Addictive Collision (16 page)

“She made a choice, but it will impact me for the rest of my life. How could she leave me to pick up the pieces? I’m so angry at her, but I love her and miss her at the same time.”

“You need to break out of this emotional prison. You can’t change what happened. You did the best you could have with the knowledge you had at the time. You’ve gotta give yourself permission to move on.”

“I’m trying, but as you can see, it’s not working out so well. I’m an emotional basket case, a hot mess.”

“Well, I’m here if you need me.”

“Sometimes a guy has to fall before he can fly, I guess.”

“Fortune cookie?”

“Yeah...at this Chinese place called Hung Lung. Talk about a pu pu platter. I was kneeling to the porcelain god for three days. Then again, that could have something to do with washing egg rolls down with whiskey. ”

“Gosh, Kyle. Won’t you ever learn?”

“Probably not.” He gripped my hand, and his laugh gave way to seriousness for a change. “Thanks for being a great friend.”

I squeezed his hand. “Anytime.”

“And I’m sorry about you and Tom breaking up.”

“Don’t be. It’s a good thing. We got married way too young. I was just in love and an idiot.”

“That’s why I never get serious,” he said. “Too many complications.”

“You’re just afraid of getting hurt.”

“No. It’s more that I know I’m all screwed up in the head. I have big-time commitment issues. I’m afraid  I’m a project too big for any girl to fix.”

“The right girl will make you think differently.”

“I’m not sure the right girl exists.”

“I heard you’re moving in with Juliet.”

“Yeah, she’s going to be the best roommate I ever had. My last one was a douche-bag.”

“Yeah, I heard he stole the rent.”

“Can you trust anybody these days?”

“You and Juliet have a little history together, dating in high school and everything. You think it’s a good idea to be roommates?”

“It didn’t work out between us as lovers, but we’re great friends.”

“You broke her heart, Kyle.”

“Well, she’s obviously forgiven me, and we’ve hashed out all our problems. We’re the best of friends. I’m sure we’ll get along fine.”

“Hmm. It’s still a bit scary. I’m not sure it’s a good idea. It could easily turn into a friends-with-benefits situation, and I don’t think that would be good for either of you.”

“I won’t let that happen. I respect Juliet way too much.”

“Good. So there’s no attraction there?”

“I can’t deny that she’s hot, and of course I’m very attracted to her. What guy in his right mind wouldn’t be? Still, I refuse to put our friendship at risk by going down that road.”

“You’re a player, Kyle. For now, it’s what you do. Please don’t make Juliet one of your pawns. It’d kill her, and I know it would break up the wonderful friendship you two have worked so hard to build and reestablish.”

“She’s off limits, no matter how lonely or horny I get.”

“Good, because if you sleep with her, it will never last. Also, flaunting your conquests will kill her inside.”

“I know. I don’t want to hurt Juliet, and I don’t want to lose our friendship. I won’t go sniffing around her like that. No worries though. She doesn’t like me like that anyway. We put an end to that when we broke up in high school. She just thinks of me as a brother now.”

I swallowed hard, knowing he couldn’t be further from the truth, but I didn’t want to divulge my friend’s secrets. “I’m looking out for my best friend, that’s all.”

“Of course. You gotta have her back.”

I smiled.

“You’re a great friend. I should set you up with Jasper.”

“Your brother?”

“Yeah. He’s a great guy. He’s responsible, a great football player, honest, caring, and not screwed up in the head like me.”

“He’s still pining over the loss of his high school sweetheart.”

“So are you. You guys are both going through the same thing. You should just go out and talk. Might do you both some good.”

“I’ll call him to see how he’s doing.”

“My brother just needs a girl to get him give him a makeover, but he’s a great guy. I mean, if he lost the glasses, shaved once in a while, and bought some stylish clothes instead of that Dexter-gone-bad shit he wears, he’d look like my twin.”

“He
is
your twin.”

Kyle laughed. “He’s a diamond in the rough.”

“I know he’s a great guy. I tried to get Juliet to date him.”

“She hates beards. I tell her all the time how superficial that is, because all a guy has to do is shave.”

“Yeah, but maybe she doesn’t want someone she has to change.”

A knock sounded on the door.

