All My Tomorrows (6 page)

As she had spoken, I started to cry, and now I was
near hysterics. “What have you done? What have you done!”

“I had to tell him. It broke my heart to tell him, he
loved Molly so much. Now to learn he wasn’t he father. But I had no choice.
It’s incest.”

“Mother, it wasn’t incest!”

“Haven’t you heard what I’ve been saying? Please calm
down and listen to me. You are half-siblings, and that is incest.”

“But I was adopted!”

“I know, but your real father is Tony’s real father.”

“No! My real parents adopted me! The Haywards adopted
me!” I fell onto my knees on the carpet and held my head in my hands as I
sobbed.”

Once she finally made sense of what I had told her,
once she knew the truth, she said, “Oh God, what have I done?” She leaned over
and rubbed my back. “I’m so sorry, Lexie. I’ll go find him. I’ll bring him
back.”

☼

And then, the laugh. Two shadows fell across her.

“What are you reading, Alice?” When Winnie said
her name, it always sounded like an insult.

“Just a book,” Alice said without looking up.

Winnie leaned in closer to read the title. “
The
Edge of Darkness
.” She laughed again. “So you must be one of those women
addicted to romance novels. I suppose that makes sense since you write for a
soap opera.”

Alice sighed then clenched her teeth and lowered
the book to face Winnie – in a bikini too tiny to deserve to be called swimwear
– and Peter looking down on her. “I take great pleasure in reading many kinds
of books.” She hoped her smile looked as insincere as Winnie’s. “I’m not going
to try to read anything serious while drinking a cocktail at a pool party where
I am sure to be interrupted.”

“I wouldn’t know. I never read romance novels.”

I doubt she ever reads.

“I remember that book,” Peter said and extended
his hand for Alice to hand it to him. He held her place with his finger and
glanced at the frayed back cover. “My mother had this.” He handed it back
opened to her page.

“This belonged to my mother,” Alice said. “I found
it going through her things.”

“I’m sorry. She passed away?”

Alice nodded. “Almost a year now, but it took me a
while to be ready.” For once she wished she could see his eyes but couldn’t
with them hidden behind sunglasses.

“How is it?”

“Not too awful. Kind of over-the-top. The author
could have used a thesaurus. And a copy of
Strunk & White
.”

“Well, I’m sure back then novels were nothing like
the trash that is coming out now,” Winnie said. “Nothing compares to the erotic
romances published today.”

“Henry Miller might disagree,” Alice said, and
Peter laughed. “How about you, Winnie? What kind of books do you like?”

While Winnie fumbled for an answer, Peter sat on
the lounge chair next to Alice, much to her chagrin.

“While we wait for Winnie to select a favorite
from her extensive library,” he said, “why don’t you tell me what you read when
you are not likely to be interrupted?”

Is he making fun of Winnie?
She squinted at
him from behind her own sunglasses.
What is he up to?
She considered
answering
Ulysses
but decided it sounded too pretentious, so she
answered honestly. “
The Red and the Black
.”

His eyebrows rose over the top of his glasses.
“Stendahl?”

“Why do you sound surprised?”

“That’s serious literature for anyone, let alone
someone who…”

“Who writes for a soap?” She tried to keep her
hackles in check. “I could just as easily be surprised that you even know
Stendahl. After all, actors are usually assumed to be empty-headed.” She
couldn’t resist a slight nod in Winnie’s direction, but Winnie had her eyes on
Peter with a pout on her lips. “So, Mr. Walsingham. Pray tell, what is your
favorite book?”

After a moment’s thought, he said, “I can’t say as
I have a favorite.” Before Alice could tease him, he continued. “I like
Stendahl, Balzac, Proust. But I also like Conrad.”

Who the hell is this guy?
Genuinely
impressed, Alice said, “You certainly know your French literature. And then
Conrad. I like him, too, particularly
Nos
–”

“
Nostromo
.”

“Yes.”

“That would be my choice.”

“Do you agree with him? No one is incorruptible?”

“Alice,” Winnie said, and Alice would have sworn
Peter flinched at the sound of her voice.

“Did you think of a book?” Alice asked her.

“Alice, you must be burning up in that-that
mu-mu.” She waved her hand over Alice’s long white swimsuit cover.

“I am actually quite comfortable, but thanks for
your concern.”

Ignoring the interruption, Peter said, “You are
obviously an intelligent woman, and I can always tell in the scripts which
lines came from you. What are you doing wasting your time writing for a soap?”

