Addictive Collision (2 page)

Truly, playing house with my best friend while I was dying inside was not fun at all. I had made several attempts to initiate intimacy, only to be cruelly rejected and humiliated. I had even resorted to begging, but that hadn’t gotten me anywhere either. As the rain from my bangs dripped onto my forehead, I wondered,
Is it wrong to want a cool, refreshing drink when you’ve been wandering around a hot, dry desert for so long? And who do you tell?
I was embarrassed to let anyone know, so I suffered in silence.

My hands began to tremble, and my heart began to race, and the chill of the rain had little to do with it. As much as I wanted to think there had to be some way out, I couldn’t quite see it. I was fading away into the shadows. Part of me was slowly dying, and I had become a shell of the person I had been before. I was short-tempered, sad, exhausted, and depressed, like a nomad looking for some glimmer of hope in the infinite darkness.

“I-I can’t breathe,” I murmured to myself. “Okay, Morgan. Just take deep breaths. Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday.” Yes, it was a corny line, but I would have said anything to get myself to stop shaking. I needed to talk to my sister, who was taking acting classes at the university. Alexis could always calm me down, even though I seemed to be facing a midlife crisis earlier than my big sister. I never talked to her about my sex life, but I didn’t think I could keep this inside any longer.

Big, fat droplets of rain poured even harder, coming down in sheets, so I started to run up the few steps leading up to the entryway. My heel suddenly broke, and the next thing I knew, the concrete was whacking me in the face. As if applauding my ungraceful tumble, a huge bolt of lightning zigzagged across the sky, followed by a loud clap of thunder. “Shit,” I muttered.

“Are you okay?” a man asked.

I squinted through the sheet of rain, wondering if he was one of the students. When I caught sight of his bag, I realized he was actually a mailman.
Wow. I guess they take that whole neither-rain-nor-snow-nor-sleet-nor-dark-of-night thing pretty seriously,
I mused as I stared in his wet uniform, clinging to 200 pounds of solid muscle. Rain dripped down his handsome face and shoulder-length, black hair. He was tall and lean, with broad shoulders and a muscular chest, and I couldn’t help laughing in my head at some innuendo about his special delivery package. As the mail carrier moved closer to me, I felt this intensifying jolt of energy. The closer he moved, the more intense the feeling was. It was as if some sort of cosmic fate demanded that we get together, and the way I was feeling at that moment, I would have happily obliged. Whatever the odd sensation was, it was very powerful, exciting, and unlike anything I’d ever experienced before, some sort of chemistry I hadn’t even felt with Tom.

“I-I think I might’ve twisted my ankle,” I finally answered.

“Let’s get you to the office and get some ice.”

“You’re new,” I said. I’d seen him over the last few weeks but had never spoken to him other than the cursory hello and thanking him as I signed for packages. 

“Yeah, Henry moved to Vegas,” he explained. “I’m taking over his route now.”

As he helped me up, my heart pounded from his electrifying touch.

“Thanks,” I said, my wet cheeks blushing as I gazed at the rippling muscles of his arms and torso, flexing beneath the drenched cotton of his shirt with every movement he made.
Gee, who’da thunk I would be rescued by a knight in soaking-wet, USPS-issued armor?
I thought with a small smile.

He unstrapped my shoe and slowly examined my ankle. Every nerve in my body was electrified from his gentle touch. I pictured him pulling me up to meet his full lips with all-consuming passion. He stared deeply into my eyes, and so many naughty thoughts filled my head; I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. Every single one of them centered on getting laid, everything hard and fast, right there in the damn rain. I imagined him pumping deeper with every thrust, rushing me into complete ecstasy.

The mailman combed his fingers through his dark, wet hair. “Can you put any weight on it?”

Somehow, I snapped out of the spell he’d put on me. I took a hesitant step and felt no pain. “Yeah, I think I’ll be okay.” For a quick minute, I considered exaggerating my injury and clinging to him like he was the last life jacket on the
Titanic
, but then I came to my senses. After all, he was basically a stranger, and I was a married mother of two. Blinking out the rain, I smoothed my hands down my tan pencil skirt, then pushed my wet hair out of my face.

