All Things Beautiful (7 page)

“Did you?”

Fire flashed from her eyes. How dare he doubt her? “Yes,” she hissed.

Brader walked toward her, his step light and slightly menacing. “Did you love him? He died three weeks later.”

Julia gasped, suddenly frightened of what he was going to say. How did he know all these things?

Turning, she crossed toward the door but Brader’s voice followed her, slicing the air between them.

“Did you mourn?”

Julia stopped.

Lawrence had caught a fever and died without ever seeing the Iberian coast. Geoffrey had damned the bad luck that he and Harry had paid up the bet before Lawrence left England.

“Did you mourn, Julia?” Brader repeated.

Julia spun on her heel and confronted her tormentor. “No,” she ground out. “I didn’t mourn. He used me, and when I heard word of his death I felt released, free of him and of all his sort who’d used me over and over.”

“Used you?” Brader slowly walked toward her, each step measured and deliberate. “How can a man use a woman as cold and calculating as Julia Markham?” He stopped before her, his
eyes dark with anger, an anger she didn’t understand.

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“It was all a game to you. No woman could entertain the number of marriage proposals presented to Lady Julia Markham without its being a game. Even the wager at White’s. All a game. So you fell in love and were burned.” Brader shrugged his shoulders. “I pity the man who falls in love with you. Even a man you say you loved, a man who shared your bed, died without a tear from you.”

“He used me.”

“Men and women are used every day in the world out there, Julia. What separates truth and honor from lies and deceit is the depth of our convictions. You said you loved this hussar and yet, upon his death, you gave not one thought to him except satisfaction that he was gone from your life. That he’d suffered for betraying you.”

The desire to slap him flared through her. Instead, she whirled on one foot to leave his room. She’d been a fool to think she could find understanding in Brader Wolf.

His strong, firm grasp caught her before she could take a step. Pulling her toward him, he captured her body in his arms and held her tightly against the hard masculine contours of his own.

“And what about me, Julia? Will you cry when I am gone?” His voice mocked her, but the righteous anger burning in his eyes had been replaced with the fire of another emotion. “You come in my
room, an Eve offering the apple to Adam, and for what? You don’t even see me as a man, do you? I’m just an end to whatever goals you have in that scheming aristocrat’s mind of yours.”

Brader’s hold on her tightened; his large hands slid down her back, cupping her buttocks. Julia’s body burned as if he touched her bare flesh. She could not touch him, afraid of what would happen if her hands made contact with his bare skin.

“What do you and your brothers have brewing for me, hmm? You’d like to have me besotted with you. Is that what they told you to do? And this nonsense about wanting my children; is it so you can claim my fortune after I’m gone?”

His hot breath brushed her cheek. Julia attempted to push away from him, but her movements only placed her in a more compromising position, surrounded by his body heat and warm masculine scent. He pulled her closer, their bodies fitting together at every juncture. He wanted her. Even though he denied her with his words, his body told her something else. She had no time to feel triumph before his head lowered, his lips sealing hers in a hungry, bruising kiss.

Julia had no will to fight him. Again and again, he drank her soul though the headiness of his kisses. She leaned against him, supporting herself against his body.

He could take her now and she’d not say him nay. No matter what his opinion of her, she wanted him. She reached up to wrap her arms around him,
to feel the warm, pulsating smoothness of his skin and pull him closer—

Cool air whipped between them. Dazed, Julia opened her eyes to look confused into the dark, smoldering gaze of her husband. Horror filled her as she realized she’d reacted exactly as he’d expected.

Julia lifted her hand and deliberately wiped his kiss from her mouth.

Brader reacted as if she’d struck him. His jaw tensed, his eyes glowed dangerously, but his words were filled with bitterness. “Leave me, Julia. Get out of my life. I have Kimberwood. You have all the money you will ever need. Go work your wiles on a less gullible man, one of your own kind. But do not ever let me catch you involved in another one of your brothers’ deceptions.”

“You’re wrong about me, Brader. I am not the wicked villainess you think me.”

Brader’s eyes expressed his disbelief. He gave a short, mocking bow. “As you would have it, madam.”

She wanted to fly at him with her nails stretched out and claw the mockery off his face. Instead, she mustered what remained of her dignity. “Is it just me you despise or my whole class?” Without waiting for his response, Julia opened the door and slammed it behind her with all her strength.

But once inside her bedroom, she collapsed, realizing how much ground she’d lost with him. Brader spoke nothing but the truth.

Emma and Chester thought she’d attempted to take her life in grief over the death of Lawrence. But Brader was right. Lawrence’s betrayal had devastated her pride, but her heart remained untouched.

