An Ever Fixéd Mark (31 page)

“It was her special request,” Lizzie
shrugged as she heard a clamor come up the stairs. Ben carried two
chairs from his dining room, followed by Mark with a case of wine.
Ben smiled as he passed Lizzie and directly delivered the chairs to
their spots.

“
Your black skirt,” he
unhooked a small bag and handed it to Lizzie. “Mark, did you get
everything from your car?”

“A bag of ice,” Mark finished placing the
bottles on the bar. “I’ll go get it.”

“It smells delicious,” Meg passed Mark in
the dining room entrance. She put in her second earring and crossed
the room to hug Lizzie.

“Happy birthday, Meg.”

“I miss your food,” Meg went to the bar and
opened a wine bottle. “Ben, you don’t know how lucky you are.”

Lizzie looked at one of the settings and
adjusted a fork that was askew. “I am,” Ben put a hand behind her
back as she stood up straight again. She didn’t like the
implication of the lie that he had any appreciation of her culinary
skill. She knew he was aware she liked to cook, but he would never
really know if she was good or not. Or care.

“Before I forget,” Meg paused before pulling
the cork from the bottle. “I want to thank you both – Ben and
Lizzie – for your birthday gift. That was really… that was so
thoughtful.”

Lizzie felt Ben’s hand tense suddenly at her
back. She took it as a cue to smile even more broadly. “It’s your
birthday.”

“But,” Meg beamed as she poured the first
glass. “That book must be so old. Of course you know, Lizzie. I’m
not surprised you found it… but that was really generous.”

“What book?” Nora asked.

“A first American edition
of Byron’s
The Vampyre
,” Meg offered a glass of wine to Lizzie.

“I should get dressed,” Lizzie took the bag
with her skirt and turned to Nora. “There’s cheese and cut
vegetables in the fridge.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Nora shook her head
to a glass of wine as the doorbell rang.

Lizzie walked quickly up the spiral
staircase to her room. She kicked aside the pile of clothes she
left on the floor in a dissatisfied attempt to determine an outfit.
She was annoyed that a few things were a snug around her waist. Ben
entered a minute later and closed the door behind him.

“I’m sorry. I completely forgot I did that,”
Ben laughed at his clumsiness. “I happened to be purchasing
something for you the day you called me about Meg’s birthday. And I
saw that, so I sent it here – from the both of us.”

“You bought her a first American edition
Byron?” Lizzie let the pettiness show in her face. But it wasn’t
petty. He gave Lizzie a book and that was special. It was less
special if he gave Meg an antiquated book. A book about a vampire.
A book that was their secret.

“I meant it to be from you as much as
me.”

“I can’t afford that,” Lizzie started taking
off her t-shirt and jeans. “And… geez, Ben… she’s not… she’s not
your girlfriend.”

“It’s just a book.” Ben was in good spirits,
enough to tolerate her moodiness. He fed before coming to Jefferson
Park.

“Yeah,” Lizzie went to her closet to find
the shirt she wanted to go with her skirt.

“Did you want me to get her something
else?”

“A bottle of wine would have sufficed,”
Lizzie muttered. “Or if you wanted to be special, rum.”

Ben came beside her as she stared at the
closet. He rested his hands on her shoulders. Lizzie remained
immobile, even as he started kneading the tension from her joints.
He slid down her right bra strap and slowly kissed her shoulder.
“Ben,” impatiently turned to face him. “I have to get dressed.”

“Nora can handle things for a little
while.”

Lizzie looked at him and felt the stress
return to her shoulders. “Endorphins?”

“She’s a runner, like you,” Ben smiled as
though he had a few drinks.

“Oh yeah?”

“It was just a needle,” he pulled her close
to him. “But we can both benefit from it.”

“Not now,” she pushed him away in disgust
and took her stockings from her drawer. He watched her roll them
over her leg. In her agitation, she ripped a hole and drove a run
down the length of her shin. “Fuck.”

“Yes, let’s,” Ben laughed.

Lizzie glared at him, grabbed her clothes,
and went into the bathroom. She got dressed rapidly and managed to
not rip the second pair of hose in her haste. Ben’s eyes softened
to apology when she opened the door. “You know it was just a
transfusion, Elizabeth.”

“What happens if a cop pulls you over after
you have an endorphin drenched transfusion? Do you get a DUI?”
Lizzie growled as she looked for a match to her hoop earring.

