Alice in Time (23 page)

‘Who says I’ve forgiven him?’ says Mum. ‘The point is it was a long time ago and life goes on.’

‘Well, now Trish is pregnant he can make the same mistakes all over again,’ I tell her bitterly. I look over at her, expecting a
reprimand for being rude about Dad, but instead she’s gone all pale and drawn-looking.

‘What do you mean, Trish is pregnant? Are you sure? Who told you?’

Uh-oh, I’ve gone and put my foot in it. And I’m not even sure that Trish is pregnant in this life.

‘I don’t know for certain. I just sort of heard – maybe that’s why they got married in such a hurry,’ I say, clutching at straws.

‘Well, I hope you’re wrong, for her sake,’ says Mum. Suddenly I’m bored with talking about Dad. I can’t see that any of it has anything to do with us any more.

Then the phone rings.

Mum answers it and says, ‘Yes, she’s right here,’ and passes it to me.

‘Who is it?’ I say frantically into the phone.

‘Lucy. Why isn’t your mobile on?’

Lucy Clark? Why is she ringing me? I thought it might be Imogen. I can only just hear the voice at the other end. There’s a lot of noise in the background.

‘Sorry, the battery’s flat,’ I lie automatically. I don’t even know where it is.

‘Are you coming? We waited for you, but when you didn’t turn up we went on to the party.’

This calls for some seriously quick thinking. I need some information.

‘The party . . .’ I say vaguely.

‘Sasha’s party, remember? Don’t tell me you forgot. It’s all she’s been talking about for weeks.’ Well, that sounds familiar,
at least. ‘You have to come,’ Lucy continues. ‘It’s just warming up.’

‘Right. Um . . . have I been invited?’

‘What is wrong with you?’

‘Am I friends with Sasha?’ It comes out before I can stop it.

‘Are you going senile or something?’

Great. Now she thinks I’m mad. Still, that could work to my advantage at the moment.

‘Just humour me for a minute, will you?’ I ask her.

‘I know it’s not like you’re bosom buddies or anything, but let’s face it – a party’s a party. And it’s not a bad one either, so get your arse down here, will you?’

I’m just taking in the fact that I’m not one of the Handbag Brigade after all. Thank God for that!

I can hear someone in the background saying, ‘Give me the phone’ and then another voice comes on. ‘Where have you been? Where are you?’ I think it’s Miranda Wilkes.

‘I’m in an alternative universe,’ I tell her.

‘Yeah, right, whatever – you have to get here right now. It’s a blast.’ Obviously she’s used to me sounding a bit crazy. I don’t know whether to be relieved or worried by that.

I desperately try to think of an excuse not to go. I mean, these are obviously my friends, but I feel like I need time to get used to that idea before I go swanning off to a party with them. I wonder if it’s the same party I ended up at last time I was fourteen and if it’s going to get invaded by gatecrashers.

Then it occurs to me; if it’s Sasha’s party then Seth will be there! My heart instantly overrides my head. Besides, I tell myself, what better way to get used to your new life than to
throw yourself in at the deep end?

‘Mum, can I go along to the party?’

She immediately comes over all Mumsy. ‘How are you going to get there? You can’t walk there on your own at this time of night, and I can’t take you because I can’t leave Rory.’

‘I’ll be fine, it’s not far. I could cut through the park.’

Wrong thing to say. ‘No, I’m sorry, Alice, but you can’t go now, on your own. Why didn’t you meet up with your friends like you were supposed to?’

‘Look, it’s no big deal! I can be there in ten minutes if I run,’ I plead. I really need to go – not only to see Seth but to find out what else is going on in this life of mine.

‘No, Alice,’ Mum says with a finality that I recognise.

I put the phone back to my ear.

‘Miranda?’

‘No, it’s Lucy again. Are you coming?’

‘I can’t.The Gestapo won’t let me out on my own. It seems I have to be escorted everywhere like a
seven-year-old
,’ I say practically shouting the last bit.

‘Oh, bad luck,’ says Lucy, ‘mine’s exactly the same.’ A load of noise erupts in the background. ‘Got to go,’ she yells and hangs up.

Tears of frustration are building up. I glare at Mum.

‘I can’t believe how unfair you are! Why can’t you get Mrs Archer back and then you can take me.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Alice,’ says Mum. ‘The poor woman has only just gone home.’

