All The Time You Need (28 page)

Such an idea had never once occurred to her. Just as it had never once occurred to her to be as upset at the idea of being forced into marriage to Alex as she had been when she’d thought she was to wed Peter. Her only concern had been that she feared he hadn’t wanted to marry her.

“No,” she managed to say at last. “I don’t want you to go anywhere else.”

His expression didn’t change, though he nodded almost imperceptibly. “Then you accept that once we both walk through this door, together, everything changes, aye? And yer sure this is what you want?”

It was her turn to nod, her mouth suddenly too dry to form words.

He let go of her hand and pushed open the door, stepping back to allow her to enter first. This was it, her last chance to change her mind.

Only, she didn’t want to change her mind.

For the first time in her life, she was following her heart instead of her head, doing exactly what she wanted to do.

* * *

Never had the scent of lavender been quite so intoxicating.

The aroma wafted into Alex’s nose as Annie passed by him to enter his bedchamber.

Their
bedchamber.

He’d given her the chance to escape and she’d refused it. She’d entered of her own free will, a seductive little smile playing at the corners of her full, soft lips when she turned to face him.

He closed the door, keeping his back to her until he could no longer avoid turning toward her. She stood very still, one hand clutching the heavy curtains that ringed his bed.

Their
bed.

“What now?” she asked, her smile at odds with the innocence of her question.

What now,
indeed.

His body hardened at her words, in direct conflict with any intelligent thoughts he’d harbored as they’d left the great hall and made their way upstairs. It was as if upon entering his bedchamber, he had somehow reverted to an untried youth in full rut.

“Now?” His voice sounded strained. Little surprise, considering he held on to his control by only the narrowest of threads. “I believe I’ll have a dram of whisky now.”

He crossed to the fireplace to retrieve the flask he kept there. Just one small, warming sip was all he needed. Only to give him some time to compose himself.

“That sounds good,” Annie said. “I think maybe I could use a little of that myself.”

For the first time tonight, an indication of her nervousness slipped through the facade she’d built, a tremor in the throaty voice he’d not heard before. He handed the flask to her, unable to tear his eyes away as she lifted it to her lips and swallowed deeply.

She sucked in her breath, her eyes tearing up as she passed the flask back to him. Two golden drops of the heady brew glistened on her bottom lip before she raised the back of her hand to her mouth to cover her cough while she tried to recover her breath.

The whisky distilled at Dunellen had never been intended for the delicate drinker.

“Wow,” she managed at last. “That’s wicked.”

Not half so wicked as the thoughts filling his mind.

He set the flask down, little caring whether it landed on the table or the floor. He’d been wrong. Whisky would do nothing to satisfy the need that drove him. Only this woman could slake the thirst that consumed him.

“Annie,” he murmured, reaching out to pull her close.

She didn’t resist, melting into his arms when his lips covered hers.

Her mouth tasted of fine whisky and the honey they’d been served tonight. She was a feast in and of herself, fit for the finest of men.

And she was all his.

His body burned with his need for her, stoked by the sweetest fire he could imagine, but still he held back.

“You once told me you felt trapped here in this time. Is it still so for you? Are you happy with the way things have turned out?”

Whatever was to happen next depended upon her answer.

“I am happy,” she said, smiling up at him with that shy little smile of hers. “For the first time ever, marriage doesn’t sound like a trap to me.”

It was as if he’d been given the signal to go forth into battle. With one arm behind her knees and one at her back, he lifted her from her feet and carried her to the bed, gently laying her down.

She propped herself up on one elbow and pulled at the ribbon lacing the front of her overdress. A second tug and the soft fabric slipped down off her shoulders, revealing the curve of her soft, creamy breasts.

He might have been able to resist a moment longer if she hadn’t smiled up at him and reached out to take his hand, pulling him toward her when their fingers touched. Any thoughts of resistance evaporated when he drew close and her hand slipped up behind his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. He fit himself on top of her and his lips eagerly sought hers.

He meant to go slowly. He meant to savor every moment of their first coupling. But Annie destroyed those good intentions when she pulled up his shirt and ran her soft hands across the contours of his back, inciting trails of flame where her touch traveled.

Instead of a slow savoring of the woman beneath him, he desperately fought his way through the battlefield of fabric separating them and buried himself deep inside her heat. Her moans of encouragement only drove his frenzy, hurrying him to his completion.

When he was done, he held her in his arms and rolled to his back, her face pressed against his shoulder, her breath hitting his hot skin in short, quick bursts. As her heart pounded against his chest, a new heat rose in his body, settling in his face. The heat of shame for having lost all sense of the moment. The heat of shame for having let both Annie and himself down. For all the control he demonstrated, he might as well have been an untried lad bedding his first woman.

“I never meant to…” He struggled to find the words he needed to say. Swallowing his pride, he tried again. “That’s no’ the way I imagined our first time together.”

Annie rose up to look at him, her eyes twinkling as she tipped her head to one side. “You’re not trying to tell me that you’re done for the night, are you? Surely a big, strong Highlander like yourself is good for another go at it, right?”

His ego rose to the challenge immediately.

“It goes without saying, wife.”

Her smile broadened. “In that case, I’d say our first time together isn’t over yet. You have at least until the sun comes up to show me what you imagined this night should be like.”

