Alone on the Oregon Trail (12 page)

He had sent a neighbor who was staying with us for this cause, to run into town to retrieve the Doc and Grayson was hoping that this time the Doc would be found and arrive in time. If it was not to be, then Grayson was preparing himself for the worst.

Meredith and Cambell made themselves useful as they carried the pans of water to the room and kept a fire on the stove. Miraculously though, it was tiny Mattie that brought to me the comfort I so longed to receive.

Grayson was beside himself with worry about me that he really could not provide to me the calm I was yearning for. That calm came from Mattie. It seemed that God took every ounce of calm from the others and placed it inside of this young girl.

Now, looking back, I understand how big of a part that played in the delivery of my child. Mattie being the one who had been so hurt and affected by her mother’s death was now in the seat of a comforter.

Her little face was left with peacefulness about it, and her eyes filled with loving compassion. It was her faith in God that I was reaching out to touch in my labor. It was her confidence in God that I longed to hold onto and for this, I pulled that child nearer to me as the minutes ticked by.

Kate was also to be involved with the birth and she would stay with Grayson during the delivery, helping him to bring our baby forward and then she also would be in charge of the baby’s care afterward while I rested.

The entire house was filled with willingness and compassion. As I lay there I began to try to take my mind off of my pain and was searching my heart for the right names for my child. Grayson and I had discussed names for a boy and a girl and had some beautiful names picked out.

Names began to settle in my mind and I had an urgency to recall the name Margaret as well and wondered how his precious name could be given in memory of the girl’s mother. Then, it hit me that we would name her Autumn Margaret.

Autumn would keep the memory fresh within me of Nathaniel and Margaret would be out of respect of their precious mother. How perfectly the two sounded and they clearly belonged side by side. As tears filled my eyes and emotion was overtaking me, Grayson ran to my side asking me what was wrong, I belted out the name between my sobs “Autumn Margaret”, and he was finally able to understand what I was saying and he at once dropped his head into my chest, sobbing his own tears, knowing full well that the name was fitting in so many ways.

As we lay there together, our love for our dear loved ones who had passed on was felt through both of us and we agreed that no matter what we would name this child that name. Now, it would be up to God if that name be given to a girl or a boy.

When
the pains grew very intense, I began sweating profusely and my breath was hard to find, and I began panting uncontrollably. Grayson hollered for Kate to come and the look on her face was horrifying to me.

She looked so concerned that I knew something must be wrong. I cried out to her to tell me what was wrong and about that time, Mattie came to me, grabbing ahold of my hand and wrapping her arms around my neck and she whispered, “I will not lose you Brooklyn, I will not lose you.”

The dear child had seen the concern in the eyes of Kate and she too was experiencing fear as it was overtaking her. I immediately felt her body grow extremely calm and she raised her eyes to me and told me that God was here and He would see to it that our baby would come, healthy and strong.

She also told me that God would make sure that this time she would always know her mama and that one day I would be sitting by her as she brings her own baby into the world. This calmed me more than a doctor could have at this point.

If God had told little Mattie that my baby would be healthy, then I knew my baby would be. If He told her that I would be here to see Mattie have her own, then I would live. God chose to speak to a child to bring calm back to a woman who was about to bring her child forth and He gave to me the peace that I needed to relax to have the strength to give birth.

One beautiful hour later I held the hands of my dear youngest daughter and I compromised with pain, as I pushed one final push and a precious cry was heard as my darling Autumn Margaret came tumbling from my womb.

What a precious cry it was for us all to hear. In a matter of seconds, my daughter Mattie was right by my side, with heavy big droplets of tears falling off her little cheeks and in her hands was the tiny life of Autumn.

Tiny and precious was this bundle of joy, as Mattie handed this baby over to my cradling arms. With delight I reached out far for my child and as she slipped her into my arm, my other arm grabbed hold of Mattie and I drew her down into my bosom, head to head with life, head to head with my breathing, beautiful baby girl.

