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If Luke couldn’t get his shit together enough to be there for Mel, how could Beckett possibly do it for Kaitlin? If Luke couldn’t change, how could Beckett? It didn’t make sense.

You don’t want it to make sense.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Beckett said, his voice a growl.

Luke crossed his arms over his chest, doing his best to hang onto his control, to keep from shouting, from flipping over the ugly-ass motel room desk. To keep from saying straight to Beckett’s face that if Luke couldn’t triumph over his issues, Beckett had no business doing it either. He didn’t do any of that. Instead, he chose his next words carefully, took aim, and fired. “What, you’re going to stick around and make an honest woman of her and break her heart later?”

Beckett didn’t let his words knock him back. “If Kaitlin would have me, I would not break her heart. Not now. Not later.”

Luke’s lip curled. “Right. You’re suddenly Mr. Family Man.”

“I love her.”

The words hit Luke hard in the stomach. Holy shit. He meant it. Beckett meant it.

And you can’t love Mel. You’re so afraid of those words, and he can say them. He might still be a thief but you are a fucking coward
.

He wouldn’t let that voice win. He wouldn’t give in. “So, what, you’re getting married, having a kid, and I’m supposed to magically forgive you for stealing?”

“I didn’t steal.” Beckett flexed his fingers into fists, and Luke mentally prepared himself for another punch to the face. He’d actually like to earn one about now. “And I would love to marry your sister. I love her and if there was some way I could make her love me too, I would. I would do anything. But I can’t…force it.”

It reminded him too much of the resignation on Mel’s face when they’d talked about love. When she’d told him it was all or nothing. That she wouldn’t want to be
stuck
with him if she were pregnant with his baby.

Luke had never thought he and Kaitlin had all that much in common, but he was starting to wonder if meting out this kind of pain on another person—one who loved you—was in the Shuller genes.

Luke looked away from the man he’d once considered his best friend. “She deserves better than you.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Damn. He seemed to mean that too. Which made being angry at him hard. But Luke was doing his best. “But find one damn person who would work harder to deserve her.”

Beckett turned away from the door, and walked down the paved walk in front of the motel, heading to the main office. Luke didn’t watch to see if he went inside, instead he slammed the door closed, wincing as pain shot through him.

Good for Beckett for trying. Good for fucking him. It didn’t mean anything would come of it. Luke had tried his damnedest to please his parents. To graduate from high school. To overcome his dyslexia and be the kind of inspirational story they made movies about.

But his life wasn’t a movie. He hadn’t graduated, even though he’d done his best. He couldn’t control his brain. He couldn’t control anything.

*

L
UKE WAS STARTING
to think he was staying in Grand Central Station instead of a motel. For the second time in as many days there was a heavy knock on the door. Couldn’t these people see he was trying to wallow in misery?

He answered the door on a growl and froze when he saw his sister standing there, looking pale and in general like bedraggled hell. And she had the audacity to frown at him. “Are you hungover at six o’clock at night?” she asked.

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same. You could be in Bozeman. Or you could be staying with Mom and Dad. Or I thought I heard some weird rumor about you shacking up with Melanie, which I know couldn’t be true.”

That was all way too close to reality for his liking. Yeah, he could be back in Bozeman. He could be the hell out of Dodge. But he was here. Here waiting for something that was never going to come to him.

Melanie
.

For two days he’d been sitting in this motel, pretending he was hanging out because of Beckett and Kaitlin and the unresolved shitstorm still brewing between them.

Luke scrubbed his hands over his face. “First of all, I’m keeping an eye on you.”
Kind of.
“You know what? I don’t have the energy for this. Believe it or not, Kaitlin, I actually have my own problems to deal with. You and Beckett tag-teaming me—”

“Beckett was here?”

He sighed heavily. “Two nights ago.”

“What did he say?”

“He said I’m right and he’s an asshole.”

“Not. Funny.” She frowned at him, trying to work out what was going on with any of them. “I’m glad you have your own problems.”