‘I don’t care. You are so mean,’ I tell her stomping to the door. ‘I hate you!’ I yell and run up the stairs.

I can hear Mum saying ‘Alice?’ in an exasperated voice.

I slam my bedroom door behind me. Whoa, what was that about? I’m behaving like a seven-year-old. Except I wasn’t even that brattish at seven. Obviously, old habits die hard. Deep down I know I was being unreasonable and I shouldn’t be taking it out on Mum. But I am disappointed about the party.

I want to see Seth again.

I’m staring at my bedroom. I can’t believe how great it looks. I’ve still got the big mahogany bed but it looks classy now that the walls have been painted a creamy white and the rest of the furniture is modern. It’s not obsessively tidy, but it’s nothing like the tip that my other room was. I definitely feel at home in here. It doesn’t feel like a guest bedroom any more, that’s for sure.

I wander around a bit uncertainly, like I’m snooping through someone else’s property. I tell myself not to be silly. All these things are mine. I spot an MP3 player on the bedside table and when I flick through the index it’s got all my favourite songs on it, plus a few that I’m not familiar with.

Above the desk is a big pinboard covered in photos. I spend a long time studying them. Most of them are of my friends. My ‘new’ friends. There’s one taken in this room of five girls having a sleepover. I reckon we’re about ten or eleven years old. I recognise Lucy and Miranda and there’s also Anna and Jade. Right in the middle is me, laughing madly at something. I really wish I’d been there.

There’s no sign of either Sasha or Imogen. I look at all the other photos up there, school trips, birthdays, parties – no
Imogen. It suddenly hits me. The decision I made the other day, when I was seven – not to be friends with her after all – this is the result! She’s gone from my life – this life. She hasn’t been a part of it. I feel quite weak at the thought and grasp the back of the chair. Then I spot her in the background of one of the photos taken on a school trip. She’s standing apart from us (we’re all making funny faces at the camera) and it’s a bit difficult to make out because she’s so small in the distance, but it’s definitely her. She’s not alone, though. There’s another girl with her, but she’s got her back to the camera and there’s no way I can tell who it is. I feel a slight jab of jealousy. Or is it regret? Whatever it is, it’s going to take a bit of getting used to.

I study a picture of Mum and Rory which was taken on a day out somewhere. Mum looks relaxed and happy and Rory looks like Rory. I suddenly realise I’ve missed him.

I slip across the landing into his room. He has a nightlight that glows in the corner because he’s afraid of the dark. He’s fast asleep. I’d like to say he looks beautiful and sweet lying there, but actually he’s all sweaty and he’s drooling on to the pillow. I still love him though.

Rory’s bedroom looks exactly the same as it used to. I remember, in my old life, Mum offered to make my room better, but I think I went into a strop and said ‘What’s the point?’ I think she said something about cutting off my nose to spite my face, whatever that means.

I’m about to go back to my room when I spot Rory’s school bag propped against a toy box. I rifle around inside and find his literacy book. I’m not really expecting to find what I’m
looking for, but halfway through is a page headed,
My Big Sister.

My big sister is nice. Sometimes she looks after me and we have fun. She takes me to the park and pushes me really high on the swings but she won’t let me go on the roundabout, she doesn’t like it. I like it best when she reads me a story. She helps me with my reading and she smells nice.

I put the book back in the bag.There’s a lump in my throat. I think about the promise I made to Rory in the hospital just after he was born because I was ashamed to be the person he wrote about the first time. It looks like this Alice kept the promise.

Lying on my bed, I’m still glowing from what Rory wrote about me and staring at the pictures on the wall of all my friends, when I hear the door creak open. I turn and smile, thinking that Mum has popped in to say goodnight. I’d better apologise to her for going off on one. But there’s no one there. I’m just scaring myself with thoughts of Miss Maybrooke’s ghost when I hear a little meow.

‘Sooty?’

He responds to the name and jumps up on to the bed and starts to rub his face on my arm. I can’t believe it. Is this really Sooty? He’s much bigger and heavier. He looks like an eight-year-old cat so I suppose it must be him.

I lie in the dark feeling Sooty’s purrs vibrating through me and I’m aware of another feeling in my chest. It’s so alien to the fourteen-year-old me that it takes me a while to work out what it is. It’s happiness. I feel happy.

