Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (12 page)

Her eyes mist, and I push away the pain in my stomach at the look. I know the reason she’s here. I probably could have talked my way out of having a babysitter had they not found the gun. Everyone knows I’ve never owned one because Anna was terrified of them. I do know how to use one though. Jaxon, Mac, and I used to target practice quite a bit. Anna was fine with that, as long as I didn’t have one in the house.

“Nick,” she whispers in a broken voice that nearly has me soften toward her. I steel my resolve.

“No, Chris.” I silence her protest by dropping my feet back to the floor with a loud thud. “Fuck, woman! Get a damn clue already. I don’t want you here. I haven’t from the beginning. Stop fucking pushing me.”

Her mouth snaps shut and she fiddles with the blanket on her lap, her head bent. She has a look of defeat on her face, her eyes hurt. My words hurt her. Better to hurt her now, not when the pain will be ten times worse.

Her throat bobs as she nods and turns back to the TV without another word.

We sit in silence again for a while. I try to let the game on the TV distract me from the woman sitting next to me, but my eyes keep flickering to her. Her red hair is pulled into a braid that falls down her back. Strands have fallen from the hair tie and lie around her face. My eyes follow the line of her profile until they land on her full pink lips. They fascinate me. They look soft and glossy, like she just licked them. They tempt me to lean over and lay mine against them to see what they taste like. Would they taste the same as she smells? Vanilla and sugary. She has high cheekbones and her eyelashes are miles long, hiding her tantalizing green eyes.

What is it about this woman that has me so fascinated?

Her hands are still in her lap, twisting and turning the blanket. She’s not so distracted either. She’s very much aware of me right now, she’s just trying to hide it. The way she’s holding her body stiff is telltale.

In an attempt to get my mind off the redheaded temptress, I pick up the book beside me. She spies the book in my hand and the look on her face is almost comical. Her eyes grow wide with panic, her brows go up, and she bites her bottom lip. Her hands jerk in her lap, like she wants to snatch it back from me, and her chest rises and falls rapidly with her heavy breathing.

“Give that back!” she says forcefully.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because it’s mine.” Her cheeks turn pink as she looks at the book and then back at me.

Curious as to why she’s acting this way, I flip the book over and see a guy with his shirt off, chest and arms covered in tattoos. His head is bent slightly but you can still see his eyes. They are a bright green and he has fangs with blood dripping out the corner of his mouth.

What the fuck is this shit?
Woman and their romance and paranormal fantasy shit. How in the hell can they think getting bitten by a vampire can be sexy? That shit would hurt.

Crazy woman.

I flip to the page she has dog-eared, and I swear I hear a groan from Chris. Ignoring her obvious discomfort, and now even more curious, I read the first few lines and instantly feel my dick grow in my jeans.

She screams my name over and over again as I grip her hair in my fist and hammer my dick into her viselike pussy. I lean down and growl in her ear, “You want it harder, baby? You want me to tear that pussy up?”

“Fuck yes,” she yells and bucks her hips against mine.

I lean down and rest my chest against her back. Reaching around with my free hand, I wrap it around her throat and bring her head back, exposing her delicious neck to my hungry gaze. I see the pulse there and my mouth waters.

I lick from her naked shoulder to that tempting life-saving beat, preparing her for my bite. She knows what’s coming and really starts to fuck back against me.

“Don’t fucking move!” I order her in a harsh tone, and give her neck a squeeze.

She stops, but I know it’s killing her.

With her greedy pussy gripping my cock, I sink my teeth into her beautiful neck and start sucking her life force, letting loose the beast inside me and pistoning my hips forward.

Jesus-fuckin’-Christ! This isn’t fucking romance. It’s fucking porn! And she was reading this sitting right beside me on the couch.

Shit!

The thought of that has me hot as hell and my body reacts accordingly. My dick jumps and I almost palm it.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I look up at Chris and see her looking at the ceiling with her eyes closed, as though she’s embarrassed and can’t bear to look at me. I just bet she’s embarrassed, knowing I now know she was reading this crap right beside me.

“You like this shit?” I ask her, just to embarrass her some more. I want to see the red on her face get deeper.

