An Ever Fixéd Mark (19 page)

Chapter
Fourteen

Lizzie leaned her head against the window
and watched the blur of the white lines passing beneath the car.
She listened vaguely to Nora and Meg discuss who was expected at
the rehearsal dinner and staying at the hotel through the weekend.
She ran through her own checklist of things she promised Nora she
would take care of at the hotel. Lizzie didn’t much agree with
Nora’s sentiment that multiple hospital galas made Lizzie an event
planning expert, but she was happy to do whatever she could to
alleviate the stress of the bride.

“Is Ben coming up tonight or tomorrow?” Meg
took a sip from her iced coffee.

Lizzie lifted her head away from the window.
“Tonight,” Lizzie answered. “He probably won’t make dinner. But he
should be in time for dessert.”

“It’s too bad he couldn’t change that
meeting,” Nora sighed. Lizzie showed a weak smile even though
neither turned from the front seat to see her expression. Ben
offered a different schedule, but Lizzie thought it would be less
rude for him to not eat sorbet than the steak dinner Nora’s father
planned. Besides, Lizzie knew his meeting was important. He moved
his clinic appointment to Friday so he could be in Gloucester all
day Saturday into Sunday.

She appreciated the excuse for his absence,
but there was a part of her that disliked his clinic visits. She
knew they were necessary. She knew it guaranteed her own safety and
health. She knew… all these quantifiable details… but the clinic
was still unknown to her. It was a part of him that would be easier
to know and understand than the vague details of his transformation
or his falling out with Oliver. And yet it was still a mystery. The
sources… were unknown. Except, apparently, at one time Alec
McCaffrey.

“I’m surprised Ben didn’t change the meeting
so he could see you. It’s been what? Almost a whole week since
you’ve seen him?” Meg turned around as she took another sip from
her straw.

Lizzie repeated her strained smile. Alec
evidently said nothing to Meg about Ben’s secret. Lizzie couldn’t
imagine Meg would have her attitude if she knew Ben could add a
whole new dimension to her thesis. Lizzie also suspected that Alec
smoked enough pot to affect his memory and may well have forgotten
Ben altogether. “I saw him on Sunday.”

“After practically living at his place for
two weeks,” Meg turned back to face the front of the car.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Nora picked up
her iced drink.

“He lives close to Mt. Elm. It’s easier when
I have to work,” Lizzie leaned against the window again. She wanted
to avoid the argument with Meg, who was at the apartment even less
than Lizzie. It was apparently not okay for Lizzie to be gone on
the one or two nights she returned to Jefferson Park.

“Poor Jackie is all by herself,” Meg
returned in a tone that Lizzie couldn’t tell was mean or funny.

“I think Jackie is all right,” Lizzie
answered. “Will Alec be there for dinner?”

“Hopefully by five, if traffic doesn’t suck
too much.”

“Has he finished proofing your thesis?” Nora
set her cup back in the cup holder.

“Not yet,” Meg looked out her window. “But
he’s liked what he’s read so far.”

“I still want to read it,” Lizzie always
wanted to support her friend, but now she had an additional
motive.

“Next time I see you at the apartment, I’ll
give you a copy,” Meg darted a glance towards Lizzie.

“Okay,” Lizzie decided to let that one slide
and get back to the subject of the day.

“
Can you get my
Chapstick?” Meg held her hand between the front seats. Lizzie
reached for Meg’s bag. She pulled out a book and felt through the
cluttered contents until she found the Chapstick. Lizzie turned
over the book and recognized one of Meg’s favorite novels. The
cover had an illustration of a handsome man with pale, pale skin –
white to the point it was nearly blue. He had dark hair and dark
eyes and wore a long black cape that swept in the wind around the
waist of a voluptuous blonde. His fangs bared as the glint in the
eyes focused on the blonde’s neck.

Lizzie felt a shudder as she placed the book
back in Meg’s bag. It was kind of ridiculous. Ben didn’t go around
in a black cape staring at her neck. He did… sometimes look… but
not… like that. He wasn’t a monster. Of that she had become most
definitely certain. And Lizzie wasn’t a young blonde virgin
either.

