Always His (Crazed Devotion #1) (3 page)

“M
ommy.”

I remained perfectly still as Tori climbed over me and sat on my stomach. With one leg on either side of my waist, she leaned forward and placed her nose only inches from mine. I opened an eye just enough to see her cute little nose wrinkled up as she whispered again. “Mommy.”

She traced my nose with a finger and tapped the tip of it over and over. It was something she started doing a few months ago, and it was too adorable to question. “I peed in my bed.”

And there went the joy.

I opened my eyes, and hers grew wide. It was then I felt the dampness of her pajamas seep through my thin tank top.

“And now you peed in my bed too.”

“No, silly,” she said as she climbed off me, dragging her stuffed bear behind her. “Come on.”

I crawled from bed in my piss-stained tank and walked toward her room. She’d already begun pulling off the sheets and had them all piled in the center of her little bed—a bed I knew she would outgrow in a short time.

“I helped,” she stated proudly as she pointed toward the mess of pink-and-yellow sheets and blankets.

She didn’t have accidents often, so it was hard to get upset. But a night with Liz was the explanation for this one, I was sure. Liz didn’t understand the concept of limiting drinks before bed any more than my daughter did.

“Let’s gather these up, and then we both need a bath before we head over to Pawpaw’s house to do our laundry.”

Tori began moving quickly around the room gathering up toys, and I smiled. She was so easily distracted. She absolutely adored my father, and I swear my daughter was his best friend. At least she had one amazing man in her life that truly loved her.

After the sheets were gathered and I’d tossed my soiled tank in the hamper too, I jumped in the shower while Tori played with her dolls on the floor right outside. It was the easiest way to keep her out of trouble while I fit in a quick wash when we were home alone.

Following a shower that could go in the record books as one of the fastest ever, I filled the tub with warm water and placed her inside, where I washed her hair with her apple-scented shampoo. It was funny to see her breathe in deep as the suds formed on her body. She’d picked it out because she said it smelled like Nana’s kitchen.

Nana was what she called Liz’s mom. With my own mother being deceased and Tyler’s mom being as worthless as he was, Nana May was the grandma my little girl longed for, and May Berfield was more than happy to accept the position.

“You smell yummy,” I told her as I rinsed the suds from her back.

A knocking filled the apartment, and Tori and I turned to look behind me. The bathroom was at the end of the hallway with the front door in clear view. But unfortunately there was no way of knowing who was on the other side from this distance.

“Who here?” Tori asked.

“I don’t know, but we should get you out and go see.” She tried standing, and I reached out and lifted her before she slipped. The rubber mat on the bottom of the tub never fully took away my fear of her falling, and I was still extremely cautious of the possibility. After toweling her off quickly, I wrapped her tight in the towel and walked toward the front door just as another knock sounded.

As I peeked through the side window, the only thing I could she was a shoulder and an arm. A tattooed and muscled arm. There was no way I was going to open the door to some strange man. When a third knock came, I jumped in surprise. Okay, my nerves were now on high alert.

“Mommy,” Tori squealed as she wiggled out of my arms.

“Shh,” I whispered, holding my finger to my lips. She wrinkled her tiny nose in what I assumed was her “what is wrong with you?” face.

“Nicole, I know you’re in there.” A deep, raspy voice I thought I’d never hear again filled the silence. I sagged against the wall and covered my face with my hands.

No fucking way. I had to be imagining things.

“I’ll camp out on your porch until you leave if I need to. You can’t stay hidden behind this door forever.” Ryker’s voice once again sent chills through my body.

I let go of my face and bent down to lift Tori back up into my arms. If Ryker was anything like he once was, he sure as hell wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t leave until he got what he came for. I just wasn’t sure what that could be.

Taking in one last, deep breath, I slid the chain form the lock and twisted the second lock on the handle. My hand trembled as I turned the knob and kept my eyes averted.