He walked me into the empty lobby. Our eyes met, and he smiled. My heart raced as I realized some sort of spark had been ignited between us. His gaze lingered. I’d never seen eyes so beautiful, a smile so white, and hair so thick and unruly. He looked untamable, sexy, hot, and completely fuckable.

“So you’re gonna be all right?”

“I’m fine,” I said in a friendly tone. “I can take it from here. Thanks.”

“Are you sure?”

I took off my other shoe so I wouldn’t be so off balance. The last thing I wanted to do was fall again and look like even more of a klutz in front of him. “I am. Thanks again...and I’m sorry I got you so wet.”
But you’re not the only one, buddy
, I secretly jested.

He smiled.

“Um...I mean, uh...from the rain,” I stuttered, embarrassed that my mind had somehow decided to take a quick trip to the closest gutter. Biting my lip hard, I turned and walked away.

Inside, I hurried to the bathroom to dry myself off with a short stack of paper towels. I felt like a drowned rat inside, thanks to my neglectful husband, but I certainly didn’t want to look like one at the office. 

As I gazed in the mirror, wiping the mascara streaks from my eyes, my mind continued to flash back to the mailman’s perfect face, dripping with water. He had such blue eyes, and he had stared at me through the rain like we were long-lost lovers. There was something about that long, romantic stare that I found quite fascinating and unexplainable, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. It had been a gaze so loving, so tender, so passionate, so magical, and so overwhelming.
Or maybe I’m just acting like this because he’s the first guy who’s shown me even an ounce of attention in years
, I thought.

I hurried to my desk, plopped down, and did a quick Google search on “love at first sight.” I’d always thought it to be some silly notion, something for schoolgirls and romantic movies, but now I had experienced it myself.
But I’m a married woman with two kids,
my reasonable side chimed in. “Maybe I am just freaking crazy,” I thought, my eyes glued to the computer screen. The first article explained that the idea could be defined as “a romantic attraction for a stranger felt upon the first encounter, the first time one lays eyes on the other.” Maybe it was pure lust and infatuation that I was feeling, but part of me felt like that man was the missing link in my life, the missing piece of the puzzle.

One of my colleagues looked over my shoulder, startling me. “Love at first sight, huh? What’s with that?” she asked as I jumped in my chair.

I swallowed hard, trying to think of some sort of feasible answer. “Uh...well, I watched one of those corny romance movies last night. I was just wondering if that stuff really happens.”

“What movie?” she pushed.

Damn it. Quit complicating my lies and butt out!
“Um...
Serendipity
.”

“With John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale?”

“Yeah, that was the one.”

“Personally, I only believe in the laws of attraction, something a little more solid.”

“You really don’t believe in this romantic stuff?” 

“Nah. That only happens in movies. Fairytale endings are called that for a reason. They just aren’t realistic. Hell, girl, I’m living proof. I’m thirty-one, and I’ve been down the aisle three times and to divorce court twice.” She sighed. “Why? You don’t believe in that mushy-gushy kind of stuff, do you?”

The handsome stranger’s face flashed across my mind. “I didn’t...until today.”

“Ah. So that movie got to you last night, huh?”

“Something like that.”

M
y sister had asked me to meet her for lunch between classes, and I was glad that the sun had decided to join us. I spotted her on the lawn, and she waved me over. “Hey,” I said. “Love your outfit. You’re always so hip and stylish.”

“You could be, too, you know,” Alexis insisted. “Just because you’re married, that doesn’t mean you have to dress like a grandma.”

“I don’t!” I argued. “But I also can’t come to work in skinny jeans and low scoop-necks—not to mention I’m a mother and the wife of a respected professor. How would it look if I crawled out of that minivan in fuck-me heels and a sequined crop-top?”

“You look twenty but act ninety.”

“Not today.”

“Why? What do you mean?”

“I’m acting sixteen today, cutting class after work.”

“You, skipping class? Aren’t you supposed to be the responsible sister?”

“I’m having a sort of...well, uh...a midlife crisis, I guess you could call it.”

“At twenty-three? Gosh, sis. I know you don’t like to be late for anything, but that’s early even for you.”

“I don’t know, but something’s going on.” 

She shot me a concerned look. “Like what? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine now. I guess I was having a pity party, like Erin.”