Her pride demanded she attempt suicide. Pride and the loss of hope that her life would ever amount to anything but the swindles and escapades of her brothers.

Every accusation Brader made against her family was true.

The Beals, and many of the tenants at Danescourt, helped her pick up the pieces of her selfish life. Over the past three years, Julia had discovered in herself strength and a hungry desire for more than what she’d learned from her family.

She wanted love, unquestioning love, that didn’t barter itself or hold her guilty for her past. A child would give her that love. In return, she would protect her child from all the hurt and lies she’d suffered, just as Emma and Chester had protected her.

She rose and began pacing the bedroom. The first step was to have a child from her legal husband, Brader Wolf.

Julia kicked a small footstool out of the way of her furious pacing. Oh! He’d love to hurl more accusations at her head if she bore another man’s child. Brader Wolf wasn’t bound by the moral code of polite society. He’d divorce her.

She’d never let him have the opportunity to rid himself of her! Once he fathered her child, she’d
set up her own house. She’d epitomize respectability. She’d show him he was wrong about her.

Of course, she was going to have to try something drastically different than she had so far to induce Brader to bed her. Julia frowned. She’d never experienced difficulty in attracting men, from crown prince to stable hand. Now she was chasing a man, and he resisted her!

A frisson of emotion, suspiciously like jealousy, ran through her as she remembered Lord Barham’s description of Brader’s mistress. Or one of them!

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, she’d start to teach Brader Wolf a lesson. So far, her plans had failed. Her mind thoughtful, she climbed into bed. Brader obviously needed more inducement than a pretty face or a low-cut dress.

Someday, Brader Wolf would regret all the insults he’d paid her tonight. With that promise, Julia fell into an exhausted sleep.

The next morning she woke fresh and renewed. Hearing the sound of workmen hammering, Julia decided Brader was a hard taskmaster. Dressed in a tastefully sophisticated day dress, she gave her reflection in the mirror a nod of approval before leaving her room, ready to conquer her husband.

Her plans came to an abrupt halt by the breakfast room door. There, the dour-faced Fisher informed her that the Master and Mr. Hardwell had returned to London. The Master, Fisher said in his dull monotone, had pressing business to attend to
and could not say when he’d return. Lord Barham and the other guests were in the breakfast room.

Julia didn’t waste her anger on Fisher. Nor did she pause to say good-bye to their guests before charging back to her room to change into a pair of sturdy walking shoes and the old green wool she’d worn as a wedding dress. Receiving directions from Fisher, she set out the door on foot, her legs covering the cold ground rapidly.

She needed the fresh, crisp country air. She needed to see friends. She needed a place to rant and rave at Brader Wolf. The man had skillfully managed to avoid her once again.

Why did he always run away when she was committed to honoring their marriage?

Julia stopped dead in her tracks, surprised at her sudden insight. Could it be Brader was running from her?

She continued her walk at a slower, thoughtful pace, until she came upon the small cottage Brader had turned over to Emma and Chester. Julia could imagine how Emma would have the cottage looking come spring, surrounded with flowers and warmed by the love the old couple held for each other. Julia felt a pang of jealousy.

Emma’s face came alive with joy at seeing Julia. “We’ve been waiting for you. We had no idea when to expect you. My lady, we can never thank you enough for all you’ve done for us.”

Emma’s voice choked with emotion, but she hid her emotion behind her bluster.

“Oh, but I shouldn’t keep you standing in the cold. Come in! Chester has tottered off to the sheep barn.” Her voice dropped confidentially. “He always loved the out-of-doors better than life in the big house. Now he can pretend to be a farmer to his heart’s content. Come, sit, and I will make you a cup of tea.”

No ceremony stood between the two women now in spite of their differences. After the scandal, Emma had nursed Julia back to life and given the younger woman a will to live. Emma was the one person Julia trusted enough to confide in about Brader.

The inside of the cottage was neat and cozy, perfect for the retired couple. “Yes, a cup of tea would be nice, but, Emma, I’m just as glad Chester isn’t here.”

Emma, in the act of lifting the hot water kettle from the hearth, looked up at Julia expectantly.

Julia didn’t disappoint her. “I need to have some questions answered, and you are the only one I can turn to.”

Emma’s eyes softened. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m rising above my station, my lady, but sometimes, especially over the last years, I like to think I’ve had a hand in raising you. Chester and I always wished we’d been blessed with more children than just our dear Winnie.”

She blinked back a tear, her blustery good humor returning.

