All Things Beautiful (17 page)

Don’t breed with a tradesman. The words had been Geoff’s, but they could have been her grandparents’ and certainly her mother’s…or any one of the people of polite society she’d once considered friends. Grandmère must be frowning from her grave.

Looking up, Julia wondered guiltily if Brader could read her mind. In response, the muscles of his jaw tightened, his eyes glittered dangerously. Julia broke eye contact first.

Her appetite deserted her, especially when she remembered that all her possessions now filled her husband’s wardrobe and drawers. Damn Geoffrey. Damn the Markhams.

Pushing her food around her plate she made a pretense of eating, hoping no one would notice.

Brader noticed.

“Julia, is the food not to your liking?” he inquired curtly, interrupting Harry’s soliloquy on betting the horses.

Smile, she ordered herself before offering apologetically, “I’m not over fond of mutton.”

His gaze held hers a moment, studying, probing, before he answered lightly, “Neither am I.”

“Well, then, why does your cook make it?” Harry’s words butted between Brader and Julia, providing her the relief she needed from her husband’s all too knowing eyes.

Geoffrey said succinctly, “Harry, you are
de trop,
” which earned Brader’s full attention. Neither man’s face revealed open animosity, but Julia had no doubt she witnessed a testing of wills.

Silence.

More was said in that moment void of conversation than Julia cared to admit. She laid down her fork, the clatter of silver against china resounding in the dining room. Geoffrey broke first without conceding defeat. Instead, he directed his attention to his sister. “Julia, don’t look so much like a Shakespearean tragedian,” he chided softly. “One would think you style yourself after the misdirected Juliet, eh, Brader?”

Brader lifted his wineglass in the direction of Geoffrey, his eyes on Julia as he murmured, “Or Hamlet.”

His barb hit home. So, he found her indecisive? She lifted her chin. She didn’t have to answer to him or Geoffrey.

Through with the farce, Julia rose gracefully from her seat at the dinner table, her smile stiff and uncompromising. “I’m sure you’ll excuse me if I leave you gentlemen to your port.” She didn’t wait for them to stand or to respond but gave them her back and left the room.

To go where? Julia stopped at the foot of the stairs. Conscious of the polite interest of the footmen, she forced herself to climb the stairs.

Pushing open the door to Brader’s room, Julia didn’t know if this was where she wanted to be.
Slowly, she turned in the middle of the room, her arms coming out from her sides. Her hands reached out as if she could grab hold of something of meaning and substance…a memory, the joy of yesterday morning.

Instead, the wintry wind rattled the windowpanes; the fire flickered on the hearth. Sentimentality was an emotion she had learned long ago to do without. She crossed over to the dresser and pulled out her flannel nightdress.

She should call for Betty, a little surprised the maid hadn’t arrived already. Certainly Fisher would have sent word that Julia had left the dining room. Then, deciding she had no desire to see anyone, she started unbuttoning the row of tiny buttons down the back of her gown.

The door flew open.

Brader stood watching her a long silent minute from the doorway. Julia fought the urge to flinch, meeting his cool stare with one of her own.

Finally, he raised an eyebrow and asked lightly, “Do you need help undressing?”

“I’ll ring for Betty.”

He kicked the door shut. “When I left you yesterday, a maid was—” He paused and then deliberately said,
“de trop,”
mimicking Geoffrey.

She tried to force a cool, distant smile and shocked even herself when the curve of her lips started to tighten and break. To her horror, a sob escaped her. She covered her face with her hands.

“Julia—?” Brader started forward, but she turned away from him. His hand touched her shoulder. Reflexively, she jerked away from him.

“I see,” he said, the words granite hard.

Julia didn’t answer but picked a point on the wall and stared hard at it, attempting to gain control of herself.

“What hold does he have over you?”

“He has no hold, but he’s right. There is a code of behavior….” Her voice trailed off, because to finish would be to insult Brader. Finally, she turned to him, the set of her features hardened. She wouldn’t break again. “I’m sorry, Brader. It appears my brothers remind me—”

“Of your emotional side? Don’t tell me it’s for the love of those two selfish aristos you suddenly find you can’t stomach my touch?”

Alarmed, Julia whirled toward him. “I never said such a thing!”

“Or do they remind you of how inferior I am to you socially?”

“Brader, that’s not—”

“You’re a snob, Julia,” he said flatly.

“I’ve never—” She sputtered and then shut her mouth. Her conscience, which had learned to see the world all too clearly over the last three years, agreed with him. The truth wasn’t pretty. She thought she’d grown beyond the pettiness.

