Back in the Soldier's Arms (17 page)

Penny looked relieved. She would have hated to look like they’d just met and were spending the evening together, even to strangers, he knew that.

“Thank you.”

Daniel collected the key card and joined her, letting Penny walk into the elevator ahead of him. “You okay?” he asked.

Penny was nervous. He’d known her long enough to recognize it.

In fact, she looked terrified.

“Yeah,” she said, but her voice was shaking. “I’m fine.”

They stopped at their floor and stepped out. Daniel led the way and opened their door, standing back again to let her through first.

“Oh, Daniel!”

He saw the room only a moment after she did. Wow. It was beautiful.

“I thought, just on the off chance you wanted to spend the night together here, that I’d make it special.”

Penny had tears in her eyes as she turned to him; her hand was covering her mouth.

“Is it too much?” Damn it! He thought she’d like it.

Penny shook her head. “It’s not that, Daniel, it’s …”

He went to take her hand, to comfort her, but she took a step back.

She looked bewildered as she surveyed the room again. The rose petals strewn over the bed, champagne and chocolates on the side table, a few candles flickering.

Penny pulled away from him.

“I need a minute.”

Daniel’s pulse started to race, but he tried not to let it show on his face. She was backing out, he could feel it. “Take all the time you need.”

Penny looked like she wanted to bolt. Like she was going to run for the bathroom then look for an escape routildked be. Climb out the window or something, and never look back.

He hoped not.

She crossed the room and disappeared. Daniel sunk onto the bed, before thinking better of it and opening the bottle of champagne he had ordered earlier. Chilled and waiting for them.

The last thing he wanted was to get drunk, but right now he needed something.

*  *  *

Penny placed her hands on either side of the sink bowl and tried to catch her breath. Her heart was racing, palms clammy.

She couldn’t do this.

Could she?

Daniel was her husband. The man she’d pledged to spend the rest of her life with. So why was this so hard?

Because all of a sudden she couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Daniel had seen another woman naked. That he’d been with someone other than her.

Would she measure up? Would he compare their bodies? Did he really even want her still?

Penny turned on the cold tap and let the cool water run over her wrists.

Was she being stupid?

Maybe she wasn’t ready for this. But then if she wasn’t now, would she ever be?

“Penny, you okay in there?”

Daniel’s voice sent her heart beating into overdrive again.

“Just a minute,” she called back.

But she needed longer than a minute. And she needed longer than the few days she had left before she had to leave. It was too much pressure. Too. “Penny?”

She stood tall, forcing her shoulders back, looking at herself in the mirror.

This was her chance to see if their marriage could be saved. Perhaps her one chance.

It was now or never. No matter how she was feeling. No matter how nervous she was or how much Daniel’s infidelity still haunted her.

“Penny?”

This time when he called, she opened the door.

*  *  *

Daniel hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until the door opened and Penny emerged. His lungs suddenly felt like they were going to explode.

And he was nervous, too. Damn it, he was nervous like he hadn’t been since he was a kid.

“Penny, I didn’t mean to put pressure on you.”

Her smile showed her nerves. “I’m okay, Daniel. I needed a moment to catch my breath, that’s all.”

Daniel waited for her to move toward him, but when she didn’t he took hesitant, slow steps to her.

She didn’t move. Her arms hung at her sides; her eyes were on his but flickering, like she wasn’t sure where to look or what to do.

“I know I told you earlier, Pen, but you look beautiful,” he said. “Really, you do.”

Her face was shy, cheeks flushed the softest shade of pink.

Daniel closed the space between them and raised a hand to her hair. He caressed a silky lock, all the way down to the small curl at the bottom.ass¡€

“I’ve missed this.”

Penny looked up, eyes hooded as she peeped from beneath dark lashes.

He shuffled closer, until their upper bodies were touching, so close he could feel the beat of her heart against him.

“The feel of you,” he said, running his fingers through her hair again. “The smell of you.” He dipped his face closer to hers, inhaled the sweet fragrance of her perfume. “The taste of you.”

