Alone (7 page)

I bite my lip and rub my palms on my pants. They are suddenly very moist. “I guessed cheerleader.”

Viki nods again, then points at Mac. “What about him?”

“Yeah,” Mac says with a wink. “
Do
me next.”

On the other side of me Roman chuckles, but I keep my gaze on Mac. My cheeks are already on fire, so the last thing I need to do right now is witness the insinuation in Roman’s eyes.

“Um…I guessed computer geek.”

Mac smiles and lifts his head high. “She got me.”

Not that it was hard.

“Now. Do. Me.” Roman says, his voice thick and heady. The sound of it sends a little thrill shooting through my body.

I lick my lips as I turn his way, my heart going crazy while the butterflies in my stomach try to burrow their way out. Despite how nervous I am, the words come out easily. “Juvenile delinquent.”

Roman grins and nods, but something flashes in his eyes that causes my breath catch in my throat. “What else?”

“What do you mean?” The words are quiet. A whisper in the silent room.

“Do you think that’s all there is to me?”

I shake my head and find myself remembering all the things I’ve thought about him since we met, which only causes my cheeks to grow warmer. “You have daddy issues, and you’re a smart-ass.” I pause and swallow. Should I keeping going?

Roman smiles. “Go on.”

He’s asking for it… “You’ve evolved. Figured out how the world works now and you fit into it perfectly.”

Mac laughs and leans over so he can smack Roman on the arm. “She’s got you all figured out.”

“What are daddy issues?” Viki asks.

“Never mind,” Roman says, uncrossing his arms and leaning closer to me. “You know all about us, so now it’s your turn to share.”

It feels like every one of the butterflies in my stomach drop dead at once. I shake my head and cross my arms, trying to protect myself. For the first time since I met him yesterday, Roman’s intense gaze makes me nervous. The thought of baring myself to him is scarier than anything I’ve ever faced.

“I don’t wanna.”

“It’s only fair,” Mac says.

Roman’s eyes burn into mine, and I squirm in my seat. What does he want to hear? I don’t want to tell them who I am. Mostly because I really don’t know and that makes me seem pathetic. I’m almost eighteen years old, and I don’t have a damn clue where I fit into this world.

“Just give us something small,” Viki says.

Roman is the only one who doesn’t beg, but he never takes his eyes off me. He looks…disappointed. Like he expected more out of me. I’m not sure what he expected, but I’d be willing to bet there isn’t a single thing about me that he’d find interesting.

“Fine,” I say when I can’t take him looking at me anymore. “I have daddy issues too, okay?”

Roman smiles and leans back again, looking satisfied. “I think this is the first time I’ve ever been in this room and actually learned something.”

“I still don’t know what daddy issues are, but I don’t care.” Viki lets out a huge sigh, and even though it’s slightly annoying, I’m thankful for the distraction. “What are we doing this weekend? We need to do something fun.”

“We could all go into town and get tattoos,” Mac says.

I tear my eyes away from Roman, who nearly had me hypnotized, just as Mac straightens his shoulders and pulls the sleeve of his shirt up to reveal the Apple tattoo.

“Where can you get tattoos?” As far as I know, this was the only settlement in the area that’s sanctioned by the government, and I can’t really see the Regulator allowing a tattoo parlor inside this fence. He seems too straight-laced for that.

“You have to go into town,” Roman says.

I roll my eyes, ready to throw a
duh
out there. “Where exactly do you think we are?”

“Not here. Hilton Head,” Mac says. “Part of the city has been blocked off and taken back. The people there have a trading post and some other shops set up. There’s a doctor who runs a small clinic for people living off the grid, and a mechanic. There’s also a tattoo parlor.”

A shiver runs up my spine, and I hold myself tighter. Why would anyone want to live outside the government-sanctioned settlements? It’s dangerous out there! Plus, how would someone even pay for a tattoo or piercing these days? There’s no money, not anymore. In a government-sanctioned settlement you’re assigned a job and you get rationed food and fuel, and you earn credits to buy other things you might need or want. If you live off the grid the way Mac’s describing, you’re on your own. Sure, I’ve heard rumors about people living that way—growing their own food and making their own clothes, or scavenging in abandoned homes and towns—but I didn’t think it was real. It sounds awful to me.