She bowed her head as she turned his statement this way and that, the way a child would study a new toy she wasn’t sure she liked but had to keep.

Finally, she looked up. “If I let go of my pride in my heritage, what will I have left?”

“Only you can answer that question.”

He’d removed his jacket, waistcoat, and cravat. The firelight danced across the dark curls of his hair and highlighted the lines of his body. No man had ever appeared more masculine, more desirable…or more distant.

He sat on the bed. “No more games between us, Julia. There is the door. I won’t stop you.” His jaw tightened, his eyes glowing golden. “But if you stay, you accept me as an equal.”

His ultimatum shocked her. Julia hid behind words. “I haven’t done anything to deserve your suspicions.”

“Since your brothers appeared, you haven’t smiled at me once. You’ve avoided my touch and barely tolerated my presence.” He leaned forward, one forearm on his knee. “And I would take a bet that if your possessions weren’t moved into this room, you wouldn’t be standing here right now pretending to be my wife.”

“I
am
your wife,” Julia answered, the heat of embarrassment running through her body at his dead center assessment of her innermost thoughts. She clenched her fists in frustration. “How easy it is for you! I wish I knew what
you
were thinking. Oh, not the words you speak but what you really think! I walk around Kimberwood with imaginary scales hanging over my head, so you can weigh every word I speak and every glance I give to see if
it meets your peculiar code of honor.” She crossed over to where he sat on the bed, her hands on her hips. “I have the blood of kings and queens flowing through my veins,” she told him defiantly. “Yet you constantly refute my word. You’ve set yourself up as my judge and accuser—”

Brader came to his feet, forcing Julia to take a step back. His eyes blazed. “Don’t preach to me about bloodlines.” He practically spit the words out. “All of us came from somewhere. England didn’t grow to be a world power on the backs of the people who sired you and your brothers. Outside these walls are life-and-death issues, but here I have to sit and listen to Harry drone on about gambling with the same passion real men give to medicine, engineering, religion! Ideas of depth and substance. The only claim you can make is to a noble race of idiots!”

Julia’s mouth fell open. “How dare—”

“Geoffrey is the only one with any industry. He sits like some crocodile of the Nile plotting ways to use his words to create dissension between us. You haven’t seen such creatures in your sheltered superficial life, Lady Julia, but I can assure you nothing will chill your blood like the grin of a crocodile as he watches his prey with lifeless eyes.” Brader cocked his head. “On second thought, a croc’s eyes have more life than Geoffrey’s, but I imagine his bite is as dangerous.”

“He’s my brother—”

“My condolences!” he snapped. “And also my
congratulations. You almost had me convinced that you were different from those worthless leeches you call family. Geoffrey is correct. You are a remarkable actress.”

Julia recoiled as if he’d physically struck her. The air between them crackled with spent emotion. She backed away three steps. She had to swallow before she could trust her voice. “I wasn’t acting.”

Disbelief etched his face.

Again, she experienced the feelings of uncertainty and doubt she’d suffered Monday night, in front of the Turners’ cottage. “I’m not acting,” she repeated. She looked at him, groping for words to make him understand what she didn’t understand herself. “I feel I’m caught in two worlds. I know which world I want to choose…but the other?” She shook her head, afraid she couldn’t explain. “The other calls me back. I haven’t been able to cut the ties with my family…no matter how much I know I should.”

Julia allowed all her doubts and fears to express themselves in her eyes, praying Brader would see, Brader would understand.

“I know what my family is, Brader. I know that I too am not far different from them. But I also know that I can choose a different life. For the past three years, I
have
lived a different life. But sometimes it’s so hard. What do I have left?”

The anger drained from Brader. His hands unclenched, his stand relaxed, but his softly spoken words were hard. “You must make a choice. Your
brothers will leave tomorrow. You can leave with them or stay with me. But if you stay with me, you will accept me as your husband—completely. No more games between us.”

Yesterday morning, Julia would have accepted him without hesitation. Tonight, she knew herself better.

Brader was correct. She did think herself superior to him, for no other reason than her lineage—the same lineage that bred Geoff, Lionel, Harry, and poor drunken James.

Weighing the problem in her mind, unconsciously Julia licked her lips. Brader’s eyes followed the movement of her tongue, and for a brief moment she caught the hunger in his eyes. That second of desire reminded Julia that this wasn’t a bloodless proposal he offered.

She managed a weak smile. “If I stay, will I still be judged for my every little action? I fear, sir, that I have been used to being quite imperial on occasion.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “It may take me time to change—completely.”