This time, the hackles would not be suppressed. “I
could very well ask you why you waste your time acting.”

“It’s hardly the same thing.”

“True. I actually write something original, while
you recite someone else’s words.”

He stared at her, or at least she thought he did,
for what seemed like several minutes but couldn’t have been. Finally, he said,
“You’re right.”

“Alice, come for a swim with me,” Winnie said, and
they both looked up at her.

“Uh, not right now, thanks.”
What the hell? Why
doesn’t she ask her damn boyfriend to swim with her and leave me alone?
Until that afternoon, Winnie had never spoken to Alice, and now she pretended
they were the best of friends.

The sounds of laughter and splashing then drew
their attention to the end of the pool as Jack lifted Giselle and dropped her
into the water.

“Giselle is such a pretty girl,” Winnie said.
“It’s a shame she’ll never have a career outside of soaps.”

“What makes you say that?” Alice asked. “Lots of
actors get their start in soaps.”

“Perhaps, but she’s been on that show too long for
it to be a start.”

“Unfortunately, that’s true,” Peter said.

Alice set her book aside before she ripped it
apart. “Well, you’re on the soap now, Peter. Wouldn’t that be considered a step
backwards? Are you now doomed to a career in soaps?”

“I already have an established film career, with
another movie this summer. No one would think I have taken the role out of
desperation or because I am at the end of my career. Most people in the
industry see this for what it is – a power play by the network. For a soap
opera actress like Giselle to begin a film career, she would need connections
that she doesn’t have.”

Alice jerked herself up and tossed her book down.
“Come to think of it, I am feeling kind of hot. I think I will go for a swim.”
With that, she yanked off her swimsuit cover and threw it down and started for
the pool.

“A one-piece?” Winnie asked with a laugh as if
shocked by the very idea.

“Yes, Winnie, some people actually buy swimsuits
for swimming.”

As she dove into the deep end, Alice knew one thing
for certain – Peter Walsingham would never kiss her friend again.

CHAPTER
5

Peter crashed into her office with such violence
the door hit the wall.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“Uh – Door.  Closed.  There for a reason.” Alice
had never seen him so angry before – not even on screen – with his eyes bulging
and his nostrils flaring and his fist twisted around what must have at one
point been the script – and it pleased her immensely.

Her calm manner only provoked him, and he threw
the mutilated script on her desk. “Are you insane?”

“If you do not calm down, I will have to ask you
to leave.”

He turned away and ran his fingers through his
hair, possibly pulling some of it out in the process. “This is spite, isn’t it?
Is this because of what I said about soaps and Giselle over at Jack’s?”

Yes
. “Don’t be ridiculous.” When he faced
her again, she knew she was smirking, but she couldn’t help herself.

“I won’t do it.”

“You have no choice.”

“It’s incest, Alice!”

“No, it isn’t. Tristan and Sienna haven’t slept
together.”

He began pacing the short distance from one side
of her office to the other. “But I kissed her.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed and hoped she
appeared bored with his tiresome behavior. “So did Luke.”

“Luke and Laura?”

“No, Luke Skywalker. He and Princess Leia kissed,
and no one cared when they – Hey! How do you know about Luke and Laura? From
General
Hospital
?”

“So my mother-er-Tristan’s mother walks in while I
am kissing Sienna and then announces that I am the product of her affair with
Sienna’s father?”

“I thought you didn’t know anything about soap
operas.”

He threw his hands in the air. “Would you forget
about Luke and Laura!”

“You’re the one who brought them up. And you were
the one who thought no one would believe you and Eileen were brother and
sister. Well, there you have it – you have different fathers. Would you sit
down? Watching you walk back and forth is giving me a crick in my neck. It’s
like watching a tennis match in slow motion.”

He closed the door and sat across from her,
piercing her with his stare.
Damn his eyes.  Huh. Maybe that’s where that
expression comes from.

“Why are you doing this? I am supposed to be the
romantic lead.”

“We both know you think this is beneath you. You
will be gone before the end of the year. Plus you’re getting ready to go off
and film a movie in Tabora.”

“Toronto.”

“Whatever. The show needs a strong storyline going
into the Olympics so viewers will want to come back. Sienna needs more than a
story arc. She needs a husband. She has never even been married. If this show
is going to survive after you leave, I need something I can build on so maybe
she can get married next year.”

