Always Something There to Remind Me (10 page)

‘You did?’

‘Yeah. Couldn’t stop thinking about you, actually. Did you miss me at all?’ He kissed my cheek.

‘Well … maybe a little bit … now and again.’ I stroked his hair and he kissed my other cheek.

‘A little bit?’ He drew me closer to him and kissed my neck. ‘Now and again?’ He tilted my head back and kissed my lips briefly. ‘Is that all?’

‘Well … maybe … quite a lot.’ I found it increasingly hard to breathe normally, as he covered my face with kisses. I struggled not to lose control. ‘But … only when …’ I couldn’t continue as his mouth covered mine again with a deep, probing kiss.

‘Only when what?’ He had come up for air. I struggled to remember what I’d been saying.

‘Only when I was awake,’ I said at last. ‘I only missed you when I was awake.’

‘That’s a start …’ He pulled away and smiled at me. ‘I’ve never seen you in your office gear before. You look incredibly sexy.’

‘Thanks … I think. I feel incredibly uncomfortable. I usually get out of this lot as soon as I get home.’

‘And slip into something more comfortable?’ He laughed. ‘Don’t let me stop you…’ He bent down and pulled off my shoes. ‘Better?’

‘Much better.’ I sighed and removed my jacket. Des was watching me in silence. I couldn’t make out what he was thinking, but at that moment all I could think about was how great it felt when he kissed me. Maybe he was only flirting and teasing me; it didn’t really matter. I moved towards him and put my arms around his neck.

‘Kiss me again, Des,’ I whispered.

‘At last she takes the initiative,’ he murmured as our lips met. I knew I was approaching the point of no return, but I carried on anyway.

I stood up and took his hands, pulling him to his feet and leading him to his bedroom. By the soft light from the bedside lamp we undressed each other slowly, sharing lingering kisses and caresses. We lay on the bed and his hands gently worked some kind of magic as they travelled across my body, finding ways to excite me. He kissed my breasts, teasing my nipples with his lips and tongue. He paused for a moment and looked at me.

‘You’ve no idea how much I want you right now,’ he said.

‘I want you too.’

To feel him inside me sets me on fire … his hands on my body … his lips on mine.

I’ve never felt like this before.

Chapter 19: Afterglow

It felt good to wake up early on Saturday morning and not be alone for a change. I lay on my side for a while, watching Des as he slept and wondering how things would be when he woke up. Would we feel awkward, like last time? I hoped not. It had been different this time; not an accidental collision, but a deliberate choice to … to what? I thought long and hard about what to call it. Did we have sex? Or did we make love? Was there even a difference? I decided there was a difference but still didn’t know which it had been. I slipped quietly out of bed and went to the bathroom. It was chilly as the heating hadn’t kicked in yet, so I pulled on my underwear and my NY T-shirt and went into the kitchen. The kettle had just boiled when Des appeared, wrapped in a navy blue fleece dressing gown. He wolf-whistled.

‘Now I know I’m dreaming,’ he said. ‘There’s a beautiful woman in my kitchen wearing nothing but a T-shirt and knickers.’ He put his arms around me. ‘Ooh, you’re cold. I’d offer you my dressing gown, but I’m not wearing anything underneath.’

‘There’s room in there for both of us,’ I said, untying the belt. He opened the robe and pulled me closer, wrapping it around me and binding our bodies together. His skin felt warm and I rested my head against his chest and wondered if I’d ever been this comfortable with anyone else. It seemed like we stood that way for a long time, just cuddling. Then, as if on cue, we both yawned. We moved apart and Des refastened his robe.

‘Why don’t we go back to bed?’ As if sensing my slight hesitation, he added, ‘We can just snuggle up and sleep if you like. It’s not even eight o’clock yet. I never get up this early on a Saturday.’ He winked and I laughed.

‘I’d like that. I just don’t want to overstay my welcome.’

‘That’s not even possible.’

So that’s what we did. We drank our coffee in bed and Des turned on the radio. We listened to
Sounds of the Sixties
and I fell asleep in his arms, to the sound of Dusty Springfield singing
You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me
.
But I wish you would …
I thought as I drifted off.

* * * * *

At eleven o’clock I went home to change my clothes, pick up the Christmas presents for Cheryl’s family and drive to Salisbury. It would take at least two hours to get there and I didn’t relish the prospect, but I’d promised to go and I never break a promise. Des offered to come with me, but I knew Cheryl would make a huge deal out of it if I turned up for a family visit with a man in tow. She’d have us married off before we knew it. No, it was too early to introduce him to what little family I had. Des sent me a text just as I was setting off, telling me to drive safely and let him know when I arrived.

