Anna's Heart (Wilderness Brides Book 2) (6 page)

Anna glared at him one final time, then stepped quickly from the cabin. She blinked back the sting of tears and ignored the trembling of her hands and legs as she rushed away from the cabin. She slowed her strides to give an outward appearance that all was well while on the inside her body trembled with a mixture of anger and despair.

Cora came up to her, heading her off as she was about to excuse herself and go to her cabin. It was time to find the solitude of her bed, and perhaps forget this awful day had ever happened.

“Anna? Is everything all right?”

Anna stopped to face her friend. She was done pretending. Nothing was all right.

“No.” Her voice cracked. “Things aren’t all right. And apparently I can’t do anything right, either.” She sucked in a quick breath.

Anna glanced around. Everyone still sat around the table. Daniel spoke with Nathaniel, Travis, and Harley, while Caroline was in conversation with Aimee. Patrick sat between the two old mountain men, his eyes glued to Daniel. Only Trevor and Josie sat by themselves, apparently deep in their own thoughts. Anna shot a quick glance toward the cabin she’d left a moment ago.

“I wanted to say something earlier, but now I can’t possibly ask.”

“Ask what?” Cora reached her hand out to touch Anna’s shoulder.

Anna forced a smile. “You’ve been my best friend for most of my life, Cora. I tried, I really did, to make a life here.” She shook her head. “I simply can’t do it. It’s time I think about leaving, and continue on to Oregon. I need to find my own place in the world.”

“Anna,” Cora whispered her name, sadness clouding her eyes. “I was hoping you’d stay here with us, since you haven’t mentioned leaving.”

“I love you, Caroline, Josie, and Patrick, but there’s an emptiness inside me, and a calling for something I can’t even name. I have to find out what that is. Please understand.”

Cora nodded. Her smile was strained. “I do understand,” she whispered. “When we came here, you agreed to stay the winter, and that if you still wanted to leave come spring, we’d make sure you got to Oregon.”

“I could never impose on Nathaniel to escort me to Oregon like he promised. Not with you having a baby on the way. You need your husband here with you.”

“We’ll think of something,” Cora said. “You know I won’t stand in your way, even if it pains me to see you go, and I’ll talk to Nathaniel.”

Harley stepped up to them at that moment. “Couldn’t help but overhear,” he said, looking at Anna and running his fingers through his beard. “I hate ta see ya leave us, Anna, but sometimes a person’s gotta do what they think is right fer themselves.”

He glanced toward the cabin, then smiled. He cleared his throat, and in a loud voice that everyone around him could hear said, “If yer sure you want to head off to Oreegun, I think the right man to take ya an’ make sure ya get there safely is Ethan. Far as I can figure, he ain’t got nothin’ better ta do.” He raised his chin, and nodded in the direction of the cabin. “Ain’t that right, Ethan?”

Anna shook her head in protest. Her eyes followed old Harley’s movement and her mouth fell open. Standing in the open doorframe, staring at her, was Ethan Wilder.

E
than sat
on his bunk and slipped an arm though the sleeve of his shirt. His stomach growled while his dry tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. At least the nausea was gone, even though pain still jabbed his gut like hot needles. He stood, grimacing when his bandaged hand bumped into the wooden corner of the bed.

Which hurt worse – his stomach or his injured hand? They seemed to have traded off tormenting him during the night. He scowled. Nothing had plagued him more than the look on Anna’s face last evening when she’d offered him the glass of water and he’d made that snide remark to her about always being so helpful.

Remorse and even a hint of pity had been clearly written in her eyes, yet she’d bristled when he’d acted like the mule his brothers so often accused him of being. It was just as well. He didn’t need her damn pity. Wasn’t it because of her that he’d been feeling sicker than a dog?

Ethan fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. Aimee Osborne had wrapped the confining bandage around his hand so effectively, his fingers couldn’t move to slip the button through the hole. After several attempts, he gave up. His left hand was useless at the moment. There hadn’t been a time in his life when he’d felt like such an invalid. The muscles along his jaw tightened instantly before he’d even finished that thought.

There had been one day in his life when he’d felt even more helpless, and it had nothing to do with a physical injury. He might not have been an invalid as a fifteen-year-old boy, but the day he’d found his parents slaughtered had changed his entire life, and he’d never felt as helpless before or since. A dozen years had passed since that horrible day, and it was still as vivid in his mind now as if it had happened yesterday.

Ethan glanced at his hand. He’d gladly slice off his entire arm if he could alter the course of events of that day. It had changed him as a person, had made him hard and unfeeling, because he never wanted to experience that kind of pain or guilt again. Voices from his past echoed in his head – the voice of a hot-tempered youth yelling at his father that he hated him for telling him what to do, then the voice of his mother calling to him that he surely didn’t mean his disrespectful words when he’d stormed from camp. He’d ignored her, and the baby sister he’d left sitting in the dirt. She’d cried, repeatedly calling “Ean, no go,” because she’d been too young to say his name correctly.

Ethan wiped a hand over his damp face. Those had been the last moments he’d spent with his folks alive. When he’d returned to their camp, their wagon had been in flames and the bodies of his parents and baby sister lay on the ground, bathed in their own blood, and lifeless. His three younger brothers hid in the bushes, far enough away not to have been discovered.

