All My Tomorrows (4 page)

It felt so good having him on top of me, kissing me.
He kissed my neck as his hand traveled up and down my leg. His lips ran over my
breasts through my blouse. I felt strange all over. He lifted me to kiss me
harder and used his hand to hold my mouth in place. He kissed my neck and then
my breasts and smothered himself between them.

He kissed me hard again and then just held me. “I love
the way you feel,” he whispered. I started unbuttoning my blouse. “What are you
doing?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

Ben kissed my breasts and pushed his nose into my bra.
“Am I crushing you?” he asked between embraces.

“No,” I whispered, out of breath.

“Would you like to crush me?” He pressed his lips
against mine. “Do you want to get on top? I want to see if I can hold you just
as tight,” he kissed me, “feel you just as much,” he kissed me, “and kiss you
just as hard.”

We rolled over. “Oh, I can feel you much better this
way.” He moved his hand up and down my leg, going higher each time and hiking
up my skirt.

“I like it better the other way,” I said.

When we switched again, he became more aggressive.
Then I realized our position and jerked my legs together. “It was just
beginning to get fun,” he said and resumed kissing me.

The radio announced it was ten-thirty. “I better get
you home,” he whispered and pulled me up but didn’t stop kissing me. Then I
buttoned my blouse, we got in the front seat, and he drove me home.

Back at the house, I knocked on Tony’s door. “Yeah!”
he yelled through the door.

I stuck my head in his room. “I’m home, and I’m going
to bed.”

He was reading in bed. “All right. Good night.”

“Good night.” I closed the door, and Ben and I slinked
to my bedroom.

We were stretched out on my bed and had gotten about
as far as we had in the car, with my blouse unbuttoned and him on top of me,
but this time I didn’t pull my legs together.

My locked door burst open and splintered, and Tony
flew in like a raving maniac. “You get your ass the fuck out of here!”

Ben jumped off of me and the bed, and I sat up with my
shirt opened. I stared at Tony as Ben disappeared. Then Tony and I shared a
moment of eye contact before he walked out, closing the door behind him.

“You aren’t going out again until Mother comes back.”

“But that’s not fair! She might not be back for
weeks!”

“I don’t give a fuck what’s fair! After last night,
you’re lucky I don’t send her a telegram right now.”

“I don’t know why it matters to you anyway. I’m eighteen.
Why do you even care?” He didn’t say anything. “Are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” He stormed out of
the room.

I hated him. He was trying to ruin my life. Why did he
hate me so much?

A few nights later, I was in my room talking to Ben on
the phone when I heard a car drive up, and I looked out my window. Tony was
walking toward the house with a well-built blond.

“He is such a hypocrite,” I complained to Ben. “Sure –
‘Do as I say, not as I do.’ I hate him!”

After we hung up, I was reading when the doorbell
rang. I thought it was kind of late for someone to drop by unannounced, but I
knew I better answer it since Tony was “entertaining.” I pulled on my robe and
went to the door.

When I opened it, two Marines were standing there.
They said something, but I didn’t hear. First I was numb and silent, staring at
them, and then I was screaming. In a flash, Tony was there. I was still
screaming – I couldn’t stop – and he grabbed me and hugged me against his bare
chest. I was shaking violently with tears streaming down my face. He and the
Marines spoke a few minutes, then he closed the door, and I clung to him and
cried as he kissed the top of my head.

All of the screaming had made me weak, and he had to
support me as we walked toward the stairs. Then I just collapsed in his arms,
and he picked me up and carried me up to my room and laid me on the bed. He sat
next to me and caressed my hands and face with an empathetic look on his face
and so much sadness in his eyes. He tried to brush away my tears, but they were
coming too fast and too strong. He kissed my hand. “I’ll be right back.”

His girlfriend had gotten out of bed and was standing
in the hall. “You better go home. I’ll call you a cab,” he told her. “My brother’s
body was just found in Vietnam, and I need to take care of my sister.”

