Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (28 page)

“You do not love him?”

Jane turned her gaze away. “I was in love with him once. Since then, however, my feelings have changed.”

“You hold it against him that he departed when the news about Lydia broke,” Elizabeth guessed. “But you told me that he explained himself, that he needed to visit his uncle in Scarborough.”

Jane’s delicate eyebrows knitted together on her smooth forehead. “I am not sure of him, Lizzy. I feel I cannot count on him like you can on Mr. Darcy. Marriage to a man you do not love is one thing, but marrying someone you know that you cannot rely on is even worse, I believe.”

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Mrs. Bennet entered.

“Lizzy, you are still packing? You should go to bed, girl. There is an exhausting day before you tomorrow. You need your strength,” Mrs. Bennet nagged in her usual grumpy tone.

Jane rose from the carpet. “Yes, Mama.”

Mrs. Bennet cleared her throat as she looked at her eldest. “Jane, could you please leave as alone for a short time?” she asked, and then added quickly, “A quarter of an hour will be quite enough.”

“Of course, Mama.”

“I must talk with your sister about her marriage duties,” Mrs. Bennet announced solemnly in a grave tone.

Jane turned to Elizabeth so Mrs. Bennet could not see her face and winked at her younger sister before leaving the room.

Mrs. Bennet sat stiffly on the edge of Jane’s bed, her back perfectly straight, shoulders squared. “I think you know what I want to talk about, Elizabeth.”

“Yes, Mama,” Elizabeth murmured.

The woman nodded curtly. “Good. I will ask you to listen and not interrupt me till I finish. It is not easy to talk about such matters with my daughter, believe me, but it is my duty as a mother, and I will abide it.” She took a deep breath. “Tomorrow your husband will visit you in your bedroom and take his rights. He will perform a similar act to what animals do to procreate. You must have seen what animals do in the farmyard to have calves, kittens and puppies. He will reach for you, lie down on you, open your legs and enter you where you secret place is. The first time it will hurt you terribly, and you will have no pleasure out of it, and you will bleed. I bled for a long time, like a slaughtered animal almost.”

Elizabeth blushed heavily, remembering what had happened to her, but she tried to keep a neutral expression, not to give her mother any suspicions. Thankfully, Mrs. Bennet did not look directly at her.

“I advise you to cover the bed with something so as not to ruin the mattress and the silk sheets that Mr. Darcy surely has in his home,” her mother continued. “I think it will be quite similar with you, as you have clearly inherited my body build. You should ease your husband’s worry that the bleeding is a onetime experience. Your father was rather terrified when it occurred. I never bled later, so I do not perceive you will. Though the first time may seem horrible, you will surely find the entire experience pleasurable after some time. As Mr. Darcy genuinely loves you. A blind person would notice that, he will take an effort to please you. Do you understand so far what I am saying, girl?” Mrs. Bennet asked sharply.

“Yes, Mama,” Elizabeth said through a squeezed throat.

“You should be prepared that your husband will want you every night and, sometimes, even during the daytime. As you have no dowry or great connections, we can safely assume that his desire for you was what drove him into proposing. You should not push him away.” The woman stressed. “He will be happier, more content, and most importantly, kinder to you if you let him to have his way and show him your enjoyment from the act. He will love you more and be more willing to listen to you on the matters concerning your life together, including the financial decisions, his businesses and running the estate.”

Mrs. Bennet took a break then. Elizabeth walked to the small table and poured her a glass of water.

“Thank you,” the woman said with a smile as she drank thirstily.

“After you bear him several children, you will feel you do not wish to be close with him so often. It is quite natural, and you should not be surprised by such a reaction. You may also want to banish him from your bedroom completely. But I will not advise that. A man’s way of understanding is very simple, and he may think that you simply do not care for him any more if you do not want him in your bed. Your marriage may suffer then. Desire in men is stronger than in women, and you, as his wife, should answer it. He gives you security, respectability, children and a beautiful home, all that a woman can hope for in life, and you on your behalf, should ease his need from time to time at least. I know you too well, Lizzy, to think that you would wish for your husband to take a lover to replace you in that role. Besides, Mr. Darcy is too decent a man to do that, the same as your father. In other words, you should prepare yourself for long years spent in his arms, in his bed, making yourself available to him.”

Mrs. Bennet finished and stared at Elizabeth, “Well, do you have any questions?” she asked impatiently.

“No.”

“Very well.” Mrs. Bennet rose and walked to her. “Good night then. Rest well.” She kissed the top of Elizabeth’s head and hastily left the room.

“Lizzy, sweetheart,” Darcy nudged the sleeping woman gently off his chest. “We are about to reach London.”

She did not react, only buried deeper into him. He allowed her to sleep for a few minutes more. However, when they entered the busy streets of Town, he nudged her again, speaking to her softly, asking her to open her eyes. He observed as her impossibly long eyelashes batted against her rosy cheeks to reveal dark green, now misty eyes.

“We are on the outskirts of London,” he repeated.

She stretched, stifling a yawn. “So soon?”

“No, right on time. Even a bit slower than usual, as it rained for the past two days, and the roads are not what they should be. You slept soundly, despite the bumps on the road.”

She was still rubbing her eyes and yawning. “I am sorry. I was a poor companion.”

“I felt happy enough with having you in my arms, watching you sleep. But you must be tired, love,” he noted with concern.

She had fallen asleep almost the same moment he sat her beside him in his spacious carriage, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

She reached for her bonnet, which he had removed to make her comfortable. “Those last weeks were exhausting, all the preparations, and before that worrying about Lydia. Moreover, I could not sleep at all last night. I managed two hours before dawn.”

