An Unusual Desconian Marriage (Siren Publishing Ménage and More) (8 page)

She’d ruined a happy marriage.

In her selfishness to hold on to what she wanted, she’d missed how deeply Katarnia had been hurting.

“Dee?” Katarnia asked, her eyes filled with unshed tears. She blinked several times. “We…”—she glanced over her shoulder at Luddeke—“were just coming to find you. Did you have a good visit?”

If Deanna hadn’t heard them arguing, she might have fallen for the “everything’s fine” routine, but unfortunately, she’d caught what seemed to be almost all of the exchange. If the friends she’d planned to visit had been in their quarters instead of the dining hall, she would have been talking with them right now and might never have realized the pain she’d caused to a woman she loved.

Deanna glanced at Luddeke, saw him trying to hide his emotions behind a bright smile, and wanted to burst into tears herself. She knew she should demand they talk this out, but their attempts to hide their problems from her hurt more than she could explain.

“I…uh…I just wanted to ask if you’d mind if I stayed with Jenelle for a few days. She’s been lonely and…and confused…and could really use a friend.” The lie felt awful coming from her mouth, but Deanna couldn’t imagine going home with Luddeke and pretending that nothing was wrong. It was obvious that her involvement was causing a rift between him and Katarnia. She’d rather spend her life alone than cause pain to these wonderful people.

Katarnia started to shake her head, but Luddeke stepped forward, pulled her into his arms, and said in a strained voice, “I’m sorry to hear that, sweetheart. Jenelle’s a nice person and she deserves to be happy. I’m glad she’s got a friend like you looking out for her.”

Deanna clung to him, the sudden feeling that their time together was ending making every cell in her body ache with regret. She wanted so much to hold on to him, Katarnia, and Jaegan forever, but it wasn’t fair on any of them. She bit back the terrified urge to beg them to keep her, and instead plastered a smile on her face and stepped away.

“Thanks,” she said as she backed down the corridor a few steps and then turned and hurried away. She paused around the corner, desperately trying to catch her breath as pain sliced through her heart, but it was Luddeke’s quiet, angry words to Katarnia that finally let Deanna’s tears flow.

“Be home for dinner. The
three
of us need to talk.”

* * * *

Jaegan came home to a quiet apartment.

Silence had been quite common before Deanna joined their lives, but she was usually playing music and cooking dinner this time of night. It made the lack of sound a little disturbing. He found himself hoping that she and Luddeke just hadn’t gotten home yet. They’d mentioned visiting Katarnia at work. Perhaps they’d decided to stay and all three come home together.

He was so convinced that was all it was that he nearly missed Luddeke sitting at the table. His husband gave him a sad smile but didn’t say anything.

“Where’s Deanna?”

“She decided to stay a few nights at the compound. She said her friend, Jenelle, was upset.”

Jaegan nodded. That sounded exactly like something Deanna would do. She was very aware of the people around her, and she never failed to notice when someone was upset. But it didn’t explain why Luddeke seemed so depressed.

“Lud?” Jaegan asked as he sat on the seat beside him. “What’s wrong?”

“I think she lied.”

“Why would she lie?” It didn’t really fit the personality of the woman they’d grown to know and love over the past few months. Deanna was actually a really honest person. The only reason she would lie was if she thought the truth would hurt someone else.

“I’m pretty sure she overheard me and Kat fighting.”

Jaegan wrapped an arm around his husband and pulled him close. It was obvious Luddeke was very upset by whatever had happened. “Why were you and Kat fighting?”

Luddeke sighed and shook his head slightly. “I was worried about why she’s still working so hard. I wanted to get her to talk about why she’s pulling away from us.”

Jaegan nodded in agreement, unsurprised to learn that Luddeke had sensed Katarnia’s withdrawal, as well. Jaegan had been trying to organize some vacation time in the hopes that the four of them could go traveling and sightseeing and truly get to know each other, but it would seem he’d run out of time.