After that, I barely noticed their whispers in the
hallway. When Tony came back, he kissed me on the forehead. “Try to go to
sleep,” he said, looking into my eyes.

I felt like a little girl again, taken captive by
sudden trauma and seeking refuge in a warm heart. He was good to me. He was
being a brother, I thought. I licked my lips, and they tasted salty from Tony’s
perspiration. Even in the midst of my sorrow, I knew it was the sweat from his lovemaking,
which my screams had interrupted.

When I awoke the next morning, I rolled over and found
Tony sitting in the chair next to the window staring at me. “Good morning,” he
said softly. The sunlight was shining through between the curtains and lit his
face, and he smiled with the sweetness of a cherub. “Did you sleep well?”

“I don’t know. I was sleeping,” I said, then thought
how stupid it sounded. Suddenly I remembered, and I burst into tears.

Tony came and sat on the bed next to me and cradled me
in his arms. “Shhhh, baby. It’s all right.” But we both knew it wasn’t.

His hands supported my head as I sobbed on his
shoulder. He rocked me in his arms and tried to quiet me, then he leaned back
just enough to wipe away my tears. He kissed my forehead and placed kisses on
my cheeks. I don’t think either of us realized what was happening until it had
already happened, but Tony gently placed a kiss on my lips. He looked into my
eyes and then kissed me again.

The kisses were not passionate but so very tender and
sweet. He laid me back on my pillow and stared deeply into my eyes as he
brushed his fingers over my hair. Then we started kissing again, and I realized
I was no longer crying and my sobs were somewhat stifled. I lifted my hands up to
his shoulders and held him while we kissed, more loving than sensual.

Then Tony sat up and caressed my cheek. “Are you ready
to get up now?” I nodded, and he helped me out of bed. “Go wash your face and
come down, and we’ll have breakfast.”

As he walked out of my room, an overwhelming amount of
guilt came over me. The news of Tad’s death had only come the night before, and
here I was kissing Tony. Was I trying to replace him in my heart?

Tony stood from the table as I walked into the
kitchen. “Lexie, I want to apologize for…for what happened upstairs. I took
advantage of your grief and tried to relieve my own through you.”

I slumped in a chair beside him. “I’m sorry. Here you
have just lost your father, and I’m putting another burden on you.”

“It’s a burden I willingly accept.” We sat quietly for
a while, lost in our own thoughts and misery. “Lexie, let’s start over. Let’s
put our sorrow behind us and just focus on the future.”

“But that’s so hard to do. It’s virtually impossible
for me. Tad was my brother. I can’t just ignore this loss I feel.”

“You can if you try.”

“You don’t understand.”

“But I do. I do perfectly. I know how close you and
Tad were after your parents were killed, but my father and I were a team. I
worshipped him. I’ve had a few weeks to come to this realization, but even
though we will never have them in our lives again, we will never lose the
memories.”

“I know he was missing in action, but I never let
myself believe it. His death was so sudden.”

“And my father’s murder wasn’t?”

“Murder? I thought he died in a car accident.”

“Didn’t Mother tell you?”

“No.”

“My father was trying to get a bill passed that would
increase the oversight on some union activity to keep organized crime out of
it. He died on his way to the vote. They’ve kept it out of the press while they
investigate, but his car had been tampered with. His brake line had been
frayed.”

“I…I don’t know what to say. I had no idea. I’m so
sorry. I wish there were something I could do.”

After a moment of solemn silence, he looked at me and
said, “There is. Join me. Join me in my efforts against this grief. It will
only control our lives if we allow it to.”

I looked at him and realized how much pain he had in
his eyes. “I will try. That’s as much as I can promise.”

☼

Overall, avoiding Peter had proven easier than
Alice anticipated – much easier than Lexie avoiding Sean. In fact, Alice would
have had a difficult time getting to Peter through the throng of admirers. In
addition to Mrs. Jellyby and the string of gophers, make-up girls, and catering
staff seeing to his every need, Winnie Johnson spent as much time on the set of
All My Tomorrows
as she did her own show in the neighboring soundstage.