“Were you scared of the wedding day?” he asked half jestingly.

She shook her head with a smile. “No, it was not because of the wedding. I had a long conversation with Jane the evening before, which gave me a lot to think about. Moreover, Mama came to my room as well to enlighten me as to my marriage duties, you know, the part about the marriage bed.”

Darcy winced. “I can only imagine what she said to you. Your mother has a tendency to exaggerate.”

“To tell the truth, it was not that bad. She was honest and truly tried to help me. Her intentions were the best. However, I must say that if the situation between us was different, and I had not already known what to expect, what she said could be disturbing, even frightening.”

Darcy looked at her with such an expression, both puzzled and unreadable, that she assumed that he did not want to really hear the details.

“The most important piece of information I learned for now is that there should not be any bleeding the second time.”

“Was she sure of that?”

“Quite sure. She said I would probably bleed a lot the first time, but never after that.”

“That is a relief indeed. I planned to postpone any further intimacy between us till we learned more about what happened the first time. Last month was so busy that I hardly had time to think where I could look for advice on such a delicate matter.”

He pulled her into his arms. “I will ask to have dinner brought to our rooms, and we will go upstairs. I cannot wait to be with you.”

“It is not yet evening. What will the servants say?”

“I do not care.”

She smiled and snuggled closer, watching the busy streets of London through the window.

***

They were both in their night attire already, out of the restricting travelling clothes, refreshed with their separate baths they had taken after arrival at the Darcy townhouse. Dinner was served in the small sitting room next to the Mistress’ bedroom. Darcy was hungry, both for food and his wife. He decided it was wise to first satisfy his empty stomach, before dealing with more carnal desires. He always had a good appetite, even as a child, not to mention a young lad when he had seemed to grow foot a year. Today was no different; he was famished, as he had eaten very little at the wedding breakfast. He had prepared himself mentally for the possibility of spending his wedding night with Elizabeth in his arms, but not being able to love her completely. Thankfully there seemed not to be such need. His mother-in-law had turned out to be quite useful for a change. While munching on his roast beef, he stared at his wife’s breasts, mostly uncovered by the deep V of her robe.

“Is the food not to your satisfaction?” Darcy asked, noticing that Elizabeth was only moving the bits of meat and vegetable from one place to the other with her fork.

“No, no, it is all delicious,” she assured him and put the tiniest piece of potato into her mouth, chewing slowly.

Soon she dabbed her lips with a napkin, gaining a new glare from Darcy.

“Do not tell me that you are finished? You barely touched it. Have you eaten anything today?”

She wrapped her arms around her middle. “Mama tried to force some bread and white cheese into me early in the morning, but I vomited everything when she left the room.”

“Why have you not told me that you are ill?” he demanded angrily.

She smiled gently. “I am not ill. Only with child, it seems. It is rather normal in my condition, I understand, to have little appetite at the beginning of confinement.”

He looked at her with concern. “Still, you need to sustain yourself and the baby. You must eat.”

“But not today, please. I am not hungry. Please do not force me.”

Darcy gave her a stern look, but he did not insist. He would have to see from tomorrow morning that she ate properly.

She did not touch more food, but she kept him company through the meal, sitting opposite him, with a smile on her face. However, every time he looked at her, she seemed more and more absent, almost dozing off. He hurried to consume the rest of his food, which was not his custom, afraid that she would fall asleep right on the chair before he managed to get her into bed. Finally, as he saw her eyelids drop several times, he pushed his plate away, leaving a good chunk of meat untouched.

“I will be back with you in a minute,” he assured as he cupped her face and kissed her high forehead. “Do not move from here.”

He dashed to his dressing room to clean his teeth and relieve his bladder. When he finished refreshing, he nearly ran through his darkened bedroom back to the sitting room, afraid she had already managed to drift away into the embrace of Morpheus.

His fears doubled when he saw the sitting room empty, the rest of the food neatly covered with lids, ready to be taken away by the servant, the candles put down.

“I am here,” he heard her sweet, uplifted voice from the direction of his bedroom. He stepped back blindly.

She sat in the middle of his bed, naked obviously, clenching the sheets to her bosom, her dark locks tumbling down her delicate arms.

“You have overlooked me,” she complained, pouting.

“No... it is just...,” he stuttered, overwhelmed with the vision of her in his bed. “I did not quite expect you here...”

She laid back and lifted the covers, inviting him in.

Darcy nearly tore at his robe and shirt, throwing them on the ground. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he felt her arms wrapping around him from behind, her warm, soft breasts mashing against his back.

His fingers were suddenly like wood, refusing to cooperate in the simple task of opening the flap on his breeches.

“Should I help you?” she murmured sleepily, her hands stroking their way down from his shoulders to his waist.

“I will manage,” he grunted, finally pushing his breeches successfully down his legs.

“Now, Mrs. Darcy,” he said as he joined her under the covers, pulling her close.

He simply held her in his embrace for a long moment, thinking how he had missed her constantly since the night she had come to him. Now that they were married, there would be no more separations, no lonely nights.

“I have missed you,” he murmured, kissing the path from her neck down her bosom.

He touched his cheek to her breast and closed his eyes for a moment. She felt her fingers combing through his hair.

“You are so sweet, so perfect,” he cupped her breast, playing with the puffy nipple. “You have the most beautiful breasts in England, and they are all mine.” He kneaded one mound.

“You are surprisingly talkative at night time, it seems,” she noted teasingly.