Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (3 page)

I turn back to face the door and dip my head, hiding the miserable look on my face, before walking inside.

Forty-five minutes later Bailey and I are done with lunch. Karyn, with her bump of a stomach, was on shift today. She took every opportunity to come talk with us. The excitement blasting off that woman lifted my mood. It couldn’t be helped, and I’m glad for it. Thinking about Nick always dampens my mood.

Karyn went on and on about all the stuff she and Ethan are going to get this weekend for the babies. Now that they know what the twins’ sexes are, it’ll be easier to pick out the colors. While Karyn was helping other customers, Bailey told me she wants to plan a baby shower for her. I told her I wanted to help. Every woman should have a baby shower.

Bailey and I go our separate ways once we leave Maggie’s; she to go get Amari and I over to my apartment above Jaxon’s pub. I didn’t take my car today because I knew we weren’t going far. As I pass the front of the building, I notice Nick’s truck out front. I have to force my legs to keep moving around to the back and not go in the front, where I know Nick is. As much as I want to see him, I’m scared. My battered heart can only take so much, and I’m not ready to test Nick to see his reception of me since that morning a month ago.

I pull the keys from my pocket and unlock the door that leads up to my apartment. Just as I’m about to open it, Andrew walks out carrying a bag of trash.

“Hey, girl!” Andrew says, showing off his sexy dimples.

“Hey, Andrew. How’re you today?” I smile back at him.

He dumps the trash into the dumpster before replying. “Fabulous. You headed up or down?”

“Up. I’m not due for my shift for another few hours. I have a few things I need to do around the apartment and then I’m starting on a new book.”

He looks at me strangely for a minute, like he’s trying to decide to say something or not. I start to shift on my feet, becoming uncomfortable. Andrew normally doesn’t hold his tongue. For him to do so now doesn’t bode well for me. It must be something serious. I have a feeling I know what it is.

“You should come in for a visit. It’s not busy inside. We could play pool. I’ll even let you pretend to beat me this time,” he says with a wink.

I shake my head at his suggestion, not really in the mood for his jokes. “Not right now. I have things to do upstairs.”

“Nick’s here,” he says quietly.

“I know.”

He watches me, his eyes drooping with sadness, and my heart clenches. I used to be the type that would never let anyone treat me with anything other than respect. If you couldn’t show me respect, then you didn’t deserve to know me. Now I’m this person that allows a man to pull me down anytime he’s near, when all I want to do is help him. He’s broken and I want nothing more than to fix him, even when he’s a total jackass. I don’t blame Nick for his actions. He’s hurting. I may not have known him before Anna passed, but I’ve heard enough about him from others to know he would never normally treat anyone the way he treats me, especially a woman. I know the old him has still got to be in there somewhere. He’s just lost and has no way of finding himself again. He needs people to stick by him, and I’m bound and determined to be one of them, no matter how nasty he is to me. However, I’m not ready to face him right now. I need to prepare myself first.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go in there right now,” I tell Andrew, shaking my head. “I can’t handle it. If he’s still there later when my shift starts I’ll see him then.”

He nods, the look in his eyes shifting to understanding. “Okay. I get it. But please don’t give up on him, Chris,” he says gently.

“I won’t,” I tell him, and look down at my keys. Nick may not feel it, but there’s a connection between him and me. Something is pulling me toward him for some reason. It’s unexplainable and uncontrollable. I don’t know, maybe it’s my need as a counselor to help him, but it seems so much more than that. It’s deep and unbending. There’s no way I could give up on him. To do that would be like ripping my heart out.

Andrew leans down and lightly places a kiss against my lips, before walking back inside. My brother is lucky to have found him. Andrew is one of the sweetest, most loyal and protective men I know. I’ve never seen Jase happier than he is when he’s with Andrew.

I walk through the door and head straight to the kitchen. Dropping my keys on the counter, my next stop is the coffeemaker. Coffee is my best friend. We get along great. And I need my best friend right now.

After putting on a strong pot, I walk down the skinny hallway to the bathroom. The apartment used to be Bailey’s when she first got to Jaded Hollow. She didn’t stay here long before Jaxon moved her in with him. It was passed on to me when I got to town. It’s tiny, but perfect for me. Not to mention the rent is almost nonexistent, which gives me the opportunity to build my savings account for when I want to buy my own place.

I walk up to the sink and turn the water to warm. It takes a few minutes for the warm water to flow up the pipes to the second story. While I wait, I look in the mirror at my tired face. Working full-time at the school as the guidance counselor and then weekends at Jaxon’s is tiring, but I love it. I love helping the kids with their problems and issues. I didn’t have the support kids need when I was younger. Being there for them as an adult feels good and right. Working at Jaxon’s is great. I get to see my friends and socialize with them. The atmosphere there is calm and relaxed. I can be myself and have fun.

After splashing water on my face and drying it, I look at myself in the mirror. I puff out my cheeks, scrunch up my nose, and cross my eyes. Yes, I’m a little weird and have to make faces at myself anytime I see my reflection. I’ve done it since I was five years old.

I go back to the kitchen and make myself a cup of coffee. Taking a much-needed sip, I set the cup down and fill the sink with hot soapy water for the few dishes that are in the sink. I don’t have the luxury of a dishwasher, but I’m okay with that. It’s only me here, so there’s hardly ever any dirty dishes.