“How does that even work?” I ask, the tremor in my voice giving away how terrifying it sounds to me.

Mac shrugs like it’s obvious. “You bring things in that Hank, the tattoo artist, might need and trade him for his services.”

Roman pulls out a pack of cigarettes, and I lean forward, waiting to see if he’s going to light up right here in the middle of school. He doesn’t. He just holds it between his fingers, flicking it around.

“Seems like a stupid thing to trade for,” I say, imagining a scenario where I might want to exchange something useful for a piece of art on my body. No thanks. “Things are too tough to come by as it is. Plus, this Hank could provide a more useful service. Contribute to rebuilding society.” I just don’t get it.

Roman shrugs like it’s no big deal to him. It probably isn’t. “There isn’t a lot of entertainment these days, and this is the skill Hank had before the infection. He’s learned how to
adapt
.”

I blink and sit back.

Roman’s right, and what I just said isn’t really what I think. It’s how my father sees things. Just a few minutes ago I was admiring Roman for his ability to adapt, and then I went and criticized this other guy for doing the same thing. That doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure how I really feel about it, but I’m sure not going to rely on my father’s view of things to figure out where I fit into this new world.

“Well, I’m not going into town,” Viki says. “We need to figure out something else to do.”

“There’s nothing to do but hang out on the beach, so I guess that’s what we’re doing. It’s lunchtime. Let’s get the hell outta here.” Roman gets to his feet and stretches before popping his cigarette into his mouth.

              The others stand up, so I do too. We’re only halfway through the day, and already I’m ready to get out of this room. But cutting class isn’t really me. Is it?

You don’t know who you are
, a little voice in my head says. It’s right, but maybe living here will help me figure it out.

Chapter Six

Skipping

I light up the second I step outside.

It’s only eleven, but there’s no way I’ll make it to two. I’m gonna have to bail.

Mac steps onto the porch behind me. “You leaving?”

I take a long drag, sucking the smoke into my lungs and holding it in for a few seconds before blowing it back out. It floats into the air and gets caught by a cool breeze, moving out of sight. Just like any semblance of a normal life did two years ago.

“Can’t sit in there,” I say without even looking at him. “You coming?”

“Naw. Gonna hang out.”

I glance his way and raise my eyebrows. He’s looking at the ground, and his face is all scrunched up. He wants to ask me for a condom, I can tell. I take a few more puffs and wait, grinning at his discomfort.

Mac looks up and shrugs, and I chuckle. He isn’t going to ask. I reach into my back pocket, deciding to cut him a break. Poor guy needs it.

“This is all I got,” I say, tossing them to Mac.

The package hits the tips of his fingers and bounces off, landing on the porch just as Jules walks out. Her eyes flick down and get huge when she sees what they are, and Mac’s face turns bright red. I laugh my ass off as he scrambles to pick them up.

“Thanks a lot,” he mutters as he shoves them in his pocket and turns to go back inside.

“You don’t sound very thankful!” I yell after him, still laughing.

Jules frowns and tilts her head to the side. “Do you enjoy embarrassing him?”

I blow out a puff of smoke, watching her. She’s an interesting person. Very observant when it comes to others, but I have a feeling she pays more attention to the people around her than she does herself.

“He’ll forget all about it when Carmen’s straddling him tonight.”

Her eyes get even bigger, and she looks away. She shuffles her feet as she chews on her bottom lip. It’s kind of hot.

“You want someone else to bite that lip for a change?” The words pop out before I have a chance to think about it, and for a nanosecond, I regret it. She seems a little jumpy, and upsetting her isn’t my goal here.

Exactly what is your goal, Roman?
Not a clue.

Surprisingly, Jules doesn’t seem embarrassed. If anything, the way she tilts her head to the side and studies me makes it seem like she’s actually gained a little confidence.

“I thought you were with Roz?”

I keep my face blank, but inside I’m cursing Roz. Why does she need to throw herself all over me? She knows how I feel about the relationship thing, and she said she was cool with that, but now she’s clinging to me… Pisses me off.

Jules doesn’t take her eyes off me, and the longer she stares the more I want to get to know her. There’s something about this girl that intrigues me. I couldn’t get her out of my mind last night after seeing her on the balcony, and listening to her describe everyone in class today… She has me hooked.

