Alone (17 page)

Chapter Nineteen

The Decision

I hate that Roman stopped things, but I love it at the same time. There’s so much more to him than he lets on. He is so noble.

Roman plays with my hair as we lie next to each other on my bed. It’s so relaxing. All the stress of being with my father all week melts away, and all the barriers I’ve put up start to crumble.

“Tell me about your mom,” he says out of nowhere.

My stomach doesn’t tighten the way it usually does when people ask about her. I don’t need to guard myself from Roman.

“She was my best friend. I was so young when my parents divorced, but she never remarried. She rarely even dated. It was always just the two of us, but she never acted like it bothered her.” I smile at the memory. Thinking about the good times is nice. Watching chick flicks with her and gossiping about hot guys. It didn’t matter that none of them would ever give me the time of day, I was just happy to talk to her about it.

“What happened to her?” he asks hesitantly, and I give his hand a squeeze to let him know it’s okay.

“She was working when the virus was released. She was a profiler for the FBI.” I smile despite the tightness in my throat. “She gave me my observation skills. We liked to people watch when we were out, and we always made up stories about the people around us. It was fun.

“She was trying to help track down the terrorist before he released the virus. There were threats before the virus was released. They never told the general public, and she shouldn’t have told me, but she wanted me to be prepared.” I swallow back the tears. My father never would have told me anything so top secret, but she knew she could trust me. And she wanted me to survive. “I think she knew they weren’t going to be able to find the guy and that something big was coming.”

“Did they know the virus would do this?”

“No. They knew it was engineered to kill fast, but that’s all. Once it was out there and people started to die, they burned the bodies as fast as they could to try and contain it. If they learned about the zombies before communication went down, they kept it quiet.

“When the virus was released in New York she was there. Right at ground zero, trying to do her job. I don’t know for sure what happened to her, but she called the day before we lost communication with New York. Told me that the virus wouldn’t be contained and that I should stay inside as long as possible. Told me she loved me. We got cut off halfway through, and I never heard from her again. After that, I stayed in the apartment like she told me to. Locked the doors and kept to myself. Prayed she’d show up or call me somehow, and that nobody else would come knocking on my door. She never called. No one did.” Not even my father.

Roman kisses my shoulder, and I close my eyes. I hate the tears that roll down my cheeks. I try to tell myself they’re for my mom and not because my father’s actions can still hurt me. I
will not
cry for him. I never have been a good liar.

“I was locked in our apartment for three weeks by myself before I ran out of food. By then there was no news. No electricity or running water. I could see part of the city burning from my window, and there were so many gunshots. It seemed like every hour. I could see bodies lying in the street from my window. I didn’t want to leave, but I was out of options. I had to get help, and my father was the only person in the city I could think to look for.”

Roman sits up and turns my face toward his. His brown eyes are so big. “You had to go out by yourself?”

I nod, and my bottom lip quivers. “He lived about seven miles from us. I packed a bag with one change of clothes and took a butcher knife out of the kitchen. That’s it.” It’s the moment I’ve regretted for the past two years. “I didn’t take a picture of my mom. It was months before we could get back to the apartment, and by then the building had burned to the ground.”

Roman leans his forehead against mine, and I shut my eyes. Allowing his nearness to soothe the pain inside me.

“How did you do it?” he whispers.

“I went at night and moved slowly. I stayed in the shadows. I don’t think anyone ever saw me.” I have to stop and take a deep breath before I go on. The memories of that night haunt me. “I saw a lot though. Too much.”

Roman doesn’t ask for any details, and I’m so grateful. He pulls me close and kisses me again. It helps me forget. Helps my insides stop hurting and helps wash my brain clean of the horrible memories of that night.

The rest of the week goes pretty much the same way. School with Roman, work with my father, Roman sneaking into my room at night after my father goes to bed. I reveal more of myself every day and learn more about the boy who has stolen my heart.

“My mom was always so present in our house,” Roman says. “More than Rick. He was never abusive before my mom died, but he was never really there. He loved my mom. Worshiped her, but he’d never really wanted me. She wanted kids, not him. Something he is always sure to remind me of when he’s beating the shit out of me.”