She was relieved when he finally broke the gaze.
He tapped his finger on her desk like Morse code and pulled his top lip with
his bottom teeth.

“Won’t I be devastated by this?”

“Of course. You should read the rest of the
script. This is the perfect reason for you to go away for a while and get your
head together. You were starting to fall in love with her.”

“But the man I always believed was my father –”

She waved the suggestion away. “You never liked
him anyway. He’s the reason you went out to sea in the first place.”

He rubbed his hands over his face, inhaled deeply,
and exhaled fully. “Can I at least gouge out my eyes?”

“You didn’t sleep with your mother. You kissed
your sister. And your half-sister at that.”

He groaned. “Can I at least throw up?”

“Only projectile vomiting will do. If you can
vomit at will, I’ll be happy to write it in for you.”

He looked at her and smiled. “You would. Wouldn’t you?”

No, no. This isn’t right. He should not be
smiling
. “Do you need syrup of ipecac?”

☼

The Edge
of Darkness

Chapter
14

For weeks, Mother tried to find Tony. He had not gone
back to the law firm, and no one there had spoken to him. She even hired a private
investigator, but it was as if he had vanished into thin air. I could only
imagine what he must be going through. To find out that the man he loved and
admired his entire life was not his “real” father, and then to think that he
had come so close – millimeters close – to having “intercourse” with his
sister, I worried he might be on a downward spiral back into the despair he had
tried so hard to conquer.

I couldn’t stay there anymore. I was doing nothing
with my life but wallowing in my own misery. I decided to go to New York – the
city of my birth – and follow in my biological mother’s footsteps and become an
actress. I wanted a fresh start and said goodbye to Lexie and began using Alex.
Mother didn’t want me to go, but after I convinced her it was not because I
couldn’t forgive her (although I couldn’t help but be angry) she accepted it.
She helped me get settled in an apartment in Chelsea and a job as a hostess at
one of the most elite restaurants in Midtown Manhattan.

I had been living in New York about six months when I
realized I was totally, madly, passionately in love – with the city itself. Oh,
yes, I had become obsessed with the skyline and the bright lights of Broadway
just as so many other young actors had before me; but I even loved the grime of
Times Square, and the Punks of CBGB. Once again, I had walked into an entirely
different world.

Now well-established in my new world and lifestyle –
auditions by day, the restaurant by night – I finally got my first part, the
role of Louise in an off-off-off-Broadway production of
Gypsy
. I still
had not gotten over Tony, and I asked Mother if she had heard from him every
time we spoke. Only time heals wounds of the heart, and Tony had taught me that
time was too precious to waste on tears. Perhaps this attitude allowed me to
submit so easily to infatuation.

One evening at the restaurant, I had worn my best
dress because we had been told a VIP would be dining with us that evening. For
this, I loved my job. I relished the idea that someday I could tell my children
that I had met a duke. They need not know he was eighty-seven and barely spoke
to me. I had always aimed for an exciting life, even as a child.

Wearing my low-cut, ritzy, satin red gown and wearing
some of Mother’s jewelry, which she had sent and refused to take back, I felt
sophisticated and kind of sexy. No,
very
sexy. About eight o’clock, a
handsome, tall gentleman, perhaps forty, with dark hair and eyes and a sensuous
smile walked in.

“Hello,” he said quizzically in a strong British
accent as his eyes traveled slowly from my shoes up to my face.

“Good evening. May I help you? I’m Alex Hollingsworth,
your hostess.”

He took my hand in his and brought it to his lips. “A
pleasure, Miss Hollingsworth. I do hope it is Miss.”

I smiled. “Yes, it is.”

“Then would you think me forward if I asked you to
marry me?” I tried to laugh off my blush but managed to giggle like all of my
nineteen years. He still rubbed my hand in his. “All right, if not marriage,
what of dinner tomorrow night?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“Lunch?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Then come to my hotel with me tonight, and we shall
share breakfast in the morning.”

I smiled and shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you rejecting me like this? Can you not see I
have fallen completely head over heels in love with you?”

“We are not allowed to privately associate with our
guests.”

“Then I shall have you fired.”

“I really couldn’t see you then!”

“Why not?”

“I’d have to look for another job.”

He released my hand and looked away. “James.” He
called for Mr. Caine, the manager and my boss, who hurried over to us.

“Yes, sir! How good to see you again. I hope
everything is to your satisfaction.” Mr. Caine practically fell over himself
wanting to please this man.

