Allegiance (8 page)

He looked at me for a moment. I looked back, blinked. He said, ‘That’s okay, I have no problem spelling it out. Did you mean what you said about just accepting this life as your lot?’

I reached up and pushed his fringe away from his eyes. ‘Not how it sounded.’

‘How’d it sound to you? ’Cos to me it sounded like you just came second in the race when you’re used to coming first.’

‘I never come first,’ I murmured as I ran my finger around the neckline of his T-shirt.

‘You know what I mean.’

I sighed. ‘I was just disappointed about the whole Lysander thing.’ I slid my hand under his shirt, nudging it up with my forearm. He took the hint and pulled it over his head, dropping it over the edge of the bed. A moment later mine joined it.

I snuggled myself close but should have known he wouldn’t be so easily distracted. Jack was a thinker and he was thinking hard right now. After another long moment, he said, ‘Say you had a choice—stay here with me, have a couple of kids and grow old together or go back to Faera for your eighteenth and live as the immortal Fae you were born to be.’

‘I don’t have a choice.’ I brushed my fingers back and forth across his chest. He stopped them with his own.

‘But if you did,’ he insisted.

I kissed him, his skin warm under my lips. ‘I’d choose you.’

‘No you wouldn’t.’ I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. ‘You’d choose Leif.’

‘I don’t even remember Leif!’

‘That’s not the point,’ he said as he pulled away. ‘It’s not that I don’t believe you… I just think you’ve forgotten that I’ve
seen
you with Leif. You were on fire for him—it burned in your eyes. I want my girlfriend to look at
me
like that.’

‘I don’t even remember any of that!’

‘But
I
do and I’d be a fool to believe you’d choose me over him. And I’m not a fool.’

‘I’m not so sure about that right now. You’ve got me half naked in your arms and all you can do is go on about my ex!’

‘There was magic between the two of you. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes I don’t think I would have believed it.’ He paused. ‘I just don’t know if what we’re doing is… right.’

‘Where is this even coming from?’ I was angry now—with Jack, with Leif, but mostly with myself. I’d suspected Jack was feeling this way and I hadn’t done a thing about it. ‘Is this just because you perceive my relationship with Leif as being more powerful than my relationship with you?’

‘I don’t perceive it, I know it.’

‘That’s crap, Jack!’

‘You don’t feel the same for me as you did for him.’ I could hear the determination in his voice. It made me madder.

‘How do you know what I feel? I love
you,
Jack!’

‘Would you
make
love with me?’

His words stopped me with the force of running into a wall. I swallowed hard, wondering what to say next.

‘It’s a question, not a proposition,’ he added quietly.

‘Oh.’

‘So… would you?’ He was watching me closely.

‘I don’t know if I’m ready, Jack.’

‘You were ready enough with Leif. He practically had to beat you off with a stick, and you’ve been with me a lot longer than you were with him.’ I opened my mouth but he didn’t let me speak. ‘Don’t even try to deny it.’

I couldn’t deny it, because I couldn’t even remember it. All I knew was that I loved Jack. I blinked the prickle that was beginning in my eyes away as I placed my hand just beneath his ribs. Then I slid my fingers slowly down his body. I let them rest for a moment just below his belly button while I gathered my courage and then, after taking a deep breath, slid my hand lower. He became absolutely still. I could hear nothing but the pounding of our hearts and the sound of my fingers struggling with the button on his jeans. I released it finally, then reached for the zipper. I found the tag, swallowed to remove the lump in my throat, and pulled the little piece of metal down. Then he gripped my hand in his and sighed as he resumed breathing.

‘Don’t,’ he whispered.

‘Why not?’

‘Just don’t.’ He squeezed his eyes shut as he groaned. ‘If I let you do that because you think it’s the only way to keep me I’d be a crap boyfriend and an even worse friend.’ He lifted my hand and kissed my fingers before placing them on his chest.

‘That’s not why, Jack, I want to be with you.’

He pulled me close. ‘We’ll stay together if that’s what you need, Marla. I probably wouldn’t be able to resist you enough to leave you alone anyway.’

‘It’s not
need,
Jack, don’t say that. You make me happy. You’ve always made me happy—long before I even knew Leif.’ I smiled into his eyes and he returned it. ‘I understand what you’re telling me about Leif, but it’s not him anymore, it’s you. I promise you, Jack, there is no other guy on this Earth that I will ever want more than you.’ I hugged myself against him.

‘Mmm, but Leif’s not on this Earth,’ he said, but he was running his fingers through my hair and pressing kisses to my face.

‘Please don’t keep bringing him up. I can’t help what I am. I can’t help the ties that bound me to Leif in the past. But you won’t have long to wait. Soon I’ll be eighteen and just as mortal as you.’ I forced myself to swallow the catch in my voice.

‘Marla?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Just so you know—if you try that move on me again, I won’t stop you. That was a one-off show of restraint. Next time, make sure you mean it.’ One look at the flicker of fire that lingered in his eyes was enough to let me know he meant it.

The next day I sat in the café with Jack, waiting for Mona and her friend. I knew it was pointless but I had to meet this guy. When he finally arrived, I knew for certain the boy she introduced as Tyrone was not my brother. I couldn’t see any rashes on his skin and the few freckles Mona had mentioned were actually a few thousand. As for his ears, they looked perfectly human. I said goodbye and left with Jack.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jack said as we left the café.