“We’re just hanging out,” I say, shrugging.

Jules narrows her eyes on my face. “She doesn’t seem to think so.”

I finish off my cigarette and toss it to the ground, snubbing it out with the toe of my shoe. “I never made her any promises.” It has to sound callous, but I won’t lie. Roz and I had an agreement. She’s the one going back on it.

Jules nods, and even better, she seems to understand. “How often do you go into the unsanctioned town?”

I give her a half-smile as I lean my hip against the railing. “Couple times a week. There isn’t a whole lot to do around here, and going to town offers some diversity.”

Can she really understand how trapped I feel here? Doubtful.

The people in town only have electricity on a semi-regular basis, and food is harder to come by. They don’t get rations from the government, and for most of them, hygiene isn’t a priority. But they have a kind freedom we don’t. A kind I’ve never had. Here, in Coastal Manor, the government in Atlanta dictates most of what happens. Rick determines the rest.

Jules’s gaze moves past me, back toward the French doors that lead into the kitchen. “Are you going back to school?”

“I can’t stomach being in there for too long.”

Her teeth sink deeper into her bottom lip, which is so distracting I find my head spinning. I should tell her to stop, both because I’m afraid she’s going to make it bleed and because it’s driving me nuts, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t want her to.

“What are you going to do?” she asks, moving her blue eyes over my face.

“Head down to the beach. Take a nap. Anything’s better than sitting in there.” Her eyes flicker to the ground and then back up to me, over and over again like she’s trying to work up the courage to say something. “Did you want to come?”

No way she’s going to say yes. She doesn’t seem like the school-skipping type.

“Would you mind?” she asks, hesitantly, a small smile lighting up her face.

A thrill goes through me, and right away I start thinking about her sitting on the back of my bike with her arms wrapped around my waist…

Shit. I have to get myself under control.

I flick my hair out of my eyes, trying to play it cool even though my heart is pounding. “Sure. Come on.”

I head down the stairs without looking back, and her footsteps running to catch up keeps pace with my heart. When we reach the fence I climb over first, then turn to see if Jules needs help. She makes it to the top on her own, and on impulse, I grab her hips to help her down. The curve of her waist against my palms feels unbelievable.

Jules jumps, and my hands are still on her when her feet hit the ground. She looks up, and a pink glow spreads across her cheeks when her eyes meet mine. “Thanks,” she says a little breathlessly.

“Sure thing.” I drop my hands to my side and keep walking. My palms are warm from touching her, and flexing my fingers into a fist doesn’t help erase the memory of the feeling.

This girl…

My hands are empty—something I can’t stand—so I take out another cigarette.

“You smoke a lot,” Jules says, falling into pace at my side.

The corner of my mouth turns up, and I watch her out of the corner of my eye. Her eyes are on me, but she doesn’t seem disgusted or judgmental. Just curious.

“Something to do.”

“Aren’t there enough ways to die these days?”

I laugh and turn my head to face her, lifting an eyebrow. “If you really think about it, there are actually fewer ways to get yourself killed now. No air travel, so you won’t get into a plane crash. Fewer people means fewer cars, so the odds of a car accident are pretty low. Also means that your chances of getting murdered are lower too. Way I see it, between zombies and smoking, I’m up at least one.”

Jules laughs as she shakes her head, and her light brown hair swishes across her shoulders. “I was right. You’ve evolved.” She pauses and once again sinks her teeth into her lip. Damn. She has got to stop doing that. “I’m sorry about earlier. All the stuff I said about you being a delinquent and having daddy issues. Calling you a smart-ass. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Doesn’t matter. It was all true and I’m not one to bury my head in the sand.”

I don’t tell her that it’s actually a relief to hear someone say it out loud. People are too damn scared to tell the truth. She isn’t. I like that.

When we reach the azalea bushes, I duck behind them and push out my bike.

Jules mouth drops open. “I’ve never been on a motorcycle.”

“There’s a first time for everything…” I let my eyes trail to her lips when I say it, and just like before, her cheeks turn red. She looks away. I chuckle and throw my leg over the bike. “Hop on.”

