make the biggest decision of her life. It wasn’t fair. None of it was.

And there was no easy way to do what had to be done. It was forgive and forget.

The problem was she didn’t know if she was capable of either.

Tom pulled Penny in for a quick hug before he ducked out the door.

“Have I told you that I think he’s an idiot?” he whispered before he passed.

Penny squeezed him back before letting him disappear out into the warm evening air.

“It was great seeing you both,” she said honestly.

“Lovely seeing you, too,” her mother-in-law replied, touching her shoulder as she passed her in the doorway.

Daniel stood a step behind her. She could feel him there, even before he said good-night to their guests.

He’d said he was going to stay at Tom’s place, but she guessed he wasn’t ready to go yet.

She wished he would. Just get in his car and leave. But another part of her didn’t want him to go anywhere, didn’t want to be alo00"�t to be ane in the house. When it was so long since she’d been without the company of others.

Even if Gabby was asleep down the hall.

“I’ll head off soon,” said Daniel, as if he’d read her thoughts.

She turned, slowly.

“You don’t have to go,” she said, not sure if she was telling the truth or not.

He shuffled a step closer, then seemed to think better of it and stopped, bracing himself against the wall. His big frame like a statue, muscled arms crossed over his chest.

“You need some time alone, and I don’t want to crowd you.” He paused, as if hoping she’d disagree. Tell him he was wrong. “I’ll be back first thing in the morning, and we can open presents and do all that sort of thing then.”

Penny stared at her feet, watching the way her toes curled into the carpet. It had been a long time since she’d been able to indulge in bare feet like this, snuggling her toes into the floor. She’d fulfilled her time in the army with a genuine smile on her face and a spring in her step, believing in what she was doing and liking that she was serving her country. It wasn’t until she came back to her civilian life that she realized how nice little luxuries like carpet were.

“Maybe you should come past early. You know, so Gabby doesn’t realize anything is wrong.”

Daniel pushed off from the wall and ran a hand through his hair.

She knew that signal. He only ever did that when he was stressed. Or worried.

“Sure, good idea,” he mumbled.

Penny waited for a heartbeat then followed him. Was it so wrong to be unsure? And to want to shield their young daughter from a pain that could hurt so bad her heart could shatter? She didn’t want to deal with the questions that would arise from telling her the truth. Not yet.

She didn’t want Gabby to think she was to blame, or any other emotions that children felt when they learned their parents no longer wanted to be together. That they didn’t love one another enough.

Although in this case it wasn’t so much that they’d fallen out of love.

Because every vein, every surge of blood, every fiber within her was screaming that she still loved Daniel.

That he was the reason her heart had had cause to beat for the past ten years. That he was the strike of match to light the fire within her.

He looked back, as if he could hear her inner scream, the demons that were ripping her heart and her emotions to shreds.

“Penny, I know this might be way off base, but you’re only here for a few days so I can’t hold back.”

She reached for the armchair beside her, gripping tight until her knuckles were white, drained of blood.

“Can we just leave it a day, Daniel? I know we have to talk, but I need some time to get my head around everything. To think.”

Even though all she’d done was think these past few months.

He nodded. Reluctantly.

“A day, then?” he asked. “Let’s spend the day together tomorrow, enjoy the party, and tomorrow night we can talk.”

Penny swallowed what felt like a .

“Okay,” she agreed. “You’re right, we do need to talk. I just need some space right now.”

Daniel stared at her from across the room, his gaze saying what words could never express.