‘I knew before I came it wasn’t him.’

But Jack knew I’d had a tiny bit of hope. He put an arm around my shoulder and said, ‘We’ll find him, sweetheart. Someone else will respond to Leif’s Facebook page.’

‘I hope so Jack.’

But no one did.

My grandparents returned to Faera soon after escorting me and Jack home from the States and the remainder of the holidays passed in a blur of study, forcing all thoughts of my brother to the back of my mind. The wave of interest in him seemed to vanish overnight and, within a couple of days of returning, Leif’s page stopped popping up in my Facebook feed altogether. His magic must have had a use-by date.

I spent the last day of the holidays at the beach, swimming and unwinding with my friends before the exams began. Eventually everyone except Jack went home to cram, but I was loath to leave, the sun way too enticing. I lay on the sand, my head in Jack’s lap, as we tossed around plans for the future—Jack’s double degree with a possible gap year in Europe to psych himself up for it and perhaps a visual arts degree for me. Suddenly a shadow blocked the sun.

I looked up and drew a rapid breath. Leif was standing above us. My mind became overwhelmed as my memories of him returned in a rush. He was incredibly beautiful—how could I possibly have forgotten? But it felt as if there was a disconnect between us—a yawning chasm that had swallowed my feelings towards him.

He crouched beside me, placed a hand against my face and smiled as he looked deep into my eyes. ‘Rest, my love,’ he said. Immediately my body became heavy as something soft and sweet eased into my mind like mist.

I dreamed of Faera. It had been months since I’d had such a dream. I was lying on the forest floor and had forgotten how beautiful it was—how rainbows of light filtered through the branches, depositing golden coins on the carpet of leaves. Leif lay on one side of me, Jack on the other and, although I was hypnotised by the music of the river and the way the sunlight made diamonds on the leaves in the trees above, I was aware of a conversation taking place between them. Wanting to listen, I pulled my mind from my surroundings and closed my eyes. Their voices were faint—like they came from the other side of the river, but somehow I managed to focus all of my skittish attention on them. It was like a dream within a dream.

‘She is not a human girl, Jack. Her betrothal connection with me has been realised, and because of it a change has taken place within her.’

‘But in your letter to her you said the connection was broken.’

‘An impossibility—did you not suspect it? I willed her to forget me… I should have known her feelings for me would need an outlet, that she would transfer her love to someone else.’

‘Are you saying our relationship’s not real? If you hadn’t come along that night of the school dance—’

‘Of course I’m not saying that,’ Leif interrupted. ‘I know you and Marla love each other. I am only saying that from the moment we met she became awakened to a different kind of love—
betrothal
love.’

There was a pause in the conversation giving me time to consider Leif’s words. I had always had feelings for Jack, since we’d first met in Year 7, but it was true they’d never been this intense.

I was drawn back to the conversation when Jack said, ‘So… you just used me to fill the void you left?’

‘I didn’t realise what would happen. And naturally I’m sorry for it, but had I not made her forget me, she might not have survived. Sadness can kill Fae, Jack. In my position, would you not have done the same?’

‘I guess now you know how she feels about me you’ll snap her out of it.’

‘I cannot… not yet… Besides, I trust you.’

After a second or two, Jack said, ‘Can’t guarantee I deserve it.’

‘You love her, do you not—respect her?’

‘Of course I do. She’s one of the most important people in the world to me. We’ve been friends for years—way before
you
came along.’ Jack’s voice was tangled and dark.

‘And you would never allow her to be hurt.’

‘That’s insulting.’

‘I am stating—not asking.’

‘I would protect her with my life.’

‘You deserve my trust.’

‘Yeah well, just so you know, I can’t guarantee me and her won’t—’

‘What takes place between you and Marla is not my business,’ Leif interrupted swiftly. ‘It is my fault Marla is in this position. Had I not arranged that assembly…’ Leif’s voice trailed away before it came back stronger. ‘But please, believe me when I say I do
not
want to know what goes on between the two of you. It is impossible for you to conceive a child with her—that must be my consolation.’

‘It sounds like you’re giving me permission to make love with your betrothed,’ Jack said, his voice surprised.

I heard Leif draw a long breath and let it out in a sigh. ‘Marla’s choices are her own. She does not require my permission.’

‘But she told me you two haven’t even gone there.’

‘
That
, Jack, is none of
your
business.’ There was silence for a few moments and then Leif said, ‘Will it be a problem for you when I come back for her?’

‘What makes you think she’ll choose you?’ Another long silence followed then Jack said, ‘Of course she’ll choose you.’

‘I can take the sting away,’ Leif said quietly. ‘Make you forget.’

‘Look,’ Jack said, without hesitation, ‘I have to admit, I pretty much knew you had a hand in all this. To be honest, I’ve been waiting for you to show up… There’ll be no problem.’

‘Are you certain?’

There was another long pause, then finally Jack answered. ‘I don’t have that whole magical thing going on with her—a bit of my soul inside of her and all that… I can love her as a friend. So don’t go doing any of your mind spells on me—or her. I don’t want to forget any of it and I don’t want
her
to either.’

‘That will be her choice, Jack.’

‘She won’t want to.’

After a long moment, Leif said, ‘So when it comes time for her to come back to me you will be ready.’

‘I’d prefer it if you gave me a few days’ notice.’

‘Why?’

‘Oh you know—last minute goodbyes.’ I could hear the smirk in Jack’s voice.