Invisible

Praise for Ginny Yttrup

Writers and readers alike have been singing the praises of Ginny Yttrup since her debut novel
Words
. Now I understand what all the excitement is about! Her writing is fresh, winsome, and deeply spiritual. Faith isn't merely a thread woven through the story; faith is the fabric upon which
Invisible
is stitched with a loving hand. Healing and hope can be found among these pages—not only for each character, but for the reader as well. A fine effort from one of Christian fiction's brightest new voices.

—Liz Curtis Higgs,
New York Times

best-selling author of
Mine is the Night

Ginny Yttrup is one of the new luminous writing stars on the Christian fiction horizon. Her words inspire my spirit and grip my consciousness like few others do. She received the Christy award for her debut novel
Words. Publishers Weekly
described her second book
Lost and Found
as inspirational and entertaining. I have the happy privilege of commending her third book
Invisible
as yet another inspiring and riveting story of a woman who learns her dress size does not rule out romantic love. She can cook and eat but can she allow her heart to be fed as well? Her struggle with self-image and the ever-present inner voice of condemnation is a recognizable battle we all wage against the hurtful messages from our past. You will be encouraged, entertained and energized by the message of
Invisible
.

—Marilyn Meberg, speaker and writer with

Women of Faith and author of
Constantly Craving

In
Lost and Found
by Ginny Yttrup, Jenna Bouvier used to have it all. Marriage to a wonderful man, wealth and a wealthy lifestyle, good health, and she had her freedom. Now she's losing her hold on her life. She's not in good health and has some physical side effects, she feels like she's losing her husband, and now her controlling mother in law wishes to have total and complete control of every facet of Jenna's life.

As Jenna goes through some upheaval, she finds a true friend in a spiritual advisor named Matthew. He helps her learn how to walk the Christian walk with integrity. They have such a unique connection to each other that it's amazing to watch their friendship and spiritual advisement grow. But when Jenna's mother-in-law tries to intervene, Jenna has some weighty decisions to make. Will she continue to follow the path she believes God has put her onto? Or will she bow to the wishes of others as she has always done?

A deeply moving story that will hit each reader differently. It will bisect your own walk no matter where you are at in that walk with God. Be seeing the flaws of Jenna and other characters, such as Jenna's brother's girlfriend, Andee, we can recognize glimpses of ourselves. I was amazed at the twists and turns in the road and how one person's path would bisect another's road. I loved watching God map everything out to eventually bring glory to Him. I also appreciated the insight into the lives and thoughts of those who are abused or oppressed. Jenna faces a lot of mental and emotional abuse and hearing her inner thoughts helps give the reader a new understanding and sensitivity to those in an abusive relationship.

—One Upon a Romance

Invisible, Digital Edition

Based on Print Edition

Copyright © 2013 by Ginny L. Yttrup

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-4336-7168-5

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: F

Subject Heading: SELF-ACCEPTANCE—FICTION \ SELF-ESTEEM—FICTION \ SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR—FICTION

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.

To my grandmother, Enid Virginia Foster

Thank you for the many times through the years that you've told me I'm beautiful. You've helped me to believe it's true. I love you.

Acknowledgments

I spent a month
living in Mendocino, California, the setting of
Invisible
, as I wrote this book. It is a month of my life I will cherish forever. A few days of that month were spent with dear friends who came to visit, but the rest of the time I was alone. I sat in a soft leather chair, gazing out a picture window at the rugged coastline and always-changing sea and sky. Mesmerized by the beauty of God's artistry, I found writing difficult. I also struggled with nagging health issues that made writing a challenge. In fact, the emergency room scene in this book came directly from my own experience—I just changed the names and added a handsome doctor.

I returned home with an incomplete manuscript and an unmet deadline. So first, I want to thank my gracious fiction team at B&H Publishing Group for understanding my health needs and extending my deadline. I am so grateful for the work each of you does and the love with which you do it. Thank you also to Karen Ball, my fabulous editor and friend. You flexed your schedule several times for this manuscript and, as always, made it better than it was when you received it.