Brader dropped his guard. Solemnly he answered, “Julia, if you stay, I will do everything in my power to satisfy your slightest whim.”

His words robbed her of breath. Finally, she asked, “Why?”

“What do you want to hear, Julia? Do you want me to play the courtier and sing an ode to your beauty? Have you some birthmark another man hasn’t exclaimed over? Or do you want me
to be honest and admit your looks have little to do with it. Or your sweet disposition.” Brader’s lips curved into his rare smile, the look warm and sensual. “My life has been in an uproar ever since I agreed to that hell-born bargain with your father.”

“So you regret it?” she asked, afraid of the answer.

“Regret it?” The smile faded, his eyebrows drawing together. “If you walk out the door, I’ll have many regrets. I believe we truly might have something between us, Julia. But the decision is yours—and once it’s made, I’ll allow no regrets.”

“And what do you think we might have between us?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “A very strong attraction.”

Her lips parted in surprise and disappointment. “Is that all?”

He studied her shrewdly and then shrugged his shoulders before answering. “Julia, I’ve never wanted a woman as much as I want you at this moment. I’ve just spent thirty-six hours thinking of nothing but you and how it will feel to be beside you between these sheets. As for the rest?” He spread his hands out to his sides. “Marriages have thrived on less, but I’ll not give more than you give me—ever.” He smiled. “I know you won’t countenance it, but we commoners also have our pride.”

“So I must swallow mine?”

“Can you?”

Could she?

In the fireplace, a flaming log snapped. The ticking of the clock in the hallway measured a space of time. Julia drew a long steadying breath…and then took a step toward him.

B
rader met her before she could take a second step. His arms embraced her possessively, lifting her feet from the ground, while he brought his mouth down hungrily over hers.

Any doubts she might have harbored in choosing Brader over her family were wiped from her mind. Julia kissed him back with the same mind-rattling intensity he gave her. Her arms circled his neck, pulling him closer to her.

“What have we here?” His baritone hummed in her ear, his fingers touching the bare skin of her back where she’d already started unbuttoning her dress. Julia’s toes curled right out of her kid slippers, which dropped lightly to the carpet.

Brader lowered her to the ground, his fingers already unbuttoning the remaining small mother-of-pearl buttons down her back. “It appears you need help undressing after all.”

Julia silenced him with a kiss while her hands impatiently pulled his shirt from his waistband. Clothing
whispered against skin to be thrown in a pile at their feet as they undressed each other in hurried silence. Each new territory of flesh they claimed with kisses, nibbles, and bites until they were both gloriously naked, the lamplight bathing their skin in golden light. Brader lifted her in his strong arms, laid her on the bed, and stretched out beside her.

Running a rough palm up her leg to the top of her thigh, Brader touched her intimately. Julia closed her eyes, overwhelmed by her response to his touch. His voice came to her through the self-imposed darkness. “Are you sure?”

She couldn’t have answered if her life depended upon it. His fingers pressing and stroking her sensitive flesh absorbed her attention, her sanity. She moved, her nerves crying, wanting, needing more with each movement. She ran her palms up and down his smooth, muscled ribs.

And then he held his hand still. She pushed up toward him, urging his hand to continue the magic. In response he said softly, “Julia?”

Julia opened her eyes to look into his dark eyes. There in their fathomless depths and in the tense rein he held over his own body, she saw the question he asked.

“No regrets,” she whispered.

His eyes flared with fierce, bright pride. Rolling on top of her, he pressed himself against her, his arms on either side of her body bearing his weight. Instinctively, Julia raised her knees to accommodate him.

“No regrets,” he repeated and then slid into her body in one smooth movement.

Deep, strong, and hard, he pressed into her, stretching her until she accepted his full length. Julia whispered his name, her mind and body struggling to adjust to become accustomed to his alien feel. She clutched his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin.

“Easy, love.” His whispered words reassured her. “I’ll give you all the time you need.”

But already her body had adjusted to him…and craved more. Julia gave a little wiggle against his body, moaning as he slid even deeper into her. Brader repeated her name, over and over, a sound that came out between a gasp and a soft laugh. Gathering her up in his arms, he withdrew and then filled her again and again until she was the one crying his name.

She tasted him, the saltiness of his skin, the wetness of his mouth. He begged, pleaded, cajoled, his voice sending waves of pleasure through her.

His hands moved down her back. Long fingers pressed against her buttocks, pulling her closer to him so that his body touched and teased that secret nub of pleasure with each long, smooth stroke.

Pleasure, hunger, ecstasy built up inside of Julia until she burned for—what? Pushed for—?