Pouring the teapot full of boiling water and setting
it to steep, she said, “I don’t know what help I can be, but you may ask me all the questions you’d ask of your own mother, my lady, and poor country soul that I am, I will do my humble best to give you the right answer.”

Gingerly, because of the arthritis in her fingers, Emma picked up two of her prized china teacups by their saucers to bring over to the table.

Julia lowered her eyes to the colorful rag rug at her feet before taking a deep breath and blurting out, “How do I seduce my husband?”

Her answer was a crash, as teacups and saucers dropped from the startled housekeeper’s hands.

“J
ulia?
Julia, is that you?”

“Yes, Nan, it is. Do you mind if I sit with you awhile?” A fire cheered the sunroom, while the globes of several lamps gave off a warm glow. The beautiful leaded glass doors had been reset on their hinges. The room was quiet compared to the uproar of plasterers and carpenters in other parts of the house.

“I’d like nothing better, dear. You remember my companion, Laurie Elliott? And this”—Nan turned in the general direction of the red-haired lady on her right—“is my nurse, Alice Brown.”

“You’re a nurse, Mrs. Brown?” Julia inquired, surprised to meet a woman claiming a profession.

“Her father was a doctor, and she helped with his patients,” Nan answered. “Brader insists she accompany me everywhere. I argue with him. As much as I enjoy Mrs. Brown’s company, I don’t like him spending money foolishly on a woman of my age.”

Julia sat in a chair right next to Nan.

“You were walking,” Nan observed. Her voice held a gentle hint of surprise. “I can smell the mist on your clothing.”

Taking the frail hand Nan offered, Julia smiled. “I enjoy a brisk walk in the outdoors. Country life has always agreed with me. Besides, I had to pay a call on a friend.”

“I didn’t know you knew anyone in this area.”

Julia studied Nan’s hand, wondering how much Brader had told his mother about their marriage and Julia’s background. Blue veins were outlined vividly through translucent skin, and the thought struck Julia that Brader’s mother was not a healthy woman. She looked up sharply, really seeing Nan’s pale, gaunt cheeks for the first time.

“You squeeze my hand, Julia. What are you thinking?”

Alarmed by Nan’s heightened sensitivity to others, Julia almost dropped Nan’s hand. Mrs. Elliott cleared her throat to gain Julia’s attention and communicated with a shake of her head that Julia should not mention the state of Nan’s health. Julia nodded her head in understanding before replying softly, “Just a chill.” She hid behind the thread of conversation. “Two of my friends live here on the grounds. They were servants on my family’s estate, and Brader offered them a pension.”

Nan beamed. “That is so like Brader.”

Julia choked. To recover, she changed the subject.
“As a matter of fact, I lived four years of my life here at Kimberwood.”

“Really?” Nan exclaimed. “I did too.”

“You did?”

“Yes, my husband had the vicarage here.”

Stunned, Julia searched her mind, trying to place Nan. Certainly, even as a child, she would not have forgotten Brader. “I don’t remember meeting—”

Nan waved an impatient hand. “I’m sure my tenure here was way before your time.” She leaned toward Julia. “My husband is buried here, in the graveyard assigned to the small parish. Brader took me there upon our arrival.” Tears formed in her eyes. “It had been thirty-eight years since I visited my Thomas’s grave.”

“Brader’s father?” Julia could have bit off her tongue for her curiosity, especially when Mrs. Elliott and Mrs. Brown, in unison, turned their heads to glare with disapproval. Julia glared back.

Unaware of the tension, Nan answered, “No. Thomas fathered my two other children. They were born here at Kimberwood.”

“Do your two other children live nearby? Will I have a chance to meet them?”

Nan’s unseeing eyes turned dreamier. Outside the window, the day had darkened into a rainy twilight. Soft mist turned to drops of rain, pelting the window with the help of an increasingly strong wind.

“Nan, you shouldn’t talk about—” Mrs. Elliott started, but stopped when Nan held up a hand.

“Yes, I should talk about them. I’m stronger than both you and Brader believe. And Julia should know. She’s one of us now, a member of the family.”

After that speech, Julia wasn’t sure she wanted to know. The ambiance in the room and the frowns of Nan’s two companions convinced her she might not like what she’d hear.

But when Nan turned to her and asked, “You do want to hear the story, don’t you, Julia?” to save her soul, Julia could not cry off.

Nan didn’t wait for her daughter-in-law’s response. “My husband was buried on Kimberwood ground. Feudal in his attitude toward everyone living on Kimberwood, Lord Riley—”

“My grandfather,” Julia murmured.

