Allegiance (2 page)

I opened my eyes. Jack stood beside my bed. He smiled and picked up my hand from where it hung over the side of my bed. When he spoke, his eyes remained locked to mine, but his words were all for my mother. ‘She needs more sun.’ His voice was subdued, like he was visiting a dying patient.

Mum stood beside him, clutching her hands together and looking ten years older. ‘She barely gets up, just lies there and stares at nothing all day. She won’t speak, hardly eats.’

‘What did the doctor say?’

Mum drew a breath and heaved it out again before she answered. ‘He wants to give her a few more days. If she doesn’t pick up, he’s going to admit her to hospital and try the antidepressants.’

Jack frowned and ran a hand through his hair. ‘It’s been three weeks, what’s he waiting for?’

‘He’s worried she’ll be allergic to them, and in the state she’s in…’ Mum let the rest of her sentence slip away as she wiped at her eyes.

‘What are the chances?’

‘I can’t imagine she won’t be allergic to them. She’s allergic to every bloody thing else.’

Jack laid his hand on Mum’s shoulder. ‘Take a break, Karen, I’ll stay with her.’

She covered his hand with hers. ‘Thanks, Jack.’

My friend gave her half a smile.

Mum left us alone, closing the door behind her. Jack sat on the edge of my bed and returned his attention to me. There were creases in his forehead I’d never seen before.

‘Bad dream?’

I nodded.

He stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers and a moment later said, ‘Want a cuddle?’

I nodded again. He pulled the quilt back and climbed into bed beside me, gathering me into his arms. It felt nice, like I had company in my darkness. ‘You’re so cold,’ he whispered.

I snuggled close and his arms tightened around me.

‘Talk to me,’ he said. I tried to form a word, but couldn’t. He sighed, and touched his lips to the top of my head.

I closed my eyes and pushed my face into him. His breath on my hair felt good, comforting, and the warmth from his body seemed to permeate my bones. If only it could reach my heart.

‘Have you opened his letter yet?’

I shook my head against his chest.

‘You have to open it, Marla.’

I shook my head again. I couldn’t open it. Whatever was in the letter Leif’s mother had thrust into my hands the day she’d brought me back from Faera could only hurt me more. I couldn’t face it.

Jack sat up. ‘I’m opening the letter. There’s nothing that could make this situation worse.’

I opened my mouth to tell him not to do it. But it was like my voice box no longer functioned. The words were trapped within my mind and he was already climbing out of bed.

Jack knew Leif’s letter was in my jewel box and didn’t bother asking for the key. He just hunted around the dressing table until he found it hanging from a hook at the edge of the mirror. He retrieved the letter and climbed back into bed, pulling me into his arms again. Then, capturing my chin in his fingers, he lifted my face to his. ‘Ready?’

I buried my head into him.

His arms became loose as he freed his hands. I heard the crinkling and unfolding of paper. The dread inside me grew worse before easing again when I smelt a fragrance like Leif combined with the Faeran forest.

‘I’m going to read it now,’ Jack warned. His arms tightened around me once more, bracing me to him. I clung on tight and squeezed my eyelids closed. And then he read the letter.

Marla,

I trust you. I know you decided to leave because you felt there was no other way. I also know you will experience unendurable torment because of it. My wish is to release you from this suffering. And so, as your betrothed, I relinquish all ties with you.

Be happy, my love,

Yours, Leif

As Jack spoke the name of my betrothed, a great wave of serenity washed through me. The weights that had been holding me prisoner lifted from my soul and the dark cloak of despair I’d worn since I returned from Faera rose and evaporated. I could feel Jack—still holding me in the protection of his arms—watching me. I looked up and, for the first time since I left Leif, felt my lips curve into a smile. I was me again, the old me, the me that existed before Leif came into my life, the me that had been close to Jack for years. And suddenly that closeness was full of brand new meaning.

‘I’m me again,’ I whispered.

He smiled and all the tension lining his face left. He bent to kiss my forehead. It was a friendly kiss, tender and brotherly. But I was shocked to find I wanted more—and when he came away from me, I lifted my head and pressed my lips to his. Startled, he pulled away, his eyebrows shooting up before pulling together in confusion. And then his smile returned, wider now, and he came back and kissed me—long and slow and intimate.

‘Where did that come from?’ he murmured when we parted. He touched my lips with his fingers. ‘Not that I’m complaining.’

I had no idea where it had come from. The only thing I knew was he no longer felt like a friend. ‘I don’t know… It was nice though, wasn’t it?’

We watched each other. A smile played around the corners of his mouth. I knew my expression mirrored his. ‘Want to do it again?’ he asked.

We closed the space between us and kissed some more.

‘I could get used to this, Marla,’ he said, when we came apart to breathe.

‘I’m used to it already, Jack.’

His lips descended on mine once more.

A cool breeze whipped leaves into the air and blew hair into my face as I strolled to school with my sister the next day. I wrapped my arms around my body. With way too little sun inside of me for a faery, the air seemed to seep straight into my bones.

‘Did you bring your jumper?’ I asked Ashleigh.

She took it from her bag and handed it over, stopping with me as I pulled it over my head. She frowned. ‘It’s ten sizes too big.’

I shrugged, too cold to care.

‘So, you and Jack,’ she said as we started walking again. ‘How did that happen?’

‘There’s always been a little spark.’

‘Looked more like a bushfire to me.’

I smiled, remembering Ashleigh’s face when she’d walked in on me and Jack the day before.