Anger had been Ethan’s first reaction. The guilt followed later. When he’d lain his little sister in her grave, his heart had turned to ice. She’d adored him, and he’d ignored her on her final day. She shouldn’t have died in the wilderness. She shouldn’t have even been in the wilderness. Why had his father brought his family to an unsettled place along the Missouri, away from the safety of a settlement and other people?

Self-loathing and a steely resolve had steadily grown inside him. He’d felt weak and helpless, and consumed by guilt, making him rigid and unfeeling. Had he not been so impulsive, he could have done something to save his folks. He should have been there, rather than running through the woods, trying to prove he was no longer a young boy who had to listen to his folks.

Ethan shook his head. Frustration made the muscles along his neck and shoulders taut. He would never be like his father and risk the lives of a wife and family in the wilderness.

When Harley had found him and his brothers, he’d gladly made the decision to go with him into uncharted mountains. Here it was easier to forget everything he’d ever loved. He’d learned how to survive on his own and, aside from his brothers and Harley, would never have to face the kind of loss he’d experienced before.

Ethan raked the fingers of his good hand through his hair. Sweat bathed his face again, like it had most of the night. The voices of his past hadn’t tormented him this much in a long time, but they’d been a constant presence during the long hours of the night while his body battled to rid itself of the puke weed he’d ingested.

The mint Aimee Osborne had given him had soothed his stomach a little, but then the pain in his hand had taken over. Any water he’d drunk to quench his raging thirst had come up again moments later. Anger at Anna Porter for giving him the vile drink in the first place had teetered with guilt over his behavior where she was concerned. Truthfully, none of what she’d done to him yesterday had been on purpose, yet he’d made her feel as if she’d caused the injury to his hand, as well as acting like she’d deliberately switched the herbs for the tea Aimee had wanted him to drink.

The cabin door creaked open, followed by loud voices. Aimee Osborne laughed along with Harley.

“You’ll have to come visit soon, Harley. Sarah and Chase would be happy to see you.”

“I bet them young’uns they got are growin’ up mighty fast.” Harley chuckled. “Chase done good, raisin’ four girls. Bet he’s glad he’s got hisself a son, though.” He cleared his throat, then asked, “Gotta be hard for Sam, raisin’ his little boy without a ma.”

There was a slight pause before Aimee answered. “He takes Josh to spend a lot of time with his Shoshone relatives. Sam is raising him to know both his white and Indian heritage.”

“Good thing, too,” Harley said. “I ain’t shore if I done the right thing by takin’ my boys away from all they knowd an’ raisin’ ‘em here in the mountains after their folks died. Mebe I oughta have took ‘em back ta where they come from. Trevor’s real smart. He coulda done good with some book learnin’.” He coughed. “They all growd up ta respect the mountains, but that’s all they know now.”

Chairs scraped across the floor, and someone poured liquid into a cup. Harley’s voice lowered when he spoke again. “Ethan’s growin’ more surly every year, blamin’ hisself for what happened to his folks an’ not lettin’ go. He needs a family of his own ta move on, but he don’t listen ta what I say. ”

“We all do the best we can for our kids, Harley.” Aimee’s voice had lowered, too. “You raised them well. They’re grown men, and have to make their own choices. Nathaniel has a nice family. Cora’s a real delight, and so are her sisters and brother.”

Harley chuckled again. “They shore do brighten up the valley. Jes wish Anna warn’t leavin’. She’s lonely an’ somethin’s eatin’ at her that she don’t wanna talk about. She needs a man, an’ Ethan needs a woman, but neither one of ‘em see it.”

Being privy to the conversation between Aimee and Harley bristled the hair at the back of Ethan’s neck. The old man had made it no secret for years that he wanted Ethan to find a wife. Now he was trying to match him up with Anna Porter? The thought was almost laughable.

Harley had it all wrong. Ethan didn’t want, or need, a family. Even if getting hitched was ever something on his mind, which it wasn’t, Anna Porter was the last woman he’d ever consider. He’d sealed off his heart a long time ago, and that’s how it would remain.

Good thing Anna had plans to leave the valley. At least the woman had some sense. She didn’t belong here. She was too fragile and soft to live in this environment. For that very reason, he hadn’t even responded to Harley the night before when the old man had suggested he take Anna to Oregon. He was not going to be held responsible for her safety. What if something happened to her along the way? He wasn’t going down that road again.

Aimee laughed. “Your matchmaking efforts haven’t paid off, have they? You can’t force something like that, Harley,” she added softly. “I hope Anna finds what she’s looking for in Oregon. I was miserable when Daniel’s father forced me out of the mountains, thinking he was doing what was best for me. If Daniel hadn’t found me again, my life would have been completely different.”

“Good thing ya come back,” Harley said. “Many men woulda gone under if ya hadn’t been around with yer healin’ skills.”

“I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”

Feet shuffled across the floor, and the kettle used to heat water clanked. Aimee’s voice drew closer to where Ethan still stood next to his bunk. He fumbled with his boots and pushed aside the curtain, stepping into the main room.