She still doesn’t look at me, but she does open her eyes, though she keeps them trained on the ceiling. Heat creeps up her cheeks, giving me what I want.

“I just started reading them,” she mutters, so low I almost don’t hear her.

“And the thought of being bitten by a vampire turns you on?”

She whips her head around so fast I wouldn’t be surprised if she got whiplash.

“What? No!” she says loudly, and then lowers her voice when she continues. “It’s just the idea of something forbidden.”

“And do you get wet when you read stuff like this? It turns you on?” I ask, and watch her mouth drop open in shock.

I’m kind of shocked myself at my question. What the hell am I doing? This is dangerous shit right here. But I’m genuinely curious.

She squeezes her eyes shut for a few seconds before turning to me. I’m actually surprised she’s willing to face me.

Inhaling deeply, she asks, “Do you really want me to answer that?”

I think about her question for a minute. Do I really want to know?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Should I want the answer?

Fuck no! Her answer is the very last thing I need. I don’t need the visual in my head of her getting wet while reading her romance books, maybe even getting herself off at night. It’s already bad enough knowing her panties are more than likely wet as we sit here and talk.

Shit!
That thought punches my gut.

Shaking my head to rid it of visions I definitely do not want in my head, I hand her book back to her and give her a resounding “No.”

I get up from the couch and take my plate and glass to the kitchen. The book is out of sight when I walk back to the living room. I’m sure she’s hidden it somewhere.

“Get up,” I order her when I’m standing beside the couch.

She watches me with a frown before she pulls the cover from her lap. I silently curse when I see she’s in a pair of short sleep shorts, her toned legs on display. They look smooth. My hands itch with the need to run my fingers up them.

This woman really needs to leave my house. Like yesterday.

“You can sleep in my bed. I’ll take the couch,” I tell her and walk to the small linen closet in the hallway to grab a sheet and blanket.

“I can’t do that, Nick. There’s no way you’ll fit on the couch.”

“I’ll be fine. It’s not like I’ll be sleeping anyway,” I tell her, and throw the linens on the chair. I pull the cushions from the couch and drop them to the floor. Grabbing the metal bar, I give it a yank and pull out the sofa bed.

I ignore her grunt at the sight of the sofa bed. Yeah, I know I’m an ass for making her sleep on the couch last night when I had a workable and quite comfortable sofa bed. I don’t want her comfortable in my house, but the good manners my mom taught me are plaguing me. That’s why I’m giving up my bed now.

“I don’t have a problem sleeping here,” she says gently behind me. “I don’t want to take your bed.”

I whip around to face her. I really need her to leave. I can’t be around her right now, especially with what she’s wearing and the vision of her and her damn book. Her fucking face and body and my wild imagination are making it very hard to keep my restraint right now.

I take a couple of steps closer to her before I realize what I’m doing. Her breath hitches and her hand travels to her chest with my sudden movement. I’m only a foot away from her. Entirely too close. My nostrils flare when I take in her sugary smell. I see black flecks in her green eyes and watch as her pupils dilate. I want to reach out and tuck the loose hair around her face behind her ear. I clench my fists to keep from doing just that. This woman is hazardous to my sanity.

I lean down a bit and get in her face. “Go. To. Bed.” I punctuate each word by leaning down a little more.

Her eyes go wide and her throat bobs as she watches me with fearful eyes. I’d never hurt her, not physically anyway. Emotionally? I’m sure I already have. She just doesn’t get it. I’m precariously close to the edge. If I’m pushed over, I have no idea what’ll happen, but I’m sure it won’t be good for either of us. I don’t have soft and gentle in me anymore. That ship sailed right along with Anna.

I’ve always known if I ever did get to a place where my body and heart allowed me to have sex with another woman again, it would be just that: sex. No emotion, animalistic, rough, and completely uncaring of the person I’m doing it with. My body may want Chris, but my empty hollow heart knows it could break her. I may be a bastard of the top order, but I don’t enjoy watching her hurt.

Air shudders out of her mouth. Even her breath smells like sugar cookies. She licks her lips, and I close my eyes to block it out. When I open them again, her eyes are looking at my lips.

