Atonement (2 page)

“Is something wrong Tate?” I asked. I could tell by his expression that he was battling something in his mind.

“This is going to be so much harder than I thought,” Tate said looking straight ahead.

“What? Really, I didn’t think it would be much different than the grueling schedule your dad had you on for baseball last year,” I said. There was a long pause.

“I don’t mean baseball Reese, I mean you…” he said still not looking at me. I looked at him with a seriously confused expression, ‘me’, I thought, feeling a little apprehensive.

“I’m going to kill myself with jealousy. I could hardly concentrate during the game for watching you. There was a group of guys that were talking and pointing at you and Elle. If they had come up to you, I would have left the field, or thrown a baseball to knock some damn sense into them.” Tate ran his hand through his damp hair.

I guess he should never know the same group of guys had asked for our numbers at the concessions. “Tate, you’re overreacting. Who cares what they think, or what they do? I’m in love with you. I’m not looking for anyone else.” He was looking off, obviously in deep thought. I carefully grabbed his chin and pulled his face back to mine. “I get it, I don’t want girls gawking at you and trying to hook up with you, but they will…you’re gorgeous Tate, not to mention super talented, and so hot in that uniform. If I acted this way over every girl who threw their number at you, I’d be dead with jealousy.” I would,
but I had to make myself not think about it. I knew how much girls watched and wanted Tate.

Tate looked at me with true intensity. “These people don’t know us Reese…they don’t know that you’re mine. They don’t know to leave you alone…that you’re already taken.” Tate was searching for a solution. He was going to drive himself crazy.

“Tate, you have to trust
me
okay…you have to know I love you, and you alone.” I leaned my head up against his arm. “But if you’re really unable to control these feelings, maybe you should see a counselor, you know? I could have mine work…”

Tate cut me off. “Hell no, Reese. I’m not that messed up,” then he cringed “I mean I haven’t had an issue where I need to be counseled.”

I looked at him sideways and thought, are you freaking kidding me…you had a ‘relationship’ with an older, married woman, you were almost killed by her crazy husband, you watched my ex-boyfriend die, and helped nurse me back to health after I was
shot
! Not to mention you were almost convicted of murder, and you can’t think about anything but someone looking at me or hitting on me. Then I turned to him and said “you’re right Tate, I’m sure you don’t have a problem you need to see someone about.”

He looked at me then, his skin red from the truths I must have been recalling in my head about his recent past. I could sense the battle raging in his own head.

Up ahead of us were Elle and Finn holding hands and laughing about something funny he had said. Why couldn’t that be us? They seemed so uncomplicated, I thought. Would we ever have that, Tate and me? Then a memory of myself and my mom talking before I left home last month, popped in to
my head. She had said “Love that is worth fighting for, is never easy…If it becomes too easy, it’s no longer that love.” I’m sure there was great insight to that comment, but it all just sounded like so much work. How
were
we going to handle Tate’s jealousy? First of all, I would have to try to be more careful about the guys around me…avoid those I could.

I decided to break the silence. “Are you okay with us coming with you and Finn to the Palmer House?” I was suddenly very worried for how this night was going to go.

“Of course Reese, you’ll be by my side the entire time. I want to spend the evening with you, are you crazy?” He asked.

“You know what I’m trying to say Tate, can you handle me being around the team, and other guys?” I asked.

“Reese, I told you, I’m not crazy. Like I said, you’ll be with me. They’ll know we’re together. It’s when you’re not with me, that they don’t know,” he said with his brow furrowed.

I couldn’t help but think about all the times we wouldn’t be together…with our crazy schedules, that might be a ton. I could only imagine my past with Carter and with John (the beach god I had met at Beaufort while Tate and I were broken up) had made him more insecure. I can also bet my history of being raped once and almost raped the second time (by Sam, John’s ‘friend’, which was more vivid and brutal), had him worried for my safety. But, this level of jealousy was new for us. I was more than a little concerned.

“Okay Tate, it will be fun,” I squeezed his hand.

was hyperaware of any looks I got at ‘the house’. I usually try not to notice, but Tate had me on edge. He either had my hand in his or his arm around my shoulders the entire night. I had one beer, in ‘my cup’ of course, all evening. Tate on the other hand enjoyed at least 3 large Solo cups from the keg. It seems these parties and kegs go hand in hand.

“Tate, I’m going to the rest room,” I leaned up on my tiptoes and whispered in his ear.

“Okay,” he said, “take Elle with you.”

I wasn’t opposed to that idea. I didn’t know hardly anyone here. I grabbed her arm, dragging her away from Finn.

“Let’s go to the potty,” I joked with her.

She laughed at me. “Okay sure, the buddy system…right?” and she winked at me.

“Actually, the Tate system,” I shrugged. “He insisted I take you.”

“Girl, he has it bad. He won’t let you out of his sight.” She was shaking her head from side to side, her long strawberry blonde hair swaying with each turn.

