Anna's Heart (Wilderness Brides Book 2) (7 page)

“I’ll ask your brother or Caroline to look in on you, Mr. Wilder. Clearly, your disposition hasn’t yet improved,” she said, her voice calm and even.

She spun on her heels and stepped into the main room of the cabin. Without looking back at him, she pointed to the foot of his bed.

“I found your dirty clothes in the barn. I know you don’t like anyone touching your belongings, so forgive me for having taken it upon myself to wash them, since I feel responsible for getting them dirty in the first place.” She pulled the curtain closed behind her with a swift yank and disappeared from view.

Ethan cursed under his breath and sprang to his feet. Stars swirled in front of his eyes, and he swayed to steady himself, waiting for the dizziness to subside. Damn him for his impulsive rush to judge, and damn the woman for being so infuriatingly calm and genuinely caring. If she’d simply have a temper, he’d have something to latch onto and fight back, but her quiet demeanor left him at a complete disadvantage. There was no valid excuse to be angry with her.

Ethan stared at the curtain. His mother’s words from his dream haunted him.
Don’t turn your back this time.
What did she mean by that? That he shouldn’t turn his back on Anna Porter, and offer to take her away from the valley to Oregon?

Pushing aside the curtain, he stepped into the room just as Anna reached for the door handle to leave the cabin.

“Miss Porter,” he called. Her back stiffened but she didn’t stop. Ethan rushed to her and reached for her arm before she could leave. She spun to face him, looking up at him with wide eyes.

Ethan stared at her. Details about her face that he’d never noticed before came into focus. He’d never stood this close to her, not even yesterday after the muddy-water incident. Her skin looked smooth as silk, provoking an irrational need to touch her cheek. Good thing his hand was still wrapped around her arm and the other was bandaged or he might have given in to the impulse. Several freckles sprinkled her nose, probably from spending too much time out in the sun. Her amber eyes mirrored her soft and tender heart. Damned if they weren’t melting away the ice that enveloped his own.

“Has it ever occurred to you, Mr. Wilder, that sometimes people might do things simply to be kind to someone else, without wanting something in return? The truth is, you are the last person I would impose upon to escort me to Oregon or anywhere else, for that matter.” She pulled her arm away and stepped outside.

Ethan clenched his jaw. “Miss Porter, I owe you an apology.”

“
H
e apologized
?”

Cora’s eyes widened at the same time a smile brightened her face. She set aside the wool shirt she held in her hand and shifted in her seat at the table in her cabin. A soft chuckle passed from her lips and she shook her head. “And you accepted?”

“Of course I accepted.” Anna concentrated on her sewing, having already pricked her finger once with the sharp needle. Her stitches, which were usually neat and even, were barely passable this time. Good thing she was simply mending one of Travis’ socks.

Her second encounter with Ethan Wilder in just as many days was still too unsettling. She’d chosen to eat supper with Josie in their cabin the night before, rather than with Cora and the Wilder men, so she hadn’t seen him since he’d told her he’d treated her unfairly.

“What did he say?” Cora prodded, an eager look on her face.

Anna pulled the needle through the sock, careful to stay away from her thumb. She shrugged. Her eyes lifted to Josie, who sat quietly at the other end of the table, cleaning her rifle.

“He said he had no cause to blame me for the mix-up with the herbs, and he was sorry for calling me witless when I tossed the water at him. Then he thanked me for washing his clothes.”

Cora’s smile widened. “I suppose for Ethan, that’s quite an apology. I knew that he wasn’t the ogre everyone makes him out to be.” She leaned forward in her chair. “Then what happened?”

Anna paused in her work. She glanced at her friend. Her forehead scrunched. “What do you mean? Nothing happened. I accepted his apology and left.”

“He didn’t say anything else?” Cora’s brows rose, as if she was expecting a more elaborate answer.

Anna shook her head. “No. I was ready to walk out of the cabin, since he woke in a bad mood. I believe he may have thought I was someone else for a moment, the way he looked at me before he fully came to his senses. I only went to the cabin to bring him some broth and his clothes.”

She’d heard a quiet moan from his bunk when she’d come to the cabin. The curtain separating his area from the main room had been left open and she’d seen him toss in his bed. He’d even reached his hand out to someone who wasn’t there.

Unsure of what to do, Anna had gone to check on him since no one else was in the cabin. Sweat had covered his face and torso, and she’d almost left to find Trevor when he’d woken and stared up at her. Offering him some tea had been the first thing to come to her mind at that moment.

Cora chuckled. “I thought Caroline and Trevor were in charge of Ethan’s recovery.”

Anna blew air from her mouth. “I still feel responsible about what happened to him. After all, I gave him the wrong tea that made him sick. That had to be awful, especially after the accident with his hand.” She glanced at her lap to avoid eye contact with Cora. “I thought a lot about what you told me, about what happened to Ethan’s family. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but at least I can understand it a little better. I truly think he’s closed himself off from everyone for so long, he doesn’t know how to be any other way.” She ventured a glance at her friend.