“What did she say?”

“Not much,” Luddeke said with a shrug. “She got angry. Told me she didn’t have time to talk.” He sat up and rolled his eyes in a self-deprecating gesture. “I
ordered
her to be home for dinner.”

Jaegan couldn’t help the smile that curved his lips. Katarnia might take orders as part of her work in the Royal Guard, but she’d never taken kindly to being ordered around by her husbands—well, except when they were in the bedroom, but that really didn’t count in the real world.

“Do you have any idea what might be bothering Katarnia? I know she loves Deanna. I don’t think bringing her into our marriage is the actual problem.”

“Me neither,” Luddeke said. He dropped his gaze to his left arm, the one covered with the cobalt-blue patterns of Katarnia’s family crest. The intricate design was nearly five years old and it had faded quite badly. They would need to renew their mubella claiming soon or the symbols would disappear altogether.

The symbols of Jaegan and Luddeke’s joining had been renewed at the same time they claimed Katarnia, so they would last a lot longer—one more renewal and they would likely be permanent.

Jaegan reached over and traced the faded symbols on Luddeke’s arm.

“Do you think maybe this is why?”

Luddeke gave him a confused look.

“Desconian marriages are pairs or triads. With the current laws, the four of us can’t make our joining official.”

“It’s just a ceremony,” Luddeke said. “It doesn’t change how we feel.”

“I agree,” Jaegan said, reaching over to touch his lover’s face, “but it does affect all four of us, and I suspect that, being human, Deanna’s ‘unofficial’ marital status may cause us problems in the long run.” Katarnia’s intentions suddenly seemed very clear in his mind. He quickly explained his reasoning to the man he loved, and smiled at Luddeke’s nod of agreement.

With a grin, Luddeke stood up, held his hand out to Jaegan, and said the exact words Jaegan had been thinking.

“We need to talk to the kings.”

Deanna sat at the small table in Jenelle’s living quarters and tried very hard not to cry. Jenelle had already heard the full story. Crying some more wasn’t going to do any good.

“I really think you should talk to them.”

“I know,” she said, smiling at the woman who’d made the frightening voyage to an unknown destination less traumatic. “But I can’t help but feel they need to sort it out first. I’m causing the problem in their marriage, so it doesn’t feel right to get involved.”

“Dee, I’ve seen the way Katarnia looks at you. She loves you with all her heart. I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want her husbands to love you, too.”

“I don’t understand it, either,” Deanna confessed quietly. “I haven’t seen much of her lately. I was actually beginning to wonder if she was setting me up as her replacement. It’s been me and Luddeke most of the past few weeks. Jaegan has been working hard, too, but I still see more of him than Katarnia.”

Katarnia had once told her about the infection that had left her unable to have children. Most Desconian women had very little chance of conceiving a child, but an inflammatory pelvic disease had stolen Katarnia’s hope long before she’d met Jaegan and Luddeke. Was it possible that she was stepping back so that Luddeke and Jaegan could claim her instead?

It suddenly made a whole heap of sense. Katarnia loved Luddeke and Jaegan and she would do anything to give them the family they wanted—even step back so that they could take a wife who could have their babies.

The urge to race into the woman’s office and confront her was almost overwhelming, but it was the fear that Deanna had been nothing more than a “gift” from Katarnia to her husbands that kept Deanna still. It seemed to cheapen everything she’d felt and the hurt gouged a hole in her chest that would surely never heal. Deanna knew that Katarnia wouldn’t be deliberately cruel, but even good intentions had a way of hurting people.

A loud thump on the entry door to Jenelle’s small room had them both jumping in fright.

“Deanna,” Jaegan said through the thick metal, “open the door.”

Jenelle gripped her hand for a moment, smiled confidently, and then moved to let their visitor in.

* * * *

The first thing Jaegan saw was his mubellabina’s red-rimmed eyes. It was clear that she’d been crying.