“I know, come on,” as I drug her into the bathroom.

On our way out, we were whispering about our Saturday plans when a couple of guys approached us.

“Hey ladies, how are we tonight?” the one in front said. Oh great, I thought, ‘how are we?’ how cheesy.

I just said “hey” and kept on walking. Elle was right behind me.

One of the guys reached out and grabbed my arm, causing me to lean back. “Hey, wait up, we wanted to introduce ourselves.”

I glanced from him to my arm and back at him. “Uh, no thanks, we’re in a hurry,” I said over my shoulder. The rest of the guys burst out laughing and cracking on the one who had been trying to talk to us. Elle’s blue eyes got big, and she threw her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle.

When we got back to Tate, Elle and I were full on laughing too.

“What’s so funny?” Tate said smiling at us and pulling me into his embrace. I hadn’t thought about Tate catching us laughing.

“Nothing, we just blew off a bunch of guys trying to hit on us,” said Elle. “See, we can hold our own.” She said playfully.

I furrowed my brow at her, my laughter quickly ceasing. I knew better than to make anything to do with me and another guy a joke.

“What guys?” asked Tate, leaning around to look at me and then at Elle. “Point them out to me.” Oh God, I thought, here we go.

“No Tate, it’s no big deal. I took care of it,” I said in a stern voice. I was thinking…are you freaking kidding me?

“Well, maybe I should take care of it,” he said back. He was moving closer toward the direction of the bathroom.

“Tate, please…I completely ignored them. Guys are going to do that from time to time,” I was pleading with him. He wasn’t interested in backing down, so I said “Look, I’m ready to go. I’m tired anyway.” I had suddenly lost any sense of fun.

Tate looked at me then, his focus back on us and not ‘those guys’. “I’m sorry Reese. I didn’t mean to get so upset…” He was running his hands through his hair.

“No really Tate. It’s best if we don’t come to these types of events…let’s go.” I rolled my eyes and started walking toward the door.

Tate grabbed my hand and pulled me quickly down the hall, so fast I almost stumbled on the way.

“Tate, where are we going?” I said. He was making me a little nervous with how tight he had my hand. Surely he wasn’t going to try to find those guys again.

When we got to the end of the hall, he stopped abruptly. Grabbing me in his firm arms, he kissed me, hard. There was no pause from the moment his lips touched my lips, his tongue was immediately caressing mine. His chest was pressed up against mine, his hands on my lower back. He drew back his mouth, quickly finding my neck. He was whispering between each kiss. “Oh. God. Reese. You. Are. Driving. Me. Crazy.” He let out a deep exhale of a breath. “I can’t get a hold of my feelings. I want you to know how much I love you, how much I need you.”

‘This’ felt so good. When we were like this, our electricity was almost deadly. Oh, how I needed him too.

“Tate, I love you, don’t ever doubt me. I Only. Want. You.” I said between kisses. He was literally taking my breath away.

Then he hugged me tight, his head in the crook of my neck.

“Ahhh, I’m sorry Reese. Please don’t be mad at me. If you weren’t so damn fine, I wouldn’t have to worry about all eyes being on you, and guys trying to find a way to spend time with you.” The worry in his eyes was heart-piercing. His gorgeous hazel brown eyes were pleading with me. I guess I had made him insecure over the last year, not meaning to of course. However, circumstances with Carter first then John had to keep him on the defense.

I had tried to express how devoted I was to him over and over. But he thought that was the core of our problems. So it was my fault that guys looked at me? I didn’t dress like someone asking for trouble. I was fairly conservative. God had given me a long lean build, long honey colored hair, and a voluptuous chest. But, God had also given me Tate. I didn’t want anything I had to be enjoyed by anyone else…just Tate. How did I make him understand this?

“Let’s get out of here Tate. We could stand some alone time.” I said, giving him one last sweet kiss. As we were leaving, a group of amazingly HOT chicks walked by. As if in unison they said “Hey Tate,” and with a wave and a stripper grin, they kept on walking. He didn’t acknowledge this of course, but it was another reminder of how much girls were hoping to try to grab his attention, and enjoy some of what he had to offer.

He inhaled sharply. “This will work Reese. You and me at college together…it has to. The other option is…unacceptable.” He was shaking his head.

he days were slinking by. Classes were tough, but it was so great to have Elle, Tate and Finn with me. Today was one of the first Saturday’s we were going to be able to hang out together. Baseball had really kept our guys busy, but they had a break this weekend. We decided to take a drive up to Hanging Rock State Park. Elle and I packed a picnic basket and two bottles of Starborough, Sauvignon Blanc. We had the plastic wine glasses, and a cozy blanket ready. We also had the iPod, and blue tooth, wireless speakers. The guys had grabbed the tent, sleeping bags, and mosquito spray. I wasn’t much for camping out, but I loved a good adventure…especially if Tate was by my side.