I wanted Mattie to feel the life that had been brought into the world, for her memories had only been death for her birth. This moment suspended in time would be able to erase any still hidden memories or guilt that she had been carrying.

This moment of life and living would be near her as she would feel the baby move and hear her tiny cries. It was my hope that this would overpower any sadness that may have been left in Mattie.

As she brought her eyes up to mine and then back down to Autumn’s eyes, she sobbed, puckered up her little lips and released any pain that she must have had left in her. I immediately handed Autumn over to Mattie’s arms and announced to her the name in which I had picked for her sister.

“Meet Autumn Margaret, Mattie.”

When Mattie heard this name, this special name that represented not only her own mother, but Nathaniel’s autumn as well, joy came crashing down upon her so much that she had to hand Autumn back to me and hold her face in her own hands.

It was a very emotional birth, yet joyous as well, and much healing took place between Mattie and I during the birth of the living.

Autumn came to us in an emotional downpour. Autumn was filled with its beauty, filling our senses and preparing us for the treasures God gives. As Nathaniel had dreamed of the autumn, it came as he had dreamed. Many tears fell from faces, prayers were sent up and answers were sent down in our autumn time.

Pathways in the forest filled with colorful golden leaves led each one of us to our most desired moments, erasing pains and remaining bitterness.

Cool autumn rains fell, washing us clean of our failures and our fears. People, who had once been at war, came to know the autumn as a saving grace from our Father. Our beautiful Autumn Margaret came with the autumn air, filled with tears of joy, silent prayers and spoken requests.

What a joyous occasion was the birth of my first child and someday I will tell her how her birth played such an important part in healing her sister’s heart and ended the war that raged on inside of her.

I will explain to my child, how her older sister painfully missed out on ever knowing her mother and felt the backlash so strongly that all through her years, she had nearly mastered envisioning the death of her mother at her own birth.

It had eaten at her insides for so many years that she was the cause of her mother’s death, that she could almost see her mother laying there dead. Now, because of my Autumn’s birth, Mattie was set completely free from her own pain, even pain that she had brought down upon herself, taking full blame for her mother’s death.

Through hearing and touching the life of Autumn as she came from my womb, Mattie was able to connect to life, instead of death. Now she was free to live her life and would not have to relive death every day that she wakes to.

I do believe that my daughter Autumn took on a great fondness of her name when she was old enough to understand the meaning behind her name. Her favorite season also became the beautiful time of autumn, watching the leaves fall from the tree, making its patchwork across the grounds.

After Autumn’s birth and several weeks later, Grayson and Cambell begun the work in building Meredith and Cambell’s cabin and we all joined in getting the job done. We were able to also get them a barn built before winter snuck upon us.

They had a fine house indeed; with room enough for three for starters. Grayson told them that we can always build on a room at a time, as we would need it, hinting to them that we would like many grand babies.

Chuckles and laughter filled the prairie as they worked side by side getting their home and barn settled in for a long cold winter. Everything was finished before the first snow fell and it turned out to be a very sweet, quaint home.

Meredith’s chest which her father had made her was placed in a bedroom on the back side of the cabin, which awaited the birth of her first child. They lived just over a tiny hill, the same tiny hill that Mattie, Bailey and I would take when we would visit our favorite oak tree and Mattie and Bailey visited often, with me riding along side of them with Autumn Margaret sitting in my lap.

I wanted this child to know what it was like to sit atop of a fine horse and she began loving her rides.

Chapter Fourteen

(
Discovering a Doctor)

Autumn Margaret grew and grew into a healthy young girl and her favorite of all favorites was of course, riding Bailey and on her seventh birthday, Mattie presented her with what had become a traditional gift, a first new pony.

Mattie had been working for a local farmer, and at her request, instead of paying her for three months of the time; he gave to her a pony just in time to give to her little sister, Autumn. It was strikingly like Bailey.