Cora smiled, staring at her as if she could read her mind.

“What?” Heat crept up Anna’s neck and into her cheeks. The reaction to Cora’s knowing smile was unexpected. She hadn’t done anything improper. She’d simply wanted to ease her guilt and make sure that Ethan was all right. She couldn’t have known that he’d be asleep in his bunk, or that the curtain had been pulled back, letting her see him a second time without his shirt on.

The heat in her cheeks grew in intensity. Anna sat straighter in her chair. Although Cora knew her well, she wasn’t a mind reader. She couldn’t have guessed at the images that lingered in her thoughts.

Besides, over the last two days, she’d been in confrontation with Ethan more often than the entire time she’d been in the valley. It had also been during these last few days that a deeper understanding of the reclusive man had surfaced, at least in her mind, thanks to what Cora had told her about him. She’d known about what had happened to the brothers’ parents through Nathaniel, but it had never occurred to her that Ethan would harbor lingering guilt over what had happened.

The way he’d looked at her when he’d offered his apology had been rather unsettling. More unsettling, in fact, than when he’d towered over her and yelled at her. His eyes had always seemed so cold, yet there had almost been a spark of tenderness in them this time, completely transforming his features. He had been so out of character from the hardened man he tried to portray around the rest of his family.

“You’re acting more like the Anna I know – always trying to find good in people.” Cora reached a hand across the table to touch Anna’s arm. She glanced up to meet her friend’s smiling face, blinking away the memory of how Ethan had looked at her.

“You gave me a lot to think about the other day,” Anna mumbled.

Over the months, she’d learned to deal with Ethan’s impolite behavior by simply staying out of his way, avoiding him like most everyone else did. His apology had genuinely surprised her, and she’d been at a loss for words at how to respond. Quickly accepting his request for forgiveness, then walking away had seemed like the best thing to do. She’d lain awake last night, thinking about her misfortunate encounters with Ethan Wilder, and how his eyes had softened while he asked for her forgiveness.

“Caroline said that Ethan and Nathaniel were talking when she stopped by to check on Ethan’s hand. Their conversation halted when she entered.”

Anna finished her last stitch, then set the sock in her lap. There was nothing strange about that. Men didn’t like to have women listen in when they talked. “It isn’t unusual for them to talk, is it?”

“No, I suppose not, but maybe Nathaniel was trying to persuade Ethan to escort you at least as far as Fort Hall.”

Anna shook her head and laughed. “I can’t imagine Ethan Wilder taking me to Fort Hall. I think he’d rather cut off his other hand before he would make such an offer.” Not that she wanted him to take her in the first place.

“Ethan’s probably the safest man you could be with alone. He doesn’t like anyone, so he won’t bother you, either.” Josie glanced up from wiping her rifle with a rag. Her eyes darted between Anna and Cora.

“I’m sure you’re right,” Anna said, offering a weak smile to the young girl who’d suffered so much at a man’s hand. Josie had found her confidence when Nathaniel, and then Harley, had taught her to shoot. Now she was almost obsessed about her rifle. No doubt it made her feel safer. Before, she hadn’t been able to defend herself against the man who had attacked her and stolen her innocence.

“You’re still adamant about leaving?” Cora stared at Anna. Her face had gone serious, and sadness clouded her eyes. Anna swallowed back the sudden tightness in her throat.

“Yes. There’s nothing for me here, Cora.” She nodded toward Josie. “You have your family, and now a baby on the way. Perhaps Nathaniel can take me to Fort Hall, but I won’t allow him to escort me all the way to Oregon. He might not be back in time for the birth of your baby. I could never impose like that.”

“Can’t you stay until after the baby is born?”

Anna shook her head. Tears threatened behind her eyes. Cora wasn’t making her decision to leave any easier.

“That would mean another year before I can leave, and then it might be even harder to say goodbye. I have to make a fresh start for myself, Cora. There might always be something to delay my decision. Please understand. You and Caroline and Josie have been my family for so long, I think I forgot how to be my own person. I need to find my own path in life.”

Cora reached for her hand, and gave it a squeeze. “And find the happiness you’re looking for.”

Anna dropped eye contact. The sock in her lap became blurry. “That’s why I won’t return to Ohio. There are too many memories there. I’m better off starting over in Oregon.”

Cora’s hold on her hand tightened. “How are you going to get to Oregon from Fort Hall all by yourself? No one wanted to let us join any of the wagon companies unless at least one of us was married, and even then very unwillingly.” She frowned, studying Anna’s face. “Are you willing to get married to a stranger just to get to Oregon?”

Anna’s lips tightened. That thought had already crossed her mind. If Nathaniel had been able to take her to Oregon, she would have had a man to look out for her. Cora might have even gone along with them. No one would have raised an eyebrow. She sighed.