“Yes, your grandfather. He ruled Kimberwood like an iron-fisted medieval seigneur. My Thomas, a God-fearing Anglican, stood up to him. Their clashes shook the very foundations of this parish.”

Memories of her autocratic grandfather rushed back to Julia. He had spoiled her shamelessly, but she realized how ruthless he could be to those beneath him. Even Julia received his approval only when she did as he wished. He despised Julia’s mother, his own daughter, for her many weaknesses. Many times, Lady Markham had broken down completely, victimized by her father’s cutting tongue.

“Bitter arguments they had.” Nan closed her sightless eyes as if attempting to hold back the
memories. “I was so afraid Lord Riley would turn us out. A woman always thinks of the practical side of life, but a man?” Nan shrugged her thin shoulders. “Thomas spoke for the truth regardless of personal sacrifice. The Ashfords had held the benefice of Kimberwood for over one hundred years, even before the arrival of Lord Riley’s ancestors. I believe Thomas thought he had more right to be here than Lord Riley.”

Julia forced herself to ask, “
Did
he turn you out?” Turning out a family because a family member disagreed with him would not have troubled her grandfather. She’d seen him do it plenty of times when she lived at Kimberwood. But then, she’d never questioned the practice until three years ago, when she learned to see the lower classes as people.

Nan sat silent for so long, Julia thought her mind had wandered. At last Nan spoke, her words so faint, Julia leaned closer to hear. “No, not until after Thomas died. Thomas’s health had never been strong. The fever took him.” Her hands, lying in her lap, clenched together tightly. “My poor Thomas.”

“My grandfather turned you out, a woman with young children?” Julia’s face burned with humiliation.

As if divining her shame, Nan reached over, searched until she found Julia’s hand lying in her lap, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s not you, child. My score to settle was with your grandfather, not you. Did you know your grandmother?”

Julia had to take a moment to find her voice. “Yes. It was she who left Kimberwood to me.”

“So that is how Brader did it.” Nan nodded her head. “And why he married. Your marriage portion gave him Kimberwood, didn’t it? He told me he’d fallen madly, immediately in love with you.” Nan cocked her head as if struggling to see her daughter-in-law. “Smitten the moment he met you, is how he described it; said any man would leap at the opportunity to marry you. But he’d never met you before, had he? Silly of me to give credence to the idea Brader ever acted on impulse.” She sighed. “I thought at the time they were odd words for him.”

Julia couldn’t imagine Brader praising her, even falsely! Nan sat lost in her own thoughts. Mrs. Elliott and Mrs. Brown studied their teacups, intruders in this conversation.

Only the rain on the windows broke the silence until Julia could no longer keep her thoughts from being spoken. “Please tell me why Kimberwood is so important to Brader.”

Nan’s eyebrows raised. “Why? For me. Ever since he was a wee babe I told him stories of Kimberwood, the lush wooded hills, the safe country lanes where a child could play. To a child raised in the dirt and filth of London, Kimberwood sounded like heaven. I’d tell the children stories by the hour, especially on those nights when we had nothing to eat.” Her hands tightened on the arms of her chair. “And Brader knew I wanted to be close to my Thomas.”

“And your other children?”

Nan’s answer came on a sigh, mingling with the sound of the rain. “Dead. Only Brader survived. My resilient strong Brader, so much like his father.”

The room took on a sudden chill that had nothing to do with the winter air outside.

“He hasn’t told you anything, has he?” Nan asked abruptly.

Julia equivocated. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I had a son and a daughter. My son’s name was John and my daughter we named Mary, a good strong Christian name. But they didn’t last long after Brader disappeared…” Her voice trailed off. Silent tears ran down her cheeks.

“Mrs. Wolf, I don’t think it wise for her to continue this conversation.” Mrs. Brown’s look spoke volumes to Julia.

A flare of annoyance mixed with guilt shot through Julia. She didn’t want to be the source of Nan’s distress, and yet she wanted the information Nan was sharing.

Before she could frame an answer, Nan cut in. “Don’t blame Julia. The crying always helps me. I know it upsets you ladies and Brader, but it cleanses me. And the memories…all I have left are my memories.” Her eyebrows came together in a miniature copy of her son’s frown; her voice changed, taking on the same imperious authority heard in her son’s voice. “Mrs. Elliott, Mrs. Brown, be so good as to leave us. I have something I need to say to Julia.”

Mrs. Elliott protested. “Mrs. Ashford, I do not believe—”

“Go!” Nan softened the hard steel of her command. “Tell Brader I insisted on this time alone with my daughter-in-law.”

