Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (33 page)

She stood up. “That is how I feel about it.” She strolled to the window.

He did not allow her to shut him out and followed her. “Listen to me.” He turned her to him. “It was because of natural causes, the doctor said so. This happens to many women. My mother lost children several times before she gave birth to Georgiana.”

“But my mother did not!” She pointed to her chest. “Why should I?”

“You must see that we cannot control certain things. You are not your mother. Besides, you cannot be sure whether she never had such experience. Was she never ill when you were little? You can write to her and ask.”

She shook her head, her lips pressed tightly. “I do not understand why it happened to us,” she muttered.

He pulled her into his arms. “We have so much, Elizabeth. We should appreciate it.” He stroked her back. “You cannot expect everything to be perfect.”

Slowly, he felt her relax in his arms, the tension leaving her body. She sighed.  “You are right; I know that you are. I am immature, selfish and...”

He put his finger on her lips. “Shush... do not. Enough castigating yourself for one day. I do not want to hear any of that. ” He lifted her chin, frowning at her. “Do we understand each other on that?”

She nodded and reached her arms up, locking them around his neck. “Let us go upstairs,” she whispered.

It was his turn to stiffen.

“I miss you,” she whispered, her lips on his neck.

His arms around her tightened. “Oh, Lizzy.”

“Shall we go upstairs?”

He shook his head. “The doctor said two months, we should wait two months. It has been only six weeks.”

She cupped his cheek. “I feel well. I have just finished my monthly courses, so I think everything has returned to normal.”

“I am not sure,” he said half-heartedly, at the same time bringing her closer.

She tilted her head to the side. “We can stay here if you do not wish to go upstairs. Lock the door. Unless, you do not want me after what happened.”

His eyes glittered furiously. “What, more nonsense?”

She took his hand into hers and began to walk towards the door, pulling him with her.

“Go first.” He stopped, preferring no one to see them sneaking together upstairs in the middle of the day, being a bit embarrassed with it. “I will join you in a few minutes.”

She lifted on her toes, her hands supported on his chest to maintain balance. “Do not linger.” She placed an open kiss on the side of his jaw and taking her letters, left.

***

Darcy opened his eyes, waking from a nap, feeling every part of his body singing in joy and sensual energy. He stretched and glanced to the side, his eyes locking on Elizabeth’s bare back. She was on her side, the sheet only partially covering her.

He reached his arm over her waist and spooned behind. “You are not sleeping?” he murmured  into her hair.

“No, I have just woken up.” She turned on her back and sat up, supporting herself against the pillows.

Darcy cushioned his head on her bosom. “What does Jane write?” he asked, seeing a letter in her hand.

“This one is from Charlotte Collins.” Her free hand played in his hair. “I am leaving Jane’s letter for dessert.”

“What says Mrs. Collins then?”

“Your aunt bought new stained glass windows for the church. They cost two hundred pounds.”

“She tries to buy herself out of her sins.”

“William, you should not say that, she is your relative after all, your mother’s sister,” she reminded gently.

Darcy shrugged. “I doubt my mother truly liked her. I think that the Fitzwilliams were rather relieved when she married so far away from home. It is her own fault that her family finds it difficult to keep normal, civilized relations with her.”

Elizabeth sighed but did not comment. “The main news, though, is that Charlotte gave birth to a healthy baby girl,” she said after a moment. “She named her Catherine, which is not surprising.”

Darcy looked up with concern. “It must be uneasy for you to read about it.”

“Not really. I knew that Charlotte was expecting yet in Kent when I visited her. I guessed that she should have given birth around this time.”

He took the letter from her hand and put it on the bedside. “Let us drop the unattractive subject of the Collinses and my aunt.”

“There is still a letter from Jane to read.” She tried to protest, the knowing smile playing on her lips.

He shoved her beside him abruptly, making her giggle. “Later.”

When they had made love earlier that afternoon, he had taken his time to caress her, make her ready, and satisfied in advance, but now he felt more impatient, more urgent. She had to sense that too, because she opened her legs and invited him in, pulling him on her.

He was about to push himself inside, mindful to be gentle, as she always seemed to need a little while to adjust around him, when she touched his face.

“I love you,” she said, looking into his eyes.

He frowned. He did not expect such a confession.

“I know that I do not tell you this as often as I should.” She swallowed, her eyes teary. “I love you.”

He groaned with a laugh. “I am trying to be gentle here. You are not making it easy.”

She laughed too. “Come here.” She cupped his bottom with both of her hands, pushing him in.

“Ahhh...” she moaned as he found the rhythm.

“Good?” he asked thickly.

She strained against him. “You cannot imagine.”

He smirked. “Oh, I think that I can.”

***

“William, wake up. William!” he was nudged firmly.

“Something’s wrong?” he murmured, focusing his vision on Elizabeth. She was dressed in her nightgown and robe, her hair strewn down her back and shoulders, the letter in her hand.

He had fallen asleep again after they had made love the second time. He had shamefully spent half of the day in bed with his wife.

“I have just read the letter from Jane.” Elizabeth said, her whole expression and body language agitated.

He sat up, running his hand over his face . “What is wrong? Something with your parents?” He dreaded to ask whether another sister had escaped home, giving herself freely into the arms of some rake. He had little fancy for leaving the comfort of his home, family and the company of his beloved wife to rescue another Bennet girl from scandal.

“No, they are fine. It is about Jane herself.” Elizabeth paused dramatically. “Mr. Bingely proposed to her.”

Darcy dropped back on the pillows. “All is well then. We expected that, did we not?”