The only difference in the two was the arrangements’ of the spots they shared. Bailey was a spotted horse and had small spots and streaks down the right side of his face, while the new pony gift had spots and streaks down her left side.

When we asked Autumn what she would name her new pony, she answered that she would like to name her Brittany, and this warmed my heart that she had remembered my stories of Bailey and Brittany.

As we led Brittany to the barn for the evening, Bailey got a good introduction and he was so excited to have himself a new little friend and he took to her like a mama. Bailey by this time was getting old and the thought that one day we would be burying him, it jerked at my heart strings and I continued to spend as much time with him as I could.

Mattie had pretty much turned him back over to my care, for he was too old to take riding or to run to town, so he was now pastured and kept close to the barn. Mattie had bought herself a new horse, in need of a fast and able mare that could get her to work and back.

She worked for a farmer and was tending to his animals. It was her dream to become a doctor, but at her young age, she could not yet train in town with Doc, so he lined her up with a farmer, allowing her to treat animals and deliver baby animals as practice.

Mattie had chosen long ago to go into the field of a doctor who would be in charge of delivering babies and so, for the time being, delivering baby animals was the closest she could get to the real thing.

As time went on and she got older, a couple years went by and she finished her schooling and then we began talking about her college education. We had talked with our local Doctor and he informed us that he would allow Mattie to train alongside of him, but she would have to attend some schooling and then pass her tests to receive her license.

This thrilled her and she at once began her training with the Doctor before going off to school. She believed that she would enjoy school a lot more if she had some work under her belt, and the Doc agreed with her.

She was able to be beside him when he delivered several babies and she spent time with the babies, watching their health as they grew.

Then, it was time for her to go to school.

On the day that Mattie was to leave, Meredith had a surprise for her that none of us knew anything about. She presented her with the same little wooden box that was filled with cash that we had given to Meredith years before to go to law school.

Since Meredith found what she wanted to be in life, waiting to become a mother; she no longer needed the cash. So, she passed it on to her sister. The only thing that would make her happier was that she would have children of her own someday and she was waiting as patiently as she could.

Meredith had not been able to become with child at this time and we all were growing concerned, but we tried to keep her mind off of it, and we kept her as busy with her sister as possible. It was not until she handed her present to Mattie that we realized how badly Meredith wanted to have babies.

You could see it in her eyes as she handed the little box to Mattie with such joy, and you could see the yearning in her to become a mother.

From that moment on I took it very seriously how much Meredith longed to be a mother and I began praying to God to bless my dear daughter and that if it was in His will for her to be a mother, that it would be a good time since she had chosen conclusively that she no longer wished to study law.

It was not long until we heard the screaming coming from the road as we looked out and saw Meredith riding into the farm. She had come to pay a visit with a surprise for us, she was with child! We were thrilled and she immediately got back on her horse to hunt Mattie down to share the news with her.

As the two rode back to the house, Mattie was all aglow and announcing that she would be sure to be there as an assistant and bring her first niece or nephew into the world and we all celebrated for several days.

Yes, it was going to be wonderful to have a doctor in the family, and we were so longing to have our first grandchild as well. We were so blessed and we spent day after day getting Meredith prepared for her baby’s coming.

Adding a couple rooms onto their cabin was the first task and then Grayson began at once building her bassinet and baby furniture she would need. I took on the task of knitting blankets, making soft quilts and clothes for the baby.

Meredith and I also made her curtains and bed coverings for the baby’s’ bed. It was a wonderful way to spend the days and as I watched Autumn grown, I realized she was now turning eight years old.

She looked like me, but she acted more like Mattie at that age, full of spunk and grit. She was full of energy like Mattie, but she lacked the bitterness, of which we were grateful. Watching Autumn, we got a clear picture of what Mattie would have been like if it was not for the trauma that had come into her tiny life.

For eight months Mattie was gone with her schooling and we looked forward to her return, being sure that she would be home when Meredith would go into labor. Grayson chose to pick her up himself and he and Cambell rode to town to meet the coach as it rolled into town.

