Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (29 page)

I didn’t want to be one of those parents who waited until they were in their thirties or forties. I wanted to have them young so I could be youthful with them and enjoy all the activities kids did. I didn’t want to have to sit activities out because my body was too old to participate.

A wave of sadness hits me. I’m twenty-seven. I had hoped I would have already had at least one child by now. I kiss the tip of Amari’s nose and laugh when she smacks my cheek with one of her little hands.

“She’s a strong little bugger, isn’t she?” a voice that send shivers down my spine says from the doorway.

Steeling myself, I look over and see Nick just inside Amari’s bedroom door. He looks good in a pair of dark-wash jeans and a gray thermal. He has on a hat flipped backwards, and I can see that his dark brown hair is a bit longer than the last time I saw him. I’ve always loved a man in a hat. It looks like he’s shaved recently, but not within the last few days.

My starving eyes are on his hard chest, currently covered by his bulging arms. I can’t help but stare at him. When he clears his throat, I snap my eyes back to his to see a smirk on his lips. I look back at Amari as heat creeps up my face.

Why can’t I hate him? Especially after what happened that night? I can’t place all the blame on him. He warned me and I stupidly ignored it. Why can’t I let him go? What keeps drawing me back to him? These are questions I desperately want answers to, but know I may never have them.

“Uh… yeah, she is strong,” I mutter, embarrassed he caught me staring at him again.

I hear a shuffling sound and a second later see his feet coming closer. My heart rate picks up. He’s always had this effect on me when he’s close. It’s hard to catch my breath, especially when the subtle hint of his cologne hits me. I actually came across his cologne the other day while out with Bailey shopping. Bailey doesn’t know I secretly bought a bottle so I could spray a mist on my pillow when I’m feeling lonely. It’s so pathetic, and I would die if he ever found out.

He stops when he’s beside the rocking chair. I hold myself still, not sure what he’s going to do next. I’m surprised when he drops to his knees beside us.

I look up and find him looking at me. He has a slight frown on his face, like he’s not sure why he’s down on his knees either. His eyes drop to my lips, and I unconsciously lick them. Something flares in the depths of his eyes, causing my breath to hitch. Butterflies start to flutter around in my stomach and the muscles tighten. He has me utterly captured with his intense blue gaze and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

Fortunately, Amari comes to the rescue, grabbing a chunk of my hair and giving an almighty tug. She pulls so hard my head tips sideways from the force.

“Whoa!” I bring my head down further to try and ease some of the pull on my hair. Amari squeals in delight, and I grab her hand to try and loosen the grip.

I hear a chuckle and tip my head awkwardly to glare at Nick. “You could help, you know.”

“Guess I could, but I’m enjoying this too much. She’s got you good, doesn’t she?” the smart-ass says.

“Just you wait until you’re holding her. I’m stealing your hat so she can get a hold of you.”

He chuckles, and although a second later it dies down, the smile stays in place. It’s so weird seeing his eyes smiling. I want to bring my head back up so I can see it properly, but Amari’s not letting me.

I feel Nick’s big warm hands on mine, bringing goose bumps to my arms. A tingle forms in my belly and slowly makes its way to my legs and chest.

I drop my hand as Nick untangles Amari’s fingers. My eyes land on his thick thighs. Thighs that were pounding against the back of mine just a few weeks ago. I wiggle in my seat and clench my eyes closed as a mental image of him behind me, touching me, forms in my head. Now’s not the time to be thinking things like that.

A minute later, my hair is free. When I bring my head up, Nick’s lips are still tipped up at the corners. I could look at him all day and never get tired. There’s something about him that’s different. He looks less stressed. The sadness still lurks in his eyes, but it’s not quite as pronounced. I can’t help the flare of hope I feel. Even so, I’m not sure I trust it. There have been other times Nick has acted nice, even somewhat sweet, and then the next minute he goes off like a loose cannon.

My eyes widen in shock when he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. His fingers are warm against my skin. I want to savor the feeling and never let it go.

I close my eyes, and without meaning to, lean my head closer to his hand. I’ve never felt anything like what I get from this simple touch, and I know deep down in my gut I won’t ever feel it again with anyone else. Nick may not have been made for me, but I have no doubt my mind, heart, body, and soul were made for him.