“Oh, good. You’re awake,” Aimee said brightly, stirring a spoon in a cup at the table. She stopped and walked up to him. “How’s the hand?”

“All right.” Ethan pushed his foot fully into his boot and straightened. “When am I gonna have full use of it again?”

Aimee scrutinized him, her eyes wandering to his unbuttoned shirt. A knowing smile passed over her lips.

“The less you use it for a while, the faster it will heal. I put a thick bandage on it to keep your hand as protected and immobile as possible. If you follow my instructions, it should be better again in a couple of weeks.”

Ethan cursed silently. How was he going to get any work done for two weeks with only one hand? He couldn’t even button his shirt. Aimee stepped up to him, as if she’d read his mind. She reached for the buttons on his shirt, but he shot her a look, silently telling her he didn’t want her help. He’d known Aimee Osborne for years, but her motherly gesture at the moment only added salt to his wounds.

“You’re going to have to swallow your pride and let people help you,” she said with an indulgent smile and dropped her hands. “I know it’s hard, but your family cares about you, and a few days of being at their mercy and letting them do things for you is better than a lifetime of a useless hand.” She reached up and patted his arm. “I left a pouch with willow bark and some mint on the table.” She pointed to the cup at the table. “There’s tea ready for you and Caroline and Trevor know how to change your bandage. Listen to them.” She jabbed her finger into his chest.

Ethan nodded wordlessly. She was right, but he didn’t have to like it.

She glared up at him. For her small stature, Aimee Osborne was an imposing woman. “Get some rest today. You still don’t look well. Keep chewing mint, and drink as much water as your stomach can handle.”

“You leaving?”

Aimee nodded. “I just wanted to check on you before we go. Daniel’s getting the horses ready. We’ve already said our goodbyes to everyone. As much as he wanted to get away from home for a while, he’s anxious to get back.”

Ethan followed her out of the cabin. Daniel Osborne sat on his horse, his flintlock draped across his lap. The old trapper smiled at his wife, then raised his hand in a gesture of farewell.

He nodded at Harley, who helped Aimee mount her horse, then turned his attention to Ethan. “Come visit when you can,” he said. “Sam and Chase will be glad for the company.”

Ethan raised his bandaged hand. “Once I’m healed, I just might do that. Like you, it’ll do me some good to get away from this valley for a while.” He shot a quick look at Harley, who chuckled.

“If’n ya go ta Oreegun, ya’ll get away fer a while, too,” the old codger mumbled.

Ethan scowled and shook his head. Once Aimee and Daniel were out of sight, he headed back into the cabin without another word to Harley. He wasn’t going to let the old man corner him into another discussion about marriage and family again. Taking some of the mint the healer had left, he kicked off his boots and crawled back under the covers of his bed.

Moments later – or was it hours? – Ethan startled awake, but his eyes remained closed to hold on to the images from his dream for a few moments longer. He moved his head from side to side and threw off the covers. Crisp air hit his sweat-soaked torso, cooling his heated body. He sucked in several quick breaths and wiped his hand across his damp face.

He relaxed his head against his pillow. Images from his disturbing dream faded, but the memory lingered. His mother had called to him, begging him not to walk away.

“Don’t make the same mistake again.” He’d turned to look at her. She’d smiled at him. Ethan had reached for her hand, but he’d been too far away. The more he’d tried to grasp for her, the further away she’d moved. She’d shaken her head, then had pointed at another woman next to her.

“Don’t turn your back this time.” His mother’s voice echoed in his head, while pointing at the dark-haired woman standing beside her. Ethan had looked at her, confused. She’d raised her head. Anna Porter, with her sad eyes, smiling that soft, enticing smile.

“Would you like some tea?” she’d asked, her words sounding hollow and far away.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he grumbled.

Ethan opened his eyes. He blinked, then frowned. Standing over him was the woman from his dream. Not his mother, but Anna Porter. She didn’t smile, as her eyes darted from his chest to his face.

“Doing what? I heard you mumble in your sleep and came to see if you were all right. Would you like some tea?”

Ethan groaned and shifted, then sat up fully in his bunk. He threw his legs over the side, forcing Anna to take a step back.

“I made some meat broth, if you think your stomach is well enough to handle some nourishment.”

Ethan ran his hand through his hair. He gritted his teeth and pushed his disturbing dream from his mind. Then he looked up at Anna.

“I promise, I didn’t put anything unbecoming in the broth, or the tea.” She offered a tentative smile. Her face transformed instantly in front of him. Her soft brown eyes held a hint of hesitation, but there was patience and determination, and none of the wariness he’d seen the day before. Ethan blinked again to focus. What the hell was she trying to do to him, looking at him like that?

“What do you want, Miss Porter?” he growled. “Did Harley put you up to this? You think you can sweet-talk me into taking you to Oregon?”

She frowned and a spark of anger pushed aside the softness she’d shown a moment ago. Her hand shot to her hip. Her mouth opened, then she clamped her lips together. Her chest heaved when she inhaled deeply through her nose and she closed her eyes for a split-second. When she opened them again, the anger was gone, replaced by hurt.