Avenged (Hostage Rescue Team Series) (Volume 5) (26 page)

She braced herself. “Okay,” she said slowly.

He straightened with a sigh and shoved both hands into his front jeans pockets. The set of his shoulders was rigid, his jaw tense. “The entire team’s been called in for extra security at the trial.”

Entire
team. Dread expanded inside her. “Including you.”

He nodded, his expression full of regret. “Yes.”

He was leaving her. She pushed that painful thought aside and focused on the more important issue. “So who’s my new security detail going to be?”

“WITSEC.”

She stiffened. “What?”

“I know,” he said quickly, pulling his hands out of his pockets and gripping the edge of the counter, “but they’ve taken care of the problem over there already. They arrested the guy at fault then cleaned house, re-vetting every single marshal involved with the case. Some are on administrative leave until the trial’s over, just as a precaution. Only their most trusted marshals are working on this case now. They’re damn good at what they do, and they’ll keep you safe.”

He said it with confidence, but she still wasn’t convinced. “Is he in jail?”

“Yes, and he’s not getting out any time soon. They’re using the intel he gave during his interrogation to locate The Brethren members and break up the cell responsible for all this. Celida’s heavily involved with it. Believe me, she’d say something if she didn’t consider WITSEC safe anymore.”

She still wasn’t convinced. Considering everything that had happened to her, she had a serious mistrust of the government where her personal welfare was concerned. In fact, the only reason she felt they were stepping in now was solely to protect her testimony, not because they particularly cared about her as a human being. “I still don’t trust them. And I’m not a prisoner, I have a choice in this. Nobody’s going to force me to go into WITSEC without my consent.”

“No, of course not,” he said with a shake of his head. “But when I leave here I want to know you’re as safe as possible, and the fact is, the best protection the government can offer at this point is still WITSEC.”

God, she felt sick all of a sudden. Taya stood, one hand pressed to her middle as she tried to force down the panic clawing inside her. Someone in WITSEC had leaked details about Chloe and she’d paid the price. How was Taya supposed to entrust her safety to them?

“Hey.” Nathan stepped up behind her. He set his hands on her hips, eased her back against his body and wrapped his arms around her waist. Warm, hard muscles enveloped her. His chin rested on her shoulder, the stubble scraping her cheek gently as he spoke, his breath warm on her skin. “I swear to you, it’s gonna be all right. I wouldn’t let them take over if I didn’t think it was absolutely safe.”

She made a disparaging sound, standing rigid in his arms. “You have even less say in this than I do.”

“No.” His arms contracted, drawing her closer, so close she could feel his heartbeat against her back. “I would’ve raised hell, done whatever I had to do to make other arrangements if I thought you’d be at risk with them. You’ll be in good hands, baby.”

Hearing that endearment from him would normally have warmed her from the inside out. She was too cold inside for it to penetrate. The fear kept rising inside her, too sharp, flooding her brain. “I’d rather be in yours.”

Nathan expelled a long breath and pressed his face against her hair, his distress clear. “God, me too. Believe me, I wish I didn’t have to go, but if you’re dead set against WITSEC then I’ll call my commander and step down from this one—”

“
No
. No way.” Taya was aghast that he’d even consider such a thing. Leave the team for her? Risk his career, leave the guys who meant so much to him, because of her? She was deeply touched that he’d make that sacrifice for her, but she’d never allow it. “I would never let you do that.”

“I’d do it though, to keep you safe.” His murmur stirred the hair at her temple.

She shook her head. “Thank you, but no.” She needed to move, to burn off this frenetic energy rising inside her. She pushed his hands off her middle and pulled from his embrace, immediately feeling colder as she paced away from him. “When?”

“Dawn.”

The word landed on her ears like a death knell. She rubbed a hand over her forehead, made herself turn to face him. His eyes were tormented, but that didn’t make her feel any better. She realized he had no control over this. Neither of them did. It was her call whether or not to join WITSEC, but given the circumstances and the short timeline involved, she already knew what her decision had to be.