His voice broke through her senses. “Julia, look at me.”

Slowly, she lifted her lashes. Brader looked down at her, his eyes reflecting the same turbulent
swirl of emotions roiling inside her. “Now, love,” he commanded urgently. “Let it come now.” He lifted her up off the bed in his arms and plunged deeply. “Julia, come for me now.”

Her body answered his call, flexing, convulsing, spinning into wave after shattering wave of sensation. She’d taken a leap into a world she didn’t understand, could only imagine, and Brader was her guide…. And then—reaching the pinnacle—she understood. Gasping, she cried his name in wonder.

His body shook, his cry mingled with hers. He laid her back on the bed, burying his face in her hair. She could feel him attempt to regulate his harsh, rapid breathing.

She ran her palms up his broad, strong back, hugging him closer to her with her arms and legs. Their bodies still joined, she accepted all his weight against her body as a boon from the Almighty. Never had she imagined such an experience. Never had she felt so completely in tune with another human being.

“Brader, what happened between us?”

He rose up on one elbow, his eyes alive with such tenderness it stole her breath. Raising tapered fingers, he lightly brushed curling tendrils of hair away from her face. “I think,” he said, his voice holding the same quiet reverence reflected in her voice, “I think we just created a baby.”

Julia blinked, taking a second to let his words sink in before she threw her arms around his neck,
her joyful laughter echoing through the room. “That was it, Brader? That was it?”

He took her arms by the wrists from around his neck and pressed them up over her head on the pillows. Leaning over her, he teased, “Easy, love. Raucous laughter from our bedroom is not going to enhance my reputation with the servants.”

Julia reached up with her lips and kissed him on the tip of his crooked nose. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered.

Brader went very still, her words apparently stunning him.

“Is that bad?” she asked quietly. “Is it wrong to tell a man you think he is beautiful? Right now I don’t think anyone or anything can be mote beautiful than you and what we”—she paused for the right word—“just shared together.”

Unbidden, a tear surprised her and slipped from the far corner of her eye to run down her face to her hairline. Julia ignored it, not taking her eyes from his. At the sight of the tear, his brows came together.

They studied each other in silence.

Brader broke eye contact first. “I suppose that is a beginning,” he muttered to himself, before slowly lowering his head and following the tear’s trail with the tip of his tongue.

Letting her fingers caress the muscles of his back, Julia liked the feeling of his weight bearing down against her body on the soft mattress. And she wouldn’t mind if he…“Brader?”

“Hmm?” he answered, his tongue now tasting and teasing the curve of her ear.

“Is it possible to create more than one baby?” Oh, no, that didn’t sound at all like what she meant. “I mean, do you…we don’t have to create a baby every time to do—?” She stopped. She wasn’t about to call it “that” again.

His body went still. “Make love?” His deep voice sang through her body. He smiled, his eyes gleaming with humor. “Julia, you’re blushing.” Deep inside her body, she felt the strengthening of his desire. He chuckled softly, the movement traveling from his chest to where he pressed against her.

She arched her back, rubbing her breasts against his hard chest. Liquid heat radiated through her to the place where their bodies joined. She raised her knees, cradling his body against hers and pressing him deeper still. The action made her catch her breath. She released it, sighing his name.

“Yes, it’s possible,” he whispered. “It’s even desirable to make love all night.”

“Really? All night?” Julia gasped, the slow undulating movements of his body against hers robbing her of all intelligence.

“Everyone should do it at least once.” Brader smiled, a slow, knowing, wicked smile…and then proceeded to show her the reason why everyone should do it—at least once.

Late the next morning, Julia woke, wrapped in a cocoon of bedclothes and husband. His arms
hugged her against his chest. One of his knees rested over her legs, keeping her body close to him.

Julia had never felt so secure.

She never wanted to leave the bedchamber.

She certainly had no desire to face Geoffrey and Harry.

Her body tensed with her anxiety over the upcoming interview. No! She would not apologize for choosing a life with Brader over her family and its heritage.

“What are you thinking?”

His low voice startled her. “I woke you?” she asked.

Brader tightened his arms around her, one hand cupping a firm breast. “I’ve been awake for a while.” He stroked the nipple with the pad of his thumb.

Julia started to turn her head toward him but stopped, her mind and flesh focused on the soft teasing of his thumb. “Why didn’t you wake me?” she managed to whisper.

Brader nuzzled her neck, pushing her curls back to press his lips against her skin. “I enjoy just holding you.” He moved his other hand down over the smooth flatness of her stomach. His fingers discovered the triangle of soft curls and their sensitive secret.

