All The Time You Need (29 page)

The man who wanted nothing so much as to be rid of her.

* * *

Alex hadn’t seen Annie so lost in thought since her first days at Dunellen. As she walked toward him, mumbling, he’d spoken to her. When she’d looked up at him, the pain in her eyes cut straight to the center of his soul.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, scanning the area for the culprit responsible for upsetting her. “What’s happened?”

“Alex,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I didn’t expect to see you out here.”

From the looks of her raw emotions on display, he doubted she’d expected to see anyone.

“You dinna answer my question, wife. What’s troubling you?”

“Nothing,” she said, a forced smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “Were you looking for me?”

He shook his head, reaching out to brush a finger down her cheek. Her eyes closed and she leaned into his touch, and, for just a moment, he doubted his sense that something was wrong. But only for a moment. When she opened her eyes again, the pain was still there.

“I was hoping to catch Jamesy and Finn,” he said, watching her closely. “We were to head to the lists for a bit of sword practice, but it appears I’ve missed them.”

“No, you haven’t,” she said, pulling back from him. “I heard them talking only moments ago, just on the other side of the trees. If you hurry, you’ll catch up to them.”

He started to go, but turned back, unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong.

“Are you sure? Would you rather I stay here with you?”

“No!” she said quickly, clutching the basket of herbs she carried to her chest. “No. You go do your thing. I’ll see you later.”

Her words, odd as usual, brought a smile to his lips, and he stayed only long enough to brush a kiss to the top of her head.

“As you say, my sweetling. Until later.”

He took off at a jog, into the orchard and through to the other side, not slowing until he spotted his friends just ahead of him.

“There you are,” Jamesy called out, lifting a hand in greeting. “We thought you might have changed yer mind and no’ be joining us in practice after all.”

“Why would you think that?” Alex asked, falling into step next to his friends. “Do I ever shirk the chance to spar with the two of you? Where would you be without me to remind you of how a sword should be handled?”

“Be that as it may, you’ve little enough need to hone yer weapon skills for staying here at Dunellen.” Jamesy exchanged a pointed look with Finn. “And that is what you plan to do now, is it no’?”

He would not lie to his friends.

“It is.”

“A loss to you and to us,” Jamesy grumbled. “A sin against man and nature, it is. A warrior should be able to do what his heart leads him to do, no’ what his family forces him into.”

Oddly enough, staying at Dunellen was, for the first time in his life, exactly what Alex wanted to do, though he doubted he’d be able to explain that to his friends. Their hearts were still free and their minds set upon adventure.

“There is no sin here, my friends. Yer mistaken if you think I’m upset by my marriage. In truth, I find myself rather looking forward to this new season of my life.” He chuckled, the smile he couldn’t seem to rid himself of returning to his face. “Life with Annie is no’ the adventure I’d planned, but I feel certain it’s an adventure nonetheless. An adventure I’m more than willing to experience.”

“May the Lord have mercy on his soul,” Finn said. “I do believe our lad is smitten.”

“I do believe you have the right of it, Finn,” Jamesy answered, a grin lighting his face. “Who’d have thought our number would dwindle so quickly, and all at the hands of a mere woman?”

“Halldor O’Donar,” Finn said quietly. “He predicted as much when he told us our fates were in the hands of the Faerie, Elesyria. He told us she’d cast an enchantment that would touch us all.”

“Yer daft,” Alex argued, though his heart was not in the denial. “You both should be so lucky to find such companionship as I have found.”

Finn snorted, one hand idly scratching the head of the big dog always at his side. “I’ve all the companionship I need in this life.”

“We’ve neither of us any room in our lives for a woman,” Jamesy added. “If this Faerie enchantment Hall spoke of had to fall upon one of us, it’s best that it should be you, Alex. At least you’ve a home to offer a wife. As for me and Finn, we both settled long before we left Edinburgh that it’s a warrior’s life for us.”

Alex accepted a slap on the back from his friend, returning their smiles. But in his heart, he felt only pity for the men who’d become as brothers to him. Pity that they so freely rejected what he knew to be the greatest joy of his life. A joy that would carry him through the rest of his life with his Annie.

Chapter 20

“What’s happened to you? Yer as white as Da after one of Master Montague’s bleedings.”

Annie stood in the open door of the bedchamber she had shared with Lissa until three days ago. The emotions she’d held so tightly inside as she’d come here from the gardens would be contained no longer. She held out a hand toward her friend, unable to answer the question without bursting into tears.

Lissa rushed to her, taking her hand and leading her to sit by the unlit fireplace.

“Tell me. What is it? What’s happened to you?”

“I’ve made such a horrible mistake,” Annie whispered, covering her face with her hands as if shutting out the world might also shield her from the pain of what she’d just learned.

It didn’t.

“It canna be as bad as what you say. Tell me everything,” Lissa encouraged, sitting close and wrapping an arm around Annie’s shoulders.

“Worse,” Annie confirmed, hating that she couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I was so wrong in what I told you before. It’s not marrying a man you don’t love that’s worst of all. It’s marrying a man who doesn’t love you.”

Lissa patted her shoulder, making small shushing noises before she spoke again. “Then you’ve nothing to fash yerself over, sister.”

“But I do,” Annie insisted. “Alex doesn’t love me. He didn’t even want to marry me. He was forced into it. Forced into doing what was expected of him, just like he always has done.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Lissa said. “And even if it were true, Alex is a good man. He’ll get used to being wed and he’ll make a fine husband.”

