Arrest-Proof Yourself (53 page)

8.
Sign the ticket.

SIGN THAT TICKET OR YOU’LL REGRET IT

Most people don’t realize that what they’re signing is merely a receipt that acknowledges that they have received the traffic citation. It is
not
an admission of guilt. It does
not
affect your right to appear in court to contest the ticket. In many states cops are supposed to tell you this, but they often forget or mumble. Not signing the ticket, however, is a
criminal
offense in many states. It can get you arrested at once.

The police cruiser is parked at an angle to deflect a rear collision away from officer.

In position 1, the officer approaches the driver’s side within the shaded zone of safety. The driver would have to twist 270 degrees to aim a weapon at the officer, who is protected by the car’s A-post.

From position 2, the officer is likewise protected from passengers by the opposite A-post. In a two-man unit during a felony stop, the second officer would move to this position and jack a round into the Nine-Ball Machine, a shotgun whose shells are loaded with nine .32 caliber miniballs.

Schools, parents, and, especially, driving instructors are incredibly remiss when they do not explain this matter. An astounding number of people are arrested each year for failing to sign tickets. Every criminal attorney has several such cases. The resulting expenses and the lifetime arrest record are as absurd as they are avoidable. Sign the freaking thing!

THE FELONY STOP

A felony stop occurs when police think the driver or passengers have committed a serious crime. Felony stops are completely different from routine stops. If you’ve been in one, you’ll never forget it. Felony stops can happen to anyone. Many upstanding citizens are felony stopped because their vehicles
resemble
those used in a crime. During felony stops, drivers and passengers are at serious risk of injury and can even be killed for making a wrong move. This is serious stuff, so listen up. Here’s what happens.

1.
Oncethecruiserpullsyouover,officersmaydrawweapons.They will immediately begin issuing commands, usually through the loudspeaker before they get out of the cruiser. The commands will get you and any passengers out of the vehicle and onto the ground, where you cannot threaten the officers with a weapon or use the vehicle to escape. They will go like this: “Driver, with your left hand, take the keys out of the ignition and throw them out the window. Put both hands out of the window. Open the door from the outside. Get on your knees. Face away from me. Place both hands on top of your head.”

2.
If the cruiser is a two-man unit, the second officer will go to the passenger-side A-post. You may hear the distinctive sound of a shotgun round being jacked into the chamber by the second officer. This will be the notorious Nine-Ball Machine.

3.
In this situation, you must obey instructions
precisely
. Do
not
try to anticipate what officers want you to do and start rummaging for licenses and paperwork. Officers may consider this an attempt to reach for a weapon. Instead, react just like a robot. If they say, “Place your hands on wheel,” do it. If they say, “Put your hands outside the window,” do it.

4.
Do
not
argue with police officers aiming high-powered pistols and shotguns at you. Answer questions briefly and truthfully. Do not talk with passengers.
Shut up
unless officers ask you a question.

5.
If you and your vehicle are not the ones police are seeking, they will let you go, unless police have discovered a violation of law. If you think police have infringed on your rights, hurt you, or damaged your vehicle, hire a lawyer and argue later in court. Do
not
argue with the officers on the scene and give them an incentive to arrest you. If they try hard enough, they’ll think of
something
.

This is ammo for the Nine-Ball Machine, a magnum cartridge firing nine hardened steel miniballs. When an officer fires, the balls shred the vehicle and penetrate it until they bounce off the engine. With three rounds from the Nine-Ball Machine, police can kill everyone in a vehicle within seconds.

6.
If you and your vehicle were involved in a serious crime, you’re going to be searched and arrested. Important: During a felony stop, police already have probable cause to make a search. They do not have to ask permission. If this is the case, your only tactic is to minimize the charges brought against you. Therefore, do not resist. Do not flail your arms, as this is technically considered resisting in many states. When officers read your Miranda rights, they will ask if you understand. Say one word, “Yes.” Then wait, saying nothing. If police ask for more than identifying information, registration, or insurance, say only the following words:

“I want a lawyer. I will not say anything unless my lawyer is with me.”

If you do not speak English well, just say three words, “I want lawyer,” then be quiet. If you speak in your language, the officers may
translate
what they
think
you said into English in their reports. You are at a disadvantage. Yes, you do want lawyer.

If you’re involved in a crime, shut up completely. Nothing you say will help. Anything you say will hurt. Talking is only an opportunity to lie, act out, resist, and rack up more charges. Many questions will be trick questions. For example, if officers ask if you’ve been arrested before or if you’re on probation, they may already know the answer by having run your tag or license through their computers. Say the wrong thing and you’ve just committed another crime, lying to a police officer.
The officers will do everything possible to get you talking
. Silence is the only response that minimizes damage. Remember, you have a
constitutional right
to remain silent and to avoid incriminating yourself. Important: Don’t
talk
about your rights, just
exercise
them. I will repeat Uncle Dale’s Golden Rule #3, in language that is universally understood in police cruisers, in jails, and in the courts of this great nation:

GIVE COPS YOUR NAME AND BASIC INFO, THEN SHUT THE HECK UP!

26

TO BE SEARCHED OR NOT TO BE SEARCHED?
THAT
IS THE QUESTION!

T
he vehicle search is the most common reason routine traffic stops escalate into arrests. Police do not always search a vehicle when giving out traffic tickets. To discover what makes them want to search, refer to your car arrestability quotient (Car-Q) in the chart a few pages back. The higher your Car-Q, the more you fit a crook profile. Check out these factors.

CAR APPEARANCE.
Bad guys use jalopies more than vehicles with showroom shine. If your ride is dented, rusty, and plastered with Bondo, you’re on the arrest radar. Keep the car as clean as possible.

MANNERS.
Bad guys are rarely respectful. So be polite. When talking with police, get rid of the gum and chewing tobacco to show respect. Do this with your fingers. Do not spit anything out the window or spit at the officers. Because of AIDS, spitting on a police officer is a felony in most states. Make eye contact, straighten up, and be polite, even if this makes you crazy. Turn off that stereo. Being a little nervous around cops is normal. Of course, if you’re too smooth, officers may assume you’re a psychopath with no emotions or that you achieved that flat affect with tranquilizers.

DRESS.
Police rarely search cars whose drivers are wearing well-pressed suits or nice dresses. Thug clothes make you look like a felon-in-waiting. If you’re nasty, scruffy, and have bad BO, expect more police attention.

LITERATURE.
Not many people get searched if they have the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, or the Book of Mormon on their front seat. Not so if you have white supremacist magazines, black power or gang pamphlets, or pornography. Even though these materials are legal, they will lead police to search for things that are illegal, such as kiddie porn and snuff flicks.