“Yeah it’s fan-fucking-tastic.” He rocked back on his heels, crossing his arms over his chest. “What do you want?”

“I need you to…” She swallowed hard, shifting her weight from foot to foot, looking down. “I know you’re angry with Beckett. Still. But I don’t understand why.”

Luke stepped to the side, allowing her entry into the motel room. “Oh, you mean, stealing wasn’t enough.”

“You know he didn’t do that.”

“Whatever, Kaitlin. Listen—”

“He’d never do that to you. He’d never do that to himself.”

He didn’t need this right now. He had other issues. Issues that had nothing to do with Beckett and whether or not he was a thief.

Whether or not Luke was projecting all of his hangups onto Beckett rather than looking at the facts. “I don’t need you to defend him to me. He might have knocked you up, but you don’t know him. No one knows him. He does that on purpose, and he was my best friend for a long time but that doesn’t mean I knew him.”

Oh, shit, those words were so close to his own backyard he wanted to cut out his own tongue.

Been busy protecting yourself for so long, Shuller. Does anyone know you?

“You should know him! How can you not see? He does that on purpose. What’s wrong with you? Everyone in his life let him down and made him feel like nothing, so yeah, he protected himself a little bit. But he trusted you to see the good in him, and you used that trust for as long as it was easy and the minute it was hard, you broke it.”

He broke it. Him. Not Beckett. Just like he’d been the one to break Melanie’s trust.

You’re a coward. You’re afraid to want. Afraid to believe in anything or anyone.

“He was the only one who could have done it,” Luke insisted, the refrain tired even to his own ears.

“Except he didn’t. And you should never have thought it of him. That, Luke Shuller, is on you.”

He shook his head. “I’m not going to argue with you about him.”

“He is the father of my child, and I…” She paused, her words choking off for a moment as she paused and took a breath. “I do love him,” she managed on a shaky whisper.

Luke gritted his teeth. “No, you—”

“You don’t get to tell me what I feel, Luke.”

He pushed his hands through his hair, his heart raging out of control. This was too much like that last conversation with Mel. All of this, Kaitlin and Beckett bringing their drama to his doorstep was too close to everything he was trying not to deal with.

“Do you want to talk about your problems?” Kaitlin asked.

“Fuck. No.”

“Okay, do you want to help me?”

He let out a heavy breath. “I will help you with anything, Kaitlin. I would protect you from—”

“I didn’t ask for your protection, for your advice, for your disapproval. Only for your help. Are you ready and willing to give it?”

For the second time in a few days, he was being asked for something pretty big. He had a woman looking at him, depending on him.

Was he going to disappoint Kaitlin too?

Being afraid to want anything because you think you can’t? That’s all on you.

He’d spent so much of his life trying to fix the people around them because he’d felt unfixable. But Mel’d had the audacity to stand there and tell him it was his choice.

He’d tried to fix Kaitlin, and he’d only broken them. He’d been blaming Beckett for all manner of shit because
he
was so bullheaded. He’d seen a problem and an easy fix rather than stopping for a moment and believing his friend because…

Because he was just too damn scared to believe in anything. To want anything.

That failure cut so deep he’d done his best to avoid it ever since high school. When he’d studied his ass off and still during tests every word had reversed and wiggled and swam on the page, and he’d come out with nothing but failure.

Sometimes wanting it wasn’t enough, and he’d learned that then.

But he’d traded it for not letting himself want anything. For controlling, fixing, for other people while he ignored himself.

And it wasn’t working anymore. Because everyone suddenly needed more from him and he’d found himself unable to give it.

Kaitlin needed support. Beckett needed trust.

Melanie needed love.

He looked down at his sister, at her large, searching gaze. And he nodded.

Relief passed over her face, a small smile curving her lips. “Good. Now, say you love me. And you trust me.”

He swallowed hard. “I love you.”

“Luke.”

“I’m just not sure I trust him with you.” But then, he wasn’t sure he could ever trust anyone with Kaitlin.

“You should, asshole.”

His lips twitched, but he couldn’t quite force a smile.

