Arizona Skies: The Muse (23 page)

Her wet hair was clinging to her face as her breasts bounced with every thrust. I tried to protect her back as she slammed against the wall. Her brown eyes were half closed as she moaned her approval
of my total possession of her body. I’d never felt so fucking out of control in my life, squeezing her ass tight to my body, rubbing her core up and down on my hard cock. Her moans as I rubbed her clit propelled me into the most explosive climax I’d ever experienced. I felt her muscles clenching down hard on me as she came, yelling out my name. I held her tight to me, unable to move. “Amazing,” I said, letting her slide down my body.

I didn’t want to let her go, Euphoria had taken over my body, and my emotions were all over the place. I needed some time alone to sort out my head; she had gotten to me in a way nobody had ever done before. Her trust and the love she freely gave to me, not asking for anything in return, was astounding. I was blown away as I tried to catch my breath and put my head back on straight.

I quickly washed us both up and shut off the water. I handed her a towel and threw on my shorts to go back to my room to change. When I opened the door and looked back, she was naked. She stood there looking at me, so beautiful; I knew I had to get out of there for some much-needed air.

I blew her a kiss and left, not even aware of my surroundings as I made my way back to my room. I glanced into Scott’s room as I passed; his door was open. He was picking up clothing strewn all over his floor—he was a slob. I shook my head as I opened the door to my room.

I sat on my bed for a long time, just staring at the wall. What the fuck was I going to do when this cruise was over? I’d had the best sex of my life with a totally inexperienced girl. I’d loved every minute of being with her and missed her every minute that we were apart. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I sat down at my desk, writing verses to a song in my head like a lunatic. There was only one explanation. Scott was right. I was in love!

It finally happened, just like John described it to me. I couldn’t get enough of her; I missed her, and we’d only been apart fifteen minutes. “Fuck…fuck…fuuuuuck,” I yelled out loud.

“Man, you OK?” Scott said, rushing into my room.

“No, I’m not. What am I fucking going to do without her?” I said, pushing myself out of the chair to pace.

“Man, it’ll work out somehow; it’s got to,” he said, watching me pace back and forth.

“Scott, I’m a fucking mess!” I felt totally out of control.

“Jess, you’ve got to pull it together, man; we need you,” he said.

“I know, I’m being a fucking asshole,” I said.

“No, you’re not; you’re just overwhelmed with all these foreign emotions right now.” He was right; I was feeling overwhelmed, confused, scared, out of control—you name it, I felt it!

“Put what you’re feeling into words, Jess; it’ll help,” he said.

“I’ve been writing like a madman, Scotty; it’s not helping!”

“I’ve never seen you like this before, Jess. I’m not sure what to say to you right now,” Scott said as he watched me have a meltdown.

“Nothing anybody can say will help how I’m feeling right now. I’ve got to get my shit together somehow, Scott; I know it, but I have no idea where to start,” I said, sitting back down at the desk. He followed me over, looking at the papers I had been writing on.

“Man, this is really good,” he said, taking the paper to read my words. I sat there holding my head while he read about my feelings.

“Knock, knock, can anybody come in?” John asked, standing in my doorway, apparently watching the show.

“Man, look at these,” Scott said, handing him the papers I’d written on. He read some of the lines I’d written and looked at me.

“Jesse, these are fantastic,” John said with a big smile. I looked up at him, trying to comprehend what he’d just said to me.

“Listen, I know you’re confused right now about your feelings for Bailey. Believe me, I understand; it wasn’t too long ago I was in the same place you’re in right now. Don’t get frustrated; your lyrics are saying it all for you. Just keep writing, and it’ll all work out, man. I promise,” he said, patting my shoulder.

“I hope so; I fucking hope so,” I said, holding on to my head.

“You’re a genius, Jess; have some faith, man,” Scott said. “Hey, we having a party?” Keith asked as he wandered into my room.

“Yeah, look, man,” John said, handing him the papers.