Cheryl threw her arms around me when she answered the door.

‘Looking good, Lyd,’ she said. ‘Did you change your hairstyle or something?’

‘No, love. It’s the same as always.’

‘Well, there’s something different about you.’ She took the bag of presents and arranged them under the Christmas tree, while I hung my coat in the hall and went to warm my hands in front of the coal fire she’d insisted on keeping when they refurbished the house. ‘When do you finish work for the hols?’

‘Lunchtime on Christmas Eve. I get Christmas Day off, then Monday in lieu of Boxing Day.’

‘Have you made plans for Christmas Day? You won’t be on your own, will you?’

‘No. Trudi’s coming and we’re planning a real girly Christmas. And I’m going to see Alley Kat on Christmas Eve.’

‘Is this part of your cunning plan to hook up with Josh Greenwood?’ Cheryl laughed. I’d told her a little about my ‘wish list’. ‘Are you going to leap onto the stage and throw yourself at his feet?’

‘I doubt it,’ I said. ‘I’m not that good at leaping.’

‘I know and it’s not his feet you’re interested in either. Are you hungry? I made stew.’

I tucked into Cheryl’s beef stew with great enthusiasm, while she told me all about Eddie’s brilliant performance in his school Christmas play. As if on cue, he arrived home from playing football just as I finished eating.

‘Auntie Lyd!’ he squealed. ‘I’d forgotten you were coming.’ He always calls me ‘Auntie’ even though I’m actually his second cousin. He gave me a huge hug.

‘I can’t get over how you’ve grown.’

‘Aw, why do adults always say that?’ He looked embarrassed and I felt a little sad as I realised that he would soon be too grown-up to care when ‘Auntie Lyd’ visited.

‘Did you score any goals today?’ I asked, switching to a subject I knew he’d be keen to talk about.

‘I’m the goalkeeper this season. I don’t score goals; I stop the other side scoring.’

‘Oh. Well did you make any great saves then?’ That was it; he proceeded to give a detailed account of the match, running around the room and showing me exactly how he’d saved a penalty. The twins came downstairs for tea and too soon it was time for me to leave.

I was just starting the car when Des rang.

‘Lyd, can you talk? You’re not driving at the moment, are you?’

‘Just about to. Is it urgent?’

‘Not exactly, I just got a call from Tess.’

I switched off the engine.

‘What did she want?’ I was feeling a little uneasy about this.

‘She invited me to a “singles” lunch on Christmas Day. She said she didn’t like to think of me being alone at this time of year.’

‘How very considerate of her.’ My heart was racing. ‘You’re not going, are you?’

‘Well, I don’t have any other plans. No one else has invited me anywhere …’

Of course I knew what I was supposed to say, but sometimes my brain doesn’t control what comes out of my mouth. This was one of those occasions.

‘So you’re going? Fine. I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time.’

‘You mean you don’t mind?’

‘Mind? Why should I mind?’
Of course I mind; why can’t I say so?

‘I just thought … never mind. Pub lunch tomorrow? I’ll pick you up at twelve?’

‘Why not?’ I could hear the edge in my own voice. ‘Unless you get a better offer.’ I ended the call wondering why I’d said that.

Chapter 20: Return of the Red-Eye

I knew I was being silly; of course I did. Lord knows I’d had a lifetime of experiencing my own silliness, but I couldn’t help it. I’ve just never been able to believe that things will go right for me. All the way home I wanted to stop the car and call Des. I even rehearsed a few possible lines.

I don’t want you to go to that lunch on Christmas Day …

Why don’t you spend Christmas Day with me? Yes, Trudi will be there, but she won’t be staying for ever …

Who’s going to protect you from Tess?

The place might be full of other predatory single women!

That last thought scared the life out of me. Suddenly, I could see it all: Des would arrive alone for the ‘singles’ Christmas lunch and be surrounded by gorgeous women. He wouldn’t be leaving alone; if it wasn’t Tess, it would be someone else. I could stop it happening; at least I thought I could, but I felt such a fool. If I rang him and invited him to join Trudi and me, I was almost sure he’d say yes … but what if he didn’t? We hadn’t made any sort of commitment to each other; no vows or declarations. I had no right to expect anything other than the friendship we shared.