“She refused.”

“What?” He sat up again. “But...” he shook his head. “I do not understand.”

Elizabeth bit her lower lip and stared at the letter in her hand. “I knew that Jane possessed some doubts, but I did not quite expect that...” She sighed.

Darcy stared at her with a frown of his own. “You told me that she was in love with him.”

“She was; I am sure she was.” Elizabeth cried, her voice defensive in tone. “She must have changed her mind.”

“Changed her mind?” he questioned unbelievably. “I had to apologize to Bingley for my interference, convince him to return to her, and now she says no to him. There is no sense to it.”

She straightened herself, giving him a slightly offended look. “I am convinced. I know that she had a very good reason to refuse him.”

“Does she explain it in her letter?”

Elizabeth nodded.

“What is it then?”

“I cannot tell you; it is private.”

“Women.” Darcy muttered, as he got out of the bed, looking for his trousers.

She stepped behind him. “Do not be angry.”

“I am not, it is just...” He turned to her, buttoning his flap. “I can hardly believe that I nearly lost you because I supposedly separated those two, and now she refuses him.”

“Jane is not a person to take such things lightly,” Elizabeth spoke with feeling.  “I know that she had given much thought and consideration to the matter before she made her decision. She would never harm anyone  or toy with someone’s feelings, but it does not mean that she should allow the others to hurt her.”

Darcy stared at her incredibly, trying to grip her meaning. “Are you saying that Bingley would hurt her?”

She puffed an exasperated air. “I did not say that... but it is all much more complicated than you may think.”

He waved his arms in the gesture of surrender, before strolling to the fireplace. He added a log to the dying fire and sat in his favourite armchair.

Elizabeth quickly invited herself onto his lap.

His arms went around her automatically. “I suppose your mother is not delighted with such a turn of events.”

“Jane is very cautious writing about Mama’s reaction, but you are right, our mother is not very pleased.”

He snorted. “Not very pleased... I can imagine that,” he murmured dryly.

She snuggled closer. “I was thinking ... perhaps we could invite Jane here.” Before he managed to answer, she was talking again. “I remember how hard it was to deal with Mama’s displeasure after I rejected Mr. Collins.”

“You cannot  compare those two situations,” he pointed out reasonably. “There is a vast difference between your saying no to that fool Collins and your sister rejecting Bingley.”

“Mr. Collins was a perfectly eligible match for me, according to Mama.”

He gave her a disgusted look. “Elizabeth, please, do not even suggest that before dinner. It makes me sick to my stomach, thinking you could accept him or even imagining him proposing to you.”

She buried her face into his neck, her hand stroking his flat stomach. “Jane will not be any trouble. Please. May I write the letter with the invitation?”

He sighed. “I shall send the carriage to Hertfordshire.”

“Thank you!” She kissed him on the lips. “You are too good.”

He had to smile at her enthusiasm. A small prize for making her happy. “Promise me one thing only,” he spoke gravely, maintaining her gaze. “You will never, ever, involve me in any matchmaking schemes in the future.”

Elizabeth expected the country house in which Colonel Fitzwilliam’s brother lived with the mother of his child to be rather small, similar in size to the average parsonage. William had referred to it as a modest one several times. What she saw though, looking curiously through the carriage’s window, was a manor slightly bigger than Longbourn. She was again struck with the realization of how wealthy her husband’s family was and how their perspective on such matters differed from hers.

The carriage stopped in front of the one storey, grey stone building. Darcy got out first, handing down first Georgiana and then his wife.

Although the December day was cold, with a touch of frost on the ground, Edward Fitzwilliam, Viscount Cranborne, awaited his guests in front of the house without  proper outer wear.

“Welcome. At last! We have been waiting since midday,”  he cried as he shook hands with Darcy, and they exchanged a short, manly hug. “We began to worry that something must have delayed you.”

“There was a fallen log on the road just outside Pemberley. We needed to stop to take care of it,” Darcy explained.

“A fallen log?” Edward  questioned, his eyebrows raised. “This time of the year?” He frowned. “I do not like the sound of that. It is very unusual.”

Darcy nodded, understanding the other man’s point without further explanation. “My first thought also was that some highwaymen wanted to set the trap, but nothing like that happened. The spot was quiet and deserted as we removed the obstacle.”

“Nevertheless, I will give you some additional people for your return.”

“I would appreciate it, cousin.” Darcy’s voice was grateful. “My men are armed, but one can never take enough precaution when travelling with his family.” He looked at Elizabeth and Georgiana, who stood, huddled at his side, hands hidden in identical fur muffs, waiting patiently to be acknowledged.

Edward’s eyes spotted the women as well. “Georgiana, you are an adult, young lady!” he exclaimed, “Where is that little girl I remember?”

Georgiana answered his enquiry with a shy smile.

“How tall you are exactly?” Edward wanted to know.

“Almost five feet and eight inches.”

“Will you be as tall as your brother then?” he teased.

Georgiana shook her head, her expression distressed. “I hope not. I feel that I am already too tall for a lady.”

“I would wish to be tall as you are, dear.” Elizabeth mentioned kindly. “Imagine being as short as I and having such a tall husband. We must present quite an odd  picture as we stand close together.”

“I believe that we are very well suited,”  Darcy spoke grumpily, glaring at her.

Edward laughed as he glanced at his cousin. “No one dares to doubt that, Darcy.” His eyes moved to Elizabeth. “It is a great pleasure to meet you at last, Mrs. Darcy. I have heard so much about you.” he assured with a wide smile.