Kate stayed with Meredith, eventually bringing back to our home by buggy. Kate had grown to be family and you would never have known that she was not my sister by our closeness.

I needed Kate like I needed each family member. I sometimes worried myself into a froth, wondering if Kate was lacking anything, such as falling in love with someone to make her life complete. After having a heart to heart with her, she quickly set me straight that she was perfectly content with spending her life just as it was and besides between Meredith and me, she would be very busy being an Aunt to so many fine babies.

At her last remark, I brought my eyes slowly to hers, questioning what she had just said, and she looked at me ever intently and replied “Mrs. Love, did you really think that you could hide it from me?”

We both busted out laughing. Yes! I was indeed expecting my second child and I had not even told Grayson yet. I did not want to spoil anything for Meredith who would be having her child very soon and I was going to hold off a little while longer. We sat and kept our secret very quiet, making plans for my future child number two and we held hands like school girls, knowing something that no one else knew.

The Love family would be bubbling with babies and joy and Kate would be involved with them all for the rest of her life, if this was her desire.

Mattie was home and she went to work immediately planning the birth of her sister’s baby. She went around gathering everything that would be needed to bring the baby into the world, and she had some new ideas and techniques that would make the birthing a success one and full of joy.

She had learned many new things and she just had to convince the Doc that the new ways would prove to be very successful in the birth, as well as with mother and child bonding.

Doc was slow to come around because he was of the old school and they spent afternoons debating which way was best. It was a pleasure to watch my little girl present her evidence so gracefully and confidently and we would just have to wait and see which techniques would win out when the time would come.

I informed the Doc that I too, was expecting, but would like to keep it hushed for now, so that we could all concentrate of Meredith’s condition and her baby’s arrival, and he shook his head, promising to be a part of the conspiracy. I did, though, decide to tell Grayson while we were alone one night and his eyes lit up just as much as they lit up when I told him of Autumn’s coming.

He agreed that we would surprise Meredith and Mattie with the news as soon as Meredith had her child.

The ninth month rolled around, and a week followed; and Mattie began to get nervous and excited as well. Meredith was itching to have the baby and she would listen closely to Mattie as she would explain to her how most babies would run about two weeks over the due date and that this would be a good thing, giving the baby all kinds of extra time to be ready to open its eyes to a new world.

It was sweet listening to Mattie as she would calm Meredith down. I found myself listening very closely as well, taking every word as precious gold to my ears. My daughter Mattie had grown into a very smart young woman and I wondered what we would do when she would be the one giving birth, and then figured that she would find a way to give orders and deliver her own child.

One morning, which put Meredith at two weeks and one day over, she let out a hoot and holler, announcing that her water had broken and the baby was on the way. We all gathered into her room and everyone fell into their positions and this time Doc was not going to miss out.

He happened to be visiting and was already present. So, it was Doc Alder and Doc Mattie, side by side as they prepared to assist one another in the first birth. Teacher and student set out on a mission, to share the delivery of a baby and ready to receive the joy of watching life come into the world.

We assisted the two doctors as best we could and then we stepped out of the way. As we stood back at the back of the room, we watched an amazing woman take control of the situation as she brought her first nephew into the world.

While we stood by and watched Mattie walk over and lay little Caleb into Meredith’s arms, you could see again a healing take place within Mattie. This was baby number two that she was able to be a part of its life, and death in birth was beginning to fade rapidly from her mind.

The two sisters asked for time to be alone and as I walked out the door, I winked to Mattie, giving her every ounce of support. Then I thought to myself, “What a wonderful time to share my secret.”

I walked over to them both as they sat with beautiful Caleb in their arms and I told Mattie that between Meredith and me, she would get plenty of experience as a baby doctor. Neither of them got it at first, but when they studied my face a little more and then looked over at their beaming father, they caught on.

Meredith began giggling and Mattie jumped up and down, excited that she in a matter of months would be bringing baby number three into Loves’ Landing.