“Jess, these are great. So what’s going on in here?” he asked.

“Group therapy, I guess,” I said, looking up at him.

“No, just giving a brother a pep talk,” John said.

“You look kinda bummed there, Jess. You OK?” Keith asked.

“No, look at him; he’s fucking in love,” Scott blurted out.

“No shit. That’s kinda obvious,” Keith said, shaking his head as he left my room.

“Am I that much of an open book?” I asked.

“Mmm…pretty much, man,” John said, smiling at me.

“
Well, fuck!
” I said, putting my hands up on the back of my head. John chuckled at my demeanor.

“That’s not a bad thing! It was bound to happen one day,” John said, trying to keep a straight face.

“I’m so fucked,” I said, looking up at him.

“Yeah, but look at the effect that little beauty has on you,” John said, holding up the papers. “Listen Jess I know you’re feeling this all-consuming love for her right now. OK, I’ve been there; I know how much you miss her when she’s not around. How you wonder what she’s doing and if she misses you as much as you miss her. That’s what people feel when they fall in love man,” he chuckled. “I felt the same way about Natalie, she completely knocked me for a loop, I didn’t know which way was up. But after the luster wears off and you settle into the relationship, things will be better and you’ll be able to function again,” he chuckled. “You’re changing man, we can all see it. Hell you even apologized to me, something I never expected to hear,” he said patting my shoulder.

I looked up at John; everything he was saying was exactly the way I was feeling. He was right.

I looked at me and smiled. “I know you’ve got a lot of problems to work through right now, but believe me she’s worth the trouble.
Logistically that is going to be a big problem, but I’m sure you two will work it out. If it’s meant to be, then it will happen,” he said being the voice of reason I’ve come to rely on.

“What about when she leaves, what do I do then?”

“Afraid you’ll slip back into fuckup mode again, there, Jess?” John said.

“Absolutely!”

“Then I guess we’ll have to figure out a way to lure her to Arizona, won’t we?” John said.

“From your lips to God’s ears,” I said.

“Listen; don’t give up the ship, OK? I’m sure she’s feeling the same way about you. We’ll figure it out,” John said, patting my shoulder as he put the papers back on my desk.

“I’m being such an asshole right now,” I said to him.

“You used to be an asshole, but right now you’re not. OK, now keep up the good work,” John said as he left my room. I looked over at Scott and shook my head. John was so smart; he understood what I was feeling. I did feel better after confessing my feelings out loud. I had to get over my pity party and just deal.

“Fuck this feeling sorry for myself. I’m over it, man. Let’s go have some fun; what do you say?”

“Hell yeah, welcome back, Jess,” Scott said, hooking his hand with mine to pull me in for a man hug.

“Well, that was a very productive meeting,” I said, chuckling as I changed, and we headed out my door. If I thought my life was a whirlwind before, now it was kicked up to a category-three hurricane. I decided to hold on and enjoy the ride. I’d cry and lick my wounds later on.

“Right now I just want to concentrate on having fun and loving my girl!”

“That’s the Jess we all know and love,” Scott chuckled.

“I love you, man,” I said, not ashamed to admit my admiration for him.

Twelve

Bailey

J
esse and I combed the ship looking for just the right gifts for family. He bought a stuffed dolphin for his little niece and a motorized ship for his nephew. He let me help pick out a beautiful scarf for his mother and a shawl similar to the one I bought for his sister. His brother-in-law he decided needed to have a gadget for his desk. I had no clue what it was, but Jesse was sure it would entertain him. I looked around as he shopped, giving my opinion when he asked. Jesse had a pretty good idea what he wanted for each individual; he had good taste. I was looking in this boutique at T-shirts when Jesse decided he’d forgotten something.

“Listen, I need to go back down that way. I’ll be right back,” he said.

“OK,” I said, holding up T-shirts.