Thirty minutes later, my kitchen and living room are now clean. The book I borrowed earlier calls my name, so I grab it out of my bag. I look at the cover again and feel the tingle return. I love my life, don’t get me wrong, but it’s pretty sad when you get turned on by the cover on a book.

Shrugging, I grab my refreshed cup of coffee and take a seat on the old floral couch with my date for the afternoon. I get comfy with my back against the armrest and my feet stretched out in front of me. I crack open the book and get started. I just hope this date doesn’t slash my heart to shreds.

Nick

I sit with my elbows on the bar and a beer bottle in one hand. Andrew just left to take the trash out. The bar opened an hour ago and it’s early in the afternoon, so I’m the only one here right now. Give it another thirty minutes and I bet more people will start showing up. Yes, I may drink too much, but when the memories invade, my ass is finding the nearest bottle. I used to cherish the memories I have of Anna. Now all I want to do is escape them.

I hear a noise off to my left and glance over to see Jaxon walking out of the hallway. The surprise in his eyes isn’t hard to see. I don’t blame him. I haven’t been back to town for over a month. I have spoken with him a couple of times on the phone though.

He gives me a chin lift and heads my way. After taking the stool beside me, we sit in silence.

After a few minutes, I ask him, “How are things here?”

He knows what I’m after and doesn’t hesitate in giving me the answer.

“She’s fine. Took a bit to get over what happened, but she’s good now.”

I look straight ahead, take a swallow of my beer, and think about his answer. A little over a month ago I found out that some whack job was after Chris. I had no idea what was going on until I almost got my head blown off when the guy came after her. I was drunk off my ass and Chris was helping me up the stairs to her apartment to sleep it off, when a guy came in with a gun and made a grab for her. I intercepted him, fell down the stairs in the process, and ended up with a knot the size of a baseball on my head. The next morning when I was somewhat sober, I called her brother to find out what the hell was going on. What he told me had my blood boiling.

That was also the morning I made another colossal mistake. I had just gotten off the phone with Jase and was walking down the hallway at Jaxon’s house, when Chris came out in just her robe. Her hair was wet, and I smelt the sweet smell of her body soap and almost lost it. I have no idea what came over me, but before I could stop myself, I had her up against the wall and my face buried in her neck. It only lasted a few seconds, and as soon as I realized what I had done I backed up and got the hell out of Dodge.

I haven’t felt any real emotions in over two years, but when Chris came out the way she did, I actually
felt
something. It scared the shit out of me.

“That’s good. I’m glad she’s better,” I tell Jaxon.

He’s quiet for a moment, before he says, “Why do you care anyway? She isn’t your favorite person by the way you treat her.”

I look over and scowl at him. What the fuck is he getting at? Just because she bugs the shit out of me doesn’t mean I want her hurt.

“I don’t. I was hurt in the process of protecting her. I have a right to know how she’s doing,” I lie through my teeth. I may wish the girl would leave me alone in my grief instead of always being in my face, but there’s something about her that has me intrigued. I don’t like it and it pisses me off.

“Yeah. Keep telling yourself that,” he mutters, before continuing. “How are you doing? How’s work?

Irked at his first comment, but glad for the subject change, I let it go.

“It’s fine. I’ve got a break for a few weeks, unless something comes up. The last job was a bitch. Damn guy kept changing his mind on the design he wanted. I almost told him to forget it and cut my losses.”

“You sticking around here for a while then?” he asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. Hasn’t been the same without you.” He grabs my shoulder, gives it a squeeze, and stands up. Before he leaves, he turns back to me. “You should take it easy on Chris. She cares about you.”

I clench my jaw in irritation. I fucking knew he wouldn’t drop it.

“Jaxon, don’t start. I can’t take this shit right now. I’ve got a lot going on up here.” I tap the side of my head. “Everyone needs to back off about it.”

His voice is low when he says, “I know what you’re saying, Nick, but all that girl wants to do is be there for you. Hell, we all do. I know the pain you’re going through. She was my sister. Do you really think Anna would want to see you like this? What she went through hurt us all, not just you. I know you’ll never get over it, but you can learn to cope and live again.” Before I can tell him to fuck off, he continues. “Don’t screw something up you’ll regret later.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I snarl at him, anger making my skin hot.

“It means don’t do something that’s unfixable. We all grieve in our own ways, but we can’t push away the people that care about us. You push too far and they’re gone forever. There’s no getting them back.”

With that, he turns and leaves me steaming on my barstool. He has no clue what he’s saying. I know he’s not talking about him and the rest of the crew. I know they would never give up on me. He’s talking about Chris. I don’t give a shit if I push her away. I
want
her gone. If she’s gone, so will be the feelings she stirs in me. Feelings I have no right to feel. Feelings I want to burn from my soul.

I sit there, hunched over my beer, and stew. I’m pissed that Jaxon feels he needs to say what he did. He has no right to interfere.

Andrew walks back behind the bar a few minutes later. His eyes flicker to me as he grabs a rag and starts wiping down the other end of the counter. They narrow the longer he watches me.

“Who stuck something up your ass?” I growl, and then roll my eyes as soon as the words leave my mouth.

Fucking idiot.

Surprisingly, Andrew doesn’t come back with a smart-ass remark. His eyes blaze with anger when he grunts, “You.”