Alice in Time (24 page)

But, as we make our way towards the railings, he takes my hand. Oh my God! He
is
my boyfriend! What am I going to do? I try not to pull away. I like Luke and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I’ll just have to sort all this out later.

I wonder how long we’ve been going out together.

When we get to Sasha’s house I’m half expecting to be greeted by the scary scenes that Seth and I encountered. But there aren’t any gatecrashers puking up on the lawn this time.

When we get inside Lucy comes bounding down the hallway.

‘Come on, you’re missing all the fun.’ She grabs me and drags me into the sitting room. ‘You have to join in this dance with us,’ she shouts above the noise. A line of her mates are all doing a funny dance together and she plonks me on the end. I have no choice but to join in. I’d look a right fool just standing there otherwise.

Once I get the hang of the moves, though, it’s a really good laugh. Luke is next to me on the other side and he’s really going over the top, flinging himself around wildly. By the time the track has finished, we’re doubled over laughing. Then another track starts and everyone is dancing together. The old me never danced, well, not in public anyhow. What the hell, I think, this is really good fun. No one cares if they look like an idiot. They’re just having a good time.

Three tracks later we’re all out of breath and flop on to the sofa. This is all very weird, but it feels right at the same time. I’m obviously a part of this group and I decide to just go with the flow. Miranda is sitting on one side of me and Lucy is on the other.

‘I like your top,’ says Miranda, ‘Did you buy it this morning?’

I’m just about to say, ‘What? This old thing?’ when Lucy pipes up, ‘Yes, I made her buy it. She was worried it was too low-cut.’

Luke is hanging over the back of the sofa. ‘There’s no such
thing as “too low-cut’’,’ he says. Miranda hits him over the head and he disappears. We can hear mock groaning coming from the floor. I gaze down at my cleavage. And yes, I actually have one. Have I landed in this alternative universe with bigger boobs? On closer inspection I realise that they’re the same size as my old ones.

‘That bra is really good too,’ says Lucy. ‘Aren’t you glad I made you buy that as well?’

‘I wish I could have come shopping too,’ says Miranda, ‘but I couldn’t get out of going to visit Grandad.’

‘Yeah, it was fun, wasn’t it?’ says Lucy turning to me.

‘The best,’ I tell her, really wishing I’d been there. Then I see Seth going past the door and my heart goes flip-flop. I decide to go and get a drink.

As I’m making my way towards the kitchen, I pass the study where Sasha was hiding at the first party. I can hear voices coming from in there. One of them is Seth’s. Now I know it’s rude to listen at doors, but let’s face it, these are exceptional circumstances.

The other voice is Sasha’s, and they’re arguing.

‘Our parents said no alcohol and they left me in charge, so if you go out and buy some, then I’m sending everyone home.’ That’s Seth.

‘God, you’re so boring. Anyhow, it was your dad that said no alcohol, not my mum.’ Sasha sounds mega sulky.

‘It doesn’t matter who said it. The point is you’re not allowed any, and if you get some they won’t let you, or me, ever have a party again. You don’t need to get drunk to have a good time, you know. There’s loads of people in there having a great
time, dancing and stuff. Why don’t you go and join them?’

‘What, you mean that lame lot, Alice and Lucy and their loser friends?’

‘If they’re so lame why did you invite them? They look fine to me.’

‘I suppose you fancy one of them, do you? I suppose it’s Alice. All the boys fancy Alice.’

They do? Wow.

‘But I bet you fifty quid you can’t get into
her
knickers.’

‘God, you’re disgusting sometimes. Why don’t you just grow up?’

‘Yeah, and why don’t you just chill out? You sound like your dad.’

‘So? What’s wrong with my dad?’

I decide I’ve heard enough and head into the kitchen. I’m just helping myself to some non-alcoholic punch when Seth walks in. I smile at him. He looks more gorgeous than I remember. My mind goes back to before, when we were in the park and he kissed me. I wonder what he’d do if I walked over to him now and kissed him. I can feel my smile getting bigger as I contemplate this idea. Then I realise that I must look like a complete idiot, clutching my glass and grinning at him like a maniac.

I needn’t worry, though. He’s looking at me but not seeing me, if you know what I mean. He smiles politely but his mind is elsewhere.

I want to wave my arms around and shout, ‘Hello! Over here! I’m your girlfriend, remember?’ But he doesn’t remember because that happened in the other life. We only went out
twice – once for coffee and once in the park. Does that mean I was officially his girlfriend? Probably not. The question is, how do I get him to ask me out again? Why was he so interested in the old Alice and not in this one? This one is so much better. I look better, I’m more popular and I feel a whole lot happier.