God's timing is always perfect, even when we believe we've failed, and my late manuscript was no exception. Because of the delay, I connected with two wonderful authors and speakers after my original deadline. They consulted with me, offering their expertise and experience as I finished the manuscript, and then gave their endorsements of
Invisible
. Thank you, Liz Curtis Higgs and Marilyn Meberg—you are both delightful to work with and God blessed me through each of you.

I also want to thank my dear friend, Dr. Laurie Clark. Laurie, you offered your medical knowledge each time I asked a question either about Ellyn or about myself. You advised me to seek medical attention while I was in Mendocino, which was exactly what I needed. You are gracious, patient, lovely, and so dear. I love our friendship.

Thank you, Anna Rathbun, for the month of nutritional advice and research you offered while I was in Mendocino. I returned home stronger and a few pounds lighter. Thank you, too, for the tour of Corners of the Mouth and access to the store and you during that month. I am grateful for all I learned from you.

A special thank you to the writers who connected with me through the ACFW e-mail loop when I asked if anyone was willing to share their personal experience with anorexia nervosa. You know who you are. I appreciate your vulnerability and the information you shared with me.

I am especially grateful to my writers group who prayed me through this book along with a host of other dear friends. Your prayers were needed and appreciated. I also owe a debt of gratitude to Rebecca Qualls, who read this manuscript as I wrote and offered her insight and encouragement along the way.

James Warrick, you told me several times not to edit my life as I wrote this book. So, I didn't. Thank you. This is a work of fiction but there is a lot of me in these pages. And Laurie Breining, you are a great and patient cheerleader.

Beth Thompson, thank you for stepping away from your own writing one afternoon while we were in Mendocino together and brainstorming titles with me for this book. We landed on the perfect one.

I am awed, as always, by the depth of my Heavenly Father's love and His consistent provision for me. Lord, I will always remember the days we spent together in a little house in Mendocino overlooking the grandeur of Your creation. Thank you for that precious time.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:27

Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering.

Saint Augustine

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

1 Timothy 1:17

Who will enable me to find rest in you? Who will grant me that you come to my heart and intoxicate it, so that I forget my evils and embrace my one and only good, yourself?

Saint Augustine

Chapter One

Ellyn

I love butter.

If stranded on a deserted island, given the choice between a pound of butter and a man, Honey, you know I'd choose the butter. Any woman worth her weight can catch a fish and I'm worth every plentiful pound. I don't need a man to provide. But barbeque that fish over an open flame without a drizzle of liquid gold, and all you have is dandruff-dry flakes of flavorless flesh. With butter? That same flaky flesh becomes a gourmand's delight.

But do I love butter more than I love God?

That question nibbles at my peace, like I nibble at a cookie when others are watching.

I tap the rubber spatula I'm holding against the bowl on the mixer. It's a ridiculous question. I tap again. Butter and God can't be compared—that's like comparing baklava and broccoli.

But if it's so ridiculous then why does it leave dainty bites in my sense of serenity?

The Hobart HL600 mixer drones, but not loud enough to muffle the ongoing debate in my head. In my heart, I don't want to love anything or anyone more than I love God. But in my stomach . . .

Stop condemning yourself, Ellyn.

I set the spatula down, swipe my index finger across the pound of butter softening on a marble slab on the kitchen's stainless countertop, and then stick the finger into my mouth. My taste buds dance at the sweet cream and hint of salt. I lick my finger clean. “Mmm . . . heaven.”

Paco, my sous chef, walks past and swats my upper arm with a towel. “Hey, Ellyn, you have a phone call. Time to stop flirting with the butter, Bella.”

Doubt returns. See, even Paco knows where my loyalty lies—or at least my attraction. I grab a towel and use it to mop my forehead, then walk to the sink, wash my hands, and dry them on the apron tied around my waist. I remove the apron and toss it, along with the towel, in a basket for the laundry service. I run my hands over my black chef's coat, smoothing it over my hips.