“I wonder if the summer hiatus means Winnie will
spend more time here or less. When does she film
COD
?” Alice asked
Eileen as they stood smirking at Peter surrounded by his harem. He smiled his
thanks to a girl handing him a cup of tea, and she turned red and practically
melted at his feet as Winnie looked on with arms folded across her chest and
disgust on her face.

“It’s different on a weekly series. Peter said he
was impressed by how hard everyone works here and the fast pace.”

“Oh, don’t tell me he’s hooked you too.”

“No, of course not,” Eileen said, “but he’s not as
bad as you think.”

“I know he is a serial womanizer who thinks he is
too good for all this.  Do you think he takes any of this seriously?”

“Maybe not at first, but I think he does now. He
was so upset with Peacock the other day when he wouldn’t let him have a retake
because Peter knew he could ‘do it better.’”

Their laughter drew Peter’s attention, and when
their eyes met, Alice feared she had become as red as the young girl. She
turned away.

“Yes, I have to admit he has wanted to discuss
‘Tristan’s motivation’ with me a lot for someone who thinks the role is beneath
him; however, he is still a misogynist. And he destroyed his marriage to
‘America’s Sweetheart’ to be with Skinny Winnie.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Then why didn’t they deny it when the paparazzi
found them holed up at his mountain retreat?”

“I thought you didn’t read the tabloids!”

“I don’t, but they’re kind of hard to avoid when
the headlines are screaming at you in the checkout line.”

“Well, they may have had an affair then,” Eileen
said, “but I don’t think there is any affection between them now – at least not
on his part. He seems almost as annoyed by her coming here as you do. And he
was willing to go through a lot to get away from her.”

“Oh, yes, the horror of daytime television.” They
laughed again, and again he turned his attention from an animated Mrs. Jellyby
to them. “I think he knows we’re laughing at him,” Alice said as he held her
gaze. Then she focused past him to where Giselle sat in close conversation with
Jack Hartz, who had turned out to be Peter’s agent.

“Look at those two.”

Eileen followed her line of sight. “Talk about
star-struck. Jack follows her around like a lovesick puppy.”

“He’s lucky she hasn’t fallen head over heels for
Peter like all the other females here.”

“Yeah, that’s one co-star Peter’s unlikely to get
into bed.”

“And she’s the only one having love scenes with
him.  A shame if he has this reputation as such a ladies’ man and it turns out
he’s a terrible kisser.”

This time when they laughed, Peter got out of his
chair and had come to stand in front of them before Alice even realized he was
walking toward them.

“I don’t know what’s going on over here, but it is
clearly more entertaining than anything being said over there.”

“Don’t tell me you are bored with your groupies,”
Alice said with a grin. “Perhaps we could have a new batch flown in.”

He kept his eyes on her and tapped his finger on
his chin as if seriously considering it. “Mmm…I don’t think that will be
necessary.”

Alice wanted to think of a witty reply but still
hadn’t come up with anything when Giselle walked up to them with Jack just
behind.

“Alice, Jack is having a get-together Saturday
afternoon,” Giselle said. “We wanted to see if you and Eileen could come.”

“I can’t,” Eileen said. “I’m going to my mother’s
for the weekend.”

“How ‘bout you?” Jack asked Alice.

“I-uh-a party?”

“Just a few friends over, hang out by the pool,
fire up the pizza oven.”

“I’ll be there,” Peter added.

Alice returned her attention from Jack to Peter.
“Do you mean to deter me, Mr. Walsingham?”

“I certainly hope not, Miss McGillicutty.”

She smiled but took a step back and prayed she
wasn’t blushing.
Does he have to look at me – with
his
eyes?
“I’ll
have to let you know. I need to figure out where to send Tristan in July.”

Alice walked back to her office with Giselle quick
on her heels. “Alice, please come on Saturday. I don’t want to go by myself.”