“Come home with me. Be there when I tell Mom and Dad.” Kaitlin took a deep breath. “And I’m going to need your help with a plan.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“You’ll hate it, but you’ll do it.” She stepped closer to him, wrapped her fingers around his wrist, took his hand and pressed it on her stomach. “If not for me, for this.”

For the first time, he felt the full magnitude of what was happening here. He’d been so caught up in all the shit. His anger, his fear over her getting hurt, his own hurt at the…well, he’d felt like his friend had betrayed him. Basically, he’d made all of this about him. And he hadn’t paused to fully appreciate the fact that Kaitlin was having a baby. That he was going to be an uncle.

Mel might be pregnant with your baby and you just told her you don’t love her.

But he was a liar in addition to being a coward.

Yeah, and what are you going to do about it.

His chest felt full. Too full. And his throat felt too tight. He jerked his hands away. “Fine. Whatever. Just don’t…make me touch anything again.”

He would go with Kaitlin now, help her out, support her instead of trying to make her choices for her…and then he had something very important to take care of.

Chapter Eleven

‡

T
HERE WASN’T ENOUGH
buttercream frosting in the world to ease the pain that Melanie was going through. But she had no regrets. Because she had let go of fear, and she had gone for what she wanted.

She took a spoonful of chocolate frosting out of a bowl, and took a bite. Okay, she had some regrets. Like Luke rejecting her rather than doing the sensible thing and pulling her into his arms and telling her he loved her too. Yeah, she had those kind of regrets.

She licked the spoon clean and tossed it into the sink and turned around to survey the mess in her kitchen. She’d been baking nonstop since her life had fallen apart. As though she could rebuild it with bricks of baked goods. She could not. That much was clear. But it wasn’t going to stop her from trying. And it was in the name of work, since she really did need to finalize her plans for Nancy and Jared’s wedding.

Unfortunate since all she wanted to do was climb beneath a fuzzy blanket.

Too bad she couldn’t frost cakes from her bed. Really, it was a recipe for stickiness and heartbreak, and since she was already heartbroken she figured she’d better skip it.

Stupid Luke. The thing was, he did love her. She was almost entirely certain that he did. Because she knew him. She knew that there was more to the connection between them than sex and friendship. It was deeper. It was those things, woven together, and bound tightly. Boundless love, she was sure of it.

At least, she had been.

She stuck her finger straight into the bowl this time, taking a healthy scoop of the frosting and licking it off. She was a little bit pathetic. But she didn’t care.

She heard a knock at the front door and she crossed the kitchen, making her way to the entryway. She stopped suddenly, her stomach tightening. And she knew. Knew that it was him. She just wasn’t sure if she was ready to have this conversation yet. Whatever the conversation was going to be. He was probably here to try and convince her to continue their friendship. And she was weak. Weak for just the sight of him, the sound of his voice. She had no idea what all he might talk her into if he had the chance.

She stood there for a moment, not opening the door, considering never opening it.

“Mel, it’s me.”

“I know,” she said, furrowing her brows.

“And you are going to let me in?”

“Maybe not. I’m mad at you.”

“I know,” he said, his voice muffled by the door. “And you should be. I suck.”

“Yes, you do. But did you only come here to tell me that you suck or did you come here to do something about it?”

“I have to ask you something.”

She took a deep breath, opening the door a crack. “What?”

“My sister is marrying Beckett.”

She blinked, her stomach turning into lead. “Oh?”

“Yes. He doesn’t know it yet. But she’s marrying him. She needs a cake. I thought you might have an extra.”

“Are you… Using me for free cakes? After what you did? Wasn’t my virginity enough, you want to take my cake too?”

“Let me in and we’ll talk about more than just cake.”

She frowned but stepped back, opening the door wider and allowing him entry. “Fine. But if you’re mean to me again I’m throwing you out.”

“Sure.” He moved into the entryway, shoving his hands in his pockets and clearing his throat. “I’m an idiot.”

“I could have told you that,” she said, her throat tightening, her breath leaving her lungs in a rush.