It’s dark, and I’m once again wrapped in Roman’s arms. I hadn’t asked about his mom. I hadn’t wanted to force him to confide in me. But I’m so glad he decided to bring it up.

“Rick tolerated me. That was all. And then she got sick.”

I listen to him talk about his mom’s death, about the abuse. He shares so much more than he ever has, and all I want to do is comfort him. But there’s nothing I can ever do to erase his past.

He stays with me, wrapping me in his warmth as we sleep, making me feel warm and loved and whole for the first time in two years. I fall deeper and deeper under his spell. Every second I’m not with him I crave him, ache for him, and miss him with an intensity I hadn’t known existed. I can’t let him leave me.

Friday morning when I once again wake up to an empty bed, the ache that goes through my body is almost more than I can bear. That’s what finally makes up my mind. I will leave with Roman. We’ll go away and start a life somewhere else, someplace where we can be free and not trapped. Coastal Manor is too smothering. It’s better than D.C. was, but I still feel trapped, and I know the only way I’ll ever be feel free again is if I’m with Roman.

I’m so excited to tell Roman that I get to school early, beating almost everyone else. Viki shows up shortly after me and stands in the lobby, talking my ear off. I don’t hear a thing she says. Little kids trail past us, heading off to their own classes while I tap my toe on the floor. Waiting.

Roman doesn’t come though, and neither does Mac.

“It’s Mac’s birthday,” Viki says, startling me out of my despair.

I’d forgotten. Of course Roman won’t be here today. Why didn’t he tell me?

Kyle is in town hall after school, training for a government position. My father is practically gushing over his enthusiasm, and I can’t help thinking about all my past achievements that have gone unacknowledged by my father. The thought makes my insides ache.

“So,” Kyle says when my father ducks out of the room and we’re left alone. “Did you wise up and dump that asshole?”

I glare at him. “No. Why would I do that?”

“What do you see in that guy?” Kyle says, frowning. “He put your life at risk. People don’t have any business leaving town like that. The rules are set up to keep us safe.”

“It’s fine if that’s how you want to live, but we should be able to choose. It’s unfair of the government to tell us they’ll help us if we live in this town but ignore people who live just a few miles from here.”

Kyle snorts. “They’re not living, they’re barely surviving!”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Have you even been there? They’ve accomplished a lot, and they’ve done it themselves. They’re survivors. How would the people here make it if the government suddenly fell apart? They wouldn’t last a week.”

Kyle shakes his head and walks away, grumbling to himself.

“Where’s Kyle?” my father asks when he comes back.

I shrug.

He purses his lips, and I know exactly what’s going through his head even before he says, “That’s the kind of boy you should be with.”

“Kyle’s an ass,” I snap. “I will never be with someone like that, so you might as well just forget it.”

To my utter shock, he lowers himself into the chair next to me. His face is softer. It’s weird. “Juliana, I know you’re infatuated with Roman, but he’s not right for you. He’s trouble. He was before the outbreak and he hasn’t changed. Did you know that he was arrested three times? That he did four months in juvenile detention?”

Heat floods my body, and I glare at my father. “I know he got into a lot of trouble. He hasn’t lied to me. I can’t say the same about his dad.”

My father’s eyes narrow. “What do you mean?”

I shake my head, wishing I could tell him everything but knowing it would be betraying Roman’s trust. I can’t do that to him. “Forget it.”

My father’s eyes cloud over, and his expression hardens once again. He opens his mouth to say something but is cut off when Mr. Smith walks in.

“Jon. We need to talk about this missing shipment and get a few things settled.” The Regulator’s eyes flick to me and harden, but otherwise his expression doesn’t change. The careful exterior he’s created for himself doesn’t crack. “Meet me in my office in ten minutes?”

My father nods, but his lips are pursed again. He’s frowning when the Regulator walks out the door. “That man…”

As much as I want to maintain my air of indifference, I can’t help my curiosity. “Has he agreed to change the way he does things? I mean, you’ve told him he’s going to get replaced if he doesn’t comply. Right?”

“He seems to think he’s above the law of the land.” He sighs as he gets to his feet. “Talk about control issues.”

“Tell me about it,” I mutter before I can stop myself.

My father raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything. He stares at me thoughtfully for a few seconds before turning to leave. “I’ll be back in a bit.”