“Speak of the she-devil,” he said, grinning.

“Juliet?”

“Yeah. I texted her about what happened, and she kind of freaked out.” I walked over to the door and answered it, only to be shocked. “F-Foster,” I stuttered, smiling. “It’s great to see you.”

“I haven’t heard from you, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“I’m just trying to get things back on track.”

Kyle stood behind me, shirtless, his tatted muscles glistening against the contrast of the white bandage. “Listen, uh...I’m gonna go. I’ve gotta go get my motorcycle. Thanks for everything.”

“You’re walking back?”

“It’s not that far, and you took good care of me.”

Foster shot me a confused, devastated look.

“It’s not what you think,” I said. “He’s just a good friend of mine.”

Foster’s gaze narrowed. “Listen, I think I’ll go too. I shouldn’t have stopped by without calling. It was...rude of me.”

Before I could even explain, he turned around and walked out.

I let out a long huff. “Damn it. That didn’t look good at all. He probably thinks we’re sleeping together.”

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Kyle said, putting his shirt back on. “I didn’t mean to—”

“No, it’s okay,” I interrupted. “I’ll explain everything to him when I see him.”

“If he can’t see you for the wonderful person you are, if he accuses you of cheating or something, he isn’t worth it anyway.”

“He’s a nice guy.”

“Just don’t rush into anything, Morg. Like I said, I’ve always got your back.”

“I won’t. I have to get divorced first, remember?”

Kyle kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks for putting me back together. If Juliet does stop by, tell her I swung back by my apartment and that I’m doing fine.”

“Okay. Remember to keep that wound clean and bandaged.”

He grinned. “I’m sure Juliet will take good care of me.”

“Lata, playa,” I joked, “and please don’t tackle any more knife-wielding muggers on the way home.”

“I can’t promise anything.”

“Oh, hey, before you go... Do you believe in destiny?”

“Tell me this isn’t about that dude who just stormed outta here.”

“Maybe.”

“I did believe in it once, but then it bitch-slapped me in the face. I wouldn’t trust anything it tries to throw at me now.”

As he headed out the door, I wondered if I had been bitch-slapped myself. Tom was gone, and I was left to drown in the aftermath of a divorce. Then again, I wasn’t sure Tom was my destiny after all.
Maybe I should’ve waited for Mr. Right instead of setting for Mr. Good Enough.

I
tried to call Foster, but he wouldn’t answer my calls. I didn’t want to sweat it. Sure, he was gorgeous and sweet¸ and I really wanted to date him, but after what I’d gone through with Tom, I was in no mood for drama. I had done nothing wrong with Kyle, and I had nothing to be ashamed about.

Sophie pointed at a gorgeous guy walking by. “Don’t even tell me
he
couldn’t take your mind off Foster.”

“I can’t think of anybody but him, but I’ve gotta get over it.”

“Why?”

“I’m pretty sure if there was anything between us, it’s over now.” I sighed. “You should’ve seen the look on his face. He looked so hurt and devastated, like a sad puppy. I felt so bad.”

“So call him.”

“Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“Then go to his house, serenade him with a banjo and some corny song, and send him flowers.”

I playfully slugged her.

“Really, I think honesty is always the best policy,” Sophie said. “When you see him at work, just pull him aside and explain everything. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy. You know what Kyle looks like, what kind of reputation he has, and he was half-naked, alone with me.”

“Just tell Foster your heart is aching for him.”

“I guess I can just put it all out there and see what happens. Nothing risked, nothing gained, right?”

“Right. And if Kyle’s skanky, man-whore ass ruins this, I’ll personally kick it.”

“It wasn’t intentional. It just kind of happened.” I sighed. “But enough about me. How was your date last night?”

“Not good. You know that old song, ‘Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?’”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what’s the damn answer? I don’t think there are any good guys left. They’re all gay or married.”

Or gay and married
, I thought but dared not confess. “They are certainly few and far between. There’s always Kyle’s twin brother, Jasper.”

“Seriously?”

“He’s a...diamond in the rough,” I said, borrowing Kyle’s wise assessment. “Maybe if you took the time to get to know him, you’d fall head over heels. Besides, who wouldn’t want to date a buff football player?”