*****

Ben laughed as Lizzie kicked her heels under
the chair by the desk. “If you hate them so much why do you wear
them?” he closed the door to their room.

“They look good,” Lizzie felt an urge to
grab him and go immediately… he came to her side and pulled her
into his arms before she could finish her thought. He kissed her
lips and moved his hands to the zipper at the back of her
dress.

She let him slide the straps off her
shoulders and moved towards his belt when the phone rang. She
pulled away from his excitement and went to her bag. She managed to
answer Becca’s questions about Nora’s jewelry in spite of Ben’s
continued touches and kisses. She closed the phone and turned back
to face him.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Lizzie kissed him until
Becca called back looking for Nora’s stockings.

Ben took off his jacket and moved into the
room. He opened the bar and found Lizzie a glass of wine. “Why
don’t we wait a little bit?” he offered. “In case you get any more
calls tonight.”

Lizzie readjusted her straps and zipper then
took the wine. “I thought you went to the clinic,” she looked at
the glass.

“I did,” he undid his tie. “But you need to
relax.”

Lizzie sat herself on the couch. She could
smell the salt air through the open window of their room. “Becca is
a good sister. She lives too far away to be on top of all of Nora’s
details.”

“I like Becca very much,” Ben sat beside
her. “Because she is staying the night with the bride. Which means…
when she is done calling you every five minutes, I have you to
myself.”

Lizzie laughed over her first sip of wine.
She hardly swallowed when the phone rang again. Nora’s mother asked
about the flower delivery for the groomsmen. Lizzie took another
sip after closing her phone. She looked at the color beneath Ben’s
freckles and then turned her chin away as he lifted a finger to her
cheek. “Who was your source today?”

Ben dropped his hand in his lap. “There is a
protocol of anonymity.”

“Would I know this person?”

“It’s doubtful,” Ben answered. “Her name is
Belinda. She’s a grad student.”

“You know her name?”

“Yes.”

“Do you speak to her?”

“Very briefly.”

“Have you met her before?”

“A couple months ago.”

“So she is always your source?”

“It’s a good match, so yes.”

Lizzie touched the rim of her wine glass.
“Do you know the names of all your sources?”

“I try to,” Ben touched her hair gently.
“There is only one whose clothes I try to take off.”

Lizzie looked up at his eyes. “But before…
before we… did you try to take their clothes off?”

“Officially, I should say no. But I won’t
lie, Elizabeth. I dated some of my sources before.”

“Did you sleep with them?”

“Yes.”

“Did you love them?”

“No.”

“Did they love you?”

“Probably not.”

“How do you know?”

“No one has told me… but…” he faded, looking
at her sadly. “I suppose that doesn’t mean I know.”

Lizzie set the wine glass aside and turned
towards Ben. “Has there been anyone… have you ever been
married?”

“Not since before.”

“Before what?”

“I became vampire,” he explained
quietly.

“Oh,” Lizzie heaved a great sigh. “Did you
love her?”

“Marriage was different then,” Ben looked
down. “I married because I thought she could help me with my farm.
We had two children. Then I went to war. I came home and found she
and the babies died of small pox while I was gone. It wasn’t until
that point I realized I loved her.”

“Oh God,” Lizzie felt a huge amount of
emotion. She spoke of Harriet Fulton losing her children on her
tour all the time, but never felt any amount of sympathy. Ben
didn’t seem sad, but distant… as though his mind had gone to a
faraway place.

“It is sad,” he nodded coolly.

Lizzie let the silence enter the room. She
looked at her phone, half expecting it to ring and disturb the
conversation. “What is it like going to a wedding like this… when
yours must have been so different?”

“I’ve been to a lot of weddings. The
difference doesn’t shock me,” he smiled.

“It’s so much more ridiculous.”

“In some ways. There is a lot less fire and
brimstone,” he smirked. “It is nice to see people who love one
another get married because they want to.”

“Even though half of them get divorced?”

“Is that what you think will happen to Nora
and Mark?”

“No,” Lizzie shook her head. “I hope not. I
think they’ve waited for the right person and the right moment in
their lives. Tomorrow isn’t just about the wedding. They truly want
to spend their lives together.”

“So you aren’t a complete cynic?”