“No,” Ben smiled. “Come on, I’ll make you
feel better.”

“For Christ’s sake, Ben,” Lizzie looked at
him hard. “I have a lasagna in the oven. I know you don’t care
about such things. But it’s important to me.”

Ben immediately sobered. She knew he wanted
to say something, but was either incapable or afraid of forming the
question. He swallowed and let out a painful sigh. “You’re right.
I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to get a glass of wine,” she
hissed as she threw on a painful pair of heels and left the
bedroom.

*****

Two bottles of wine were empty by the time
Lizzie cleared the salad plates and brought out the lasagna. Meg’s
friends from the university were a boisterous group, especially
Didi and Tamara. Lizzie knew them from other gatherings they hosted
at Jefferson Park. They both taught in the English department. They
met there eight years ago and were married for three. And they both
hated Alec McCaffrey. They were kind enough to avoid their favorite
bashing – no doubt out of kindness to Jeff, Meg’s date for the
evening. Jeff was also a grad student, but not on his second thesis
of his second masters like Meg.

“It’s been too long since we’ve had a party
in this house,” Meg sighed as Mark opened another bottle of
wine.

“
Are you going to have a
Halloween party this year?” Tamara asked.

“Of course,” Meg didn’t pause for Lizzie’s
agreement and listed her favorite costumes.

“It’s not even a month away,” Lizzie handed
a plate of lasagna to Meg.

“It will give me something to take my mind
off…” Meg took a quick bite after a glance to Jeff.

Lizzie swallowed any urge to protest she
didn’t want to cook and be unappreciated by Meg who took her for
granted or Ben who just didn’t care. She cut another slice of
lasagna and handed it to Nora, who offered a smile of understanding
to Lizzie’s unspoken thoughts. “I have some good news,” Nora looked
at Lizzie and then the rest of the table. “Kind of appropriate to
share at a birthday celebration.”

“You’re pregnant,” Meg muttered into her
wine. Nora looked at Mark and bit her lip. Meg set down her glass.
“You haven’t had anything to drink all night, Nora. And we all knew
you were going to start trying the moment you got back from your
honeymoon.”

Lizzie swallowed her reply to Meg’s
tactlessness. It was her birthday… and the third glass of wine.

“Congratulations,” Ben broke the weird
silence with a lift of his glass. “You must be very happy.”

“Of course we are!” Nora let the joy explode
across her face and dissolved the displeasure with Meg. Mark smiled
broader than Lizzie had ever seen him. “We’re almost three months.
I know I’m supposed to wait a few more weeks to tell anyone… but
I’m just so happy.”

Lizzie went over to give Nora a hug. “So…
that’s the end of April?”

“April 25,” Mark said proudly. Lizzie turned
and hugged him.

“That’s really great you guys,” Meg followed
with her own embraces. “And good news to hear on my birthday.”

Lizzie took her seat and finished serving
the pieces of lasagna, making sure to give Ben a small piece with
lots of sauce. Meg and Didi had lots of questions for Nora and
Mark, allowing Lizzie to keep silent and drink her wine. She was
happy for Nora and Mark, but that joy seemed to just sit in front
of her and not go inside of her. Like the lasagna on Ben’s plate
that he would never eat.

*****

Lizzie looked at the steam clouding her
reflection in the window. She shut off the faucet and took another
wine glass to wipe out with the soapy cloth. “Elizabeth,” Ben’s
voice called suddenly as he came into the kitchen. “Why aren’t you
in the living room with everyone else?”

“Because I won’t enjoy myself knowing there
are lots of dishes that need to be cleaned,” she rinsed out the
glass. “I actually like washing dishes. It’s one of my favorite
parts of a party.”

“I don’t believe you,” Ben took the towel
hanging on the oven railing. “Is that just your excuse to stay in
the kitchen?”

“That’s why it’s my favorite part of the
party.”

“Are you okay?” he took one of the glasses
and wiped it dry.

“I’m fine,” she selected the greasy lasagna
pan and decided to attempt to scrub off the melted cheese.

“I’m…” he looked around to find where to
settle the glass.

“Just put it next to the stove,” Lizzie
didn’t look away from the pan.

“You’ve worked hard today,” he took one of
the knives resting in the drainer. Lizzie opened her mouth to say
something about how to dry it, but resigned herself to the fact he
knew nothing about a kitchen and its maintenance.

“Meg means a lot to me.”

“Which is why I… I shouldn’t have gotten the
book,” he sighed.