It was hard though, to take this step. All the control she’d battled to regain had been stripped from her yet again. All because of one sadistic, evil man.

I’m going to bring you down, Qureshi
, she vowed.
I’m going to bury you in that courtroom
. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

He let out a relieved breath. “Thank you.”

She nodded, one last question foremost in her mind. She wanted the truth. “Am I going to see you again?”

At that his expression turned incredulous. “
Yes
. God, Taya.” He closed the distance between them in two strides, pulled her back into his arms. His hold was fierce, protective. The grip of a man desperate for her to believe in him. “I care about you. More than I’ve ever cared about another woman. You think I want to let you go?”

Then don’t.
She slid her arms around his waist, hugged him back, unable to keep from touching him. Her heart was already in his hands, whether he realized it or not. She just didn’t have the courage to tell him yet. “I care about you too. So much.”

He slid one hand into her hair, pressed her head harder into his shoulder, his big hand cradling the back of her skull. “We’re going to see each other again. As soon as the trial’s done.”

For the entire trial to wrap up it could take weeks, maybe longer, depending on how things went. Would he still want her as much by then? What if their connection was this intense because of the current circumstances, and it faded while they were apart? Would he move on without her? Go back to the lineup of available women he had to choose from? Absence made the heart grow fonder.

But it could also make it wander.

She’d been on the receiving end of that one once already. She didn’t want to go through that again with Nathan.

“Say something,” he whispered fervently, squeezing her tighter.

“Okay,” she said, only because she didn’t know what else to say and didn’t feel like arguing when they only had a few hours left together. Either he’d contact her after the trial or he wouldn’t, that was as out of her control as him leaving. Suddenly it felt like her entire life was out of her control.

She pulled free of his arms when someone discreetly cleared their throat from behind them. Cruz stood in the kitchen doorway, his expression apologetic. “Sorry, but Tuck wants to brief us on some new intel that just came in. About tomorrow,” he said to Nathan, probably meaning whatever training they’d be doing to get ready for the trial assignment.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” Nathan muttered. He spared her a long, poignant look before turning and following his teammate into the next room, where Taya knew better than to follow.

It was almost midnight by the time the meeting with Tuck and the others began to wind down, ending with a conference call to DeLuca and a debrief. Things were moving fast now.

The FBI was tracking dozens of tips throughout southeastern Virginia, including two possible sightings of Ayman and Darwish. Still no sign of the missing witnesses, and no one in the FBI had a solid theory about why The Brethren hadn’t splashed pictures of their dead bodies all over social media, to brag about their exploits.

Nate’s gaze kept straying to the staircase as Tuck wrapped things up. After eating a quick takeout dinner with them, Taya had gone upstairs at about nine. He’d heard the pipes running half an hour ago and assumed she’d taken a shower or bath. After all she’d been through the past few days and his announcement about leaving her in the morning he figured she might want time alone, but that’s the last thing he wanted to give her.

He was going crazy sitting down here with the minutes ticking away, aching to be up there with her instead, spending their remaining few hours together. The look on her face when he’d told her he was leaving was burned into his brain. Sorrow and resignation.

“We keeping you from something?” Tuck drawled, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Nate swung his gaze back to him. Shit, he’d totally spaced there for a minute, right in front of his team leader. While he was on unofficial probation. “No.”

Tuck shared a knowing look with Cruz and Vance before looking back at him, and grinned. “You sure? Cuz I’m pretty sure you didn’t hear a word I just said.”

Nate could feel the tips of his ears turning red as the others stared at him.

Tuck closed the folder in front of him, signaling an end to the meeting. “Cruz and I’ll take first shift while Vance watches the street. You’d better talk to Taya some more about the change in security, see if you can ease her mind about it.”

Nate threw him a suspicious look. If he didn’t know better, Tuck had just given him the green light for alone time with their witness. But that couldn’t be right. “Yeah, okay.”

