Along Wooded Paths (37 page)

Why did I have to fall in love with her, Lord? Why did it have to come to this?

He’d done everything God had asked. He’d walked away from fame. He’d been content to serve others. He’d loved God, shared his faith. So why had God brought Marianna here? To hurt him? To test him?

God, do You want to know if I love You most?

His mind told him he did love God more. But his heart?

Ben watched as Aaron returned his hat to his head and placed his hand on the small of Marianna’s back. She paused, looking back over her shoulder, scanning the room one last time as if she were looking for something—someone. Ben stepped into the kitchen before her gaze reached him. He couldn’t let her see him like this. He’d always told her he believed God had a perfect will. He couldn’t let her see the anger, the pain in his gaze.

Why, God?

Morning light shone through the windows. Marianna hadn’t looked at the photo of her and Ben for weeks. Knowing it was tucked away in her journal—protected by her wonderings, questions, and prayers—helped. Like armed sentries, her words would not accuse because the photo was there. A few times she thought about digging that journal out from beneath her other things. Once she reached down and touched the leather of the book but then pulled her hand away.

She had to stay strong.

Seeing her joy in the photo, and Ben’s gaze upon her, would do her no good. It would puncture her heart again and replay accusations of her mind.
I should have known better.
Becoming too friendly with the Englischer had been the cause of most of her pain.

She knew that now. The boundaries her community placed on outside things—outside people—were for her own good.

So why had she kept the photo? Would Mem have kept a photograph of the Englischman she once loved? After all, photos were slices of reality, unlike the dangerous nature of one’s fanciful thoughts.

She looked down at Aaron’s letter in her hands.

She’s almost missed it. She’d almost walked away from a love that was true, one she was created for. In a few day’s time she’d be back. In Indiana.

She placed a hand over her heart. In a few days she’d see Levi. And then . . . she imagined walking through the home designed for her.

Marianna rose and dressed, then tied up her snow boots, slid on her coat, and headed out into the chilly morning air. The light filtering over the mountains seemed to sharpen the white around her, causing it to glow. She walked behind the house, and even though she could no longer see the trail to the pond, she knew the way. Trapper trotted by her side, stopping every now and then to sniff a thicket. Even though the world was quiet, life was buried deep under branches or in the ground. That’s what things seemed like lately—that true life was hidden under the surface.

She made her way to the pond and noticed it was frozen over, still. The beaver dam was there, and she smiled thinking of the creatures safe and warm inside. For so long her mind seemed frozen with questions. But today things were different. Today life had thawed and hope had sharpened everything, just like the sunlight through the trees. She would return home. She’d help Levi, she’d spend time with Aaron and get to know the man she was loving more each day.

But there was more than that. Truth had come to her in the night as she’d prayed. She was going back different. Not only did she have new friends and a different outlook on life. God had changed her inside, and that was something she wanted to share.

Marianna reached down and plucked a small pinecone off a broken branch, tucking it in her pocket. Just as one pinecone could scatter many seeds and grow a forest, maybe the truth she wanted to share would plant new hope in the Amish community she’d grown up in.

She started back to the cabin, her steps quickening. Suddenly she couldn’t wait to go back with Aaron. She hoped to have another day making pies with Rebecca. She wanted to sew baby clothes with Naomi and work on mending by the fire with Aunt Ida, and as she spent time with them, she wanted to share about what she’d learned here. Not the fact that Amish and Englisch were more alike than she thought or that some snow was so wispy and light that it couldn’t be formed into a snowball—although those things might come into the conversation.

Instead, she wanted to talk to them about God, His word and His goodness. Faith wasn’t about their dress and their ways. It wasn’t about doing things like their ancestors. It was about learning that the One who created and brought order to the world was the One who loved in deeper ways than she could imagine.

Excitement filled her. It would be impossible to sleep. Was Aaron awake? They could talk about their trip, and maybe he could tell her more about the cabin.

Her heart ached. How she must have hurt him by not going to see it. He’d worked so hard on it.

Warm heat hit her cheeks as she entered her parents’ cabin. As she hoped, Aaron was awake. He sat on the couch as if waiting for her. When he glanced up at her, she noticed his smile. She took off her mittens, coat, and boots, and joined him.

She smiled back, a cold blustering filled her stomach as if a winter storm stirred inside. Amazingly, it was a welcoming feeling. It showed her she was on the right track.

Aaron extended his hand to her and she reached for it, taking slow steps forward. She looked around at the simple house and imagined the place Aaron had built for her—the type of place she’d always pictured growing up.

When did I forget those dreams?

This is where I belong. With Aaron.

She let out a slow breath . . . if only she’d realized it sooner. If only all her feelings for Ben would vanish with the morning dawn.

“Ready to go?”

She met Aaron’s gaze. “Yes, I believe I am.” She put her hand in his and followed him out the door. To the train.

To her future.

EPILOGUE

Marianna scanned the crowd—and then she saw him. Levi, the man—no longer the boy—strode to her. Tenderness for her brother, still with close-cropped hair and Englisch clothes, tugged at her heart. But as Marianna approached, she saw something. A shadow of stubble on Levi’s face. The beginnings of a beard.

Her heart leapt.

Marianna held back the questions on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to know about his plans, about the wedding, yet she waited. Other Amish milled around. Such things as she wanted to know were shared in private, around family. Only after the engagement was published a few weeks before the wedding would they be able to talk about it in public.

Even though it wasn’t ladylike, Marianna lifted her skirt and ran to him.

Levi opened his arms to her, and she stepped into them. His T-shirt was soft on her cheek.

“Thank you for coming, Mari. I can’t tell you how much it means.”

She swallowed hard and nodded. Her lips parted to answer, but the quiver of her chin stopped her words. She looked back and noticed Aaron gathering their suitcases. He looked at her, waiting, giving them time before he approached.

“Are you crying?” Levi’s hands touched her shoulders and he pushed her back to see her face. “You don’t have to cry. I’m all right and Naomi will be too. We’re figuring things out.” He wiped away a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. Levi’s touch was gentle. “Don’t cry, Marianna.”

“They’re happy tears. Levi, you have to know that. The days to come . . . I can’t even imagine, how full of happiness they’ll be.”

“Yes, Marianna.” Levi hugged her again. “I suppose it’s what we’ve always wanted. We just didn’t know.”

“We do now, Levi.” Laughter replaced her tears. “We do now.”

Hamburger Potato Dish

2 pounds hamburger

1 medium onion, diced

1 can cream of mushroom soup

1 can water

6 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed

salt and pepper to taste

Brown hamburger and onion. Add soup, water, potatoes, and seasoning. Bake in casserole or cook in a skillet, stirring occasionally. Meal is done when potatoes are tender.

Corn Bread Meat Pie

1 pound ground beef

1 large onion, chopped

1 can (8 oz.) tomato sauce

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon chili powder

1/2 cup chopped green pepper

1 3/4 cup water

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1 can (12 oz.) whole kernel corn

Corn bread mix (prepare as on package but do not bake)

Brown ground beef and onion in skillet. Drain. Mix in the other ingredients and let simmer for 15 minutes. Pour into a greased casserole dish. Top with corn bread mix. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

Amish Peanut Butter Pie