In the end, I decided not to call him. Tired and emotional, I drove home. I sent Des a text to let him know I was back and having an early night. He replied confirming our lunch date for the next day. I was ready for bed and sorely tempted to ignore the doorbell when it rang, but curiosity got the better of me, as it usually does. It was Trudi.

‘Not disturbing you, am I, darling?’ She breezed in before I could point out that I’d been about to retire for the night. ‘I’ve got so much to tell you.’ I realised that we hadn’t even spoken to each other since our shopping trip on Monday.

‘I tried calling you a few times to see how your date with Emilio went, but you weren’t answering.’

‘Busy week. I called round on Friday, but you were out.’

‘Des got back from New York. I was at his place. So how was the date?’

‘We had a lovely meal and a very pleasant chat. He’s a nice boy.’

I laughed. ‘So will you be seeing the “nice boy” again?’

‘Who knows? He’s away until after Christmas. He said he’d call when he gets back, but I won’t hold my breath or lose sleep over it if he doesn’t. How about you? Did you and Des do anything exciting on Friday?’

I avoided making eye contact and shook my head. ‘Just the usual,’ I said.

‘There’s nothing “usual” where you two are concerned. Everything you do is peculiar. What normal couple swings between writing sex stories, playing karaoke and pretending to run a fanzine?’

‘Well, we’re not actually a couple …’

‘No, of course you’re not. I keep forgetting. Just good friends.’

You’re not the only one who forgets it sometimes.
‘That’s right.’

She didn’t stay long and I crept into bed. I only felt lonely for a few minutes before I fell asleep. Surprisingly, I slept like a log and woke up feeling refreshed and ready to face the day. Opening the bedroom curtains, I was delighted to see that it was snowing; had been for some time by the look of it. There was a covering of maybe two inches on the garden and everything looked so pretty I couldn’t help but smile. I’ve never lost the fascination with snow that I’ve had since childhood. I made up my mind that, however the day panned out, I was going to build a snowman later.

I spent the morning catching up on housework and I’d just finished when Des arrived, half an hour earlier than expected. I was determined to keep a level head and not get carried away. I didn’t want him to think I was one of those ditzy women who go to pieces all the time, so when he hugged me I just relaxed and enjoyed it.

‘Are you feeling better?’ he asked. ‘You really sounded “off” on the phone last night.’

‘I was just tired and a bit grumpy.’

‘I guessed. I came over early so we could chill for a bit before we go out. We can’t really talk at the pub; at least not about anything important.’ He draped his coat over the back of a chair and sat on the sofa, patting the cushion to indicate that I should sit next to him.

‘Are we going to talk about something important? That’s not like us at all.’ I sat beside him, slightly apprehensive about what was coming next.

‘No, it isn’t,’ he agreed. ‘But maybe we should now and again. Especially now.’ He put his arm around me. ‘Don’t look so worried.’

‘I can’t help it. You’re never this serious. What’s going on?’ There was a long silence before he spoke.

‘It’s crazy really. I had this all worked out, but now I can’t think straight again. You have that effect on me sometimes.’

‘I’m sorry …’

‘Don’t be.’ He hesitated again. ‘Lyd, I don’t know what’s happening between us at the moment and I don’t think you do either.’

‘You’re right; I don’t. So do you want to stop – go back to the way we were?’

‘Is that what you want?’

‘That’s not an answer, Des. I asked first.’

‘OK, for what it’s worth, I think it’s too late to go back now. We’ve crossed a line. We got away with it the first time, but Friday night was different and I think we both knew it. We were together because we chose to be and that should tell us something, shouldn’t it? I don’t want to analyse or label it, but I don’t want it to stop either.’

‘You don’t? Oh, thank God. I was afraid you were going to say we shouldn’t see each other any more and I’d have hated that.’

‘How could we not see each other? We still have so much to do together.’

‘Do we?’

‘Yes, starting with lunch.’ He stood up and pulled me to my feet. ‘Wrap up warm; it’s freezing.’

The pub was quieter than usual; not many people were willing to brave the icy roads. We ordered our meals at the bar and sat at a corner table, with a couple of double brandies to chase away the chill. An open fire blazed in the huge Victorian fireplace and the jukebox was playing Christmas songs from the last thirty years or so. We laughed and chatted our way through lunch and then Des started singing along with Cliff Richard.