Maybe I’m not in a parallel universe. Maybe, when I fell off the roundabout I died and this is heaven. No, it can’t be, or I’d have a television in my bedroom. And my own computer. And bigger boobs. And a gorgeous boyfriend.

And then it hits me. This isn’t a parallel universe at all. This is my life as it was, only now it’s better because of the things I did when I went back to being seven. I saved Sooty and I helped Mum by getting her help for her post-natal depression.

The fact that I didn’t abandon Sasha to be friends with Imogen means that now I’ve got a whole heap of other friends and Sasha doesn’t hate me, or I wouldn’t have been going to her party. Did she really make my life hell because she never forgave me for what happened when we were seven?

But it’s not only these things that have made a difference. The biggest difference is me. How come I wasn’t happy before? I could have been if I hadn’t been so busy feeling sorry for myself and hating Mum, when the divorce wasn’t even her fault in the first place.

God! I wish someone had told me what a brat I was being. The sad thing is, even if they had I wouldn’t have taken any notice. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

And now, here I am in the life I could have had before, if I’d just been a better person. I feel cheated because I never got to live that life – by getting on the roundabout and fast forwarding here, I sort of missed it. Instead, I had a horrid time from seven to fourteen and it could have been so much better if I hadn’t ruined it by being such a brat.

I know I should be grateful that I’m here now, but it seems a bit unfair that I’ve missed all the fun. I resolve to make up for
it by making sure that I have fun from now on. Not much hope of that, though, if I’m not allowed out!

Mum pops her head round the door. ‘There’s someone downstairs to see you,’ she says.

I jump off the bed, startling Sooty, who curls back up in the warm spot.

‘Who is it?’

‘It’s a handsome prince come to escort Cinderella to the ball,’ she whispers, grinning at me.

Oh my God! Seth!

I do a quick check in the mirror and slap a bit more lip-gloss on.

‘I’m sorry I shouted at you,’ I tell Mum and then dash out on to the landing. I stop myself from rushing down the stairs and try to descend gracefully. There’s a boy standing in the hallway smiling up at me – but it isn’t Seth. It’s Luke.

I try not to look too disappointed.

‘Hi there,’ he says. ‘I’ve come to take you to the party.’

I turn to check with Mum that it’s still OK to go.

‘Sure,’ she says, ‘as long as you come back with someone. And be back at midnight. I don’t want you turning into a pumpkin in public.’

I kiss her and leave.

It’s a bit awkward walking down the road with Luke. I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t think it’s my imagination, but he seems a bit tense as well.

‘Thanks for coming to get me,’ I say.

‘That’s OK. It wouldn’t have been so much fun without you.’ Is he blushing? My heart starts pounding. What if he’s my boyfriend? It’s hardly the sort of thing I can ask him. By now we’re at the park and we have to walk round it to get to Sasha’s. I don’t know if I can put up with the uncertainty for that long.

‘Shall we cut through the park?’ I ask Luke. ‘There’s a hole in the railings and it’s a really quick shortcut.’

Once we’re in the park and the street lights have faded, Luke becomes more like his old self. He runs off down the path and hides behind a tree and when I get there he jumps out on me and says in a creepy voice, ‘Hello, little girl, and
where are you going all alone?’

I can’t help laughing. When we get to the playground he jumps on to the roundabout.

‘Come on, I’ll push you,’ he says.

‘No way, I’m not going on that thing,’ I tell him, backing off. He jumps off and, grabbing me by the hand, drags me over to it. Oh, what the hell, I think, getting on. It’s only a stupid roundabout.

He jumps up next to me and I sit there grinning inanely at him, waiting for it to slow down. My heart is beating way too fast and I’m expecting the world to start spinning at any moment. I realise that I must look really scared and nervous when all we’re doing is sitting on a roundabout. But it’s no good, I’m not risking another time travelling episode, and I jump off really quickly before anything disastrous can happen. Turning to Luke, I laugh nervously. No doubt he thinks I’ve gone completely mad.

It’s then that I realise that in the split second before I jumped off, I swear he was about to kiss me! Now, he’s sitting dejected on the roundabout, no doubt thinking that I jumped off to avoid being kissed! And I can’t explain the real reason to him.

‘We’d better get to the party,’ he says, jumping off the roundabout. ‘They’ll wonder where we’ve got to.’