All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4) (22 page)

He knows what he’s doing to me and he likes it and if the way my body is reacting is any indication, I’m liking it too. A little too much. It’s like we’re back on the sofa again, connected in the most intimate way possible, feeling so many things and dying for a place to release them all.

Opening my mouth to say something, respond to the onslaught of emotion that his words have brought alive in me, my breath hitches, a tiny moan escaping and Kayden’s body stiffens next to mine.

“Belle.” He says, his own breath catching before turning me around to face him. “What was that?”

His eyes are darker now, a way I haven’t seen them in a while and besides being confused by what he’s asking me, it’s also a bit scary. 

“I—don’t know.” I stammer
nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t.” He pauses, his hands still unmoving and I take the chance and lift my eyes until I catch sight of his. The look I had seen only a few seconds before is replaced with a softer, more understanding one now. Almost as if he’s realizing he scared me. “You made this sound, one you’ve never made before. I can’t—”

“You can’t what?” I pick up, hating the fact that he cut off his train of thought again and desperate to get it back. I need to know what’s going through his head.

“I don’t think I can explain what it felt like hearing you make that sound, but I’m gonna try, okay?”

“Okay.”

H
e captures my lips with his, pulling them in deeper than he ever has before and as I match his intensity with my own, it happens again, only this time it’s muffled as our every movement, breath, beat of our hearts is tangled up tightly in each other.

It’s only when he breaks away, breathless, bringing one hand away from my face and to his lips, letting his fingers linger on the spot where they just touched mine that I get what he means. The sound I made
is what he’s getting at. I reacted to him with a moan.

“Whoa.”

I want to ask him what he means by that. If it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but the words won’t come out. It’s like I’ve gone back in time and there’s something blocking my way, except this time, it’s my own reaction to the kiss we shared. How different it felt from the other ones and the quivering inside I’m feeling because of it.

The look, it’s there in his eyes again, but this time, I need to know why. I’m not as scared by it
as I was before, but there’s still no denying that I don’t understand it.

“Kay, why are you looking at me like that?”

“Huh? Like what?” He moves closer but instead of welcoming it, I take a step back and when he realizes what I’ve done, there’s no denying his own confusion.

“Did I do something wrong? Was that the wrong noise to make? Is it too weird?”

His expression softens, but the pounding of my heart doesn’t lessen any at the sight of it, reminding me again of how different I am.

It had taken me going to my mom and asking her what it felt like when you like someone in order to be able to tell if what I was feeling around Kayden meant something. What I’m experiencing now, there’s no one around to ask and even if there was, I wouldn’t know where to begin.

All of this is awkward to me. Why I’m making sounds with him, why it feels like someone’s lit a match under my feet whenever I’m within a few feet of him, it’s all new to me and I don’t have the first clue if any of it is right or if what I’m feeling is good or bad. This is not like the way it was a few weeks ago at all.

“Baby,” he whispers before moving toward me again, this time bringing me straight into his body and wrapping his arms around me, lightly placing kiss after kiss across the top of my head the minute I’m securely in his arms
. “There is nothing wrong with what you did, it was the perfect noise to make and it’s definitely not weird. I’m finding it hard to stop myself from making you do it again.”

“It’s not bad?”
             

He laughs but it’s rougher than before. Why is all of this so strange to me? Why can’t I just understand it like a normal person?

“It’s impossible for you to be bad at anything, Belle.”

“That’s not true.”

He sighs at my denial and pulls himself away from me, grabbing onto my hand quickly and moving his body, forcing me to keep up with him as he’s practically drags me along down the boardwalk, his final destination unclear.

“Kay…”

“Give me a second, okay? I wanna explain everything to you, but not in front of a million other people.” He calls back, continuing to move, but slowing his pace so that I can walk beside him again.

When he finally stops, we’re completely off the pathway and further down the beach that I ever expected us to go. What I also notice the minute we’re completely still is that there’s next to no one around. He’s moved us so quickly and so far that there doesn’t seem to be anyone wanting to go this far down, giving us the privacy he’s after.

Pulling the bag from around his shoulder he tosses it to the sand and bends down until he’s pulling out the blankets and placing them down. Leaning down to help him, I seat myself the minute they’re straight and he follows me, but taking it a step further as he pulls me into the space between his legs.

“What you’re seeing in my eyes
isn’t bad, Belle. It’s different but not bad.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know, baby but I’m going to try and explain since my attempt earlier didn’t work.”

“Okay.”

“Whenever I’m alone with you and we’re kissing, this happens to me. My head goes fuzzy, like I can’t think straight, my heart rate climbs, I sweat a ton and I physically react to what we’re doing and I want more. I know you know this because we’ve talked about it before. What just happened on the boardwalk, it’s never been like that for me. It was different. You made it different.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Take that back, please.”

“What?”

“Please don’t ever say that you didn’t mean to make something different, especially something like that. I want that kind of different. I want what you just gave me back there.”

“I still don’t get it. The way
you looked at me, it was heavy, Kay. Like scary heavy. You didn’t look angry but the look scared me.”

He leans me forward, taking my hair in his hands and wrapping it around until it falls over my shoulder and before I know it, I feel his breath on the back of my neck and the heated feeling from earlier
, the one that made the moan slip out of my mouth is back again, only stronger this time. When his lips make contact, I tense, but instantly release as the brush of them against my skin makes the whole area surrounding it tingle and burn.