The two companions exchanged looks that did not bode well for Julia, but Julia held her head high. She would not be threatened by servants.

Nan waited until she heard the leaded glass doors shut behind the pair. She reached out toward Julia, holding her palm up. Understanding the silent command, Julia pulled her chair closer and placed her hand in her mother-in-law’s. Nan squeezed it tightly, pulling Julia closer.

“You do love my son, don’t you?” Nan’s voice held the tone of urgency. “He needs love.”

Brader? In need of love? Julia could imagine his reaction if he knew what his mother had just said to her. What she’d give to see the look on his face! She choked back an unflattering comment.

Nan’s head turned sharply at the sound. “You don’t see it, do you?” Her mouth turned down in disappointment. “I thought, when I heard you with him yesterday, you had more spirit.”

“He’s not an easy person to deal with. To be honest, I’m not sure we suit.”

Nan’s sightless eyes took on an inner glow. “You suit. You’re a magnificent couple together, better than you imagine. I don’t need my eyes to see exactly how well you suit.” She squeezed Julia’s hand. “Try to love him.”

“That path runs two ways,” Julia commented dryly. What would Nan say to hear Barham brag about Brader’s “exotic” mistress? Would she still feel poor Brader needed love?

Nan let go of Julia’s hand, frowning. “Brader always took care of John, Mary, and me. He was the youngest. Even when he was no higher than my knee, Brader scrounged for food for us, taking any job to keep us alive. The sweep called for him every day. Brader worked longer and harder than any other child and had the reflexes to survive.” Nan shook her head. “I’d order him not to go, but John and Mary were always sick. In the end, I discovered I could not stop Brader from what he set out to do.”

“Exactly the dilemma I face now,” Julia responded tartly.

Nan’s smile was sad and sweet. “Brader would rather sell his soul than admit he needs someone in his life. And he may demand you give up yours.” She reached over to touch Julia. “But he’s worth it, Julia. Learn to love him, just a little.” She added softly, “Nor do I believe Brader is the only one in need of love.”

“Is love such a valuable commodity, ma’am, that I must barter my pride for it?”

“Yes.”

Her mother-in-law’s unequivocal answer startled her. “I may find the price too high to pay.”

“No, you won’t.” All trace of tiredness disappeared from Nan’s voice. “I bartered my pride for
Brader’s father, and I count those moments in his arms among the most wonderful memories in my life. He was a man of rare passion.” Nan turned toward Julia, again giving her the impression the old woman could see. “And so it is with the son.”

“And if he does not want me?” Stiff, formal words, that Julia discovered difficult to speak.

“He wants you. He’ll not make it easy for you, but I think Brader may have found a woman whose heart can match his own. I know you will find this hard to believe, but he is normally a very reasonable man—”

Julia burst into genuine laughter.

“It’s true!” Nan insisted. “Control is very important to Brader. I’ve never heard him give in to an outburst of temper as he did upon your arrival.”

Julia shook her head in wonder. “And you believe his spat of temper is a sign that he’s attracted to me? Can I live my life this way, with a man who demonstrates his affection by exploding—”

The sunroom doors flew open, glass smashing against the wall.

Brader stood in the doorway, his hair wind-tossed, the gleam in his eyes anything but adoring. Nervously, Julia glanced at her mother-in-law, who sat patiently, the smile on her face serene.

Well, if she can face this fire-eater, I suppose I can too, Julia thought, thankful she was sitting, so at least her knees couldn’t buckle. Standing in the
lamplight, his eyes glittering dangerously, powerful muscles barely held at bay, Brader looked like an avenging Gabriel.

“Mrs. Brown was concerned, Mother, that you were being overly upset.” His ferocious stare at Julia ensured she knew exactly whom he blamed. Julia caught a glimpse of the tattling companion hiding behind Brader’s body.

Red sparks flew through Julia. Using a tone that could freeze the queen in her tracks, Julia announced, “If you wish to speak to me, you will be civil and not use the servants as an excuse.”

A blaze of anger ignited in Brader’s eyes. So be it! She’d done nothing wrong. Certainly, Nan could hear the unreasonable fury in his voice.

But Nan’s response infuriated both Julia and Brader. “I see the two of you want to be alone. Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Elliott, is one of you there? Please help me to my room.”

Mrs. Brown scurried out from behind her employer and offered an arm to her charge. Nan stopped in front of Brader, the soles of her shoes scrunching on glass shards. “I hope you haven’t completely destroyed the door, Brader. Enjoy your evening, children.” She left.