‘I don’t get it though,’ she continued, ‘one minute you’re a zombie and the next you’re hooking up with your best friend. I mean what’s
that
about?’

I had no answer for either the miracle of my recovery or my new feelings for my friend. ‘Jack snapped me out of it I suppose.’

‘Don’t you feel guilty?’

‘Why should I?’

‘Leif, duh!’ She smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand.

‘It’s over between me and Leif. I told you that yesterday when you were spying on me.’

‘Spying on you! It’s my room too. And if you and Jack are gonna be in there setting your bed on fire on a regular basis, you’ll have to get a do not disturb sign. It’s not like I want to see that!’

‘You
could
take the spare room,’ I suggested with a grin.

‘As if! Anyway, how can you be finished with Leif? Up until yesterday you were dying a slow death over him.’

‘Well, I’m not anymore,’ I told her. ‘Besides, Leif’s “relinquished all ties,”’ I added, making quotation marks in the air with my fingers. I was surprised at how easy it was to talk about him. ‘If he’d wanted to be with me, he would have come to me in my sleep.’

‘
You
broke up with him!’

‘He should have known something was up.’

‘Why did you break up with him anyway?’

‘I told you already,’ I said, recalling the tearful lie I’d told my family the day I’d come back from Faera.

‘You only said you’d lost the vote of the assembly. After that you weren’t exactly coherent before you gave up talking altogether.’

I looked at my sister for a long moment, deciding whether to confess. ‘If I tell you what really happened, you have to promise not to blab to Mum and Dad.’

‘As if I would!’

I took a deep breath, steeling myself. ‘I didn’t really lose that day. The vote was in my favour by one. But King Telophy cornered me afterwards and threatened me.’ I paused, waiting for the crash of emotion. But I felt… nothing, so I continued. ‘He said if I stayed in Faera, he’d kill Leif and Atara and replace them with me and a new prince.’

‘Oh my God,’ Ashleigh said, looking horrified. ‘That dude’s seriously messed up!’

‘Yes he is,’ I said, strangely unfazed.

‘But you won the vote.’

‘King Telophy doesn’t care about that.’

‘You don’t even sound like you care!’ Ashleigh’s expression was a blend of amazement and curiosity. ‘You wouldn’t see
me
just giving up!’

‘None of it matters anymore.’

‘But you
love
Leif.’ My sister’s eyes were fixed on me, as though watching me might help her make some sense of this impossible development.

I thought about Leif for a moment. I had to think hard. It was weird how difficult it was to recall his face. I concentrated but I couldn’t quite capture more than a hint of his features. Frowning, I said, ‘I don’t feel that way about Leif anymore.’ In fact I didn’t feel much of anything about Leif. It was like a wall had gone up and all information about him was locked on the other side.

‘Unbelievable,’ Ashleigh mumbled.

I pushed the strangeness from my thoughts and made myself shrug. ‘He’s just a guy.’

She turned to me, eyebrows raised. ‘There’s something weird going on, I can feel it… Can’t you?’

I stopped on the footpath and grabbed her arm, putting a finger to my lips when she began to speak. After a moment I said, ‘Nope, can’t feel a thing.’

‘Oh funny,’ she said as we started walking again. ‘So, it’s Jack and Marla now?’

‘I don’t know… maybe. It’s not like I know what Jack’s thinking.’

‘But would you go there?’

I turned to catch her eyes. ‘Did it look like I’d go there?’

She nodded knowingly. ‘It’ll be Jack and Marla then.’

My friends were all under the enormous eucalypt we’d made our own when I arrived at school a few minutes later—Peter and Abby, hand in hand; Hilary and Kyle, still loving each other; and Jack. Nerves made a knot of my insides as I considered what he might be feeling. Was he okay with what had happened between us? Was he feeling uncomfortable now he’d had time to think about it? Would he be weird with me?

Hilary spotted me first, breaking away from Kyle and running down the path to meet me. She walked the rest of the way with me, filling me in on everything I’d missed at school. But I couldn’t pay attention because I couldn’t stop looking at Jack. He was talking and then laughing and then talking some more, and he looked
good
. A wave of warmth washed over me, taking me by surprise. It was like I was seeing him with brand new eyes. He glanced across and smiled. Then he strode over, caught me against him and kissed me. So it
was
going to be Jack and Marla.

‘Good morning,’ he said, with a smile that made his eyes go all sparkly.

‘Good morning,’ I replied, the smile I returned to him wide enough to make my cheeks ache. He bent to kiss me again.

Hilary made a noise that sounded like a choke caught inside a gasp. Jack released me and we both looked at her and grinned. Her eyes and mouth were circles of surprise.

‘Hot damn, Jack!’ Peter said with a smirk. ‘You sure know how to move on. Wasn’t it Amber last week?’

Jack laughed as he hooked an arm around my waist and brought me into the circle.

‘I thought you might be weird with me today,’ I said, quietly for his ears. ‘I thought you might regret…’

Jack’s eyebrows pulled close. ‘What would make you think that?’

‘I don’t know, after everything… Leif, our friendship.’

He leaned close and grinned as he said, ‘I regret nothing.’

‘Tell me everything,’ Hilary said when she caught me alone between English and Visual Arts later that day.

I closed my locker and tucked my books into my bag. ‘I’ve always had a bit of a crush on Jack.’

‘Well, sure, haven’t we both, but you were in
love
with Leif!’

I shrugged my bag over my shoulder and pretty much repeated everything I’d told Ashleigh as we covered the distance to D block.