The first thing that came into view was a pair of black boots with laces halfway up his shins. A pair of jeans covered strong, muscular legs, leaving little to the imagination. But I knew what was beneath those jeans, only now you could tell he had gone up a few pants sizes as he was no longer that lean man I once knew. He was still fit and toned from what I could tell, and he had definitely gained some muscle mass since he left all those years ago. His red shirt looked more like a second skin as it stretched across his broad chest and shoulders. I stopped there. I wasn’t sure I could handle much more.

“Look at me.” His rugged voice made me jump in surprise. His husky tone ran over my body, leaving behind little tingles of excitement. Ryker had always had that power over me. He was hard to resist, but that was before he’d hurt me. Biting down hard on the inside of my cheek, I set my jaw and squared my shoulders as I lifted my gaze to meet his. “After all these years, you’re still as beautiful as you always were.”

I fought against every part of me that wanted to smile. I had to hold myself together. I wouldn’t let him get to me.

When his eyes shifted toward Tori, I felt guilty. Even though I didn’t have a reason to feel that way—after all, Ryker had left me, not the other way around. But part of me wondered what he could be thinking when he looked at her. Did he feel betrayed even though he’d been so far away and had chosen the path he had? Or was he regretting his choices?

“She’s gorgeous, Nic.” He smiled at Tori as she looked up at him in awe. “She looks just like you.”

“Thank God for that.” It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I had spent years hating Tyler, so I took the chance at a dig since it wasn’t something Tori could pick up on. Even though her father was a worthless sack of shit and she barely knew him, I refused to disparage him in front of her. It just wasn’t fair to her.

Ryker smiled at my comment, and that smile still did things to me. I looked away before I did or said something stupid.

“Can I come in?” he asked, and my stomach felt as if it had dropped to my feet. Having him inside my apartment wasn’t what I needed or wanted at this point.

“What are you doing here, Ryker?” I asked as I shifted Tori on my hip.

“I came back to make up for walking out on you. I never should have left. It was a mistake.”

I stared back at him, wondering what the hell I’d done to deserve this mess. It felt like a damn dream, and I really just wanted to wake up.

“A mistake?” I shook my head, trying to hold it together. Tori was growing antsy, and I allowed her to slide down my body until her little feet touched the floor. She walked over to the other side of the living room and began playing with her kitchen. When I knew she was far enough away she wouldn’t hear, I turned back to Ryker and took a step toward him. “You made a lot a promises you didn’t keep. Hell, you lied to me the day you got on that bus. You know it and I know it.” I pushed his chest, but he didn’t move. Instead he covered my hand with his. The warmth of his hand almost made me forget what I had to be angry about.

“Just let me explain,” he said, and I shook my head.

“No. You can’t do that. You can’t just show up after leaving me and expect me to shut up and listen. You lied to me, and then you just disappeared. You think you can just pop back into my life and everything will pick back up where it left off? Life doesn’t work that way. The time for explanations has passed. Now move your foot.” When he smirked, I narrowed my eyes. “I mean it, Ryker. You have two seconds to get your ass off my porch, or I’ll call Bert down at the station.”

“I just saw Bert. He invited me over for Melba’s famous dumplings.” Ryker knew everyone in this town just as well as I did. He also knew Bert wouldn’t arrest him. His cocky, triumphant smile only infuriated me more.

“Move,” I said, not amused by his resistance.

When he leaned forward and brought his face within inches of mine, my breath hitched. “Fine, I’ll go. But just so you know, I’m not leaving. I’m gonna make this right with you. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. I’m here for good.”

“I’ve heard that line before. And this time I’m not falling for it,” I said.

“It never was just a line between you and me. Everything I have ever said to you, I meant.” I closed my eyes when his lips pressed against my jaw. “Whatever you choose to believe, just know I never once stopped loving you.”

I felt the distance between us the moment he stepped back and began to walk away. My body craved his touch once again, yet my heart couldn’t take it. I could feel myself falling, and my weakness when it came to Ryker pissed me off to no end.

There were so many times I had wished for his return. So many times I dreamed of how it would feel to be in his arms again. But seeing him only made all the hurt from the past come rushing back like a tidal wave. The life we could have had together flashed before me, yet he’d let it all go. And now he was back like the last five years hadn’t happened.