That time he paused, waited, gave her the chance to pull away.

But she didn’t.

Penny’s face, open and trusting, tilted upward. Her lower lip was trembling. She looked scared.

Daniel slowly placed a hand around her waist, the other still resting on her hair, fingers connected to each strand. He kissed her slowly, gently.

Her body was stiff, but only for a heartbeat. She molded against him, her body soft and supple.

“Danny,” she murmured as he pulled back, kissing her one last time before pulling himself away. He walked backwards, holding each of her hands clasped in his.

“I love you, Penny.” Daniel pulled her forward, linked her hands behind his back. “I love your nose,” he said, before kissing the tip of it. “Your eyes.” He ran a finger across her eyebrow then down the side of her face. “Your mouth.”

She offered her mouth up in response, kissing him deeply, arms tracing their way from his back up to his neck, cupped behind his head.

Daniel took it as an invitation, trailed his own hands down her shoulders and to her back, feeling for the zipper on her dress and pulling it slowly down.

“I’ve missed this. Missed you,” he murmured.

She sighed and found his mouth, lips searching out his. Not wanting to talk, wanting only to touch.

But this wasn’t just physical. Daniel wanted to talk. To tell her why he loved her, what he’d missed. To make sure she knew there was no one else who could ever make him feel like she did.

When he slid the zipper the entire way down, her dress fell, pooled on the ground at her feet.

Daniel stole his mouth from hers and kissed a slow trail down her body, starting at her neck and nibbling down her chest, hands lingering over her lace bra, lips searching out the skin on her belly then down her legs, until he was on his knees at her feet.

“Daniel,” she protested, voice shaky, hands raised to cover her body.

“Don’t even think about asking me to turn the lights out,”

he said, lifting first one of her high-heel-clad feet then the other so she could step out of the dress.

He straightened his body again and this time placed a hand on each of her shoulders, turning her until she stood with the bed behind her.

“When I tell you how beautiful you look, you can believe me,” he told her, holding her gently, supporting her weight, as he tipped her back onto the bed.

Penny’s eyes widened as he lifted his arms to pull his shirt off, before folding his own body down onto the bed, over hers.

Penny had never, ever felt so vulnerable.

She wnd ¡€as trying so hard to stay calm, but her heart was racing and she was starting to panic. She couldn’t shut her mind off.

“I want tonight to be perfect,” he whispered.

Daniel lowered himself, resting on one elbow as he touched her face with one hand and started to kiss her again.

But he must have felt her stiffen, because his lips withdrew. The warmth of his face no longer against her own.

“Penny?”

It was as if her heart was cracking open, piece by tiny piece.

She couldn’t go through with this.

Suddenly having him above her made her feel like she couldn’t breathe, like she was being suffocated.

“Daniel, I need to get up,” she said.

His brow creased, confused, but he didn’t move.

“Now!” she said, louder this time.

He rolled sideways and she leaped off the bed, trying to cover her breasts. Feeling vulnerable, scared.

“I can’t do this,” she sobbed as tears clouded her vision. “I can’t.” Penny stumbled, looking for her dress, hating that she was so bare, in her underwear and heels.

Daniel was behind her, his hands on her hips.

“Don’t touch me,” she cried. “Please don’t.”

“I didn’t mean to push you, Pen,” Daniel said, voice low and apologetic. “Let’s just sit here, let me hold you.”

“Where’s my dress!” She felt hysterical now. She needed to cover herself, to get out of here. Away from him. She couldn’t do it, no matter how much she’d wanted to. No matter how badly she wanted them to work.

The candles, the champagne, the room … it was all too much pressure. Made her wonder if this was what he’d done with the other woman, even though he’d told her what had happened. Was it her he really wanted to be entertaining here? Would she even shape up?

“Don’t go.” Daniel’s voice was flat, as if he knew there was nothing he could do to stop her.

She ignored him, ignored the intense pain within her body that made her feel like her heart was literally shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces. Ignored the pounding in her head, fought the words that wanted so desperately to be released.

