After The Fires Went Out: Coyote (Book One of the Post-Apocalyptic Adventure Series) (19 page)

I pushed for Lisa with the handheld once we reached the bridge. We had the Marchands drop us there, which is pretty much how things are handled these days; no one really lets other families get too close to where they live.

We met the cart not long after turning to walk down New Post Road. Graham was driving and Lisa was sitting beside him, and the back was so full that I wondered if there’d be room for four more of us.

Pretty much everyone hopped off when the cart had stopped. They gathered around us like we were The Beatles. Or whatever band anyone else would have heard of.

“Thank goodness you’re okay,” Fiona said as she ran up to hug Sara. She glanced over at me, but glanced away once she saw me looking at her.

“Thank Baptiste and Justin,” Alain said. “Those two are like superheroes.”

“You were pretty badass, too,” Justin said with a wide grin.

“We were lucky,” I said. “That’s all.”

We all squeezed onto the cart, Alain sitting somewhat awkwardly on the bench between Graham and Lisa.

“You should have been better prepared,” Lisa said. I knew what she was trying to say, but I wasn’t about to reveal that secret in front of everyone.

“Was it Stems?” Kayla asked as she sat down beside me on the cart. She was visibly shaken.

“I don’t know,” I said, reaching around her with my arm and feeling her lean in against me. “Those guys certainly looked the part, but maybe that was just for show.”

“It could have been anyone,” Justin said. “I mean that. Anyone we didn’t see at that meeting might have been hiding in the trees with an assault rifle. The Lamarches, the Smiths...”

“But who has an assault rifle?” Fiona asked. “Can’t be that many people.”

“We have no way of knowing,” I said. “It’s not hard to believe that someone could have a stash of weapons they’ve been saving for a rainy day.”

“I don’t think so,” Graham called out from up front. “We gathered up every gun in the district for patrolling. People were glad to help out.”

“Legal guns, maybe,” Justin said. “You don’t honestly believe some outfitter with a secret AK-47 is going to offer it up for show and tell, do you?”

“Probably not,” I said. “So we don’t know who it was. Our best bet at finding out went flying through our windshield.”

After we pulled up to the stable, Sara dragged me out to the dock. It seemed conspicuous to me, but maybe everyone else just thought she was wanting some kind of adrenaline-rush makeout session.

“Do you think it was the Walkers?” she asked once we were alone.

“Honestly... that’s my best guess. If Stems had been running the op it wouldn’t have turned into such a clusterfuck. That dead guy was wearing a helmet painted with eagle feathers... could be legit, but it feels like someone really wanted to make that attack look like those Spirit Animal assholes.”

“I guess if Stems had been there people would have gotten hurt.”

“I didn’t say that. We weren’t sitting ducks. We know how to protect ourselves.”

“I know. I just don’t believe it, you know? Dave Walker trying to have us killed.”

“Or maybe if it was Dave Walker he was just trying to scare the shit out of us, make us think twice before going after those supplies.”

“No... that doesn’t make sense. If they wanted us to be scared of them they would’ve been more obvious. Now everyone thinks it was Stems.”

“That’s a good point,” I said. “So if it was Dave Walker he probably was trying to kill us.”

“That’s comforting.”

“Sure is... or maybe he was just trying to kill a few of us.”

“Like maybe just you and Justin.”

“Why me?” I asked, half joking.

“With you two gone I doubt anyone would go up against the Walkers. They’d have no issue keeping those extra supplies.”

“It does sound crazy,” I said. “Dave Walker outfitting his kids with body armour and telling them to go shoot people, just so they can keep more than their fair share of the kidney beans.”

She leaned in and kissed me.

“Gunfights turn you on?” I asked with a grin.

“You turn me on, Baptiste. My Creole superhero.” She giggled a little bit, which was adorable.

Sometimes I can’t believe a woman like Sara would willingly sit on a dock with a guy like me.

3

Today is Thursday, December 13th.

I woke up in the middle of the night to a full-blown panic attack. I’d been dreaming about gun battles, nothing that unusual for me, but this time it felt different, like I was protecting everything and everyone I loved and I was about to lose it all, and when I opened my eyes I felt ready to scream.

When it happens I feel the anxiety, but I also feel embarrassed, like I’m a wimp for not being able to handle a few scary dreams. I think that pushes it further, my panic starts to build and then I get even more ashamed of myself and the cycle repeats.

Fight or flight... what the hell do you fight when it’s all in your head?

I climbed out of bed, doing my best to not wake Sara, and I found my way downstairs. From the darkness in the sky it felt like a long ways ‘til morning... I knew that for me sleep was not going to be happening again any time soon.

I debated brewing myself some coffee, since I was dog tired but nowhere near wanting to go back to bed, but my mouth was dry so I decided to steal one of Graham’s cans of cherry cola instead.

I sat down at the living room table, trying to calm myself by watching the lake, but the wind had picked up overnight and the water seemed more violent than usual, and all it brought me was more anxiety.

I took out my tablet and started trying to write out some more thoughts about what had happened yesterday, but for whatever reason it wasn’t enough to beat back the stress.

I was breathing hard, and I could feel my heart pounding. I felt more adrenaline than I’d had in my system at the height of the attack.

It didn’t make any goddamn sense.

It was like my own body wanted to kill me, like it wanted my shitty heart to explode like a block of C4.

I couldn’t hold it off... I couldn’t calm down... I couldn’t keep going like this.

I went down to the basement, gripping the handrail more firmly than normal because I felt like the whole cottage was shaking.

I bent down to the bottom of the pantry shelves and pulled out the red milk crate. I picked up the Dora the Explorer lunch box and opened it.

The ecstasy was what I wanted. At that moment I didn’t care if it killed me.

I took one maple-leaf tablet and I swallowed it.

I went back upstairs and sat down at the table. And I waited.

It took almost thirty minutes before I felt anything, my heart still pounding and my mind racing. But slowly I started to calm down a little, and for a while I felt like everything was okay, like everything was happening for a reason, that I didn’t understand why, but that I could accept it... and I could accept me.

It’s hard to describe exactly what it felt like, especially now that the feeling’s gone and I’m back to the same old Baptiste, always a little uneasy about the world around me. But for a few hours I was okay.

Really okay.

It wasn’t the SSRI and beta blocker kind of okay, like I can barely function but at least I’m functioning... it was something more... something that I definitely need to feel again.