Jules acts like she’s afraid the thing is going to bite her when she climbs on. I start the engine and her hands go to my shoulders, but she’s barely touching me. Is it because she doesn’t want to get too close? Too bad, because I want her close to me. I smile as I accelerate, and the bike jerks forward just enough to throw her off balance. Behind me, Jules lets out a little squeal and squeezes my shoulders tighter.

“You okay back there?” I ask, trying not to let my voice shake with laughter.

“Yes,” she says in a trembling voice.

“Why don’t you put your arms around my waist?”

She doesn’t answer, but she does wrap her arms around my waist. I accelerate again, this time moving off the grass and onto the street. Jules hugs me tighter when I speed up, pressing her breasts against my back.

Damn Roz.

I cruise down the street, enjoying the way the wind moves through my hair and the closeness of the girl behind me. The air is cooler than it was just a week ago. Maybe fall is finally coming. It’s hard to tell in South Carolina, though. Thanks to the humidity, it could be warm well into November.

Less than two minutes after I take off, I turn onto my street but drive past my house. When the road ends, I come to a stop right in front of a boardwalk that stretches out over the dunes and leads to the beach.

Jules hops down and takes a few steps toward the stairs. The wind whips across the dunes, and she closes her eyes, tilting her face up to allow the air to caress her skin. The wind lifts her blonde hair, wrapping it around her face and neck. I take a step toward her without thinking and reach out, sweeping my hand across her forehead so I can tuck her hair behind her ear.

The smile that lights up her face makes my heart stutter in a way I’ve never felt before. “I love it here, it’s so beautiful.”

Her words suck the lightness from my mood, and every muscle in my body tightens. My hand falls to my side, slapping against my thigh with a thud. “Yeah, it’s just swell.”

“What did I say wrong?” she asks, her own smile melting away.

“Nothing, forget it.” I move toward the boardwalk, hopping up the steps and heading for the beach.

Her footsteps pound across the wood, right on my heels.

She catches up to me just as I step onto the sand and grabs my arm. “Roman, I—” Lets out a deep sigh. “I get it. I mean, I think I do. Your dad is—”

Something about the way she’s looking at me causes all my walls to drop, and suddenly the truth is spilling out of me. “Rick’s an ass, okay? Everybody thinks he’s this great man. He did all this.” I put my arms up and motion around us in an exaggerated way. “They love him here, but he’s an ass.” There’s no other way to explain it to her. I’ve never told anybody about the beatings, not before the infection and not since. I press my lips together when my jaw clenches. “Just forget it.”

I turn away, feeling like a child who’s pouting for not getting his way. My feet sink into the sand, and the wind howls across the beach, whipping my hair around. I don’t stop until I’m standing in front of the old lifeguard stand. The wind is furious as I climb—a storm must be coming in. My eyes sting, and I blink a few times, trying to clear out the sand. That’s what it has to be from—the sand and the salt. I don’t cry.

Of course, the sand doesn’t explain the lump in my throat.

When I reach the top, I settle in before pulling out a cigarette. I try to light it with shaky hands, but the wind is too strong. Or maybe my hands are too shaky, I’m not sure. Either way, I won’t be smoking now. My fingers itch to stay busy, but I have nothing to do.

Jules climbs up and settles in next to me. I scoot over without a word.

“Living in D.C.…” she says, just audible over the waves and the wind. “It was like being in a horror movie. It was bad enough in the beginning when the zombies were new, but once they started shipping all the prisoners there it just got scarier. But this, living here—I can almost convince myself that life is normal again. That there are no zombies.”

She gives me a shy smile, and not for the first time, it goes straight to my chest. God, why am I so attracted to this girl? I barely know her and she sure as hell isn’t my type. But this is something I’ve never experienced. With Roz, I wanted nothing more than to get her clothes off. But not Jules. I
do
want her clothes off, but I also want to know what she’s thinking. I don’t give a damn what’s going through Roz’s head.

“I thought they’d cleaned D.C. out?” I don’t pay a lot of attention to current events, but I have read a few stories in the
National Newspaper
. The government is pretty adamant that all eight of the sanctioned settlements have been cleaned out. That they’re safe for survivors. According to Atlanta and the CDC, we’re on our way to wiping out all the zombies on the East Coast.