“She loves it. She really impressed Didi and
Tamara. That means a lot to her,” Lizzie concentrated on a stubborn
spot of crusted sauce. “It’s okay, Ben. Your heart was in the right
place.”

“But you aren’t. Was it … did Nora’s news
bother you?”

“No,” Lizzie lowered her voice in case
anyone could hear through the dining room and across the hall in
the living room. “Why would it?”

“You were upset when you saw Will a few
weeks ago.”

“And I told you, I’ve made my choice.”

“We could…”

“We could what?’ Lizzie made a harsh
whisper. “Before I could even think about any of this, we have to
bring family into our … relationship.”

“Why don’t we?”

“You want to meet my family?” Lizzie looked
at him in disbelief. “And have my family meet yours?’

Ben shut his eyes and started to speak, but
Lizzie cut him off. “And what am I suppose to say? This is Ben, my
boyfriend. He’s a vampire. He lives off of peoples’ blood. He can’t
die. He doesn’t get old. And this is his brother, Oliver. He killed
a teenager from my high school. And he was my lover in a former
life. Oh – and he killed me, twice.”

She held him there, as he helplessly
clutched the dishtowel under her angry gaze. He had that same look
of wanting to say something, but lacking the ability to begin the
articulation of his thought. He shifted his eyes suddenly,
prompting Lizzie to turn around and soften her expression to Nora.
“Ben, please go rescue Mark. He’s been on good behavior with Meg,
but I think he needs a little conversational distraction,” Nora
pleaded. “I’ll help Lizzie. I know how to dry the dishes so she
doesn’t feel like she needs to wash them all over again… which I’m
guessing is an art you still haven’t mastered.”

Ben managed a smile and surrendered the
towel. “I guess not.”

“Don’t worry. It took me three years of
living with her,” Nora beamed broadly as he left the kitchen. “I’m
assuming that’s the source of the tension I walked in on? He didn’t
touch the knives properly?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sure Jackie and Meg
don’t care when I’m not here,” Lizzie felt badly for causing Nora’s
confused frown. “I’m very happy for you and Mark.”

“I’m over the moon with joy and terrified,”
Nora lifted a glass to dry. “You’ll find out someday.”

“I might not,” Lizzie looked back at the
dirty pan.

“I know you’ve said you weren’t sure you
wanted kids,” Nora looked at her. “But even now… with Ben? You guys
must have talked about it.”

“We talked,” Lizzie hardened her shoulders.
“He can’t have children.”

“Oh,” Nora set down the glass. “Well there
are other options.”

“I’m not in any rush to have kids,
Nora.”

“Yeah, but…” Nora lifted the glass again and
put it in the cupboard. “You are so good with kids. You had such a
way with them at the Village. And when you nannied.”

“I haven’t nannied in years,” she loosened a
stubborn spot of cheese. “Maybe I’m great with kids because I’m not
a parent. I’m planning on being the coolest aunt to your kid.”

“You will be,” Nora hesitated. “And Ben will
be a pretty cool uncle. He’s a good guy.”

“He is a good guy,” Lizzie looked to her
reflection in the window, but it was lost in the cloud of
steam.

*****

She knew he was following her. She didn’t
see him in the darkness of the damp evening, but she sensed he was
close behind her. She sped up her pace and ran to the narrow
corridor between the bushes and the carriage house. She laughed and
leaned against the wall of the building as he came around the other
side of the greenery. He caught her laughter and stifled it
abruptly as he kissed her. His kiss was less tender, but sincere.
So sincere she could feel it in her heart. Even as his roughened
hands clutched awkwardly at her dress. He was so timid, for such a
tall strong man. He was afraid of her.

Lizzie felt as though she was underwater.
She faded away from the kiss and opened her eyes as the warmth
dried her throat. It was still dark. Ben was asleep with his back
against her. She didn’t remember going to bed. She didn’t remember…
the wine swam in her stomach, swirling her brain. She got up
quickly and went into her bathroom for some water. She drank two
glasses quickly, but not enough to quell the urge to bow her head
over the toilet. How much wine did she drink? She never drank that
much… at least a bottle. She let herself cry as she fell to the
floor and leaned her head against the wall. She brushed away the
ends of her hair that clung to her cheek and pulled off her
pantyhose throwing them on the floor. Ben clearly wasn’t interested
in her that evening… in whatever state he had walked or carried her
up the stairs.