It feels good. So good,
but before I can tell him that, it ends and he’s pulling me back against him.

“Tell me what you felt when I did that.”

“It felt like every nerve in my neck was on fire.”

“Now you know what the look in my eyes was. Baby, I know this is all new to you, but what I did earlier, whispering in your ear like that, even if I wasn’t trying to, I turned you on.”

“Like a light switch?”

He buries his face in my hair but not before I catch his laughter. My words obviously as amusing
to him as they were to me even though I couldn’t be more serious.

“Yes, Belle. Like a light switch. Exactly like that, but the bulb in this case isn’t 100 watts, it’s more like 1000.”

“So,” I piece together everything he’s told me. “The look in your eyes earlier, it was because I turned you on like you did with me?”

“Yes. I’ve probably had the same look at home when we’re making out, but because we’re so focused on each other, you didn’t get to see it then.”

“Why do you call it turned on?”

“Are you serious?”

Turning around to face him so he can see for himself just how serious I am, I nod once my eyes make contact.

“What would you call it?”

“Aroused.”

“Okay, so aroused it is. Whenever we’re together Belle, I’m aroused by you.”

“Because of the way I look?”

“Yes, kind of, but it’s more than that.”

Where it’s been me blushing since we got here, the tables have turned and now he’s doing it, which just like always, makes my heart flip and stop at the same time.

“It’s the way you look, the way you smell, the way your body melts so easily into mine every single time I hold you. The way you make me feel in here.” He stops, placing my hand on his heart. “It’s all of these things moving together, making me lose track of space and time until all I can sense with all of my senses is you and the need I have to be with you. Does that help explain it?”

I understand everything he’s saying, but he’s completely numbed my ability to answer him again, so I just nod, hoping it’s enough until I can kick start my brain.

“The look you see in my eyes, I’ve seen it in yours before, but I’ve never said anything because I didn’t want to call attention to it or make you feel like it was wrong. What you felt back there when it happened, I was trying to prevent that. I told you, it’s impossible for you to do anything wrong here, Belle. Not when it feels so fucking right.”

“Kay?”

“Hmm?” he murmurs, his head now leaning over and resting on my shoulder, his face buried in my hair again. A place I’m starting to see is one of his favorite to be with the amount of times I’ve caught him doing it
.

“Will you kiss me again?”

He lifts his head out of my hair and off my shoulder before running his hand across my face, shifting his body as he does until he’s practically on top of me with how close his body is to mine.

“If you have to ask me that, then I’m not as good at this as I thought.”

“What do you mean?” I whisper as he leans in even closer, my head and heart colliding as the anticipation of his lips on mine grows.

“In a perfect world, all I would ever do is kiss you, Isabelle Reagan.”

Bridging the hairs breath of distance between us, I don’t even attempt to come up with a response. I just press my lips to his, this time taking the lead away from him, enjoying the way it feels the minute we connect again. The rush of love, desire and arousal that rises and floods its way through me until it’s exactly like he said to me a few minutes before. All I can experience with every sense is him.

Loving Kayden, showing it in ways like this when we’re pressed so intimately into each other, it’s like being constantly in motion. Every nerve is alive, every breath is labored yet quickened at the same time, every sound dulled and we’re just moving toward each other. We’re pure kinetic energy, which is much more powerful than
the word love can ever be.

There’s an electricity between us that can’t be duplicated with any other p
erson on the planet and it’s so strong that if I were to open my eyes and look at the two of us together, I’m sure I would see the bright light of the energy flow between us. The spark that can only be created by being with him the way we are now.

We’
re alive, we’re electric. Energy in motion and when he finally breaks the kiss, it’s exactly what I tell him.

I don’t just love Kayden Walker, I energy him
.

“Kay?” I ask and when his eyes lift, I don’t waste another second. “I energy you.”

Kayden

I energy you.

I’m not a complete moron. I know what she’s getting at with what she said, but the story behind it, I don’t have a sweet clue about.

This is her way of telling me how she feels about me and I’ll be damned if those three words don’t mean more than I love you ever could. It’s almost as
if she said welcome home again.

If this was anyone else, wanting to hear the explanation behind the words wouldn’t even happen, but because it’s Belle and I’m so damn blinded with
energy
for her, I’m almost giddy from the urgent need to know.

“Why did you choose the word energy?”

She smiles that devastating smile of hers, the one designed the throw my equilibrium out of whack and clear as day, even though its night, she blushes again. Seeing her this way, reminds me of what sparked us to be sitting here right now and in typical guy fashion any reminder of the way I made her body feel leads straight to my pants.

I’m right back in our living room again, needing to focus, desperate for her to start some long and drawn out explanation so that the evidence of the road my thoughts are taking doesn’t pop up between us.

Bringing her here tonight isn’t supposed to be about that. Sure, I wanted to lay out on a blanket with her pulled as close as possible, but that’s as deep as I went when I planned this out. Even if this moment right now would be the epitome of perfection in terms of our first time together, I’m not going to be stupid and rush it because I can’t keep my dick in my pants.

“When I kissed you, I started thinking about the way it feels when we’re together. How it feels like I’m still yet mov
ing at the same time. I remembered what I learned in physics class about kinetic energy and well, it just made perfect sense for us. We’re energy Kayden. The way I love you, it’s energy.”