ACV's 1 Operation Black Gold (5 page)

CHAPTER 8

I awoke to the screeching of a locker being scraped along the floor.  I bolted upright and immediately wished I hadn’t.  A cheery ‘Good morning’ didn’t help any.  I answered with a non-committal grunt reaching for my glasses and cigarettes in that order.  As I lit up the young man, squeezing through the door swam into focus.  He was a young second lieutenant; tall dark and handsome, with the kind of fresh complexion a few years into army life would soon burn off.

‘I’ve been asked to look in on you, to see if anyone needs medical attention.’

I did an immediate internal systems check.  Flexed a few muscles, my movements barely perceptible but noticed by the young officer, who seemed astonished that I had taken his question seriously.  All I could find was the odd tight muscle from unaccustomed exercise, a few bruises.  ‘Well I’m fine.’  I scanned the room.  Others were starting to stir now.  Some had heard the question and were shouting back affirmatives.  A snort from the next bed attracted my attention.  Buff was still unconscious from the previous night’s drinking.  I looked around found one of my shoes and slung it at him.  It slammed into the locker by his head, bounced off and almost landed in his big gob.  He sat up with a splutter. 

‘Wake up ye dozy bastard.’

He located the offending shoe and whinged it back.  It barely missed, spinning off my mattress and landed by my knees.  I picked it up and tossed it back onto the floor.  ‘This gentleman’s enquiring after our health, you fine.’

He stretched and yawned.  ‘Gie’s a fag Murison.’

‘Aye he’s fine.’  I slung over my cigarettes and lighter.  He slumped back in bed and lit up.  A thought struck.  ‘Hey, you had plenty fags last night, whit happened to them?’     

‘Why the fuck should I smoke mine when you’re stupid enough to gié me yours.’  He settled back with a smug grin, blowing smoke into the air.

I hid my face in my hands for a moment then looked up with a frown.  ‘Morning, did you say morning, like fucking morning.’

‘Yes but it is quite late actually.’

I slumped back down with a muffled groan.  We had been up till the back of four, swapping stories and catching up with the news.

Nommy was beginning to stir.  ‘Whit time is it?’

The young officer checked his watch.  ‘A little after ten.’

‘Whit!’  He jerked half way out of bed and stopped, bewildered by his surroundings.  Here was another cunt that had hit the bottle pretty hard the night before.

‘Relax Nommy, there’s nae beasts to feed here.’  Buff told him.

‘Oh, right,’ He slumped back onto his pillows.

‘Norman Cheyne.’  The young man looked across at me.  ‘You’re Jim Murison, aren’t you?’

‘Aye.’

‘Buff George.’  He went down the row of beds naming everybody as he went.  ‘Ali George, Big Grizz Adams, Abie Ritchie, Davie McAlister, George Chambers, and Fritz Fritzharris.’

Now that made me sit up and take notice.  I looked over at Buff who had rolled onto his side and was studying the young officer.  ‘I ken your face’

The young officer was grinning fit to burst.  There was certainly something familiar about him.  ‘You used to babysit my sister and myself from time to time when we were on the Royal Guard at Ballater.’

Buff had always been a favourite for babysitting among some of the senior NCOs and officers.  His big gruff manner had appealed to the kids and he in turn had patience to spare by the barrow load for them.  ‘Aye your Mr. D’Ords loon aren’t you?’

‘Yes that’s right.’

‘Hey boys, it’s the manny D’Ords loon.’  He went round and began to reintroduce himself.  I took the opportunity to grab a resolve plus, wash my face and have a piss.

                                        *

The young Mr. D’Ord was thrilled, how many times had he sat and listened to his father discuss their exploits with his friends.  He had met most of them at one time or another, but never all together like this.

‘So what are you doing now Buff?’

‘Assistant Manager for the Moray Water Board and on the side I’m captain in the cadets.’

‘Did you do the Sandhurst course?’

‘Aye’

‘So your Officer material now.’

‘Always have been.’

He laughed with them.  ‘What are you doing now Norman?’