“Thank you, James, everything is perfect.” Then he eyed
me. “Although I do have one complaint.”

“By all means, sir, how can I help you?”

“I have become entranced with this young woman who
refuses my invitation to dinner because she is under your employ.”

“Well, yes, sir, that is the policy. Of course, rules
are made to be broken. The young lady has my consent, though it is her choice.”

“Thank you, James. You have made me a terribly happy
man. That is,” he turned to me, “if you will accept.”

“I…” I didn’t know what to do. I looked to my boss for
advice, but he had already walked away.

His hand came to my face and turned my head back to
him. Before I knew it, he kissed me! I was so stunned, I couldn’t respond. I
couldn’t even decide if I was offended or thrilled.

“I shall pick you up at eight tomorrow.”

“But I’ll be working.”

“I shall take care of it. I hope you will wear
something as lovely as the dress you have on this evening.”

I felt light-headed, as if in a trance. “I…I don’t
even know your name.”

“Robert. Robert Wallace.”

“Robert Wallace,” I repeated. Then it hit me. “Robert
Wallace? Your grace, we have been expecting you.”

He stepped close to me so our faces were only inches
apart and grasped my arm, firm but not harsh. “Dammit, don’t do that,” he said
in a low voice. “No matter what my title is, I am just an ordinary man who
desperately wants you.”

I decided. I was thrilled.

The next night had to be one of the most wonderful in
my life. He picked me up in his limousine, where we drank champagne and I had
my first taste of caviar. Then we went to dinner followed by dancing. When I
thought the night was coming to an end, he brought me to Rockaway where we sat
on the beach drinking champagne.

He had quizzed me almost non-stop through the evening,
and I told him everything about losing my parents and moving to Virginia. I
told him about Molly being killed last year and Tad being found right after. He
went from being sympathetic to horrified as I related my tale.

“When did you come to New York?”

“About six months ago.”

“Why did you decide to make the change?”

What could I tell him? The truth would be too painful
to speak and too shocking to hear. “Please, I’m bored talking about myself.
Could we change the subject?”

He stretched out beside me, reclining with his head
braced on his hand, and looked up at me. “You never once mentioned love.
Haven’t you ever fallen in love? Has there never been anyone special in your
life?”

The pain bubbled up from deep inside me. “What is it
you want from me? Why are you always throwing love in my face?” I could feel
the cynicism flowing through my lips.

“Ooh…you are quite young to be so bitter.” He touched
my hair gently. “You have answered my question. If this is not the right time
for me to become involved with you, just tell me.”

I couldn’t stop the tear that slowly fell down my cheek.
“You understand. Don’t you?”

“I understand more than you will ever know.”

He moved his hand from my hair down to between my
shoulder blades and pushed me down into his embrace. He kissed me, gentle at
first but then deeply, and his lips were as sensuous as they had first
appeared. I had forgotten how wonderful it felt to be held this close, to feel
a man’s breath within me. As we lay there in the sand, his hand began to roam,
and I pulled away.

“Is it the wrong time?”

“No, actually, the timing is perfect. I’m just not
used to moving this quickly.”

He rubbed his finger along my jaw. “Of course, my
sweet Virginia girl.”

☼

“Come in.”

Her door opened to Mr. Peacock escorting an
extremely attractive man grinning broadly. “Alice, I wanted to introduce you to
Rich Dover. He’s been cast as…What’s Sienna’s new man’s name?”

“Raife,” she said, walking around her desk.

“Haven’t we already had a Raife?”

“I – I don’t know. I’ll look into it. Nice to meet
you, Mr. Dover.”

He took her offered hand and shook it between both
of his. “Rich, please. Glad to be here.”

“You look familiar. Where might I have seen you?”

“I’ve had small parts over the years. A murderer
here, a victim there. You are probably most familiar with my film work.
Co-worker, secondary friend. Before that I had become quite well-known as
‘Party-goer number 3.’”

She chuckled. “Well, I do hope going from films to
soaps isn’t too much of a disappointment for you.”

He shook his head. “I am happy to be acting. The
rest is just geography.”

“That’s a refreshing attitude. I guess you know
you’re going to hit the ground running, starting tomorrow. Raife’s role is
important right from the beginning.”

“So I’m coming in as Sienna’s lover?”

“Well, eventually, but first you have to meet. You
are going to find her crying in church because she just found out the man she’s
been dating is her brother, so you will be there to comfort her.”
I wonder
if it’s too late to change his role to a duke!