Penny struggled into her dress, tears falling onto her bare arms.

She had to get out of here.

“I’m not letting you leave.” Daniel’s voice had lost the softness it had held earlier, and was now commanding. Determined. “Tonight is not ending like this.”

She shook her head, not ready to fight. Not wanting to argue.

She didn’t have the energy or will to take this out on Daniel any longer. She’d tried. Given it her best.

But in this case, her best was not good enough. “Let me past, Daniel.”

She had no idea how she was going to get home, what she was going to do, but she needed to be alone. “No.”

“Please.” It came out as a sob, tears clogging her throat.Not¡€

“I love you, Penny,” he said, blocking her from getting through the door. “Do you still love me? Or don’t you? Is that the problem here?”

A fresh wave of tears filled her eyes, but Penny angled her chin, forced herself to be brave. “I do love you, Daniel, that’s never been our problem.”

His face crumpled, there was no other way to describe it and she’d never seen such pain on another human being’s face before. He knew what the problem was, and he hated himself for being the cause of it.

Just like she hated herself for not being able to move on from what he’d done, for not being able to forget. For failing him when he needed her, for not realizing that everything wasn’t okay while she was away and pretending like it was.

“I can’t block it out,” she told him. “Every time you touch me, I think of you touching her. When I think about you making love to me, I wonder how I’ll compare.” They were the most honest, true words she’d ever spoken.

And also the hardest.

Penny touched Daniel’s face with her open palm, cupped his cheek.

She loved him, she did.

“I can forgive you, Danny,” she whispered, shaking her head from side to side, trying to shake off the emotion striking hot like an iron through her insides. “You were hurting and lonely, I understand that, I do. I hate what you did, but I will forgive you.”

“But?” he asked, his dark brown eyes filled with the same big tears she could feel in her own.

“But I don’t know how to forget, I can’t do it,” she said. “I’ve tried so hard, but I can’t. I need more time.”

They were both silent.

Penny wished she were angry, but it wasn’t anger that was hurting her. That was holding her back. “I need to go,” she said.

Daniel’s shoulders slumped forward. He ran a hand through his hair.

“I’ll stay here, give you some space.” “Thank you.”

Penny opened the door. “Goodbye, Daniel.” He didn’t answer and she kept walking.

Daniel closed the door as gently as he could. His head was pounding, his hands were starting to shake, his body was rigid like it could snap with one wrong movement. Damn it!

He wiped furiously at the tears crowding his eyes, willed them away. Looked around the room like a mad man waiting to strike out.

And he did. He couldn’t contain his rage any longer.

Daniel reached for the bottle of champagne and threw it against the wall, jumping at the sound of it smashing. He reached for the glasses, hating everything about the room. About the perfect scene he’d tried to create.

He raised his arm to hurl his glass against the wall, too, but he couldn’t do it.

A sob burst from his mouth, so loud it sounded as if it had come from a wild animal. A noise he didn’t recognize.

Daniel dropped the glass at his feet before sinking onto the carpet beside it, knees hitting the floor.

Tears streaked down his cheeks and he didn’t have the energy to wipe them away.

He knew the meaning of a broken heart now. Knew how the pain of one could kill a man.

Because right now, the pain he felt, the sense of sinking, of isolation, of gut-wrenching agony, was as real as if someone had stabbed a knife through his stomach and left him to bleed out.

He’d lost her. And there was nothing he could do to make things right.

In two days’ time, she’d be gone.

His marriage was over and he had only himself to blame.

Back in the Soldier’s Arms/Here Comes the Groom

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN

PENNY’S eyes were sore and swollen from crying as she peeked into Gabby’s room. The cab ride home from the hotel had been the longest drive of her life, made her feel so desperately alone she’d wanted to curl into the fetal position and never emerge.

But that wasn’t an option for her. She was a mother and a soldier. She had to find the strength to continue, no matter how much pain she was in.

“Mommy?”

“Gabby?” She fumbled her way over to flick on the bedside lamp, not able to see clearly enough from the tiny sliver of light from the hall.