‘Work the farm.’

‘You went back to farming, is it going well?’

‘Not bad.’

‘Would ye listen to that cunt.’  Ali pushed in.  ‘He owns 90% of the farmland round Newmills and Keith.  He’s a multi-millionaire for god’s sake, and he says he’s doing nae bad.’

‘Really!’  The young officer was shocked.

‘Weel aye but I’m nae a richt multi-millionaire.  Weel I am jist a multi-millionaire and nae mair.’

‘I admire your attempt at modesty Norman.’  That brought the house down.  ‘Ali, Buff’s brother isn’t it.’

‘Aye, bit I’m just a sparky.’

He shook hands and moved on.

‘Fritz,’ now a successful lawyer with his own law firm. 

‘Gigs,’ as we called him, international writer poet.

‘Big Grizz,’ Inspector Grampian Police. 

‘Abie,’ International football star, player manager of Aberdeen Football Club, European Champions and Captain of the Scotland squad. 

‘Davie,’ Manager of the Moray Disadvantaged Children’s Unit.  He went round them all.  When he got back to Buff, he noticed Murison was missing.

*

I could feel the resolve begin to work.  My stomach began to settle and the headache began to abate.  I tried to rinse out the sour taste of drink again, but failed.  The young Mr. D’Ord was chatting to a reclining Buff.

‘So, how is the old bastard these days, has he retired yet?’  I asked as I raked for a towel. 

‘No, he’s still in.  He was promoted to Brigadier a few months ago and sends his best regards to you all.’

‘Makes a change from a right hook,’ Gigs got in.  We all burst out laughing.  We had all been on the receiving end of Mr. D’Ords particular brand of justice at one time or another.  ‘The family all fine?’

‘Yes great, thank you.’

‘So what can we do for you?’

‘I was asked to check in on you and invite you to a little induction.’

‘Is that all?’

He quickly changed tack sensing a grilling in the offing.  ‘That was quite a battle you had last night.’

‘Who were those idiots anyway?’ asked Fritz.

‘You don’t know?’

‘No.’

‘Well it was half the sergeants mess.’

‘What did they come after us for?’

He must have thought we were taking the piss, but we weren’t.  ‘It seems you upset a few of them yesterday.’  He ticked them off on his fingers.’  There was one in the billet here, one in the cookhouse and then the BOS at the Guardroom.’

‘That’s you again Murison,’ Buff accused.

‘Whit d’ye mean me, again?’

He still lay in bed and waggled a finger at me.  ‘You’re just a trouble maker you are.’ 

‘How me like?’

‘You started on the Cunt.’

‘Aye well.’  That stumped me.  The others chipped in with their condemnation.

‘Take him away.’

‘Sack the bastard.’

Abie Ritchie slithered up wrapped in a towel, dragging a leg and rolling his eyes in a hideous fashion.

‘You’re doomed, doomed.’

I looked down on him from my lofty 5’ 6.’  ‘Fuck off.’  I turned my scowl back on Buff.  ‘Anyway, who the hell are you to speak?  It wasn’t me that whacked the cook sergeant’s head into that pot of stew - or whatever the fuck it was.’

Abie was in a rare form and started making retching noises holding on to his throat.  ‘We’re all doomed, doomed.’ 

He slithered up to Graz, grabbed him by the shoulder and began to sink slowly towards the floor.  ‘Help, help, help me.’

Grizz regarded him with one of those inscrutable police stares.  ‘I hope ye dinna want to kiss me, Abie, I ken fit you fitba fowk are like.’

Abie stepped back, hand on hips, looking Grizz up and down in disgust.  ‘You’re just not pretty enough to be a football player.’  He flounced off.

Grizz rubbed his hands together with delighted malice.  Abie’s first televised appearance at Pittodrie Park is still shown on those sporting disaster shows.  He was brought on during the last 20 minutes of the match as a substitute.  Within 5 minutes, he had scored the winning goal of the match signalling a faint wind of change for the old failing team.  The crowd had gone wild.  Abie being a natural clown as well as a natural football player had played it up to the hilt.  Right up until one of his teammates, also caught up in the moment launched himself upon Abie planting a big kiss on him.  Abie never having been kissed by a man before and reacting in shock; returned the compliment with one of the Glaswegian variety, smashing his teammate’s nose and giving him mild concussion.