Amari kicks her legs, reminding me that it’s not just the two of us in the room. There’s a precious little girl between us. I open my eyes to find Nick watching me with an expression I’ve only ever dreamed of seeing. There’s longing in his gaze and it makes my heart soar.

“It’s good to see you again, Sugar,” he says, his deep voice soft. Looking at him, I see sincerity.

I have no idea what’s going on with Nick, why he’s being so nice, but it’s dangerous. Dangerous for my heart and dangerous for my mind. I would give almost anything for things to always be like this between us, but I’m terrified it’s only temporary.

Enjoying the reprieve while it lasts, I smile shyly up at him. “It’s good seeing you too, Nick. How have you been?”

He moves his finger from my ear and settles his hand against my neck. He swipes his finger over my cheek. Shivers start at the top of my neck and make their way down my spine.

His eyes roam all over my face, and I wonder what he sees, what he’s thinking.

“I’m better now,” he replies huskily, shocking me even more. His implication that he missed me is more than I ever hoped. I want to respond to him, to say I’ve missed him too, but I don’t, not willing to break the enchantment. And if I’m honest, I’m worried my admission will make my feelings for him stronger. As though, if I admit it out loud, they will become more real. I’m still hurting over what he did the last time we were together. I can’t, or rather shouldn’t, just overlook that.

His head inches closer to mine. I pull in a deep breath and take in his intoxicating scent. It’s a heady smell that leaves me feeling dizzy. His breath washes over my lips, and I lick them in anticipation. I want the taste of his lips on mine more than anything, even when it could be a massive mistake. He didn’t kiss me that night and it was one of the things I regret. But then again, what if once I taste him, it’ll be the only taste I’ll ever want again?

Still in the rocking chair with Amari in my lap, I feel a slight tug on my neck as he brings my lips closer to his. His other hand is on the arm of the chair and he’s leaning over it. We both keep our eyes open, watching each other. He has black specks in his eyes and they capture my attention. I swear I could get lost in his blue eyes.

I hold my breath when our lips come within an inch of touching. My heart’s pounding so hard in my chest that I worry he’ll hear the loud rhythm. Our lips barely graze each other, just a whisper…

“Uncle Nick, why are you kissing Chris?” comes an innocent little voice from behind Nick.

I pull my head back quickly and my eyes immediately land on Amari. Shame slams into me for being so stuck in the moment that I forgot I was holding her. A quick glance to my left shows Nick has his head bent, muttering cuss words under his breath.

“Those are bad words, Uncle Nick. You shouldn’t say them,” says the voice again, reminding us both of the other presence in the room.

He brings his head up to look at me, and I barely suppress the need to laugh at his expression. He looks pained, but not the normal grief kind of pain. It’s more like a pain you get when you want something really bad but you can’t have it. Like a little kid wanting an ice cream, but his parents refusing because it’ll spoil dinner. I try, I really do, but the longer I look at the sad puppy-dog look, I just can’t hold it in. I sputter out a laugh. Luckily, the look in his eyes disappears and is a replaced by a chuckle.

We both look over and see Little Maddie, Jaxon and Mia’s cousin, standing a couple feet behind Nick. Her brows are pulled down into a frown, as if she’s trying to figure out what’s going on. I’d like to know the answer to that myself.

Nick reaches out and snags her around the waist to pull her forward. She giggles and squirms, but she’s no match for Nick. He tips her sideways and plants his face in her stomach, making chomping sounds, like he’s eating her. She squeals in delight and wiggles around. I laugh at the two of them. I’m utterly transfixed by the sight. I’ve never seen Nick act so free before. It’s something everyone should witness.

“And what are you doing in here, you little munchkin?” he asks her once he sets her on her feet.

“Uncle Jaxon told me to come see what was taking Bailey so long.” She narrows her brown eyes at Nick accusingly. “Why were you kissing Chris?” she asks again.

I turn my face away to avoid the question. After all, she wasn’t asking me. I’ll leave Nick to come up with an answer, as I have no clue what to say.

“If you must know, busybody, I wasn’t kissing Chris. She had something in her eye and I was looking at it.”

I snort at his ridiculous excuse and he shoots me a playful grin over his shoulder. Even a five-year-old will know that’s a load of crock. And a second later, I’m proved right.