Jesse disappeared around the corner as I continued to look for just the right shirt. I chose one in light blue that had an ocean scene with dolphins at sunset. It had the beautiful, red-and-pink sunset that I remembered watching on deck with Jesse. I bought it big so it hung halfway down my thighs, my favorite sleeping garment. I paid for it and turned around to leave. There was Jesse leaning up against the door, waiting for me with a big smile on his face.

“How long have you been standing there?” I asked.

“Long enough to see the most beautiful girl in the world hold up a T-shirt to her body for size,” he said. “Looks a little big, I think.”

“I want it big to sleep in. It reminds me of watching the sunset with you from the ship’s deck,” I said.

“I can’t wait to see you in it,” he said, taking my hand to lead me out of the store.

“Shopping all done?” I asked.

“Yep, let’s head back and rest for a while,” he said, leading the way.

We went to his room. He put his purchases away, except for one bag he set on his bed. He crawled up on the bed and pulled me with him, leaning against the headboard as he cradled me in his arms and stroked my hair.

“Mmmmm…you smell like heaven,” he said, playing with my hair.

“It’s that special shower we had,” I said, smiling at him.

He chuckled, holding me tight, not saying a word. He reached down for the package and held it up to me.

“I bought you something,” he said, taking the box out of the plastic bag.

I sat up to inspect the box in his hand.

“This is for me?” I asked as he handed it to me. It was a beautiful, red velvet box, too pretty to open.

“Open it,” he prompted, watching me intently.

I opened the lid, and there was an exquisite silver necklace with a diamond-studded heart, and in the center of the heart was a ruby.

“Jesse, it’s beautiful,” I said, taking it out of the box. The diamonds sparkled in the sunlight. The chain was light and delicate. The heart was about an inch in diameter, very dainty and stunning.

“That’s my heart, Bailey; it beats for you. The ruby in the center represents the first day I saw you in that red dress,” he said, smiling at me.

“Jesse, I don’t know what to say; it’s beautiful. You put a lot of thought into this; that means so much to me,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Honey, don’t cry,” he said, pulling me to his chest for a hug.

“I can’t help it; it’s so sweet. I love it,” I said, reaching under my hair to hook it around my neck, feeling the stones in the heart with my fingers.

“That necklace represents how I feel about you; don’t ever doubt that. Even when we’re separated, just reach up, touch it, and know I’m with you in my heart,” he said, looking into my eyes. “Just like every time I look at this leather band, I’ll think of you and know that you’re with me in your heart.” He kissed me sweetly.

“I’ll never take it off,” I said, returning his kiss.

“I’m glad you like it. I saw it, and every time we walked past it, it called to me. I had to go back and get it for you,” he said.

“Jesse, it must have been so expensive; are you sure?” I asked, running my finger over the diamonds.

“Honey, I’d buy you a dozen if I could keep you with me and not send you back to Pennsylvania. Come here, snuggle with me, and let’s just hold each other for a while,” he said, sliding down on the bed. I rested my head on his chest, listening to his breathing. It was calming holding him, just happy to be together.

Jesse stroked my hair as he held me, humming in my ear. I could hear his voice coming up from his chest, like he was singing from his heart just for me. I was so in love with him; my heart was breaking into little pieces every day as we became closer and closer to each other. It was bittersweet to find the man of my dreams, only to have to let him go in a few days. It felt cruel in a way, like we were torturing each other being together like this—knowing our love was going to crash and burn, leaving us as charred and mangled pieces of our hot and explosive love affair.

Sometimes life isn’t fair, and I was sure this was one of those times. My love, my life, my future lay in this bed, holding me just as tightly as I held on to him! Trying to spend as much time together as we could, keeping our much-needed connection, exchanging mementos to remember each other by—tokens of our love.

Jesse

I
actually enjoyed shopping with Bailey. She helped me pick out gifts for my family. We kept walking past this one jewelry store, and this necklace was calling out to me. Somehow I’d have to find a way to sneak back and get a closer look. I loved the wristband she had bought for me and I wanted to get her something special, something that expressed my feelings for her.