The shame he’d felt only moments before melted like snow in late spring as he watched Annie lift her shift over her head and toss it to the floor. This woman,
his woman,
was meant for him in a way no other had ever been meant for him before. Had he searched the world over, he could have found none better. Their lives together spread out before them, filling him with a joy such as he’d never known before.

This was life as it should be and, no matter what the future had in store for them, nothing could ever take the joy he felt at this very moment away from him.

Chapter 19

Three days. No, three
glorious
days, Annie corrected herself, wanting to laugh out loud as she strolled through the garden.

She’d been a wife for three glorious days and she’d never been happier. Had she only known marriage could be this wonderful, she wouldn’t have run from it so hard. Of course, marriage to anyone other than Alex wouldn’t have been like this.

If she had any complaints at all, it was that the warm summer days this far north were much too long and the nights much too short. And since the rising and setting of the sun controlled the tempo of life in this time, she and Alex had far too little time together.

“But you just wait until winter,” she whispered, giving in to the urge to chuckle.

Come winter, that would all change, giving them short days and long, dark nights to spend together, snuggling in Alex’s cozy bed.

She bent down to break off another spring of balm to add to her basket, smiling again at the chore she’d been given this morning.

“Would you mind gathering the sweet herbs?” Lissa had asked at breakfast. “It’s time to change them out in all the bedding. It’s been my task for years, but I find the bending and crawling around on my hands and knees to be tedious.”

Mind? Annie couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do. Well, nothing she’d rather do in the daylight! It gave her time to think, to remember, to savor the joy of her life.

Again she chuckled aloud, following the trail of balm where it had spread into the trees, gathering fresh green sprigs as she went.

It was there, on her knees in the orchard, surrounded by the soft, lemony scent of the herbs, that she heard the first sounds of the conversation between Alex’s friends.

“We’ll need to decide soon, you and me, what it is we do next.” Jamesy’s words floated to her from the other side of the big trees. “Because you know as well as I do, everything has changed now. The plans we made before are as dust in the wind. You know how Alex is. Once he’s committed to a path, even a path like this that he would never have chosen for himself, his honor will no’ allow him to step away.”

“Aye,” Finn agreed. “And a filthy shame it is, at that. Still, it should be no surprise to either of us. He’s never been like us, no matter what he wanted. His life was never his own to do with as he chose. He only fooled himself in thinking that he could ride away with us to live his life as if it were his own. He’s the firstborn son of an important man. His lot in life is to do what is expected of him. And Alex, good man that he is, would never let his family down.”

“You speak the truth, of course, but that still does no’ make it right,” Jamesy complained. “Of the three of us, he was the one who most wanted to make a name for himself fighting the English. Instead, he’ll be forced to live out his father’s plan for him, tied to Dunellen with the heavy anchor of a wife hanging around his neck to weigh him down.”

“A wife no’ of his own choosing, at that,” Finn added. “Though I’ve no’ a doubt that he’ll make the best of it. That’s the kind of man Alex is. Always seeing to the happiness of others and never to his own.”

The conversation continued, growing fainter as the men’s steps carried them farther away, but Annie heard no more. It was as if her ears had shut down, plugged up by the intense pressure inside her head, a pressure that began somewhere in the vicinity of her heart and spread out from there. She dropped the basket she’d held and wrapped her arms around her middle, rocking back and forth, as if by her movement she could erase what she’d heard.

A wife not of his own choosing.

The words bounced around the inside of her head like a steel pinball, slamming their way from one point to another, robbing her of the happiness she’d felt only moments before. It wasn’t that she didn’t know Alex hadn’t asked for their marriage. Neither of them had. But they’d been so happy since they’d wed, she’d assumed none of what came before had mattered.

Or was it just that
she’d
been so happy, she’d chosen to ignore the obvious? Alex’s father had forced him into marrying her and, exactly as his friends had predicted, he was making the best of the situation over which he had no control. A situation he’d never wanted. A wife he’d never wanted. A wife that weighed him down like an anchor around his neck.

Worse yet, in making the best of it, Alex was sacrificing his dreams, giving up everything that was dear to him, in order to do what was expected of him.

She should have known. It all made sense now. He’d even tried one last time to back out on their very first night together, asking her if she was happy. If she felt trapped. Instead of giving him the out he’d sought, she’d tied the ropes of responsibility even tighter.

She might be little more than a burdensome responsibility to him, but he was more than that to her. Much more. If she’d learned nothing else while she’d been here, she had learned what love was. Real love. The kind of love she thought she’d shared with Alex. And though he might not love her, that changed nothing about how she felt. She loved him with all her heart, and because she did, she couldn’t be responsible for taking his dreams away from him. She wouldn’t do that to him.

Fighting the pain in her chest to catch her breath, she forced herself to stand and pick up her basket before turning her steps back toward the keep. Head bowed, eyes fixed on her feet, she tried to figure out what to do next. One foot in front of the other, she had to keep moving. Because life kept moving, even when it hurt like hell.

She’d think of something. Somehow she’d find a way to set him free, even if it meant breaking her own heart to do it. Disappearing was likely her best option. Alex could only be free to follow his own dreams if she was completely out of the picture. She’d grown so used to escaping from her problems, she wasn’t sure she knew of any other way to deal with life anymore.

“Running away,” she whispered. “Again.”

“Talking to yerself, are you, my sweetling? Is this what being a wife has done to you?”

Annie’s head snapped up and she found herself staring into the eyes of the man she loved with all her heart.