Maddie sticks out her hip and plants a tiny fist on it in true irritated-girl fashion. I have to hold in my laugh.

“I’m five, Uncle Nick, not dumb. You weren’t even looking at her eye; you were looking at her lips.” She finishes with an eye roll.

“Oh yeah? Well how was I looking at her lips if I was kissing them?” Nick asks, arching a brow. Is he seriously challenging a five-year-old? Doesn’t he know that all kids at that age know everything and can find their way around anything?

“Don’t know. Maybe you did it like this.” Maddie, bless her little heart, then proceeds to stick out her lips like she’s kissing someone and focuses her eyes down to the tip of her nose, as if she’s looking at the person’s lips she’s kissing. She looks so cute and ridiculous, there’s no way I can hold it in. I bend over and stuff my face in Amari’s chest and burst out laughing. Amari screeches and knocks my head a few times with her fist. I hear Nick laughing as well.

Desperate to see what his laugh looks like, I pull my face away and see him with his head thrown back.

Wow!

I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than watching Nick full belly laugh. It’s captivating. He’s sitting back on his legs with his hands on his thighs. The deep rumble from his chest and the crinkles I see beside his eyes have my breath hitching. My lady bits may have tingled a bit too. I shift in my chair, not liking the thought of getting turned on while holding a baby. Now is
definitely not
the time for that.

When Nick brings his head back down, he’s still chuckling. Getting up from his kneeling position, he plucks Maddie from the floor and throws her over his shoulder. With her squirming around, he turns to me and holds out his hand. I don’t grab it right away. I’m scared to. Seeing this side of Nick is a dream come true. I’m worried something will shatter the spell and he’ll go back to the way he was before. Nothing this good lasts long, and I’m worried how much it’ll break me when he does go back to the angry dark person he’s been for so long. Because it’s bound to happen.

I look from his hand to his eyes. He’s watching me expectantly, and I don’t know what to do. Do I take his proffered hand and take the chance of him hurting me again? Or do I ignore it and save myself the inevitable heartache? It’s such a simple thing, me taking his hand, but it feels significant. Like it’ll be life changing if I do.

“It’s okay, Chris,” he says gently. I look up at him and see understanding. He knows what I’m thinking and gets my reluctance.

Coming to a decision, I tentatively reach out with one hand while holding Amari with the other, and place it in his large callused one. It’s feels warm and oddly comforting. There’s no way I can not take the chance. I’d regret it later and wonder for the rest of my life.

Once I’m standing, he lets go, and I feel the loss. I want to snatch it back and superglue our hands together so he won’t ever let go.

“Uncle Nick, put me down!” Maddie hollers and starts smacking his back. “You’re gonna drop me!”

“I’m not gonna drop you, squirt,” he says, lightly swatting her butt. “Now behave or you won’t get the surprise I got for you and your brother and sister.”

“For real?” she yells excitedly, bouncing around on his shoulder even more. “You got us something? What is it?”

I follow them with a huge smile on my face and a giggling Amari. I could get used to seeing this.

“Yeah, I got you something. But you’re not going to get it if you keep squirming around up there.”

We both laugh again when she drops her arms and sags against his back.

“Okay, I won’t move anymore,” she promises.

Nick opens the back door and as soon as we walk outside, Maddie negates her words by making her body stiff as she lifts her head and yells to everyone in listening distance, “Uncle Nick was kissing Chris! He says he wasn’t, but I know he was! I saw it!”

Everything goes quiet; even the birds have stopped chirping. My face turns ten shades of red and Amari starts wiggling in my arms because my hold on her tightens. I drop my eyes to her and loosen my grip, not able to look at anyone. Embarrassment doesn’t even cover what I’m feeling. I feel tension in the air, and I look over at Nick, who still has Maddie over his shoulder. I watch his stiff form. I can’t see his face, and I’m worried about his reaction to Maddie’s outburst.

I risk a glance at Bailey and Jaxon, who
can
see his face. Bailey looks shocked, while Jaxon, who currently has Sarah in his lap, has his lips tipped up into a half smirk. A ball of relief starts to form in my stomach. Maybe it won’t be as bad as I feared.