“But I don’t want to be married to someone who has to get used to being wed to me. I want a husband who loves me. Who wants to be with me. I can’t be married to a man whose heart is off on an adventure with his friends. I can’t be married to a man who’s given up his dream in order to do what he’s supposed to do. I won’t do that to Alex. I won’t be the one who stole his dream from him.”

“Yer speaking nonsense,” Lissa protested.

“No, I’m not. I heard them. I heard Jamesy and Finn talking about how being forced into marriage to me has cost Alex what he always wanted to do. They know. They’re the ones who share his dream of adventure and glory. Them. Not me. I’m just the anchor hanging around his neck, holding him back from doing what he really wanted to do with his life.”

Lissa took a deep breath and placed her hands in her lap, knitting them tightly together. “I’m no’ saying that I accept any of this rubbish as the truth. But for a moment, let us assume it could be. It if were, what could you do to change things? Yer his wife now and he’ll no’ go off and leave you. Yer his responsibility. And you ken as well as I do how seriously my brother takes responsibility.”

“I don’t want Alex to be responsible for me. I want him to live the life he dreams of living. If he can’t do that with me as his wife, then I have to change things so that he can. I have to leave here. I have to disappear so that he’ll be free to get on with what he intended before I showed up.”

Just saying the words felt like a knife to her guts. Leaving Dunellen now, leaving Alex, would be harder than anything she’d ever done.

“Where would you go? Back to yer own time?”

If only she could.

“I don’t know where I’ll go. Only that I have to go somewhere. My own time isn’t a possibility. I can’t go back without the heart-shaped stone that set the whole process in motion, and that’s gone. No.” She shook her head, sucking in a trembling breath. “I’ll have to figure out somewhere else.”

“A heart-shaped stone,” Lissa murmured, rising to her feet and crossing the room to the chest at the end of the bed. She lifted the lid and dug around inside for a moment and then stood, holding out her hand. “A stone like this?”

The air froze in Annie’s lungs. “Where did you get that?”

“That first day in the arbor. I saw it lying beside yer body, so I picked it up and put it in my pocket while they were getting you out of there.”

Annie was on her feet now, her hand extended, but Lissa dropped the stone back into the chest and closed the lid.

“I think yer wrong about Alex. You must promise me you’ll speak to him before you do anything foolish. If he confirms what you believe, I’ll give you the stone without a word of argument. But you must ask him first. I’d have yer promise on it.”

Annie stared at her friend in disbelief. Like Lissa thought she could actually keep the stone away from Annie if she decided to take it by force? A tiny slip of a thing like Lissa? Annie would have laughed if her friend weren’t so serious. She would have laughed if it didn’t hurt so much right now.

“Fine. I’ll do as you ask.”

She turned her back and left the room, heading for the stairs and the courtyard beyond the keep.

Lissa was right. Confronting a problem head-on was undoubtedly the best way. What would it hurt? Nothing. There was no way anything could hurt her any more than she hurt already. It was only that confrontation wasn’t Annie’s way. Escaping to avoid confrontation was more her style.

“Coward,” she hissed, forcing herself to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Alex had said he was headed to the lists with his friends. No doubt, she’d find him still there.

Her footsteps slowed as she spotted him and her heart pounded in her chest. She stopped by the outbuildings, not daring to approach him just yet. She needed to compose herself first. She needed to figure out what to say, how to ask the question whose answer would truly break her heart.

Peering around the side of the building, she watched him. He was shirtless, the muscles moving in his back with each thrust and parry, and she couldn’t help but remember how those same muscles felt under her hands the first time she touched him, that night in the arbor. She couldn’t fight off the visions of how they felt each night in bed as he held her close. Memories—painful, vivid memories—flooded her mind. Memories of how tenderly he held her, of how just a kiss from his lips made her want to rip off her clothes and his.

A thousand little memories assaulted her as she leaned against the wooden wall, needing its support to keep her on her feet. All the moments of kindness he’d shown her. Every touch, every word. The scent of him as he drew close. The feel of his hands on her body. The exquisite joy she felt when they joined.

“Oh, no,” she breathed, as she understood at last what emotion held her in its vise-like grip.

The truth of her situation wrapped around her, strangling her, and she knew the weight of her loss was so much worse than she’d originally imagined. Once again she found herself revising what she’d told Lissa. It wasn’t being married to someone who didn’t love you that was so bad. It was being married to someone who didn’t love you when you realized that you loved them with all your heart.

* * *

They’d been working in the lists long enough that Alex’s arm had grown weary, and the sun that had beaten down on them all afternoon had begun its journey down toward the horizon. He’d stripped out of his shirt long ago, but he felt little relief from the heat.

With a touch of his sword to his forehead, he stepped away from the mock battle in progress and headed for the buckets of water near the edge of the lists. He must be getting soft that he should feel so tired. Tired and impatient for the day to end so that he might retire to his chamber and his wife.

His wife.
Just thinking the words sent a trill of happiness up his spine.

Leaning down, he grabbed a bucket and upended it over his head, letting the water pour over him. As he straightened and wiped the stream from his eyes, he spotted her.

Annie stood at the corner of the smithy’s shed, her eyes fixed on him, her hair wafting away from her face as a little whiff of wind picked up the curls and tossed them back.

His.
The idea that she belonged to him filled his heart in a way he never would have expected.

He lifted an arm in greeting and strode toward her. When he reached her side, he bent to kiss her but she dodged his touch, surprising him.

“What is it that brings you out here?”

“I need to ask you a question and I need you to answer it truthfully. Will you do that for me?” She seemed out of breath, her cheeks pink as if she’d been running.