Tuck raised a dark blond eyebrow, amusement glinting in his dark brown eyes. “Unless you’d rather take first watch?”

Okay, he wasn’t stupid. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity Tuck was giving him. “No, it’s… I’ll talk to her,” he finished, feeling awkward and humbled at the same time.

Tuck nodded and stood. “See you in four hours,” he said without looking at him, and headed for the living room.

Nate didn’t have to be told twice. He jogged up the stairs, anticipation building inside him with every step. Having a few hours alone with Taya with two other guys in the house wasn’t ideal, but it was the best he could ask for and he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to spend these last few hours with her.

Her door was closed but a strip of light came from beneath it. He knocked softly.

“Come in.”

Turning the knob slowly, he opened the door a crack. The covers rustled as Taya sat up with the blankets pooling around her hips. “Hey,” she whispered without a trace of grogginess.

“Hey.” He stepped inside and closed the door, noted the book and pen in her hands. “Can’t sleep?”

She shook her head, watching him in the soft glow of the lamplight. “Just doing some journaling.”

He’d seen the book before, sticking out of her purse or sitting on her nightstand. “What are you writing about?”

“Just thoughts, things that have happened lately. I don’t write the way I used to now. My psychiatrist started me on something called cognitive processing therapy when I first got home. You asked me once how I could move on, and this was a big part of it. You start by writing your traumatic experience in the present tense, in as much detail as you can. Just let yourself bleed all over the pages until it’s out there. Then you read it aloud, either alone or to someone else.”

She tucked a lock of shiny golden brown hair behind one ear. He missed seeing her curls, thought about the way they tangled around his fingers when he touched them. “You do that a half dozen times or so, maybe more, until it’s as authentic as you can make it. Then you do it again, but you write it in the past tense.”

Nate had seen a documentary on something similar a few months back, when he’d first begun to slip.

“By writing it and reading it aloud when it’s in the past tense, eventually your brain gets the message and helps file the experience in the past, where it belongs.” She gave a half-smile. “I know that probably sounds hokey, but it worked for me. One day the images stopped being quite so vivid. That’s when I was able to start the process of moving forward again.” She set the book aside on the nightstand. “Have you ever thought about trying something like that?”

He eyed the book, torn between wanting to know what she’d been through during her captivity and her forced marriage, and afraid of what he might learn. “Nah, not much of a writer.”

She studied him, those big gray eyes delving deep inside him. “I bet you are.”

“I think you’d be disappointed.”

Her mouth curved in a seductive smile. “Pretty sure you could never disappoint me.” From the way she said it there was little doubt she meant sexually, and he was totally on board with that. He’d love nothing better than to spend the rest of their time making her come over and over again, burying his tongue or fingers inside her while covering her mouth with his free hand to muffle her cries.

So that when she was alone in her bed in her new safe house, she’d think of him and what he’d done to her. Maybe stroke herself while thinking about it.

Hot.
He was hard just thinking about it.

Taya sat up straighter and shifted on the bed. The sleep shirt and shorts she wore exposed the length of her bare legs, emphasized the curve of her breasts and the indent of her waist. “How long until you leave?” she asked.

“Just over four hours.” He closed the distance between them, lowering his weight beside her onto the edge of the mattress, caught her warm cinnamon-vanilla scent. He leaned in to press his face into the curve of her neck, breathe her in.

Her breath caught. He lifted his head to see her pupils had dilated and her nipples were hard points beneath her shirt. “Where are the others?”

“Tuck and Cruz are downstairs and Vance is taking first watch outside.” He lifted a hand to trail a fingertip down the side of her face. “I think they’re trying to give us some privacy.”

With a soft smile she leaned into his touch, but he could see the emotions warring in her eyes. The knowledge that their time together was running out. “I’ll take it.”

Nate’s heart squeezed. “You’re gonna be okay, Taya.”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ll miss you though.”

Ah, damn, he was going to miss her too. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap. She curled into him and held on, her cheek pressed to the side of his neck.