I’m afraid that he’s about to leave the kitchen without noticing me, so I move between him and the door and say, ‘Hey, Seth. How about a dance?’

Did I really just ask him for a dance? I’m definitely more confident then. Finally he focuses on me and he looks a bit panicked. Also, he’s blushing. It’s meant to be me who blushes. Seth was always so self-assured when we were together. Weird.

‘Sorry,’ he says, ‘I don’t dance, I’m useless at it.’

‘So am I,’ I tell him, ‘but I don’t let that stop me.’

He laughs, politely. ‘No, really, I’d rather not, thanks.’

There’s an embarrassed silence. I realise that he wants to leave and I’m blocking his way. I side-step casually and let him through, but my heart is beating fast. I can’t believe it! He’s just turned me down! Now what? I can hardly run after him and say, ‘But Seth, you like me, remember?’

Of course! It’s probably because he knows I’m going out with Luke. God! I’ve just made a complete prat of myself. What will he think of me now? I must seem like a total flirt!

Suddenly I become aware that I’m not the only person in the kitchen. It’s a big, open-plan kitchen with a dining table and sofa and telly down the other end and I realise that Chelsea and Clara have been sitting on the sofa the whole time. Great. I glance over at them, expecting to see them sniggering. Instead they wave.

‘Hi there, Alice,’ says Chelsea.

‘Don’t worry about him,’ says Clara, ‘he’s in a strop because he asked Lauren to the party and she wouldn’t come.’

‘Lauren?’ I say incredulously as I go over and sit with them. They seem perfectly happy to see me and not at all horrible. In fact they’re up for a good gossip.

‘Apparently,’ says Chelsea, leaning in and putting on a fake whisper, ‘Seth asked Lauren to the party but because Sasha didn’t invite Imogen, Lauren wouldn’t come and said she was going to spend the night at Imogen’s to keep her
company – or something like that.’

‘Lauren? Imogen?’ I know I sound dumb, but I can’t help it. What’s going on?

Luckily I can count on these two to fill me in.

‘Yeah,’ says Clara. ‘Sasha made a big deal about handing out the invitations and made it perfectly clear that Imogen wasn’t invited, which is silly really because everyone knows she wouldn’t have come anyway. Then, when Seth asked Lauren, she turned him down because she was going to Imogen’s.’

Déjà vu, or what? I realise that the person standing with Imogen in the photo on my bedroom wall must have been Lauren. Obviously Lauren is now Imogen’s best friend. And it sounds like she’s being a better one than I was and isn’t sneaking off for a date with Seth. Well, good luck to her. I hope they’re having a boring time together.

OK, so I feel momentarily jealous. I know I chose not to be her best friend. I just didn’t realise that it was going to be so weird. I imagine them in Imogen’s bedroom and I wonder if Imogen is showing Lauren the boarding-school website and if Lauren is as upset as I was. Probably she’ll be glad for Imogen, like I should have been if I’d been a better friend. Since this party hasn’t been gatecrashed, I expect Lauren talked Imogen out of that crazy idea. Like I should have done. If Imogen does leave to go to boarding school, I’ll make sure that Lauren isn’t left on her own. I’m sure there’s room for another one in our group.

I remember the row that Imogen and I had and all the horrid things she said to me. Suddenly they’re all meaningless, because that was the old Alice, and she was right. That Alice
was selfish and miserable and a cow to her mum and brother, but this one isn’t like that. I’m busy mulling over all these thoughts when Sasha comes in.

‘We were just talking about your step-brother,’ says Chelsea, grinning at her.

I realise I’m tensed up, waiting for the cutting remark from Sasha, but instead she says, ‘Hi, Alice, glad you could make it.’

‘What, even though I’m such a “lame” dancer,’ I hear myself saying, half jokingly. Sasha looks puzzled. ‘I heard you and Seth arguing,’ I explain. ‘Something about betting him fifty quid to get into my knickers?’ I can’t believe I just said that! And to Sasha! No one seems to think that I’m acting out of character, though, so I’m obviously starting to behave like the Alice that they know. What’s more, it feels right. I’m beginning to realise that being shy is a complete waste of time. I don’t think I’ve blushed once all evening.

Chelsea and Clara are laughing about the knicker thing.