Marrying a farmer on his way to Oregon might not be as bad as it seemed. Cora had been swindled, but that had been at the start of their journey. Many men lost their wives on the trek to Oregon, and needed a woman to take care of the children. As long as he was a good provider, there wouldn’t need to be love involved. Besides, the thought of ever loving another man again seemed impossible.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. If I have to marry, then so be it.”

“It didn’t work so well for me when I simply married a man for the sake of getting to Oregon, remember?”

Anna smiled. “Yes, but then you met Nathaniel. I don’t plan to find a husband for love, Cora. I just want to be content. That’s the best I can hope for.”

Cora stared at her for a while. She scrutinized Anna’s face to the point of making her uncomfortable. After several silent seconds, Cora’s eyes widened.

“Are you still mourning Franklin’s death?”

A tear fell down Anna’s face. She hastily swiped it away with the back of her hand and stood, turning her back.

Cora followed. She wrapped her arm around Anna’s shoulder, drawing her closer. “Why didn’t you ever confide in me?

“I don’t know,” Anna sobbed. “I thought I could move on. He was my beau since we were sixteen years old. For five years, we made plans to marry and spend the rest of our lives together.”

“You were so strong and composed after he died, and so determined to leave Ohio with us. You never talked about him, and I selfishly thought you had moved on. Anna, I’m so sorry.”

Anna sniffled. She pulled out of her friend’s embrace and offered her a reassuring smile. “You had so much to contend with at the time, Cora. It wouldn’t have been right of me to burden you with my troubles, too.”

Anna shot a hasty glance at Josie, who sat watching. She set her rifle aside, and came up to Anna, offering her a hug.

“You were there for me when all I wanted to do was die, Anna. You never asked for anything in return, not even when Franklin had his accident. You were simply there, taking care of me.” She glanced at her sister. “Now it’s our turn to be there for you. Whatever you want to do, Cora, Caroline, and I will support you, no matter what.”

Anna nodded, letting the tears flow freely, crying with her friends. Although talking about her loss was painful, it took away the deep hurt she’d kept locked up inside for so long. If Josie could overcome the horrors of what had happened to her, then she could be strong enough and move past the loss of her fiancé. She wiped her tears on a handkerchief, and straightened. Smiling, she stepped away from Josie and Cora.

“Well, I’d best get these socks back to Travis.”

She stuffed her needle and thread, along with the mended socks, in her satchel that held her sewing supplies, then reached for her shawl hanging on the peg by the door.

“If you see Caroline or Trevor, can you give them this salve?” Cora handed her a round tin. “Aimee Osborne left this behind, saying it would be good to put on Ethan’s hand in a few days.”

Anna stuffed the tin in her satchel. Smiling at her friends, she left Cora’s cabin. The newly-built home sat on a gentle rise overlooking the valley, nestled among some trees that marked the edge of the forest leading into the hills. A path led to the main cabin some hundred yards away, closer to the creek that meandered through the spring grasses past the barn. The cabin she shared with Caroline and Josie stood just beyond the corrals.

Rather than following the visible trail through the grass to the main cabin to return Travis’ socks, she headed into the trees. While a good cry with Cora and Josie had eased her heavy heart somewhat, it might do her some good to be alone with her thoughts.

Even though the day was mild, Anna wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, and inhaled the fragrant, earthy scent of the lush spring meadow. The trees gave off the wonderful scent of pine, and she followed the sounds of the birds as they chirped high up in the canopies. This had been the first time she’d gone off on her own like this to explore away from the valley, and the freedom and solitude was intoxicating, allowing her mind to wander.

She’d gone walking with Franklin in the forest back home on many occasions. A stroll in the woods had been their first outing together, and it had been during one of those walks that he’d asked her to marry him. He’d been such a soft-spoken, caring person, always with a smile on his face, a kind word for his neighbors, and love in his eyes for her.

“We have to wait to be wed until I can save enough money to buy a piece of land I have my eye on. It won’t be more than a few years, Anna. I’ll build you a nice house, and we’ll plant corn and wheat, and have a productive farm that will provide for us.”

Franklin had been full of dreams without being too ambitious. He’d been such a hard worker, and despite spending all his time doing odd jobs and helping the neighboring farmers tend their land in order to earn the money for the property he’d planned to buy, he’d always found time to spend with her.

A tear rolled down her cheek. She hugged her arms around her waist, making her way through the forest. Anna glanced up at the sky, which was partially obscured by the tall lodgepoles.

Why did you have to die, Franklin?
It was all my fault.

Guilt crushed her chest and she hugged her shawl more firmly around herself.

“You’re always so helpful.”
Ethan Wilder’s mocking words slammed into her gut with new meaning. If she hadn’t committed to helping out Cora the day of Franklin’s accident, declining his invitation to eat supper with him, her fiancé might still be alive today.