“He has pretty eyes like his brother’s, and he’s built, but I really can’t get past the long hair and beard. He is a sweetie though.” She rubbed her chin. “Speaking of Kyle, though, I think he’s getting worse.”

“I do too. The poor guy is drowning in pain,” I said. “He just can’t get over the Tammy thing, and he thinks he’s some kind of hopeless loser, which we both know he’s not.”

“He got fired again.”

“Really? He said his boss was mad at him for coming in late, but I had no idea they gave him a pink slip. That’s probably why he asked Juliet to move in and help with expenses. He’s gonna lose his motorcycle and that apartment if he doesn’t shape up.”

“I know.”

“The whole mugging thing gave me some insight into my life though. I need to do something. I feel like I hit rock bottom, and I need to rebuild. I think I’ve finally figured out what to major in.”

“What? Postal work?” she asked with a grin.

“Ha! No. I wanna be a nurse. When I was bandaging Kyle up, I realized that I’d love to help people that way, to make a real difference in their lives.”

“You sure have the heart for it, but you won’t get to dress up for work anymore. You’ll have to wear scrubs, those glorified pajamas.”

I laughed. “I know, but it’s gotta be really fulfilling to comfort and care for others, ya know? It’s pretty special to be able to give some kind words, a gentle touch when someone’s hurting. I know I’d enjoy it a whole lot more than filing papers and filling in spreadsheets and running copies.”

“You’d make a fantastic nurse.”

“I might be divorced with two kids, but I’m still young. It’s not too late to go to college and become a registered nurse.”

“It’s never too late.”

***

A
t work, I waited for Foster to deliver our daily packages. When he finally arrived, I glanced up at him and nervously uttered, “Hi, Foster.”

“Hi. I only have a few small ones today,” he said mater-of-factly.

“I tried calling you,” I said.

“Look, Morgan, I think it’s best that we just stay friends right now.”

“I thought that’s what we were.”

“You know we both wanted more.”

“I know you saw that guy there, but it wasn’t what you thought. I was just—”

“I have no right to question you,” he said, cutting me off. “You can do whatever you want in your own home.”

“Kyle is only a friend. I’ve known him since we were kids, and—”

Again, he interrupted. “I understand that we’re not exclusive.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I stayed up all night, couldn’t sleep a wink, and I realized you’re all I’ve ever wanted. I am completely overwhelmed by you. It’s like...I’ve been struck by lightning. When I’m sleeping, you’re all I dream about. When I’m awake, you’re all I think about. I can’t get you out of my head.”

His heartfelt confession made tears well up in my eyes. It was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to me or about me. He expressed those genuine and flattering feelings so candidly, so openly, so honestly—not just with his mouth, but also with his eyes, his face, his emotions. I knew he meant every word. The man had poured out his soul, bled it all out right there on the floor in front of me, and I couldn’t help but be touched.

“But here’s the thing,” he continued. “I’m not looking for that kind of thing. I want something real, something deeper. I can’t date you knowing you’re dating other men. It just doesn’t work for me. I know it’s going to be uncomfortable seeing each other, but we’ll have to make the best of it, unless one of us is going to quit our job.”

“So we’re just supposed to say our casual hellos and pretend nothing else has ever happened between us?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“If that’s what you want, I’ll keep our conversations to a minimum.”

“It isn’t what I want, but I think it’ll be best that way.”

“Fine, but at least hear me out first, Foster.”

He nodded. “Go on.”

“We got mugged on campus the other day. Kyle, trying to save the day like a damn fool, got stabbed.”

His eyes widened in shock. “Mugged? Morgan, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but Kyle was hurt. It wasn’t deep, and he refused to go to the hospital, so I patched him up myself. That was the only reason he was...shirtless. I’ve known the guy since elementary school, and my best friend is deeply in love with him. There’s nothing between us. I swear there isn’t...and there never will be.”

He pondered my words, then looked at me. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.”

“It’s okay. I would have thought the same thing.”

“Morgan!” my boss called.

“I have to go,” I said.

“Yeah, me too,” Foster echoed.

As he walked out the door, my heart began to ache. I wasn’t sure where we stood, and it was all I could focus on. Everything was a blur as my boss talked to me.