‘God, sorry,’ says Sasha, looking, I’m pleased to see, suitably ashamed. ‘Please don’t take it personally. It’s just that he winds me up so much and I knew it would annoy him. I can’t help myself. He’s such a boring old fart. It was bad enough when Mum remarried but now he’s come to live with us it’s like having two new dads.’

‘I thought he fancied Lauren, anyhow,’ I say, a lump in my throat. I’m still smarting from the rejection.

‘He probably only asked her out because he knew it would wind me up,’ says Sasha. ‘With her being Imogen’s best friend and everything. He knows we don’t get on.’

‘But if he wanted to wind you up,’ I say, ‘why didn’t he just ask Imogen out?’

Now they’re all laughing. I seem to have missed the joke.

‘He’s hardly going to ask Imogen, is he? I mean, she’s way too scary. He only goes for shy girls because then he can be in control.’

While it’s all very nice sitting here and having a good gossip, it does strike me that while these girls aren’t being horrid to me they are still being a tad bitchy. I mean, that could be me they’re talking about – the old me. Did Seth only ask me out for coffee in the old life because he wanted to wind Sasha up?

‘Have you thought that maybe it’s because he’s shy himself and doesn’t feel comfortable with someone who’s loud and confident?’ I say.

‘Shy? Seth? You mean repressed and boring,’ says Sasha. ‘I wish he’d stayed at that bloody boarding school instead of coming here and ruining my life.’

I’m tempted to point out to her that if they stopped winding each other up all the time then her life needn’t be so bad. But what’s the point? She’ll just think I’m crazy and won’t take any notice. Suddenly I’m bored with all this. Why do people say their lives have been
ruined
? Ruined lives involve death and destruction, not some minor domestic inconvenience.

Lucy comes into the kitchen to get a drink. I wander over trying to look casual.

‘Lucy? You know me and Luke?’ I leave the question dangling, hoping she knows more than me.

‘What!’ she squawks, spluttering her drink all over the counter.

‘You know, me . . . and Luke?’

‘Don’t tell me he’s finally plucked up the courage to ask you out! Come on, tell me all about it!’

I’m a bit confused, so I tell her what I know, about him coming to fetch me and holding my hand in the park.

‘Oh my God. I don’t believe it! Everyone knows he’s fancied you for years, but you’ve always put him off. Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind.’

‘No . . . no, I haven’t. It’s just that . . . I do really like Luke – but just as a friend. Oh God, I didn’t realise . . .’

‘He told Miranda, before he left to get you, that he wanted her to arrange a game of spin the bottle later and that he wanted her to fix it so that he could get to kiss you,’ she says, laughing. ‘So, finally you two are going to get it together. Thank God!’

‘No . . . I can’t go out with him . . . I thought . . . Oh, never mind, it’s complicated. What am I going to do?’

‘You’ll have to tell him,’ says Lucy firmly. ‘You can’t string him along. Or . . . I know . . . go out with him for a bit, and then let him down gently. He has put you on a bit of a pedestal. Maybe if he gets to know you – as a real person – he’ll realise you’re not the goddess he thinks you are.’

‘Well, thanks!’ I say.

‘You know what I mean. Anyhow, it would certainly dispel some of the sexual tension that’s always hanging around our group.’

I consider the thought of going out with Luke. ‘I don’t think it would be very fair on him. You know – if I was just pretending. Besides,’ I tell her, lowering my voice, ‘I fancy someone else.’

‘No! Who?’

‘Seth,’ I whisper so that the girls at the other side of the kitchen can’t hear me.

‘I thought he’d asked Lauren out,’ says Lucy.

‘I know,’ I say miserably. ‘But she didn’t come, did she?’

‘What a mess,’ says Lucy.

‘Look, you know that game of spin the bottle? Could you fix it for me to kiss Seth?’ I’m sure he’ll realise I’m the girl for him if I could just get him to notice me.

‘God, you have got it bad,’ says Lucy. ‘I could, but only if you sort it out with Luke first.’

‘OK, I’ll do it now,’ I tell her, sounding a lot more positive than I feel.

Back in the sitting room I sidle up to Luke and tell him I want a private word with him. He looks dead pleased and I feel really mean as I lead him into the now empty study.

‘About earlier,’ I say awkwardly. I’m about to explain to him that I don’t think our going out together is such a good idea.

‘I know . . . I’m sorry about that,’ he says, in a rush. I know he’s referring to the fact that he was about to kiss me on the roundabout. ‘I shouldn’t have . . . it was stupid. I don’t know what came over me, or rather I do. I’ve fancied you forever . . . well, you probably know that.’