Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (25 page)

“You cannot even imagine...,” she finally voiced. “It is even worse in a way. Our whole family is ruined.”

Darcy took the crumpled letter from her cold, trembling hand. He straightened it, opened it and started to read. After a few sentences, his expression darkened, he stood up and began pacing.

“That is grave indeed,” he said at last.

Elizabeth glanced at him and then burst into a new wave of tears.

“I must go.” She stood up and started walking hastily towards the manor.

He stopped her in no time. “Wait. We must think what to do now.”

She looked up at him. “You do not have to do anything. We both know that Lydia is too poor to tempt Wickham and he would never marry her. My family is ruined. I understand that you will not wish to have anything to do with me now, and I do not blame you.”

She tried to walk away from him, but he grounded her in place. “What are you talking about? You think I will leave you alone with that. You are my wife. Especially after what happened between us last night.”

“I understand you may feel responsible for me after the last night, but it was I who initiated it...”

He interrupted her with a short laugh. “Come now, Elizabeth, you cannot tell me that you forced me into anything. I knew very well what I was doing, love.”

She took a deep breath and spoke with determination, “As I have said, there may be no consequence to it so...”

“Do you hear yourself?” he shook her, not so gently, his voice getting angry. “Who do you think I am? I decided to stand by you for better and for worse that day in Kent when I proposed. I made my commitment to you that day. I will find Wickham and force him to marry your sister.”

She only stared at him.

“I would have done the same, even if I had I not bedded you, and there was not the possibility of your carrying my child.” She searched his eyes, as if not sure, so he added with force. “Were we not engaged, and I learned about it, I would do exactly the same. I would go to London, find them and see to it they marry.”

She swallowed her tears. “You would?”

His eyes bore into hers. “Yes, because I love you, damn it, and I cannot bear to look as you cry over that bastard.”

He kissed her wet lips shortly and brought her into a tight embrace.

“Now, we will find your uncle and talk with him.” He cupped her face. “Yes?”

She nodded, new tears streaming down her cheeks.

Darcy took his own handkerchief from her clenched fist. “Do not cry.” He dabbed her face. “I promise that everything will be well. I dare say that Wickham, knowing of our engagement, did it on purpose to be paid off again. Your sister is quite safe, I would say. He will not mistreat her., He is not that stupid.” He kissed her wet cheek. “Please, stop crying. It breaks my heart when I see you like this.”

She nodded, blinking her tears away. “I am not crying anymore.”

“Come.” He took her hand and turned toward the manor.

***

“Yes, I do think so that it is the best possible solution.” Mr. Gardiner said an hour later as they were gathered in the smaller drawing room. “Mr. Darcy will depart today, and we will go tomorrow, early in the  morning.”

Elizabeth looked at Darcy with pleading eyes. She would have much preferred to go yet today.

Darcy seemed to guess her wish. “Your uncle is right, Elizabeth. I will go horseback yet today, and this way I should be in London by tomorrow evening. I know Wickham’s ways well, as well as people who could have helped him in this shameful endeavour. Finding him will not be difficult. I dare say I will already know his whereabouts by the time you and Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner  reach London.”

Elizabeth nodded, lowering her head. She knew that Darcy was right on this. Her going now with Darcy would only slow him down, and time was of great import. It was the only rational solution, so she and the Gardiners would set off tomorrow.

“I think we should start packing.” Mrs. Gardiner stood up, eyeing her husband to follow her.

When the Gardiners left, Darcy moved to Elizabeth, sitting next to her on the sofa. “Promise you will not worry yourself over this.”

She lifted her eyes at him. “How can I not worry? It is all my fault. I knew who he was. I could have prevented it somehow, warned my father so he would not let her go to Brighton. But how could anyone perceive that Wickham would take even the slightest interest in Lydia? I considered her too poor to tempt anyone. I thought that in the worst case she would ridicule herself even more.”

“Elizabeth,” Darcy took her hand, “There is no  fault on your part to it. It was I who did not want to reveal his true character, fearing for Georgiana, her reputation and her spirits. I wanted her to forget about what happened last summer.”

Elizabeth paled. “Georgiana... How will she react, hearing this? We cannot hide it from her for long.”

“I will go and tell her.” Darcy said. “Now.” He stood up. “Before my departure.”

She rose too. “I am going with you.”

He put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. “No, it is my responsibility. Besides, she is not aware that I told you about Ramsgate. ”

Elizabeth nodded. “She may think you betrayed her trust in telling me.”

Darcy shook his head. “Rather she will be worried that you may think less of her because you know what happened.”

“I would never do that. She is such a  lovely, selfless person.”

Darcy sighed. “She doubts herself constantly.”

Elizabeth stepped closer to him, their bodies touching.

“I must go.” He cupped her face, “Worry not. We shall go through this, and in a few short weeks we will marry and be together forever.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. “Be safe.”

He stroked her cheek and kissed her lips before leaving the room.

***

That afternoon, as Elizabeth was packing her things with the help of the maid, there was a soft knock on the door. It was Georgiana.

“Leave us alone,” Elizabeth asked the servant.

Georgiana walked in and looked at the open trunk placed in the middle of the room.

“You are packing.”

“Yes, we must go, I am afraid,” Elizabeth confirmed quietly. “You must have heard about what happened with my youngest sister.”

The girl nodded. “Yes, I know. Brother told me everything. I am very sorry.”

Elizabeth closed her trunk and walked to sit on the bed, her arms slumped. “I cannot imagine how she can be rescued. She has not money to tempt him. I fear she is ruined forever.”