Julia whimpered and pressed herself against his fingers.

He spoke again, quietly, and this time his breath brushed her ear. “What were you thinking?”

Her throat tightened. He wouldn’t like her response. She took a big breath. “I don’t want to see my brothers this morning.”

He stilled his fingers. “Why not?”

She started to inch away from him, but his hands held her captive. She focused on a landscape painting hanging on the far wall. Her voice hard, she answered, “They’ll try and spoil everything.”

“They’ve gone.”

“What?” Julia started to sit up, but Brader pressed a broad palm against her, nestling her back close to him. His thighs snuggled against the back of her legs, her back against his chest.

“I asked them to leave.”

“You asked…?” The idea was so startling, Julia ignored the gentle nip he gave her earlobe. “No. I don’t believe it. You had to do more than ask. Did you pay them?”

“No.”

“Then how—?”

“I can be very persuasive.” He wrapped his body tighter around her. His night’s growth of whiskers scratched her cheek.

“What manner of man are you, Brader Wolf? Who are you that you can convince a person like Geoffrey to do your will?”

She could feel his facial muscles curve into a smile. “Could I persuade you to do my will?” he whispered in her ear. He moved suggestively, both hands kneading the skin at her waist, and it
dawned on Julia that it was no longer his fingers that pressed against her so intimately.

White-hot heat speared through her, Julia thought she would melt. So she really didn’t understand what possessed her to gasp out, “Is this a trick you learned from one of your mistresses?”

The movement of his hips stopped. He blinked, his eyelashes brushing against her cheek. “Are you jealous, Julia?”

Jealous? Yes! After the night they’d just spent, she had no doubt Brader could please more than one woman at a time—and no, Julia decided, she didn’t like the idea—but she’d hold her hand over a burning flame before she’d admit it.

With studied casualness, Julia shrugged her shoulder and sniffed. “A sophisticated woman understands that a man must have—” she searched her mind for the word Arabella’s mother had used years ago when explaining to the two girls why men chased opera dancers—“indulgences.”

Brader rolled over onto his back, laughing. “Faith, I should know better by now than to ask a Markham a direct question. A sophisticated woman?”

Still lying on her side, she refused to comment, willing herself to keep her face composed. His hand tugged on her shoulder. She fought the urge to scratch his eyes out.

When she wouldn’t look at him, Brader raised up on one elbow and looked down at her. “Julia?” He said her name again before she rolled over on her back and faced him.

Julia eyed him suspiciously from beneath her lashes. She tried to loosen the muscles around her mouth so she wouldn’t look so disgruntled.

By the heart-stopping smile he gave her, she didn’t think she was successful. A dimple winked from his cheek as he leaned over her on the bed. His eyes looking into hers, he confessed, “I don’t have a mistress.”

Julia’s anger dissipated. “What?”

Brader shrugged his shoulders. “Amalie and I have parted company. She complained I never had time for her.”

Julia sat up. Pulling the sheet modestly up around her breasts and holding it in place with her arms, she raised a hand to push the tangles of her dark hair away from her face. “You never had time?”

Brader lifted his forefinger to twine around a curling tendril against her sheet-covered breast. He set it back down with a sigh. “Amalie always claimed I spent more time on business than on her. And then”—he sent a pointed glance in her direction—“I married this woman who cropped up every time I turned around, and I completely ignored her. I haven’t been with her”—he paused to choose a word—“
physically
since before we married. Last week, Amalie informed me she wanted a more attentive protector. You remember Barham?”

Julia nodded.

“He has the care of her now.”

No mistress? Her heart filled with hope. Brader
appeared so very handsome filling up the bed, his hair ruffled by sleep. His broad shoulders looked strong enough for any woman to lean on and forget her troubles. Julia followed the line of his body with her eyes to where the sheet covered his hips, legs, and—

She snapped her attention back to his face, the meaning of his words suddenly clear in her mind. “And will I be able to hold your interest?” she asked tartly.

“I think you’ll manage.” His teeth, straight and white, flashed with his smile in the dim morning light of the room. “If I remember correctly, Mrs. Wolf, every time I have tried to ignore you or put you out of my life, you have pushed your way back in.”

He was teasing, but the accusation stung. Afraid her expression mirrored her thoughts, she looked away from him. “When you say it that way…”

“Julia.” His voice held a more serious tone. “I speak only the truth. I never meant to become this involved with you.”

She held her shoulders stiff and unyielding. “Do you regret it?”

“No regrets,” he answered gravely, reminding her of their words the night before. A pause. “Do you have regrets?” he asked in the same grave manner.