“Baby girl,” he said as he gathered her into his embrace, “it’s all going to work out. I promise.”

“You know?” she asked, sounding surprised.

“I know you’re unhappy,” he said, touching the side of her face gently, “and I know Katarnia and Luddeke had an argument, but it’s not the end of the world.”

He could read the disbelief in her eyes. Perhaps where she came from people gave up easily, but it was about time she understood how seriously Desconians took their marriages.

“I don’t want to be the reason Katarnia leaves you.”

“Did she say something?” Jaegan had faith that everything would work out the way he intended, but if the problem had gone further than he realized then he and Luddeke might need to tweak their plans just a little.

“No,” Deanna said, trying to move away from him. He only let her go far enough so that he could see her face clearly.

“Do you love us, Deanna? All three of us?”

“Of course,” she said immediately. He smiled at her quick and honest response.

“Then it will work out. Families fight. It’s just part of the way things work.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” She bit her lips together as if she was trying not to cry again.

“The only way that will happen is if you leave us.”

“I don’t
want
to leave,” she said slowly. He noticed the stress she put on the word “want,” but chose to take the words literally.

“Perfect,” he said, lifting her into his arms. He nodded a farewell to Jenelle and then headed out the door.

* * * *

“Can I come in?”

Katarnia felt relief flow through her when she heard Luddeke’s voice. She nodded, stumbled from her chair, and practically ran into his embrace. Over the past few hours, she’d tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing for three people she loved, but a selfish part of her didn’t want to let go.

“I’m sorry about before,” Luddeke said as his arms enclosed her in a fiercely emotional hug.

“I’m sorry, too,” she said as tears gathered in her eyes once more. Hell, would she ever stop crying?

They stayed that way, cuddled together in the middle of her office, for a really long time. Eventually, Luddeke shuffled them both toward the sofa in the corner of Katarnia’s office and sat down. He pulled her onto his lap and continued to hold her close.

“Kat, have you been pulling away from us because you want us to claim Deanna?”

Her breath stalled in her lungs. Shit, her husbands knew her so well. How the hell was she ever going to find the strength to let them go? A small, scared part of her didn’t want to admit that was what she’d been thinking. What if they decided to take her up on the offer? Now that the time had actually come to do what she’d planned, she found she didn’t have the backbone. Fuck, how could she be so selfish?

She gathered her flagging courage and nodded against his chest. She could barely breathe as he stroked her hair with his oh-so-familiar touch.

“Sweetheart, I know this is usually Jaegan’s line, but I should spank your ass.” A hiccupped sob escaped her mouth as she tried and failed to hold herself together. “Katarnia,” he said, one strong hand holding her close, the other stroking her soothingly, “that’s the sort of decision we should be making as a family. Why didn’t you say anything?”

She shrugged, unable to verbalize why it had felt like a decision she had to make alone.

“Was I a gift?” a soft, feminine voice asked.

Katarnia startled at the sad question. Deanna was standing at her doorway, Jaegan a looming presence behind her. Katarnia scrambled off Luddeke’s lap and wrapped her arms around the woman she’d fallen in love with long before she’d introduced her to Jaegan and Luddeke.

Deanna wrapped her arms around Katarnia’s waist and started to sob.

“No. No, it was never like that.” Katarnia felt tears flow down her own face as Luddeke and Jaegan both moved to embrace them as well. “I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel like that was the case. Deanna, from the moment we met I knew there was something between us.” She rubbed her cheek against Jaegan’s muscular bicep and made eye contact with Luddeke. “I would never have acted on it if you three hadn’t liked each other, but Dee, please know that I love you as much as I love our husbands.”

“So you’ll stay?” Deanna asked quietly.

“I want to stay,” she said, trying to work out a way for all of them to be happy together, “but while I’m still married to Jaegan and Luddeke they can’t claim you as their mubella. I need to step back so that your status as a human bride is made official.” Deanna’s arms tightened. “I won’t go far. I promise.”