Georgiana sat next to her. “She is not lost. Brother will find them and make Wickham  marry her. He told me so.”

Elizabeth’s troubled eyes met Georgiana’s. “I hate to burden him with this.” she admitted.

“Brother loves you. He will do anything for you. “

Elizabeth smiled. “And for you.”

The girl smiled. “That is true. I could not wish for better brother.”

Georgiana was silent for a moment before she spoke with hesitation. “Elizabeth, you are aware about what happened last summer in Ramsgate.”

Elizabeth viewed her with concern. “Yes.”

“Brother told me that you knew.”

“Yes, your brother did tell me some time ago, but only to protect me against Mr. Wickham, his lies and deception. But I have never told anyone about it.” she assured quickly.

“Do you think less of me?” Georgiana asked very quietly.

“No, of course not. Never.” She clasped the girl’s slim hand, giving it a squeeze to reassure her. “I think that you are the most generous, the sweetest, kindest person in the world. You were so young when Wickham abused your trust. It was not your fault.”

The girl gave her a long, sad look, before lowering her eyes. “I know how much I disappointed Brother last summer. He never said so... He was so kind after everything, but I know well what he must have thought of me.”

“No, no, sweetheart, no. It was not like that, I am sure.” Elizabeth touched her face to make her look up. “If anything, he only worried about you, about your spirits and well being. He blamed only himself for the situation, that he failed to protect you.”

Georgiana shook her head, two large tears running down her cheeks. “It was not his fault. Only mine. I did not behave the way Miss Darcy of Pemberley should have.”

“No one is perfect,” Elizabeth soothed. “We need to accept the fact that we make mistakes from time to time.”

“Brother does only good. He is never wrong,” the girl announced with conviction.

Elizabeth smiled. “There is no such person. Your brother is not perfect either.”

Georgiana frowned at her in wonder.

“I did not like your brother for the first months of our acquaintance. I did not like him at all,” Elizabeth confessed. “I was angry with him because of how he behaved in certain situations, things he said to me and about me.”

“But he loves you so much!” Georgiana cried with feeling.

Elizabeth smiled. “I was not aware of that back then. He stared at me a great deal, but I thought he did that only to find a fault in me. It certainly took me some time to learn to appreciate him.”

Georgiana looked at her as if she had not quite believed her, making Elizabeth laugh. “That is true.”

The girl smiled too, but then sobered, a new cloud passing her expressive features. “I will stay here. I do not want to go to London. I cannot meet him again...” she trembled. “I cannot.”

“Of course. No one would ask it of you.” Elizabeth touched her arm. “You will have no need to see him ever again. I am sure William will do everything in his power so the two of you never meet in the future.”

“I feel for Miss Lydia. Wickham is not a good man. She will be miserable with him.”

“Yet, she has no choice now but to marry him,” Elizabeth noted sadly.

Georgiana stared in front of herself . “It only makes me realize how lucky I was.” She leaned over and wrapped Elizabeth in a quick embrace. “I am so happy that you will be my sister.”

Elizabeth stared out of the window at the passing countryside. The farther south they travelled, the more the landscape reminded her of Hertfordshire. She glanced at her aunt and uncle; they were sleeping. William should have reached London yesterday afternoon at the latest. Had he been lucky in acquiring some information about Wickham and Lydia? She repeated to herself that if there was someone who could find them, it was Darcy, but that knowledge did not ease her heart. How he must suffer to be forced to deal with Wickham again after what he had done to Georgiana. He had offered his help without hesitation, and it was the same man she was so close to rejecting half a year ago. She felt humbled by him. How could she once have been so blind about him? Some good angel must have had her in his protection that evening at Hunsford when, despite her doubts, and her blind apprehension, she had said yes to him.

She closed her eyes and tried to revoke the sensation of his presence next to her, his strong arms around her, his warmth and scent. She wanted the next weeks to pass in one moment, the matter with Lydia to be resolved in a most quiet way and forgotten. She wanted to be married to him, and never be separated again. She smiled at the memory of the night they had spent together. What had got into her to come to him?  She touched her face with her fingers, feeling the hot blush spreading on her cheeks. She was shameless, but only with him, as she had never before experienced such desires. She had never wanted to be kissed by any other man. The way William touched her, held her to him, caressed her felt heavenly, but she was not so much convinced about the main part of the act. Crudely speaking, it had felt as if someone had shoved a pole right between her legs. Later when he had moved in and out, it had been less painful, but still mightily uncomfortable. 

Perhaps all which occurred before, all the kisses and caresses and the after part, sleeping in the safety of his arms, was so pleasant to reward somehow the discomfort of his being inside her. We need to practice more she thought with determination. She knew what to expect now. She would try to brace herself the next time and not show any signs of uneasiness. She only hoped there would be no bleeding in the future. He had been so terrified the last time.

Four weeks only, she whispered to herself. She refused to think that Lydia’s elopement might delay their wedding.

***

Elizabeth and the Gardiners reached Longbourn in the early afternoon of

the third day of their journey. Only Jane, accompanied by her cousins, came out in front of the house to greet them. The little Gardiners gathered around their parents, simultaneously pulling at their sleeves, climbing up them and speaking all three at once.

“Oh, Jane.” Elizabeth fell into her sister’s embrace. “Any news?”

Jane shook her head. “No, Lizzy. Father went to London the day we received the letter from Brighton to look for them, but we have not heard from him since then.”

“Mr. Darcy went to London as well,” Elizabeth informed her. “He promised to help find them and make him marry her.”