“No,” Lizzie looked up at his watchful eyes.
“If you are such a romantic, Ben, why haven’t you married
again?’

“I almost married,” he looked towards that
distant memory again.

“For love?” Lizzie emboldened herself as the
phone rang again.

Ben nodded as she picked it up off the
table. She breathed out, contemplating not answering it. She turned
back against the sofa and flipped open her phone. “Hello?”

“Hey Lizzie, sorry to bother you again,”
Becca said sheepishly.

“That’s okay,” Lizzie turned her periphery
to look at Ben’s pensive expression.

“Nora is a little worried about Meg.”

“Why?”

“Alec still hasn’t arrived.”

“Oh,” Lizzie felt a sudden drain.

“Could you go and check on her? I think it
would make Nora feel much better if she knew Meg wasn’t alone right
now,” Becca pleaded.

Lizzie heaved a great sigh. “Yeah, I’ll go
check on her.”

“Thanks,” Becca said before hanging up.

Lizzie pursed her lips. “I have to check on
Meg. Professor McCaffrey is still MIA,” Lizzie groaned.

Ben touched her hair gently and pulled her
in for a kiss. “Will you be back?”

“Who knows?” Lizzie found her heels under
the chair. Ben breathed out his muted irritation. Lizzie wondered
if it was their aborted conversation or the possibility Lizzie
wouldn’t be back to finish what they started earlier. “I’m
sorry.”

Ben stood up and reached behind to pull up
the rest of her zipper. “You are a good friend.”

“But apparently not a good girlfriend,” she
smirked at him.

He touched her shoulders and pulled her
around to kiss her again. She was tempted to stay… just for another
hour… but he pulled away and enveloped her in an embrace. “Oliver
is the same way.”

Lizzie pulled back to look at him. “How
so?”

He shifted his eyes away briefly and then
looked at her. She wondered if he meant to say that thought aloud.
“She falls pretty easily for people, doesn’t she?” Lizzie nodded to
his question. “Manic?”

“Yeah,” Lizzie agreed almost silently,
fingering her phone.

Ben cleared his throat and turned her
towards the door. “Go see Meg. Be her good friend. Tomorrow night,
I’ll be good to you.” Lizzie eyed him before opening the door, her
fingers ready to press send back to Becca’s number. He smiled at
her quickly and held the door as she left the room.

*****

Lizzie let herself into the room quietly.
She set her shoes down as she sat on the couch. Ben was already
asleep. She liked to watch him sleep. She knew he slept longer
after feeding. His breaths were deeper and the color under his skin
made him look less like the book cover she found in Meg’s bag. His
t-shirt exposed the contours of his muscular shoulders. His strong
shoulders. Strong arms. She felt safe in his arms. In spite of that
constant lurking fear, she felt safe against the warmth of his
body, a warmth that became familiar and comfortable in the past six
weeks.

She thought about waking him. She wanted to
know what he was about to tell her, about Oliver and his manic
emotions. Was it anything like Meg’s drunken depression that
flipped the second Alec texted to say he was parking his car four
hours after dinner ended? Did he fall and forgive as readily as Meg
did? And why… why did it bother Ben?

Did Ben fall so easily? Did he love her? Did
she love him? Did she know from that first night together? She knew
him before. She knew him… the wave of exhaustion leaked out with a
yawn. She knew him in high school. She didn’t feel anything for him
then. What changed? Was it her? Was it simply that she started to
believe someone could love her?

There was something else. There was
something that her mind was too tired to remember. Was it their
unfinished conversation? The fact he almost married someone else?
No… she wanted to know about that. But there was something she
needed to think through before she could think about her feelings.
She didn’t know what it was… something about Springs or Coldbrook
or… it was something she knew she had to remember… but it wasn’t
important now. Now she was happy. Happy to be sitting in the dark
watching him sleep.

*****

Lizzie let out a sleepy breath. She could
see where the water separated from the sky. The sun hinted its
arrival with tiny specks of gold on the creeping waves. She
relished the comfort of Ben’s arms loosely enveloped about her
waist. She liked the feel of the sand drying on her legs. She
laughed briefly. “I’m watching the sun rise with a vampire.”