I don’t realize I’m reaching for her until my fingers skim across her neck. Mesmerized, I watch as they run down the soft column. It’s she who closes her eyes now. I can feel the beat in her throat and it only causes mine to pick up as well.

Shit! What am I doing?
I ask myself, but I can’t make myself stop. The need to touch is too much to ignore.

She leans her head to the side as I glide my fingers down to her collarbone. A slight moan escapes her lips, sending a shiver down my spine.

I grip her hip tightly with my other hand and step closer to her. She draws me like a light draws a moth. It’s uncontrollable and there’s not a damn thing I can do. It’s like if I don’t follow through, I’ll suffocate.

Drawing her closer, I bend my head to her neck and take in her scent up close, almost becoming delirious. Her body isn’t flush against mine, but I still feel it. The tips of her breasts brush against my chest, and I want to puff it out so I’ll feel more of her. One of my feet is planted between hers, and if I move just another inch her sweetness will be against my thigh. I can picture it now. Her rubbing her pussy against the hard muscle there.

I breathe in deep and rest my forehead in the crook of her neck and close my eyes tight. I shouldn’t be doing this. It’s wrong in every way. It’s leading her on. I know it is, but I’m doing it anyway. Just for another minute. I’ll give myself this one minute, even though I’ll probably pay for it later.

I wrap my arm around her back and bring her willing body against mine. We both suck in a sharp breath. She feels so damn good. So warm and sweet and pliable.

And sweet heaven
! Her hot pussy meets the hard muscle of my thigh, and I swear I feel wetness there.

I bend my legs slightly and lift her off the floor, keeping my face in her neck, not wanting to look at her, scared of what I will see and what I’ll feel.

She wraps her arms around my shoulders and throws her head back, the perfect picture of someone being pleasured. One of her legs goes around my waist and she grinds down on my hip. My hand grabs her ass, helping her.

Having her like this is one of the best things I’ve felt in a long time.

It’s that thought and her moaned “Nick” that bring me back to my senses. My name being moaned in pleasure sounds different. It’s not the sweet sound that Anna used to make. This is deeper, huskier; not innocent, like my Anna.

What in the fucking hell am I doing?

Guilt rushes through me, and I drop Chris and stumble backward, almost tripping over the coffee table. Chris staggers too, but catches herself by grabbing the arm of the couch.

Her eyes are wide, desire still there, along with shame. What the hell does she have to feel shame for? It’s I who should be ashamed of myself. And I am. I feel shame. And remorse. And anger. There’s plenty of anger. For fuck’s sake, I told her leave me be, but she didn’t listen.

Guilt eats at me. I know Anna is dead and she won’t be coming back. It’s ridiculous to feel guilt for touching another woman, but I can’t help but feel like it’s cheating. She’s still so much a part of my life. She’s still so deeply imbedded in my heart.

And that angers me even more, because it’s partially Chris’s fault. She won’t leave my thoughts and it’s starting to take over. Anna used to be all I ever thought about. Now Chris is creeping her way in, pushing Anna aside.

We both stare at each other, breathing heavily. Our encounter only lasted a short couple of minutes, but it was intense. I haven’t felt another woman in so long and my body is still feeling the effects, taking its time playing catch-up with my mind.

She takes a step toward me and opens her mouth to say something.

“No,” I say fiercely.

She stops, not only because of my harsh command, but also because of the look on my face.

“Don’t come near me,” I growl. “Just stay the fuck away from me. Stop fucking looking at me. Stop trying to help me.” I snarl the word “help.” “And for the love of God, stop acting so damn desperate. You want to get your rocks off, find someone else who’ll stick his dick in you, because it sure as shit won’t be me.”

She blanches at my words and throws a hand to her mouth. A small sob escapes before she can stop it. Tears appear in her eyes and my chest tightens.

I almost go to her, but I force my legs to walk toward the front door instead. I slam the door shut behind me and walk off the porch. I grip my hair and scream to the dark sky. It’s not lost on me that I did the same thing while Anna was dying in my arms. And just like then, I receive no answer in return.