“She just whines because she can’t find a boyfriend. You don’t need one of those. Yours already put a ring on it.”

“I might be married, but I feel as lonely as she does. I know her pain firsthand.”

“There’s only one thing worse than a miserable, lonely single woman,” she said.

“And what’s that?” I asked.

“A miserable, lonely married woman.”

“I know. Relationships are so...unpredictable. One day, you’re standing on the bough of the
Titanic
with your arms out, lost in love and screaming about being queen of the world, and in the next, the damn ship is sinking.” 

A memory flashed through my head, a vision of our wedding day. I remembered the romance of it, staring into my lover’s eyes and reciting those all-powerful vows. Back then, I thought nothing could stop us, that Tom and I would be happy together forever. Now, I had to wonder if all of it was just a lie, some cruel joke to make me waste the best years of my life.

“I’m just so lonely and miserable,” I admitted to my sister with a sigh. “Where’s the passion? I thought Tom was going to be my Christian Grey, and he’s turned out to be nothing of the sort.”

“Who doesn’t want
a Fifty Shades
affair? Damn, we’d all love to be wanted that bad, but finding Mr. Grey in real life is the tricky part.”

“I know. I thought...well, I just want Tom to say, ‘I desire you more than any other woman. You’re always on my mind, and I can’t stop thinking about you. I wanna make love to you all night, even if we don’t get a wink of sleep.’ I know we both have to be at work and have to get the kids off to school, but I want him to want me so much that he doesn’t care. I want him to want to hold me close, to love me the way I deserve to be loved.” 

She smiled. “You’re such a romantic.”

“I sure don’t feel very romantic. I’m just...lonely, unwanted, unsatisfied, rejected, unloved, and empty. I just want to be wanted, need to be needed, desire to be desired. Is that so wrong?”

“
Cheap Trick
.”

“Hey!”

“The band, dummy.”

“Oh, yeah. Which song?”

“I’m not sure, but you know that line, ‘I want you to want me. I need you to need me...’”

“They so nailed it!” I sighed. “Gosh, I think I’m turning into a virgin again.”

“Right. I’ve seen your twins. Your cherry is long gone, sister!”

I laughed.

“Look, if things are that bad between you and Tom, why do you even stay with him?” Alexis asked. “There’s no lost dignity in starting fresh when you need to.”

I wrung my hands. “I just can’t do it.”

“Change is good sometimes, sis, unless you are a werewolf. In that case, they can be quite annoying and time consuming, and they’d make you a bit...socially awkward. And think of all the dead livestock...and waking up in zoos. No, being a werewolf would suck. I mean, think of all the clothes you’d waste ripping through it every full moon. Just from a monetary point of view, that would be a nightmare. Then, of course, they'd eventually trace the local human mutilations back to you with DNA, and just try pulling that but-I’m-an-undead-mythical-creature defense in court. The whole thing would be madness.”

I had to smile and shake my head. “You always know how to make me laugh,” I said, “and you need to stop reading so many crazy books.”

“Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes changes can be good, as long as you’re changing for the right reasons.”

As much sense as she made, it was easier for me to hold on to what I knew rather than cut myself off from my comfort zone. “It just isn’t fair, I said. I never asked to be in a sexual famine.”

“I know, but that’s the thing. Seasons change, tides change, and relationships change. People change, too, and we have to learn how to hold our breath when that wave hit us. If you wanna stay with Tom, it’s gonna be all about perseverance. You’ve been holding your breath for a long time now. It’s time to come up for air and swim to shore. I promise that you can sail through the changing ocean tides, whatever you decide to do.”

“If I divorce him, it will leave...casualties. My kids need and deserve stability and security, and it’s my job to give that to them because I am their mother and love them with all my heart. I tried to leave before, and it just about destroyed them.”

“You only left for a few months and then walked right back into to the same sad situation.”

“Living with Mom and Dad was hard. My kids weren’t happy. Anna was getting bad grades, and Emma cried every day. What was I supposed to do? My heart was aching. Besides, I made a commitment to that man, and I wanted to honor my vows. Even still, I now debate every day whether I should stay or go. I guess my inner voice or whatever always tells me to leave, but I also always find reasons why I should stay.