The crowd had gone into hysterics, and the football association had gone hysterical, giving him a month’s ban and a nifty fine.  That hadn’t ended the matter though; unguarded remarks about poofters within earshot of a delighted reporter had much to his own delight made him the gay society’s public enemy number one.  A pariah banned from all their pubs, clubs and organised events.  On the other side of the coin, he became a champion of men’s rights, and women’s pin up of the year.

I turned my attention back to Buff.  ‘Well what’s your excuse?’

‘I don’t need an excuse.  He should have been glad I graced his establishment.’

‘Ooh and what makes you so high and bloody mighty?’

‘I would like to let you know I’m an officer and a gentleman, that man had no right trying to serve me a meal in that condition.’  His fancy accent began to slip as he became agitated.  ‘That stew wiz bloody freezing.  You could see where the fat had gone solid and white on top ó it and when I pointed it out, he went off his nut.  I wouldn’t mind bit I even said it nicely.’

I drove my point home, ‘so ye half drowned him in it; then binned the lot across the Cookhouse.’

‘He was only a sergeant.’  Buff stuck his nose back in the air.  ‘He had no right to swear or shout abuse at his betters.’

‘And you consider yourself his better.’  I teased.

‘I’ve told you before Murison, I’m an officer and a gentleman.’

‘You’re a captain in the cadet force for fuck sake, which hardly qualifies.’

Buff sat up waggling his fingers at the young officer.  ‘I did my officer’s training at Sandhurst, tell him.’

The young officer was grinning, ‘he’s got a point you know; there is a precedence for men who have been called up from other services to retain their ranks.  Especially those from the Territorial’s.  Although I am not sure about those from the cadets he is still Sandhurst trained and could be sent back there for full training.  If he passed would probably take the rank of 2nd lieutenant.’

Buff was grinning fit to bust.  ‘See told yah.’

I couldn’t believe it, but rallied myself.  ‘So whit the hell are ye doing here we us lesser mortals.  Why don’t ye go change your K.F.S for silver one’s and Piss off.’

‘Don’t talk to me like that Murison and call me Sir.’

‘You may call me Mister.’

‘Now, now you’re in the army now; you’ll just have to do what you’re told.’  He was waggling a finger at me like I was a small child.

‘Oh ye think so d’ye.’

‘Aye.’

I took two steps, grabbed the end of his bed, and hoisted it into the air.  He landed upside down trapped between the bed and the wall with the mattress on top of him.  I clambered onto the mattress and started bouncing up and down.’  Whit are ye going to call me.’  Muffled cursing and swearing.  ‘Na, na.’  I bounced some more.  ‘Bastard’s getting closer though.’

‘OK Mr. fucking Murison.’

I jumped off, kicking the mattress, letting him get some air.  ‘Close enough.’

‘I’ll get ye back.’

‘Och awa and stop frightening me.’

He got up and shoved the bed back onto its feet then, slung the mattress back on top.  ‘One of these days Murison, I’m going to catch ye without a bed in your hands’

The room erupted in laughter.  Ali explained what had transpired the evening before to the puzzled officer.  When we arrived back with a case of beer we had pulled some beds round, plonked the beer in the middle and sat round swapping stories.  When we’d heard the fire doors crash inwards accompanied by a lot of howling and screaming it was fairly obvious as we were the only one’s down here that we were going to receive a visit.  We had pulled the mattresses off the beds and waited until they were halfway down the room.  Then we had picked the beds up and charged.  The men at the front had tried to turn back; the ones at the back had kept going.  We drove straight through the middle of them.  The result carnage.  We finished them off with the weapons they had intended to use on us and dumped them in the corridor, threw a locker down behind the door and went back to our drinking.